Showing posts with label wellbeing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wellbeing. Show all posts

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

'Golden trio' of sex moves to help women orgasm discovered by scientists

Hmm Interesting !

Good news for all you women out there, apparently any woman can climax - and indeed have multiple climaxes - if the circumstances of her life are right .......... Susan 



'Golden trio' of sex moves to help women orgasm discovered by scientists

“Explicit and direct communication with one’s partner is key”





Studies have shown that heterosexual women have fewer orgasms during sex than any other demographic, which substantiates the myth of the elusive female orgasm.
That said, it’s also been proven that lesbian women reach orgasm significantly more - in one study, 86 per cent of lesbian women reported they always or usually orgasm when sexually intimate compared to just 65 per cent of straight women.
But that proves that the female orgasm is not in fact as elusive as many people think, and scientists have now revealed a ‘golden trio’ of sex moves designed to increase the chances of a woman reaching orgasm.
Researchers from Chapman University, Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute studied over 52,000 Americans of different genders and sexual orientations to look into how often people orgasm.
The participants were aged between 18 and 65 and all said they were in a relationship with one person.
So, what need to happen in the bedroom for women to orgasm?
The ‘golden trio’:
  • Genital stimulation
  • Deep kissing 
  • Oral sex
“About 30% of men actually think that intercourse is the best way for women to have orgasm, and that is sort of a tragic figure because it couldn’t be more incorrect,” said study co-author Elisabeth Lloyd, who has written a book called The Case of the Female Orgasm.
She adds that: “To say that there needs to be some education I think is an understatement.
The researchers also found that women who do orgasm with their partners are more likely to feel satisfied with the relationship as a whole.
Whilst the ‘golden trio’ could provide some help, the study authors admit that there’s no ‘one size fits all’ approach to orgasming.
“Women really are tremendously variable in how readily they orgasm and what makes one woman orgasm can be quite different than what makes another woman orgasm,” said David Frederick, lead author of the research from Chapman University. 
“Explicit and direct communication with one’s partner is key.”
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Sunday, 5 March 2017

Low Self Worth – 5 Steps to See Yourself in Better Light

Nobody should have low self worth but the sad thing is many of us do.  How are we expected to get out there and meet new people and possibly life partners when we don't see ourselves as the worthy unique human beings that we are?  The crazy thing is that even the most confident, intelligent,  beautiful people you know all have had low self esteem doubts at some point in their lives.
                   So all you people out there with low self worth try this exercise:  Next time you walk past somebody make  a point of smiling at them.  Yes I know 'its hard' I hear you say, after all they might not smile back! and if they don't big deal are you likely to see them again? look at it this way, they might just be having a bad day and are just not feeling sociable.  
But trust me when they do smile back you will feel good, and that feel good factor is FREE and you can get it anytime you want.  TRY IT !!!!...........   Susan





Low Self Worth – 5 Steps to See Yourself in Better Light


It’s hard to see the good in yourself when you have low self worth, but the truth is, you’re so much better than you think, and it’s time you realise it!

In a world where how you feel about yourself is so important, it is disheartening that there are so many ways that your self worth can be reduced down to nothing.

If you look at the magazines while you are in the grocery store, you are bombarded with mixed messages. Some magazines plaster their covers with why you should love yourself and how to build confidence, while the magazine right next to it tells you how to lose 10 pounds quickly or how to pleasure your man. Some magazines even have the audacity to put both of these headlines on the same cover!

While the media may be a large contributor when it comes to low self worth, it isn’t the only culprit – nor are females the only victims. Guys suffer from low self worth too. It’s just that guys are taught that you cannot show any sign of weakness and more often than not, that cockiness some guys exude is just a show.

What can cause low self worth?

There are many factors that can harm your self worth, things that happened in your childhood like bullying, punishments, neglect, and even abuse. These factors can be detrimental to a child’s growth, but the effects can be felt all the way into adulthood. Just think of instances where you didn’t live up to your parents’ expectations as a child, and every now and then, you catch yourself doubting your choices as you go through life.

Like many people, you may have had a very good childhood and didn’t experience the typical troubles that could damage your esteem. But as we grow up, we still can face other factors that can hurt our self esteem and self worth.

These factors could be anything from comparing yourself to others your age, financial and social situation, unemployed *or having a job you do not like*, or coming out of a bad relationship where you were abused, either mentally, emotionally, or physically.

No matter the situation or experience, if it leaves you questioning your worth and your purpose in the world, it is damaging your self-esteem and making you feel inferior to others. 

Why is low self-esteem harmful?

Self-esteem is as important to our well-being as legs are to a table. It is essential for physical and mental health and for happiness. -Louise Hart

Dr. Louise Hart, a psychologist who specializes in parenting techniques to help improve the social, emotional, and mental health in children, couldn’t have said it better. You wouldn’t go to Ikea and purchase a table that had crooked legs, so why should you go through life with a sub-par sense of well-being?

Low self-esteem can wreak havoc on your physical health as well as your mental health, as these two go hand in hand. For example, how many times have you started a diet and you do well for a few days, but when you cave in and have that milkshake or a decadent piece of chocolate cake, you feel guilty. Instead of forgiving yourself and understanding that weight loss is a difficult journey, you beat yourself up so much that you just give up because you feel that you cannot do it *this is coming from personal experience*. When you give up eating right, you may also give up exercising and this only makes things worse.

When you have low self-esteem, it makes everything feel so much more difficult. You don’t believe in yourself and you cannot see yourself the same way others see you. How many times have you been out somewhere and had someone approach you with something nice to say, only for you to be skeptical and dismissive? 

If you have low self worth and self esteem, it’s hard to see the good in yourself and you do not believe *or understand* the compliments you may receive. Who knows how many opportunities you may have missed out on, all because you don’t see yourself in a positive light! Sadly, if this consistently happens, people may begin to see you in that negative light, too.

5 Steps to change how you see yourself

One of hardest parts of changing the way you see yourself is admitting that you do experience low self-worth and recognising that you are worth the effort that is necessary to change it. More often than not, people with low self worth have grown so complacent that they are afraid to change because they may think it will be too difficult.

While it is true that it the road to having good self worth and knowing your worth is paved with challenges and setbacks, it is not impossible! Here are a few ways to begin the transformation and recognizing that you are someone who deserves happiness.

Step #1 Accept yourself for who you are. As a human, we have flaws and weaknesses. There is no one person that is perfect, and it does no one any good to compare themselves to someone else. When you are trying to improve your self worth, it is important that you recognise this and accept it. You have to come to terms with things that may have hurt you in the past and your flaws, without beating yourself in the process. 

Step #2 Say “bye-bye” to the voice in your head. It is easy to call yourself names when you do something stupid. How many times have you called yourself an idiot because you forgot something or you did poorly on an assignment?

While we may not think that this is harmful, it actually is. It makes you feel bad about yourself and it reinforces low self worth. Instead of calling yourself stupid, change your thinking to remind yourself not to make the same mistake twice. They don’t say you are your own worst critic for nothing, after all.

Step #3 Use positivity instead of negativity as motivation. Too often, we’ve been conditioned to respond to negative criticisms to give us the motivation to change. For example, let’s go back to those magazines that tell you how to lose weight. Those articles are usually accompanied by gorgeous people, and while it may not be the intent of these magazines to make you feel bad, it never fails to when we read these articles to compare ourselves to those models. Instead of comparing yourself to those models, tell yourself of the benefits of the exercise regimes and the healthier meal options.

You need to focus on the good things that will come from being healthy, like having more energy, feeling more comfortable in your own skin, etc. These positive comments to yourself will help you feel more confident and boost your self worth because you are recognising that you are worth the effort to change.

Step #4 Appreciate who you are and where you come from. This is a simple exercise that you can do anywhere. Once a day, close your eyes and ask yourself, “What are three things I like about myself?” The way you answer this question is entirely up to you.

It can be as something as simple as the choice of the outfit you are wearing that day, or it can be that you donated some time to a social cause. It can be anything.You could go one step further and write these down every day in a journal, and then periodically go back and read through them.

It will help you realise that you are a good person and that you do good things. The more things you can write down, the better you will feel when you go back and read through the journal. 

Step #5 Be kind and generous toward others. Perhaps one of the easiest ways to raise your self worth is by being kind toward others. When you do nice things for others, especially when it is unexpected, their gratitude can make you feel amazing.

For myself, I always hold the door for others or if they have only a few items to purchase, I let them go in front of me at the checkout. While these are very small things, they make me feel good because the person is *usually* grateful, and it’s always nice to be rewarded with a genuine smile. There are so many ways that you can be kind to other people. You will find that it is a rewarding experience and it’ll make you feel incredible about yourself!

When you believe that you can make people happy or that you control your own life and future, your self worth will grow with each new day, and you will start to believe that you’re more deserving of your own love and respect. 


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Thursday, 30 June 2016

Photo Of Naked Elderly Couple Is Teaching The World There Are ‘A Million Billion Definitions Of Beautiful’


"Everybody is beautiful in there own right, nobody has the divine right on what is beautiful and what is not.  Imagine how boring the world would be if we all thought the same thing was beautiful !!!   Gerry and Darwin - yes I think you are beautiful !! "      -     Susan




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Photo Of Naked Elderly Couple Is Teaching The World There Are ‘A Million Billion Definitions Of Beautiful’

Gerry, 75, and Darwin, 70, have been together for more than 20 years.
Now, hundreds of thousands of people have seen them naked thanks to a new project by photographer Jade Beall
I refuse to accept the wide spread (mostly Western) human belief system in regards to what is beautiful, especially when it comes to the sacred vessel we call our body.
Why do we accept to believe that one thing must be more beautiful than another? Why cannot we embrace a million-billion definitions of beautiful?


The divine: skin that drapes, stretches, sags, wrinkles, burns and rebuilds like spiralling Fibonacci across our fragile and strong bones made from the same stuff as the stars all combining to create this phenomenon that comes to life for a short amount of time that we call... bodies.

Many from my human tribe and other humans who wish to sell me things "that will hide the evidence that I am growing older" tell me that as I grow older, I am worth less and less and that elder bodies are anything but beautiful.

These elder bodies: the temples to decades of wisdom, heartbreak, strength, failure, triumph, THRIVING. How, I wonder, could they be anything but beautiful? .

I am starting a new series on beloveds over 60 because I wish to be free from the imposed beliefs.

Gerry: I love my body. I use a cane, I am having vision problems and my breasts reach to my waist, but you know what? I like me!

Darwin: I still have body issues. I would love to loose some weight.


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    Saturday, 7 May 2016

    Ageing and Stereotyping

    "As in the song Eternity by Robbie Williams 'Youth is wasted on the young'. How true this is, as with most things in life we don't realise what we have until it's gone".      - Susan

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    Ageing and Stereotyping


    Stereotypes make us behave in surprisingly negative ways towards older people.

    Most people hope to live long lives, yet American culture is filled with negative images of getting older. Older adulthood is thought of as a time marked by deteriorating health, poor memory, low levels of activity, loneliness, and a sense of uselessness.  The truth is that these characterisations are inaccurate and they can make us anxious about growing old. They also make us feel and behave in surprisingly negative ways toward older people – we tolerate ageist jokes, age discrimination in the workplace, as well as financial and physical abuse toward older adults.

    Those negative attitudes and discriminatory behaviours are what is known as AGEISM.  Did you know that ageism can harm your own mental,cognitive, and physical health as you age?
    What can you do? Get the facts on ageing. People who know more about ageing are less ageist and may be on the path to living longer and more carefree lives.
    Fact or Fiction: Test your knowledge on ageing 
    True or False?
    • The majority of old people (past 65 years) have Alzheimer’s disease.
    • As people grow older, their intelligence declines significantly.
    • It is very difficult for older adults to learn new things.
    • Most older people live in nursing homes.
    • Older workers cannot work as effectively as younger workers.
    • Most old people are set in their ways and unable to change.
    • The majority of old people are bored.
    • Participation in volunteering through organisations (e.g., churches and clubs) tends to decline among older adults.
    • Abuse of older adults is not a significant problem in the U.S.
    • Grandparents today take less responsibility for rearing grandchildren than ever before.
    If you answered “false” to all these questions, you have a perfect score – congratulations! If you missed some questions, you are not alone. Most people including high school students, college students, teachers, and health care professionals in training score poorly on these tests. We learn very little accurate knowledge about ageing at any stage in our schools, even those of us entering professions in which we will work with older adults.
    So, what can you do?
    When knowledge about ageing increases, ageist attitudes decrease.
    Educating yourself about ageing can take the form of a one-hour lecture, several lectures, a multi-month course, or through reading more about ageing in academic books or scientific journals.
    Ageism is a societal problem that touches all of us. It creates anxiety and conflict between younger and older generations. It restricts the lives and livelihood of older adults, damaging their support systems, work opportunities, health care, their thoughts about themselves, and even their physical health – some studies show that people who buy into negative ageist stereotypes live shorter lives.
    Isn’t it time to get educated about ageing?
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    Tuesday, 12 April 2016

    3 Signs You're Not Depressed — You're Just Surrounded By Assh*les

    "Its nots always easy to run away from everything or everyone in your life that has a damaging effect on you.  But you can take control and deal with it in whatever way is good for you, by turning the negatives into positives. Try it, use the power you have inside of you".    -  Susan


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    3 Signs You're Not Depressed — You're Just Surrounded By Assh*les


    Don't worry, it's not you.

    "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assh*les." —William Gibson

    When I saw this quote on a friend's Facebook wall, I laughed out loud with delight and recognition. It hit me on a subconscious level. Why did I like it so much? I couldn't tell you. It even seemed wrong that I, a psychologist, would like the idea of blaming depression on others. And then there was the swearing bit.
    But I did like it — a lot. Enough to share it on my Facebook wall. And others liked it — a lot. And I started asking myself, what is going on here?
    People clearly related to this quote just like I did. I started thinking of my own life experience. How many times did the behaviour of others effect how I felt about myself? How many times did I have to leave relationships because of the damage they were doing to my self-esteem?
    The different ways people can be assh*les are infinite. Here three top qualities for assh*le-ness that pop for me.
    1. Assholes are happy in their stupidity.
    And by stupid I don't mean unintelligent. Not being smart all the time can't be helped. No one can know everything about everything. I know nothing about fly-fishing except that it looks pretty when it's done right. Would I assume to teach someone, anyone, about fly-fishing? No. But that doesn't stop the assh*le.
    The assh*le is deliberately, obtusely dumb and happy in their stupidity. Knowing nothing about fly-fishing doesn't stop them from lecturing you as if they were a prize-winning angler.
    2.  Assholes are loud and obnoxious.
    Can an assh*le be quiet and shy? Maybe, but not in my experience. Most a-holes aren't interested in the give and take of conversation. They monologue, take-over, shout, get into your personal space, and don't even realize they're doing it. Or maybe they do it on purpose to intimidate. Either way, not nice.
    3. Assholes are selfish bullies.
    Selfish is NOT the same a self-caring. The assh*le is self-centered in a way that's exclusive. The feelings, thoughts, input or contribution of others is minimized, cast aside, even ridiculed, in order to pump up their own sense of self-worth. It's sad really, if it didn't come with the stupidity and the loudness.
    So why do assh*les make us feel depressed? If we're exposed repeatedly to assh*les, they can wear on our self-esteem.
    Most of us are reared to be nice. Being nice means listening to others, sharing a conversation, pointing out the other person's good qualities, and reasonably expecting the other person to reciprocate. We respect others' opinions even if they aren't shared. We generally defer to authority. Nice people are slow to anger and tend to emphasise the positive (for everyone else, anyway).
    Assh*les, however, make us feel like dopes for being nice. At first we might get angry, and if the assh*le is someone we only see once in a while we can be angry and get over it quickly. But if they're someone we see everyday at work or school, maintaining anger is very difficult.
    Eventually, our self-esteem begins to erode leading to feelings of hopelessness, fatigue,sadness and depression. That's right: chronic emotional abuse can indeed lead to diagnosable depression.
    Where do we find assh*oles? You can find them everywhere: at school, socially in your circle of friends, at church, at work and in the family. And here's what you can do about them:
    1. Be honest with yourself. Give yourself permission to see the situation for what it is. Once you've identified that there's a person in your life who's harming you emotionally, you can begin the work of getting your self-esteem back.
    2. Take action. Taking action is what's important. Even if you can't change the relationship because the assh*le is your brother, you can still take action.
    3. Reduce your exposure. The action you choose to take may be to stop seeing that person, request a transfer to another office, or calling them less frequently. In extreme cases, you may decide you need to break up with them altogether.
    4. Put into place healthy self-care strategies. That means keeping an eye on your sleep, eating and exercise habits. Spend time with people (and animals) you can count on that make you feel good about yourself.
    5. Find a support system. Whether it's a therapist or a close friend, find someone who can help guide you through your assh*le recovery. If the damage done by assh*le exposure is deep, the journey to robust emotional health can be complicated. Be strong and get help.
    Now that you know how to identify an assh*ole when you see them, it's time to pull yourself out of your feelings of depression and sadness, and live a life free of these toxic people.


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        Friday, 25 March 2016

        CHOCOLATE OR SEX: WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE?


        "Its a hard decision but I think I would have to go with the  !  "    -   Susan





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        CHOCOLATE OR SEX: WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE?


        Choosing between a Bounty and a bonk just doesn't seem fair...


        There's a lot to envy about French women - effortless style, sexy accents and a limitless supply of croissants at every corner (yet somehow, French women don't get fat. Freaking mystery). But we're not quite sure we agree with them on the whole sex versus chocolate debate.

        According to a recent Harris Interactive Poll, French women said that eating chocolate can be even more pleasurable than the Big O. The 1,000-person survey asked French men and women about sex, food, pleasure, and happiness. Results revealed that, for women at least, chocolate was preferable to a little ooh-la-laaaa.

        The participants were asked to rank the elements of well-being on a scale of 0 to 10, with men rating food at 7.2 and sex at 7.5. Women on the other hand, gave food a 7.0 and sex a lower score of 6.7. Both sexes rated chocolate as the most pleasurable food (followed closely by cheese and foie gras - quelle surprise!).

        The majority of women (57 percent) also said that they would cut back on sex before they'd cut back on food (compared to just 39 percent of men). To be fair we're with them there. 

        We love a good pain au chocolate, but why choose? With all the health benefits of chocolate and sex, we say enjoy them both! In a 2004 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, Italian researchers concluded that women who ate chocolate had more desire and enjoyed sex more than women who ate no chocolate. It almost makes us want to revisit the idea of chocolate body paint. Almost. 


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        Thursday, 25 February 2016

        5 Signs Your Deceased Loved One Is Nearby (And Still With You)

        "Grief doesn't magically end at a certain point after a loved one's death. Reminders often bring back the pain of loss. 
        I can relate to some of these points, how wonderful it is to hear your loved ones voice in a dream. Let us know if you have experienced any of these signs." - Susan



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        WEHEARIT

        5 Signs Your Deceased Loved One Is Nearby (And Still With You)


        Spooky. Comforting. A little bit of both.
        It's hard coping with the death of someone you were close with. I don't even need to tell you that, I'm sure. We've all lost someone. It's a harsh reality of life. But even though they're physically gone, they can still be near us from time to time. These are signs your deceased relative is still with you.
        1. You suddenly smell them.
        When the spirit of a loved one is near, it can manifest in a number of ways. One of the more common ways is scent. The way someone smells is often the strongest connection to them. It can be the smell of pipe tobacco or perfume, or even the odour of your favourite food being prepared. Appreciate it. It's a message being sent directly to you.
        2. They appear in your dreams.
        Our subconscious minds are more open to the spirit world, often allowing them to come in. Dreams involving spirits tend to be incredibly realistic and not very dreamlike. Pay close attention to what they might mean. It could be a message from beyond the grave.
        3. Your items randomly go missing.
        It can feel like you've lost your mind when you find items have been moved from the place you know you left them. It could be a dead relative or friend playing a joke on you. It sounds silly, but just because they're dead doesn't mean they've lost their desire to screw with you. Laugh it off.
        4. You have unusual thoughts that aren't your own.
        You may experience having thoughts that don't feel like they're yours, almost like your internal monologue has been co-opted. If you feel like you've had a foreign thought, take some time to think about it. Especially when your inner monologue starts talking to you as if it isn't you.
        5. They show a presence at their own funeral.
        According to James Van Praagh, a renowned psychic, our spirits attend our own funerals. They roam the room, trying to comfort their loved ones and give them signs that everything is OK. Often, because people are so absorbed in their grief, these signs go unseen. When attending a funeral, stay open to the signs they offer.


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        Sunday, 31 January 2016

        How to overcome low self-esteem

        "Low self-esteem can be helped by Mindfulness which is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, without judging whether they are right or wrong".    -    Susan

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        How to overcome low self-esteem


        You ARE good enough to go for that job, and NO you don't annoy all of your friends. Here are the most common thoughts a poor self-image can lead to, and how to stop them all from doing a number on your life.

        Studies have linked low self-esteem and poor self-image with a variety of problems that can affect anything from the way you look to your career and your relationships. Here are some of the most common problems low self-esteem can cause – and how to get them sorted.


        1. You hate yourself

        While there are times when we all dislike who we are, loathing your thoughts and actions is a classic sign of low self-esteem. Self-hate is characterised by feelings of anger and frustration about who you are and an inability to forgive yourself for even the smallest of mistakes. 

        Turn things around 

        Change your internal dialogue. An internal critic fuels self-hate, so step one is to silence the voice in your head by consciously making yourself repeat a positive response for every negative thought you have. Why be your own worst critic? If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, don't say it to yourself.

        • Forgive yourself for your mistakes. No one is ever all good or all bad. Doing something you regret doesn't make you an awful person, just as doing something good doesn't make you a saint. 
        • Challenge your negative self-beliefs. It's likely that your sense of who you are is outdated and has been passed to you from others such as your parents, ex-partners and colleagues. Don't be afraid to rewrite your own script – it's your life.

        2. You're obsessed with being 'perfect'

        Perfectionism is one of the more destructive aspects of low self-esteem. A perfectionist is someone who lives with a constant sense of failure because their achievements, no matter how impressive, don't ever feel quite good enough.

        "There's a huge difference between failing at one thing and being 'a failure"

        Turn things around 

        • Set realistic expectations for yourself. Consciously think how reasonable and manageable your goals are before striving for them, remembering that life in general is imperfect. 
        • Recognise there is a huge difference between failing at something you do and being a failure as a person. Don't confuse the two. 

        • Stop sweating the small stuff. Perfectionists tend to nitpick at insignificant problems. They forget to view the bigger picture and take pride in that. 


        3. You hate your body

        A negative body image is often linked to low self-esteem and vice versa. This means it can affect everything from how you behave in relationships to how you project yourself at work. It can even prevent you from looking after your health, as you feel unworthy.

        Turn things around 

        • Avoid comparing yourself to others. This only leads to insecurity. Accept that everyone is different and remember where your strengths lie. 
        • Look after your health. A healthy diet and daily exercise regime will not only make you feel physically more able, but also leads to the release of endorphins, the body's feel-good hormones.
        • Take care of your appearance. People with a poor body image often stop making an effort, believing there is 'no point'. Do three positive things today for your looks.


        4. You think you bring nothing to the table


        We all doubt our ability in certain areas of our lives, but a deep-rooted sense of worthlessness comes from believing that somehow we are not as valuable as others. If this sounds familiar, it's important to understand that feeling worthy isn't something given to us by others, but something we have to build ourselves. 


        "Remember, we teach others how to treat us"

        Turn things around

        • Accept we all come with our own unique talents. We have to take pride in these to believe we are worthy people. 
        • Stop thinking others are better than you. While it's fine to think highly of others, it's irrational to translate this as meaning they are 'better' than you. Admire others' traits, but not at the expense of your own. 
        • Be aware that we teach others how to treat us. Practise projecting yourself as someone whose opinions are just as valid as others, and your sense of self-worth will begin to rise.

        5. You're oversensitive


        Being too sensitive is one of the more painful aspects of low self-esteem. Whether you're angered by criticism or literally feel demolished by any comment that's directed at you, it's important to desensitise yourself. 

        Turn things around 
        • Really listen to what's being said. This way you can evaluate whether a comment is true or not, before deciding how you feel about it. 
        • Stand up for yourself. If the criticism is unfair, say you disagree. 
        • Be proactive. If there is some truth in it, learn from what's being said, rather than beating yourself up about it. Constructive criticism can be exactly that, provided you take the comments on board and make changes for the better. 
        • Move on. Replaying over and over what's upset you only anchors the memory to you –​ which won't help. 

        6. You're fearful and anxious


        Fear and a belief that you are powerless to change anything in your world are irrefutably linked to low self-esteem. 

        Turn things around 
        • Discriminate between genuine fears and unfounded ones. Challenge your anxieties with the facts. For instance, you may feel it's pointless to go for a promotion because you don't think you can get it. How true is this statement when you look at the evidence? 
        • Build confidence by facing your fears. Draw up what's known as a fear pyramid, placing your biggest fear at the top and your smallest fears at the bottom. The idea is to work your way up the pyramid, taking on each fear and boosting your belief in your abilities as you go.

        7. You often feel angry

        Anger is a normal emotion, but one that gets distorted when you have low self-esteem. When you don't think highly of yourself, you start to believe your own thoughts and feelings aren't important to others. Repressed hurt and anger can build up, so something seemingly small can trigger outbursts of fury. 


        Turn things around 
        • Learn how to remain calm. One way is to not let your feelings simmer away until you explode. Instead, express how you're feeling at the time. 
        • Remove yourself. If the above doesn't work, step away from the situation and breathe in long slow breaths to reduce your heart rate and bring your body back to a relaxed state. 
        • Don't over do it. People with low self-esteem often over commit then feel bitter as they struggle to cope. Try to take on only what you want and would like to do. 

        8. You're a people pleaser

        One of the biggest problems with low self-esteem is feeling you have to please others so that they like, love and respect you. As a result many people-pleasers end up feeling aggrieved and used.

        "You shouldn't have to bend over backwards just for people to like you"

        Turn things around 
        • Learn how to say no. Your worth doesn't depend on others' approval – people like and love you for who you are, not what you do for them.
        • Be selfish sometimes. Or at least think about your needs for a change. People with a healthy self-esteem know when it's important to put themselves first. 
        Set limits on others. Feeling resentful and used stems from accepting things from friends and family that you personally feel is unacceptable. Start placing limits on what you will and won't do and your resentment will ease.​


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