"Grief doesn't magically end at a certain point after a loved one's death. Reminders often bring back the pain of loss.
I can relate to some of these points, how wonderful it is to hear your loved ones voice in a dream. Let us know if you have experienced any of these signs." - Susan
5 Signs Your Deceased Loved One Is Nearby (And Still With You)
Spooky. Comforting. A little bit of both.
It's hard coping with the death of someone you were close with. I don't even need to tell you that, I'm sure. We've all lost someone. It's a harsh reality of life. But even though they're physically gone, they can still be near us from time to time. These are signs your deceased relative is still with you.
1. You suddenly smell them.
When the spirit of a loved one is near, it can manifest in a number of ways. One of the more common ways is scent. The way someone smells is often the strongest connection to them. It can be the smell of pipe tobacco or perfume, or even the odour of your favourite food being prepared. Appreciate it. It's a message being sent directly to you.
2. They appear in your dreams.
Our subconscious minds are more open to the spirit world, often allowing them to come in. Dreams involving spirits tend to be incredibly realistic and not very dreamlike. Pay close attention to what they might mean. It could be a message from beyond the grave.
3. Your items randomly go missing.
It can feel like you've lost your mind when you find items have been moved from the place you know you left them. It could be a dead relative or friend playing a joke on you. It sounds silly, but just because they're dead doesn't mean they've lost their desire to screw with you. Laugh it off.
4. You have unusual thoughts that aren't your own.
You may experience having thoughts that don't feel like they're yours, almost like your internal monologue has been co-opted. If you feel like you've had a foreign thought, take some time to think about it. Especially when your inner monologue starts talking to you as if it isn't you.
5. They show a presence at their own funeral.
According to James Van Praagh, a renowned psychic, our spirits attend our own funerals. They roam the room, trying to comfort their loved ones and give them signs that everything is OK. Often, because people are so absorbed in their grief, these signs go unseen. When attending a funeral, stay open to the signs they offer.
"Male or Female the temptation to have an affair is always all around you, my advice to you if you are thinking about embarking on an affair is "Don't even go there" unless you can handle the fallout. Your life will never be the same again, you will have to live with the guilt of hurting the people you love and that is hard to deal with." - Susan
11 Subtle Signs You're On The Verge Of Having An Affair
You've got it BAD.
For most, affairs aren't necessarily wrapped up in mere curiosity, nor are they always about the sensual, sweaty romp most imagine. Sometimes, it's not even about sex at all.
In actuality, an affair can start from something more basic, like the level of intimacy you lack with your own partner. So before you start planning your rendezvous, ask yourself how you got to this moment in the first place. Here's a look at eleven subtle signs you're on the verge of an affair:
1. You hesitate when someone asks if you're in a relationship.
Or if they ask, "So how are things going?" you say, "Well, sort of..." or "It's complicated." The fact that you're hesitating about an obvious relationship that you're in reveals that you're uncertain about your current relationship and where you two stand.
"It's complicated" may imply that things aren't great, that you're considering a way out. It might even show that if you felt that the right opportunity presented itself, you may bethinking of cheating.
2. You stare or make eye contact with people who aren't your partner.
Looking at others is harmless, but once your gaze lasts longer than a few seconds and you're looking at another person up and down, you're imagining yourself with that person. Now, you're undressing them with your eyes. From there, you begin to imagine all sorts of things you shouldn't even be thinking because the person you're gawking at isn't your partner.
3. You share too much information with the person you're attracted to.
Eventually, the person you're sharing with is privy to all sorts of information your partner isn't, giving this person the upper hand, which can be used to seduce you in the near future.
4. You agree to meet anyone for a "quick lunch" or "a drink."
If your meeting or get-together has nothing to do with work or isn't truly platonic, you may be crossing the line. If there are feelings involved on either side, you may be meeting this person, unknowingly weighing the options as to whether you're ready to take your friendship to the next level.
5. You brush against the other person as often as possible
Playful as it may seem, brushing against one another can excite both of you, as your bodies begin to manifest latent desires you two know are there, but aren't pursuing. Allowing someone else to brush the hair from your face, or run their fingers through your hair can trigger the eye-closing groan that instantly denotes pleasure. Of course, you two will begin to read one another's body language, especially the signals for pleasure.
6. You outwardly touch someone else.
Touching one another sends certain signals to your brain. That slight stimulation, though harmless, can lead to more, especially if your touch or the other person's touch begins to linger. Part of you already enjoys this person and imagines yourself being with him or her. Sooner or later, your body will ultimately follow.
7. You start lying about what you're doing or where you are.
If you start sneaking around in any way as it relates to the person you're spending more time with, chances are you're on the verge of an affair. Instinctively, you begin to lie, covering up your tracks to avoid getting caught, while allowing yourself to be in subtly seductive situations where you two can meet in secret.
8. You're experiencing mood swings.
If you're suddenly happy, grumpy, absent-minded all the time, or display any other noticeable change in behaviour, not being around this person begins to affect your mood. This other person has become your emotional crutch and your happiness, so your feelings for your partner are changing, which makes it easier and "excusable" to have an affair.
9. You change your appearance.
If you begin to splurge on areas you didn't before — a new haircut, lingerie, a gym membership, mani-pedis or clothes — you're buying these things to impress this new person. You know that your partner appreciates you the way you are, and so does your new interest. Still, some part of you is trying to make a good impression on him or her, so you're showing your best side to ensure that you're utterly irresistible.
10. You make a drastic life change.
If you were once a couch potato only able to get off of the couch for work and friends, but now suddenly find yourself the life of the party, you may be changing your outward appearance for the benefit of this new person. Even better, you may be trying to get out more and improve your self-image in order to get away from your partner.
You begin to be about "others." Volunteering, people-pleasing and finding new outlets of excitement could be directly or indirectly related to this new person in your life, which may not be all that bad. Still, it means that you're seeing things differently than you did before.
11. You're discreetly texting, calling or messaging another person.
If you can't go without hearing from this person in one form of communication or another, you've got it bad. If you get lost in a whirlwind of texts, emails, IMs or any other form of communication, you're already far-gone. You become lost in your messages and begin to lose your focus at work, with friends or at home.
Lack of communication is something most cite for ending their relationships; yet, here you are, communicating often with this other person who isn't your partner. You two are sharing something far more profound than attraction for one another. Your relationship is far too intimate at this point. Soon, you two will find yourselves in a position you can no longer ignore.
Before you begin any of these heavily flirtatious stages that lead to an affair, consider the consequences. Truly allow yourself to ponder if this other person is worth it. Allow yourself to explore doubts about whether you and this other person have a chance at long-lasting love, or whether it's fleeting desire you feel.
In other words, be sure that once you've reached the turning point, the person you're moving toward is a better fit than the one you're moving away from.
"Moving on after a breakup is hard, most of us have had this happen to us, and for some more than once, and it doesn't get any easier.
My philosophy is that things happen for a reason, and if you find yourself being the fallout of a breakup don't panic and most importantly don't lose your dignity. Step away
from the situation this will enable you to think things through, don' t plead for it not to happen, after all why would you want to be with someone who has just broken up with you? Imagine a friend of yours is in the same situation, what advice would you give them. Believe me you will get over it, but give it time." - Susan
6 Tips For Moving On After You’ve Been Blindsided By A Breakup
“This isn’t working for me anymore,” he says abruptly one night on the phone, and you’re stunned. Everything had been going great. You’d even been thinking about places to go on a summer vacation together, but unfortunately, he had other plans. And you did not see this coming.
Breakups are hard enough when you know things aren’t working out and sense that the end is looming, but they’re even more painful when you’re totally caught by surprise. What relationship was I in? you wonder, since it was obviously so different from the one your boyfriend was in. Questioning whether you were completely out of touch with reality, you search for red flags you may have missed, look for everything you could have done wrong, and long for answers.
But when a breakup comes on out-of-the-blue, it’s usually not because of anything you did wrong. Abrupt endings—that happen when things never seemed better, and without any discernible warning signs or discussions about his relationship concerns—usually have more to do with a guy’s emotional unavailability or fear of commitment.
This isn’t a time to berate yourself about all the things you wish you’d done differently, or chase him to get closure—or another chance. This is the time to let go of this relationship and prioritise taking care of yourself so you can recover from the devastation of a surprise attack, heal, and move on. Here’s how:
1. Don’t call him for answers.That last conversation didn’t go well. There’s so much more you want to know and all those things you forgot to say. So you’re tempted to call him,just one more time. The problem is, this follow-up conversation will never, ever be satisfying. You might feel good for about three seconds but as soon as you hang up the phone you’re going to think of something else you want to say, which will lead you right into an endless loop of just one more phone calls. The peace you imagine closure will bring is an elusive thing; most of the time, all you really need to know is that he doesn’t want to date you anymore, and the only thing that will truly bring you peace is time. Nothing he could say, barring, “Let’s get back together,” is actually going to make you feel better. So let yourself cry and vent to friends, but don’t pick up that phone. Ditto for text or email.
2. Maintain your dignity. Another danger of being in touch with him post-breakup is that you could be telling yourself you’re just doing it because you want closure, when deep down what you really want is another chance. If someone does not want to be with you, trying to convince them otherwise is a quick and painful road to losing your dignity. Promising you’ll change, trying to prove your worth, or flat-out asking (not to mention its close cousin, begging) him to give things another shot will take a tremendous toll on your self-esteem. Know that what you’re really worthy of is a man who wants to be with you and doesn’t need convincing, and walk away with your head held high.
3. Don’t try to run into him or be friends.The same impulse that makes you want to call him is going to nudge you to casually stroll by those places you know he’s likely to be, but resist. Running into him will keep reactivating sadness over the loss of your relationship. And if he says, “We can still be friends,” pass on that offer, and don’t suggest it yourself. Do you really want to be friends with a person who was so inconsiderate, uncommunicative, and hurtful? Are these qualities you look for in a friend? Even if you’re the one person in the world who can actually be friends with an ex who dumped you, that friendship is going to cease being fun really fast when he starts dating someone else, and your “friend” tells you all about his new love.
4. Delete, delete, delete. A great way to torture yourself after you’ve been dumped is to go back and reread all his old texts and emails and listen to his voicemails. Avoid this temptation by deleting them sooner rather than later. Sure, they feel like a security blanket—if you’re not dating anyone else yet, his messages remind you of a time when someone loved you. You might be afraid that if you delete them, you’ll have nothing left and will just be in this relationship-less void, thinking, What if no one ever writes me sweet, loving messages like he did again? But you still have to take a deep breath and click Delete. Rereading or listening to them could take you back to when everything was blissful between the two of you, causing you to idealise the relationship and go into fantasy and longing for him. Or it could dredge up, over and over and over again, what you’ve lost. Either way, it’s going to keep you stuck, in pain, and closed off to meeting someone new. If deleting seems impossible, ask a friend to sit with you while you do it to provide support, and reward yourself by doing something fun after the deed is done.
5. Take some time off dating.Being dumped, especially unexpectedly, is painful, and you can avoid feeling that pain by starting to date again right away. Lots of people say it—you can’t get over the last one until you meet the next one. But when you’re dating from this place of needing to get over someone else, there’s a desperation underneath everything you do. First of all, guys can sense this, but more importantly, it puts you at risk for being even more hurt. If you haven’t dealt with the underlying pain of your last relationship, every single slight from a new guy is going to feel disproportionately agonising. Someone you just met online doesn’t ask you on a second date? Heartbreaking! A blind date stands you up? Devastating! Better to take some time off to nurse your wounds before heading back out there. And don’t just sit in your room with the shades drawn feeling sorry for yourself during this dating hiatus. Use it as a time to get back in touch with your life and the things you love to do. Go to concerts, enrol in a class, take up yoga, read that book you’ve been meaning to for the past year. Nurturing your relationship with yourself will build up the resilience you’ll need to dive back into the dating the pool from a place of confidence and hope instead of desperation and dread.
6. Keep the faith.After someone has hurt you in a way you didn’t even see coming, it’s natural to be skittish about relationships. Trusting that this relationship was going somewhere led you to feeling blindsided and betrayed when it ended out-of-the-blue. It’s hard to trust that another man won’t do exactly the same thing if you become vulnerable again, and it’s even harder to trust yourself when you’d thought things were going so well when they actually weren’t. But this is the most important piece of moving on after a breakup—believing that you will meet someone else who won’t hurt you like that, and letting yourself open up to and trust another person. There are no guarantees, and you might get hurt many more times before you meet the person you can trust. In the absence of guarantees, all you have to hold onto is faith, which sometimes may not feel like a lot. But it’s so much better than the alternative of letting one ex’s bad behaviour rob you of your trust, close off your heart, and block the possibility of being blindsided—but this time, by love.
"Having to deal with being cheated on and even the guilt of cheating on somebody can be very hard to deal with. Its mind consuming and very frustrating, because results do not happen quickly.
My advice to anyone who finds themselves in this situation and are unsure of how to deal with it would be don't make any rash decisions. Take time out to think about the situation and about what you want and how you think you will be able to cope with what has happened. But remember you were in a relationship for a reason, so is this worth saving and it wont be easy.
However if your partner is a serial cheater, stop forgiving and send them on their way, leopard and spots come to mind, and you deserve so much more." - Susan
Why Cheating Doesn't Have To Equal The Death Of Your Relationship Instead think of it as a rebirth
A recent study by the US Journal of Marital and Family Therapy showed that 57% of men and 54% of women admit to cheating at least once. We just need to look to the recent Ashley Madison hack—a website that facilitates 'discrete' affairs—and the bevy of celebrity divorces spurred by another incident with a nanny (hiring a hot nanny—never a good idea!) to know this to be true.
You scan the headlines and think one of two things: "If this ever happened to me, I'd leave my partner faster than you can say 'child support'", or, "Thank God that would never happen in my relationship." Until one day, out of nowhere, it does. You read a mysterious text, stumble on a suspicious Facebook conversation, or worse yet, walk into a horrible naked situation where you're the only one with clothes on.
No matter how it happens, finding out your partner has cheated on you is a devastating, earth-shattering, life-changing event. Your emotional state is like a blizzard: seemingly calm one moment, then wanting to throw the contents of the closet over the balcony and burn them in the yard the next. You battle anger, betrayal, sadness and deep, excruciating pain. And then more anger. The bottom has dropped out of your life as you know it. And you have a decision to make:
Should I stay, or should I go? Despite the broken trust, and even though you swore you'd never stay with a cheater, you realize you still love your partner, who admits to the atrocities, promises to end it immediately and wants to work it out. And so do you.
So what happens next? How do you start to forgive and move down the long road of rebuilding trust? Is it possible to ever go back to how things were? The truth is, it isn't. If you make the decision to stay with your partner, you can never get back to the pre-affair innocence. But the good news is that it IS possible to recover and come back stronger than ever.
First, talk it out. You're going to have a lot of questions. Write them down if you have to. You're allowed to ask about any detail you want to know, and your partner should be willing to answer every one. This may seem counterintuitive—how are you ever going to get the painfully specific image of him and his mistress on a beach in St. Tropez out of your mind? But honesty heals. In one study of 1,083 betrayed husbands and wives, those whose partners were the most honest felt better emotionally and reconciled more completely. But before asking your questions, ask yourself: do you really want to know her dress size? If she's got different colored hair to you? How many orgasms she had? If the answer is yes, ask away. But be wary of using details to cause yourself more pain. It's best to set a limit on the time you spend talking about the affair each time, usually 15 to 30 minutes at most.
Then, work on it. You've raged. You've cried. You've thrown things. Now it's time to heal. With the help of a professional, try to address the core issues that led to cheating. Couples and individual therapy for both parties is recommended. This isn't something you want to think about in the early days after finding out, but when you're ready, go there. It's likely that one or both of you had a breakdown in communication long before the affair. If you've decided to stay, you'll want to know the answer to why. Learning to communicate will help to prevent this from ever happening again.
Remember, recovering from an affair is not a one-size-fits-all process. It takes whatever it takes. After therapy and open communication, you'll start to feel better. You'll have moments you don't even think about the affair. (Perhaps while you're sleeping.) But then you'll wake up and remember and want to run your partner over. The hurt can feel as fresh and deep as ever. This is a normal part of grief! It's a process, not a recipe to get right. Be patient with yourself. You'll probably want revenge. But the most important emotion to work through is resentment. This one's a real killer. If you've chosen to stay, punishing your partner will end up doing more harm to your relationship. The road to forgiveness is a long one, so be gentle with yourself. Go at your own pace. You get to reestablish what is important in your relationship. What your needs are. What the rules are. And you both get to play by them.
Lastly, reframe your mindset. Instead of seeing an affair as the death of the relationship, try to think of it as a rebirth. Hopefully, you'll move through this time having gained a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner. Take this as an opportunity to connect with friends and family. Belonging to a community outside of your relationship will help you feel loved and less isolated. A time when the affair doesn't consume your thoughts may seem far away, but it doesn't have to be. Start dating each other again. Set aside time to do fun things, and then do each other. If you're both willing to do the work, you may be surprised by how much stronger and deeper your relationship can become.
I bet some out there are thinking Phew, thank god Valentines Day is all done and dusted for another year. If you're that guy who is questioning whether you're a droid from another planet cos' you really couldn't see what all the fuss was about...this might be for you...!!!
For every person who is comfortable being single, there is someone else who has gone straight past ‘comfortable’ and is now veering into a deeply bleak territory. Family members worry about you. Friends try to set you up with any number of dates. Coworkers constantly nominate you for extra projects because they know you have no one to go home to. Because you, my friend, my curmudgeonly grumpy sourpuss of a friend. You are just forever and ever and ever alone.
1. Your favourite sleeping position is sprawled out, in the center of the bed, legs and arms in every possible different direction, with multiple pillows supporting key points of your body. Even if you sleep in a king-sized bed, where is anyone else supposed to fit?
2. The last time somebody hit on you, you secretly wondered if someone had put them up to a bet.
3. You think to yourself, “But, God, I don’t even like spending that much time with myself.”
4. The thought of splitting meals, dessert, or a wine bottle with anyone at all — even your best friend — is enough to make you want to use your fork as a weapon.
5. You have recently thought that Netflix knows you better than anyone else — and sharing your account with anyone else would seriously mess up your algorithm.
6. You deeply dislike shaving.
7. You’ve become so good at creating single-serving meals (or your secret eating habits are so abysmally weird) that cooking for another person is your personal Everest.
8. You’ve begun to consider your cat’s reaction to a prospective suitor as the make-or-break deal in dating.
9. Your cat hates everyone.
10. You’re growing more and more comfortable with the idea of making an “Okay, but if we’re 45 and neither of us has found anyone…” pact with your best friend (partially because you know they’ll actually find someone and you’ll be off the hook).
11. At this point, you feel like the most intimate relationship you have is with your barista. You actually don’t mind seeing them every morning.
12. It’s not that you don’t believe in “The One,” but you’re more inclined to believe that your personal “One” is a homemade mac-‘n-cheese recipe.
13. You never want any person you’re dating to see your grubbiest sweats (you know the ones) but you also don’t want to throw those bad boys out, so it’s the former that has to go.
14. You refer to people whom you only know by their Twitter handle as personal friends. (And you use their @ handle when you refer to them in real life.)
15. Your ability to dissuade the delivery guy into thinking that the sushi meal for 4 will actually serve four people is so on point, that you’d hate to let that skill go to waste.
16. I’m going to say two words, and I want you to gauge your reaction accordingly:
(If you threw up in your mouth a little bit, congratulations. You’re destined to be forever alone.)
"Yes, that’s right, limerence and love have a great deal in common with cocaine and heroin. Well I know what addiction I would rather go for!" - Susan
How Love Happens in You Brain
All you can do is daydream about your love constantly and want to be with them. Euphoria. Non-stop, super human energy. Sleep? Who needs sleep?
According to research, those intense, in-love feelings are due to highly complex, pretty unromantic chemical, cognitive, and goal directed brain processes involving over 12 areas of the brain working together to produce the magic. Physically speaking, love happens in your brain, not your heart. According to the study "The neuron-imaging of Love," love activates the same brain regions that are involved when people use euphoria inducing drugs. In your brain, being in love is similar to a cocaine high.
The brains of people in the grips of a hot and heavy, new romance are bathed with increased dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and vasopressin, which results in the classic swoon symptoms. The highest levels are seen in men and women who have just fallen in love, compared to those who have been in longer relationships.
A study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scans found that love activates the brain's reward system in the same way as cocaine or nicotine. Being in-love is a goal-oriented motivational state, and upon rejection, the in-love neuron are still compelled to seek their reward, the lost love, resulting in that awful longing when it's over.
Heartbreak and physical pain are actually rooted in the same regions of the brain. Love really does hurt.
For this reason, it's been shown that taking aspirin really can help ease the pain of a break-up. The same study showed that the brains of people who have been rejected, weeks or even months after, were still addicted to love and go through withdrawal, just like with a drug. Over time, the rejected person's brain adapts by neural circuits re-wiring and chemical levels normalising. It's generally accepted that romantic love is one of three primary brain systems that evolved in humans to drive reproduction to ensure the survival of the species. The sex drive developed to motivate people to seek out mating partners. Romantic love and attraction spurred humans to pursue a specific partner while attachment increased the likelihood of them staying together long enough to fulfil parenting responsibilities. Not very romantic when put that way.
Research shows that romantic love and maternal love activate different areas of the brain. (I'll bet you could have guessed that one from experience.)
An experiment placed EEG sensors on the heads of the smitten to measure the electrical activity of their brains. When these people were just shown a picture of their loved one, activity spiked at a subconscious level within 200 milliseconds in one area of the brain. No wonder being in love can feel like you have been zapped by lightening!
"Can you define happiness? I think that happiness can evolve out of the simplest of things, for example today I heard the birds singing at the first signs of light this made me happy. Seeing the daffodils that had pushed their way up out of the ground so early in the year this makes me happy.
The points made in the article below cost nothing and are so simple, so well worth putting into action if it will make somebody happy". - Susan -
Best Valentine's Day Gift Ever: Happiness
Oh, you thought I meant his/her happiness? As in making your honey happy with cards and flowers or wearing that sexy lingerie or going to that incredible restaurant? Not! All that's very nice, but it's YOU being happy that is the best Valentine's Day gift ever.
Because let's think about it: What are you like when you're happy? For one, you're not complaining about every little thing. You're not seeing problems and hassles everywhere. And you're certainly not blaming anyone for anything, especially not your honey. And whining? When you're happy, you're "fuggetaboutit."
When you're happy, you're a joy to be around. Not only that, you are more appreciative and grateful of your world, your life -- and your sweetheart. Because happiness does that. Just like when you're depressed all you can see around you are more reasons to be depressed, when you're happy all you can see around you are more reasons to be happy.
When you're happy, you look at your sweetheart with happy eyes. You see only his/her wonderfulness, those qualities that you fell in love with in the first place. You think about how much you enjoy being together, the deliciousness of your life together. You are naturally more cooperative, affectionate, enthusiastic.
Could anyone ask for a better Valentine's Day gift than that?
So, just for one day, kick your happiness into high gear. Deliberately refrain from voicing any complaint, from blaming your partner for anything, from nagging, whining, silent treatment-ing, stone-walling, and whatever else is on your list of subtle and not-so-subtle ways of expressing your unhappiness with some aspect of your honey's behaviour
Indulge yourself in great appreciation for all that your sweetheart is and does. Do it loudly, with word and caress. Voice your appreciation to others, right in front of him/her. Declare your delight proudly.
I guarantee it will be a phenomenal Valentine's Day, and that any tangible gift you offer in addition will fairly glow with your unequivocal appreciation.
If you want to extend your amazing day of Valentine happiness, all you have to do is continue the process. Not that you must forever "hold your peace" in terms of complaints and the like, but that you think first. That you put yourself in a "let's find a solution" frame of mind, rather than a whiney, nagging, blaming frame of mind.
Friends and family don't need to be left out of the Valentine happiness. On the contrary, the happier you are around those you care about, the happier they become. Happiness is contagious -- as research has demonstrated. Happiness feels wonderful to all concerned, you and them.
Just to be clear, happiness isn't a matter of plastering a smile on your face. It's finding reasons to smile, legitimate reasons, all through your day.
The easiest way to do that is to look for things that you appreciate, things you value and are grateful for. For me it's as easy as appreciating that I am safe and dry in the midst of bad weather, appreciating a dear friend's kind words, remembering the feel of my sweetheart's hand in mine when he's not around. Appreciating the computer that allows me to write these words. The ideas that come, and people to share them with. There is so much, in the space of but one minute, that can be appreciated.
Happiness truly is the best Valentine's Day gift ever -- to yourself, your honey and everyone else.