Looking To Find True Love? How To Find A Relationship Perfect For You

Looking To Find True Love?

Here’s Real Dating Advice For Finding Love, and How To Find A Relationship Perfect For You...

Do you find yourself in the same unfulfilling relationships over and over? Sheila Paxton, one of the national leading certified relationship coaches and the founder of Fit4Love.com - a site that helps people break bad dating habits and quickly identify a perfect match - proves the problem is most likely a “broken picker.”

“Typically, people visit Fit4Love because they’re looking for dating advice to protect them from dating people who turn out to be completely wrong for them,” said Paxton, who created the Fit4Love community to help people find true love. “Our goal is to help people break stubborn destructive patterns, discover their own likes, dislikes and core values and then quickly identify whether a potential date has similar qualities.”

One of the skills Fit4love.com teaches is to listen closely on first dates, Paxton said. “All too often, singles engage in fanciful daydreaming about a potential future together - what their children might look like - instead of focusing on the here and now and what’s actually being said.”

To do so, people must learn to ask specific qualifying questions on first dates, she believes. “Let’s face it, people are on their best behavior on a first date, so being able to really listen and easily identify any red flags is a must," Paxton pointed out. "If too many of those flags are popping up - it’s time to sprint in the other direction as fast as you can!”

Pamela, a 31-year-old corporate lawyer, learned the skill of active listening after a series of devastating breakups. “I couldn’t understand why I kept making the same horrible choices in men, I kept thinking thoughts like why cant I find love," she noted. "After finding Fit4Love, I learned how to stop making those same mistakes over and over again. Now, when I do meet the right person, it won’t be guesswork any longer - I’ll know it!” (READ - How to Stack the Deck in Your Favour When Dating Online)

For Pamela, the first order of business was clearly defining her own core values, she explained. “I just wrote them all down on paper, and that really helped me to know my own heart. For example, honesty, spirituality and family are paramount to me. So, if I hear my date casually say, ‘You know, I haven’t spoken to my mom in 10 years’ … the date is over as far as I’m concerned. I’ve also learned not to rush relationships, and to truly get to know somebody before becoming involved.”

A staggeringly high percent of Paxton’s clients are dissatisfied with their online dating experiences and just want to know how to find a relationship. She says “nearly 100% of the people we work with are fed up with online dating.” Paxton continues: "The fact is that your past dating nightmares, whether they started online or offline, are probably not your fault. Most online dating websites make their money on the monthly fees they charge. If their customers found a perfect match in the first month, that dating site would lose any future fees. Our mission is to help people understand their own ‘picker,’ so they can stop making the same mistakes, and finally meet the love of their life.”

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The Future Of Love Is Not As Clear As It Might Seem

On the whole, romantic relationships in the developed world have been influenced by the digital revolution. Online dating has expanded the idea of the personal classified ad far beyond the local newspaper, while apps like Snapchat have turned sex into something that can be done remotely, and instantly, with partners you might never meet in real life. What else can we expect? 

Fast Company recently spoke to Terry Young, CEO of Sparks & Honey, about his predictions for the future of relationships. This is typical territory for Sparks & Honey, a company that specializes, among other things, in advertising concepts including "wave branding" and "culturally infused social media." It has previously released speculative reports on careers of the future and the rise of the "citizen doctor." 

Young points to some of the tech we already know — Grindr, teledildonics — as indicators of an even more remote love landscape to come. He posits a Gattaca-like future in which we are matched with partners based on genetic compatibility and receive post-breakup reports that provide "an analysis of what went right and what you need to optimize next time." (Read: 10 Things To Get The Best Out Of Online Dating FAST!)

What the article and Young don't address, however, are the potential effects of these developments. Young says things like "instant gratification social media platforms have turned courtship into a sped-up process" and believes "that sentient artificially intelligent entities could start to compete for our affections." Is this a future we should be celebrating or fighting?

Young states that "large numbers of men are no longer physically attracted to human women." (Assuming that he's referring to heterosexual men who do not identify as asexual, this claim is questionable without data to back it up.) "With better 3-D-printing, sex toys will become printable," writes Fast Company. In reality, this has already happened. (Read: How to Stack the Deck in Your Favour When Dating Online)

So, what's the takeaway here? The future is never certain. Disneyland's Monsanto House of the Future, for example, amazingly predicted the penetration of microwave ovens in American homes, but its chief forecast — of mass-produced, modular, plastic homes — never came to fruition. 

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The Case for Dating Short Guys

The Case for Dating Short Guys

Everyone likes a tall man; there’s tons of research to prove it. Of a 2009 study, the journal Evolutionary Psychology says, “Male height is associated with high mate value. In particular, tall men are perceived as more attractive, dominant and of a higher status than shorter rivals, resulting in a greater lifetime reproductive success.”

That same study found that “Tall men reported greater relationship satisfaction and lower levels of cognitive or behavioral jealousy than short men,” and that short men engage in different “mate retention behaviors” than tall men. According to Alan Au, client relations manager at the clothing boutique “Jimmy Au’s For Men 5’8″ and Under” in Beverly Hills, the “mate retention behaviors” of short men are precisely why you should date them. As part of a case for dating short guys, he says, “Considering lifelong companionship, shorter guys may be the better choice. If it holds true that shorter men don’t have as many dating opportunities, if nothing else, I think shorter men would try harder to be funny, caring, empathetic, honest, hardworking — and just be a gentleman. In that case, the rationale might be that they are more loyal.” (Read: How to Stack the Deck in Your Favour When Dating Online)

Short men may be loyal, but women who marry them may not be. According to Evolutionary Psychology, “The female preference for tall partners may present an increased risk of desertion or cuckoldry (paternity by another male) to shorter men.” But, Au notes, the historical and even evolutionary preference for taller men may be misguided. He says, “A healthy 160-pound, 5-foot-5 man is going to be a stronger protector than a healthy 160-pound, 5-foot-11 man. It’s been well documented, pound for pound, shorter men have greater endurance, stronger muscles, faster reaction times, faster body movement and are less likely to break bones.” Plus, he adds, “Shorter men live longer. Shorter men have lower incidences of cardiovascular disease when comparing taller men with the same health conditions.”

Short men may be known for their “Napoleon complex,” but as Chiara Atik wrote in a 2012 post for the HowAboutWe blog The Date Report, “A short guy willing to go out with a girl who’s taller than he is is confident and probably ok with his girlfriend upstaging him. He’s not too hung up on appearance or machismo. This is a good quality to have in a boyfriend.” She also notes, “the general consensus from women seems to be that guys who don’t necessarily feel the most attractive will often work much harder in bed, whereas the Don Drapers of the world, who are used to being wanted and pursued by women, focus more on the act of receiving pleasure than giving it.” (Actor Jon Hamm, who plays Don Draper on “Mad Men,” is 6’2″.) (Read: 7 Keys to Good Loving)

Blogger Jeanna Barrett – who is going on 50 dates to food trucks (my kind of girl) – says in this post that short guys make great dates because they “are a more comfortable hug height and fit like puzzle pieces in your arms.” I understand where she’s coming from. While I’m not sure that dating a guy who is several inches shorter than me would work for me (I’m only 5’4″), I do prefer guys who are around my height or just a little bit taller … and yes, for puzzle-piecing purposes. I joked recently that, “When it comes to relationships, the guy has to be taller. That way he’s always looking at you from the angle you use in your selfies.” But the truth is, when a guy is too much taller than me, I feel like every hug and prolonged conversation hurts my neck.

Women, would you date a man who is shorter than you? Men, do you prefer to be taller than the woman you’re dating?

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