"For all of you out there who have a fear of commitment the following saying by Lori Hard is worth thinking about." - Susan
"Do not fear to step into the unknown. For where there is risk there is also reward".
Hey scaredy-cat, are you afraid of real love?
The season is here for haunted houses, jack o' lanterns, kids going trick-or-treating, and things that go bump in the night. It can be fun and empowering to toy with the idea of what scares us (dressing up in costumes, watching scary movies, and telling ghost stories) but if you really want to prove you’re bold and brave, I challenge you to also take a look at those aspects of committed relationships that send scary chills up your spine!
Facing Frankenstein in one thing. Facing your fear of getting hurt again, or of losing your freedom, is another kind of monster to face entirely.
As a relationship expert, I know that, most often, the thing that stops a potentially fantastic relationship from finding it’s way … is fear. Fear is a powerful emotion; one that blinds you to truth, makes you freak out in conflict, and otherwise triggers you to fight or flee anytime things get even a little bit uncomfortable. That pesky Boogie-Man, named Fear, if not faced head on, will ruin a great relationship every time, killing your chances of finding (and sustaining) that happy, healthy, and deeply fulfilling love you desire.
So this spooky season, while you’re out there investigating dark corners, take some time to look inward and search out out the places where fear might be lurking in dark corners in your own heart. It’s time to stare down all that spooks you so that you can finally embrace a “real relationship” rather than running and hiding from it.
Here are some not-so-scary tips to help you get over your fear of love and commitment:
1. Accept Your "Warts" (And Your Partner's): Nobody is perfect and it is really hard to truly give love to someone else when you don't feel accepting and loving toward yourself. Everyone has flaws so show yourself a little mercy already. Start to practice self-acceptance within yourself and then turn that loving energy outward toward others.
2. Take Off Your Mask: So many people are afraid to be who they really are. But for love to work, you must be your true self. If someone doesn't like who you are, then they aren't the right partner for you. But how will you know if that special someone truly chooses you if you never reveal your honest, authentic self? Sure, it feels safer hiding behind masks, but once they finally come off, you'll have the confidence of knowing afterward that you are loved for you—not a false image you've created.
3. Come Out Of The Shadows: Though most of us want emotional intimacy, it's also scary being vulnerable. We're afraid of getting hurt and so we hide. However, most people find vulnerability very attractive in another person because only when you are open about your thoughts and feelings can you and your partner achieve true emotional connection.
4. Don't Be A Ghost: In order for a relationship to thrive, you have to spend real time together. In the beginning of your partnership, you happily invested that time, now—not so much. It's important that you still prioritise your relationship, as this lets your partner know that he or she matters. And, hello, just because you're physically there doesn't mean you're actually "there" (hint: put the smartphone down and pay attention to each other).
5. Give Lots Of Treats, Not Tricks: Your partner wants to feel respected and appreciated. So skip the head games and the nasty behaviour. Love needs positive energy, trust, and caring to thrive.
6. Beware Of Monsters In The Closet: We all have baggage from the past. And these can easily get triggered in our present day relationships. If something your partner does activates old hurt, pause and be brave enough to look at the real issue rather than making your mate the target of your upset.
7. Clean Away The Cobwebs: Just like no individual is perfect, no partnership is either. Somewhere along the line, there will be hurt, disappointment, etc. Don't let resentment or unresolved feelings collect in the corners of your relationship. Check in with one another and discuss any issues that still feel unresolved. Seek to understand where miscommunication or conflict has taken place. Now is the time to sweep that stuff out and let it go.
8. Seek New Thrills And Chills: Save your relationship from falling victim to the same old stale routine. Part of the fun of the season is engaging in pretend and role-play. Don't be afraid to mix things up by doing something a little different and daring. Bringing a little novelty into your relationship (and the bedroom) keeps the electricity between you sparking. So give your romance a playful jolt once in awhile.
9. R.I.P.: You can't give your best to your current relationship if you're still clinging to old ones. It's time to let old relationships go—in thought, in day-to-day life, and on social media. There's nothing more stomach-turning or scary to a new partner than constantly being compared to an old fling. Remember: you're alive and those old relationships are dead—let them rest in peace.