Thursday, 31 December 2015

10 Inspiring Quotes To Get You Pumped For The New Year

"A new year is all about starting afresh and realising your dreams.

Leave behind the demons of the past and look forward to a brand new start in 2016.

So, let’s raise a toast to a Happy New Year and even happier beginnings".

- Susan

GARY HERSHORN/REUTERS

10 Inspiring Quotes To Get You Pumped For The New Year

Not only is New Year's a time for celebration, but for many people, it is the perfect opportunity for self reflection and fresh beginnings.

In the coming days, new beginnings and transformation will be on the minds of many as they ring in 2016.

Though it is not normally advised to strive for unrealistic expectations, plenty of people will set their goals high for the new year.

JOHN MINCHILLO/A

Every year, thousands gather in Times Square to watch the annual ball drop and ring in the new year.

Here are some inspiring quotes to get you psyched and pumped up enough to get you through those 2016 resolutions:

On taking the good with the bad:

“In this world, there are a lot of things that are beyond our control; but what you do have control over is how you react to whatever happens in your life.”

—Oprah Winfrey

Keeping attainable expectations:

“We need to keep our faces steadily toward the sun. You can change the simile, to keep our eyes to the stars, but remember that our feet have got to be on the ground.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

On failure:

“Some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all — in which case, you fail by default.”

— J.K. Rowling

Overcoming adversity:

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

— Martin Luther King Jr.

On moving forward:

“Yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it — you can either run from it or learn from it.”

— Rafiki (voiced by Robert Guillaume) in the 1994 film, “The Lion King”

Susan Watts New York Daily News

New Year's numerals (the 1 and the 6) arrive in Times Square ahead of New Year's Eve on Dec. 15.

Recognising the difference between those who are and are not the real deal:

“When people show you who they are, believe them.”

-Maya Angelou

New beginnings:

“Let us make our future now and let us make today’s dreams tomorrow’s reality.”

— Malala Yousafzai

On making a difference:

“There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect.”

— Ronald Reagan

Making the most of your life:

“Your time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

— Steve Jobs

AARON007/GETTY IMAGES/ISTOCKPHOTO

Happy 2016!

Hats off to the new year:

“Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book.

Write a good one.”

— Brad Paisley via Twitter on Dec. 31, 2009

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Wednesday, 30 December 2015

9 Types of People Who Will Never Get Married

As surprising as it may seem, not everybody wants to get married. There are certain types of people who are not marriage material because they will never make great, dedicated partners. If you have reservations about your partner, it’s best to address them now to save yourself from heartache down the road. Sadly, so many of us marry these types of people anyway (the ones we have reservations about) and find out later, rather than sooner, that we shouldn’t have married them to begin with. Sometimes, you just have to go with your gut.

Maybe more of us are listening to our guts and opting not to marry those who we know aren’t really marriage material. According to Pew Research, as reported by Time, 25% of millennials will never get married, and the research organisation predicts that more and more folks under the age of 35 will be single forever. So why aren’t people getting married anymore? According to the data, there are three main reasons people gave for their singleness: 30% say that they haven’t found the right person, 27% say they aren’t financially stable enough, and 22% say they are not ready to settle down.

Worried your partner might not be marriage material? Here’s what to look for.

1. The Flake

This is someone who seems to weave in and out of your life and is never really able to commit, even though your chemistry is undeniable. It would be really hard to nail this person down. Author Brenda Della Casa ofCinderella Was a Liar: The Real Reason You Can’t Find (or Keep) a Prince speaks about this kind of person, both male and female. “They might tell you to be patient or to ‘trust’ them, but you’re probably feeling more anxiety than butterflies,” she says. “You have an instinct for a reason and it’s OK to trust and protect yourself in relationships. Those who want to be with you will make adjustments and those who want to be with you out of convenience will fall by the wayside when you set strong boundaries in place.”

2. The too-much-too-soon person

Source: iStock

You’ve been dating for two weeks and you already feel like you’re being overwhelmed. It’s not a good thing when one party dives into the relationship too soon — things take time to develop. Amy Van Doran, New York City-based matchmaker and founder of The Modern Love Club, breaks down this type of person: “What’s the rush here? If it’s real, you are not going anywhere. This excitement is less about you, and more about their insecurities and who they are as a person,” she said.

“It’s a red flag when they are too effusive with their words and their actions before they get to know you as a person. The second you share their excitement, the whirlwind has already passed and they are onto their next romantic conquest. Time is the best indicator for who a person actually is.”

3. The incredibly selfish person

Your romantic partner should be supportive and at least indulge in listening to whatever your gripes are. If you’re getting the sense that your partner doesn’t care or is not being totally supportive, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. Dating coach Jeffrey Platts explains: “This is really about all forms of giving.”

He adds: “Is he generous with his compliments? Does she listen to you when you’re having a rough day? Overall, do you feel that he or she is your absolute biggest fan and cheerleader? And just as important as giving, are they able to pause and fully receive whatever you’re giving? If not, what’s the point? It takes a healthy self-esteem to openly give or receive an expression of love or support — and you need that in a partner.”

4. The Critic

Source: Thinkstock

Your partner is not supposed to be critical of you, and is supposed to accept your flaws and weird habits as part of you. Critics are only concerned with what they want and how they want you to change in order to fit that mould of their “ideal” you.

“Initially, their stubbornness and convictions might seem attractive — it’s hot when someone knows who they are and what they want,” said Julie Nguyen, a matchmaker at The Modern Love Club in New York City. “Those qualities start to turn ugly when you realise there’s no room for what you want. These critics demand things to be done a certain way, their way. Real relationships are negotiated by compromise, empathy and the capacity to want to understand where the other person is coming from.”

5. The Sidekick

You may think that having a partner who agrees with you all the time and never fusses over anything and allows you to take the lead with everything is the equivalent of discovering lost jewels in the pyramids of Ancient Egypt; you’ve really hit on something undiscovered and rare. However, Nguyen says you want a partner who is willing to compromise, not someone who sits on the sidelines and agrees and allows you to lead on every decision you make as a couple.

“Instead of delving inwards, this type of person intensely picks up your hobbies, follows your passions and does whatever you want to do,” she explained. “In the beginning, it’s easy and flattering to have someone like you without much effort. However as the relationship progresses, it becomes unfulfilling when you start to realise there’s no challenge in the partnership because the other person has nothing else to offer. You need a partner, not a sidekick.”

6. The Narcissist

Source: iStock

The narcissistic partner requires you to do things his or her way at all times. It would be a long, tedious life with someone who has this particular quality; this is a trait you should avoid when looking for a long-term partner, Della Casa said.

“This is someone who has the inability to empathise with those around them,” she said. “Think about being in a relationship with a narcissist for a minute: Any time you’re hurt, need support or count on them to consider how you might feel — they won’t be there for you. No real understanding, no sincere apologies, no consideration. That’s definitely not the relationship you want.”

7. The Job Hopper

Although you can’t write someone off for being in the middle of a career change, you can if they’re constantly hopping from job to job. Whether due to getting fired or quitting, it can signal a much larger problem, says Della Casa.

“It showcases an inability to make a long-term commitment to something and also gives some insight into their value system,” she said. “Whether their movement stems from a sense of entitlement, a lack of self worth or an inability to work well with others, that negative behaviour or trait will ultimately find its way into your relationship.”

8. The Over-Reactor

Source: iStock

All couples fight. In fact, disagreements can sometimes show that you care about the relationship. The problem arises when one partner over-reacts and doesn’t fight fair, flipping out at the first sign of a disagreement. “Both partners need to have to the emotional skill of hold space for the other’s feelings and perspectives,” says Platt.

Platt adds: “It’s a big red flag if the person blows up at the first sign of fight and threatens to end the relationship. Our emotional triggers are opportunities to explore our emotions and grow closer, not automatic reasons to question your compatibility or the relationship. The question to ask is: ‘Do I feel safe to express myself, even during the heated and stressful moments? And does my partner feel the same?’ And if the answer is no, find out why.”

9. The Lone-Wolf

Having a life outside your relationship is both healthy and essential; you shouldn’t be dependent upon your partner for everything. However, if your partner drops hints that he or she doesn’t need you, that is your exit cue, says Van Doran.

“The truth is, a little dependency in a relationship is not a bad thing,” she said. “All humans crave connection and a relationship, it’s an innate need for people. The overly independent person might say that they want a relationship but won’t actually make the space in their life for two people. No matter what, you can’t fit in because they won’t let you get closer. The more you need… the further you push them away. Ultimately, you don’t want to deal with that kind of emotional distance in a relationship.”

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Tuesday, 29 December 2015

10 Things Every Guy Has Thought During Sex

Both male and females have a lot of insecurities regarding sex, these can be resolved through better communication with each other. Being honest and open to talk about any issues that arise makes for a happier sex life. BUT SOMETIMES EASIER SAID THAN DONE1" - Susan

10 Things Every Guy Has Thought During Sex

You know, besides this is awesome!

You might think the inside of a man's brain sounds like the buzz of a broken fluorescent lightbulb. Not true. In my humble view, the brain cells of men work like pistons, constantly firing—just like yours. Some of the internal dialogue they produce is quite sophisticated ("Why, I detect rose hip and cardamom in this rare Flemish beer!"), while other times, they send us in pursuit of life's simpler pleasures ("boobs, boobs,boobs...").

Sex is one of the simpler moments. In the presence of a naked woman, a man's mind becomes pretty predictable. Here are 10 thoughts that have probably crossed your guy's mind at least once while doing the deed:

So, um, was that an orgasm? When men orgasm, you know it. It's a whole thing. To leave no doubt, we collapse as if we just ran a marathon. So you can understand our confusion when, after you orgasm, you just keep on going like you're the freakin' Duracell bunny. Should we keep going? Should we wrap it up? WHAT DO WE DO?!

Damn! I forgot to shower. Let me take this moment to apologise to every woman who's ever caught a whiff of musky body odour during sex. We planned to rinse off an hour ago, but we were probably too tired or lazy at the time, and then we got distracted by the prospect of sex. We're not proud of it.

My god, these are perfect! From a man's perspective, the best breast sin the world are those that have recently been exposed solely for his enjoyment. If you happen to possess those breasts, just know that we're thoroughly impressed.

I should really remember this for later. Sometimes you're not available when we're in the mood and we have to go it solo. For those moments, it pays to have fond memories of your naked body to guide us. (I'm talking masturbation, people.)

"Take me out to the ballgame, take me out to the crowd …" When I was younger, a friend told me that by playing the "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" song inside my head, I could fight off an impending climax. And no joke, it worked. The song is so unsexy that it totally kills the orgasm reflex and allows the sex to continue. I doubt every guy sings this song in particular, but you can bet he has some non-sexy thought that he uses to consciously fend off a big O.

Play it cool, play it cool, play it cool. You know that scene in Ghost when Patrick Swayze is seducing Demi Moore over a pottery wheel? The guy doesn't make a single wrong move! He navigates some pretty precarious territory with that wet clay and then manages to successfully move the action to the bed without doing anything clumsy. You don't see him rolling on his back trying pull his socks off, or struggling with the finicky little clasp on the back of her bra. He's smooth from the first scene to the last, and that's what all us guys are shooting for. We want you to think we're totally in charge, even when we're not.

Keep it up! Occasionally, things go very wrong and a guy's flagpole doesn't seem to want to raise higher than half mast. Stress and booze are the common culprits, but whatever the reason, it sucks to disappoint you. In these situations, letting us know your feelings aren't hurt can go a long way, and you can bet we'll bounce back hard the next time—no pun intended.

I wonder if she'd be cool if I tried ______? Every guy has his own bag of tricks—some we've tried and others we've just thought about. Maybe your guy's fighting the urge to playfully slap your ass or bite your nipple. Or maybe he wishes he could finish somewhere a little, um, out of the box, but he isn't sure if that's even a thing that normal people do. So he doesn't do it. Bottom line: If you're up for trying something new in bed, let him know. The experimentation can go as far as you want to take it.

Where did she learn THAT?! On that note, a guy's obviously not going to complain if you pull out a brand new bedroom move yourself (especially if you try something from our ultimate hot sex bucket list). That said, if it comes out of nowhere and it's not something you've previously spoken about, he's definitely wondering where the inspiration came from (Did she read that in a magazine? See it in porn? Learn it from her last boyfriend?) Don't worry, we're usually just happy to be a part of the sexual experiment.

THAT. JUST. HAPPENED. We may not show it afterward (again—we're acting smooth like Swayze), but we're pretty damn excited. The emails that need to be sent, the yard that needs to be mowed, the packages that need to go to the post office—none of that matters. We have a hot woman in our arms and our brain is stewing in a bath of feel-good hormones. Few moments in life can compare.

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Monday, 28 December 2015

14 Things Every Woman Has Thought During Sex

"Hands up ladies who can relate to this?

For women sex is different than it is for men, as soon as the clothes come off their brains go into overdrive. So at this point the job of the male is to read her mind and bring her to the mind blowing climax she deserves. Good Luck with that one'" - Susan

14 Things Every Woman Has Thought During Sex

You know your mind has gone there, too.

Even during an intensely passionate hookup, it's normal for your mind to occasionally wander. Let us know how many of these random thoughts you can check off:

"Huh, well that is not what I expected." All those myths about being able to decipher penis size by a guy's feet or hands? All lies. Raise your hand if you've ever been completely caught off guard by what a man whipped out. Yeah, who hasn't?

"I cannot believe I spent $89 on this lingerie and he didn't even glance at it before taking it off." The store should offer refunds for inattentive boyfriends. That's it—it's all cotton all the way from here on out. Ugh, that's a lie…we love pretty lingerie.

"Wait, he wants me to put the condom on?" Is there even a way to do that sexily? This feels like a trap. Ninth grade health class, don't fail me now.

"Wow, he really knows what he's doing—I wonder who taught him that?" Hey, you can't help but get a little curious when a guy is really amazing with his hands, mouth, or hips. They must have had an ex-girlfriend somewhere along the line who was awesome at giving constructive criticism. We should find her and buy her a drink.

"Is this dude seriously not going to return the favour?" Sure, pleasing your partner is incredibly hot, but it's usually not an entirely selfless move. You know the saying, "It's better to give than to receive?" Well they weren't talking about blowjobs.

"I bet Jon Hamm would be crazy-hot in bed." Hey, a fantasy is a fantasy! As long as you don't accidentally blurt this one out, we'd say there's no harm done.

"Nope, that's not my clitoris…Yeah, that's not it either." Come on guys, it's not like finding Bigfoot. Sure, it's tiny, but it stays in one place—pretty much the same place on every woman. I feel like you're making this harder than it needs to be.

"So…remind me again what to do with his balls?" Experts and real men agree that his boys are craving some attention. But they're so…confusing. Maybe it's all those years of being told not to play with fragile things as children.

"Wait—was that my phone?" Text or email? Or was it an alert? Did I forget to send out that report today?! WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW?

"OK, that's definitely a move he saw in porn." We're all about experimenting and trying new positions, but there are certain requests or contortions that are so obviously coming from a clip he watched earlier.

"No, no, no don't finish yet!" It's just a cruel joke that men are generally able to orgasm more quickly than women. Even with a warm-up, we may not hit the finish line before they do. And why is it always right when you're getting into an omg-this-feels-amazing groove that the guy is right there. Oh well, there's always round two.

"Well, actually now this is taking a while and I have stuff to do." There's also the flip side to timing issues, when you're totally satisfied and your partner is the one holding up the show. We know we should be patient—just like we'd want them to be—but come on, we told you not to have that fourth beer.

*Radio Silence* We may be thinking about a whole lot during the act, but a body-tingling orgasm usually puts a lid on that pretty quickly. Seriously, one study found that the part of your brain involved in fear and anxiety just shuts down when you climax. Hey, we don't need to know exactly what's going on up there—we just know it felt amazeballs.

"How are you asleep already?!" Is the human penis somehow involved in sleep regulation? How is this even possible? I'm not even mad—I'm impressed.

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Thursday, 24 December 2015

The Reactions That Can Make (or Break) a Relationship

Source: iStock

The Reactions That Can Make (or Break) a Relationship

By Sheiresa Ngo

Relationships require a delicate balance of love, respect, and admiration. Part of maintaining that balance is remaining aware of how you react during communication. You can choose a positive, negative, or neutral response, and punctuate those responses with verbal and non-verbal cues. You may not think very much about how you respond, but reactions can have a significant impact on the health of your relationship.

Predicting relationship failure

Psychologist John Gottman investigated the impact of seemingly innocent exchanges. He asserts these exchanges, which he calls bids, can more accurately predict the success or failure of a relationship than arguments. Gottman says these exchanges are more than words; they are emotional signals. The way you react to a bid or signal can make or break your relationship. You can either bid positively, negatively, or in a neutral manner (what Gottman refers to as bidding toward, against, or turning away). He found that the more often couples chose to bid toward, the less likely they were to divorce. Licensed Mental Health Counselor Zach Brittle gave this example:

To understand turning, you have to first understand bids. A bid is any gesture — verbal or nonverbal — for some sort of positive connection with your partner. Bids can be simple or complex and can represent a request for conversation, humor, affection, support, or simply for attention. Most are actually pretty easy to spot and respond to: “How do I look?” “Can you pass the guacamole?” “Will you help me change the bedspread?” Other bids are more complicated: “Want to go to yoga with me?” “Let’s learn how to play the guitar.” “Do you feel like fooling around?”

How you can improve your communication

Source: iStock

Gottman says a marriage can be a success if a couple learns to balance their negative and positive feelings about each other, rather than letting negative thoughts consume them:

What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple. Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage. … The more emotionally intelligent a couple — the better able they are to understand, honor, and respect each other and their marriage — the more likely that they will indeed live happily ever after.

In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman outlines seven key principles that can help a couple grow closer and stay together:

1. Enhance your love maps

A love map is what Gottman calls the part of your brain that remembers the details of your partner’s likes and dislikes. He also refers to it as making cognitive room for your relationship. Gottman says it’s important to continue to keep note of what is important to your partner so that you can stay connected:

They remember the major events in each other’s history, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse’s world change. When she orders him a salad, she knows to ask for his dressing on the side. If she works late, he’ll tape her favorite TV show because he knows which one it is and when it’s on…They know each other’s goals in life, each other’s worries, each other’s hopes.

2. Nurture fondness and admiration

Maintain a sense of awe and admiration for your partner. Always try to find something to love about him or her. Look for ways to remind yourself why you fell in love.

“If a couple still have a functioning fondness and admiration system, their marriage is salvageable,” said Gottman. “Fondness and admiration are two of the most critical elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance…They cherish each other, which is critical to keeping their Sound Relationship House intact and preventing betrayal.”

3. Turn toward each other instead of away

Include your partner in your day-to-day life. Learn to relish the seemingly unimportant activities in life together. For example, instead of leaving your partner to watch the news alone, join him or her on the couch and just snuggle in each other’s arms. Gottman says this is essential to forming a connection:

Couples who engage in lots of such interaction tend to remain happy. What’s really occurring in these brief exchanges is that the husband and wife are connecting — they are human beings turning toward each other. Couples who do so are building mutual trust. Those who don’t are likely to lose their way.

4. Let your partner influence you

Source: iStock

Work together as a team and show respect for each other. Also learn to see both sides during an argument and master the art of compromise. Gottman emphasizes that for a relationship to thrive, a couple must form a partnership:

Accepting influence doesn’t mean never expressing negative emotions toward your partner…the problem comes when even mild dissatisfaction on the wife’s part is met by a barrage from her husband that, instead of toning down or at the most matching her degree of negativity (yelling back, complaining, etc.), goes beyond it.

5. Solve your solvable problems

Learn to work on issues in your marriage that can be easily solved. When you let problems fester, resentment will build over time. This can lead to the slow erosion of your relationship. Said Gottman, “Even making just a small and generic shift in the trajectory of your marriage can have a dramatic, positive effect over time. The catch, of course, is that you have to build on the change and keep it going. Improving your marriage is a kind of journey.”

6. Overcome gridlock

Take time to identify what is stalling progress in your relationship. Gottman asserts that gridlock occurs in a union when one has unfulfilled dreams. He says sometimes marriages hit a bump in the road when partners are not addressing or respecting each other’s life dreams.

“It’s natural to make the fundamental error of assuming that the distance and loneliness are all your partner’s fault. In truth, they are nobody’s fault. In order to break the pattern, you both need to admit playing some role (however slight at first),” advised Gottman.

7. Create shared meaning

Draw one another closer by creating your own rituals and special times that belong only to you. Create your own space separate from the hustle and bustle of this harsh world. Provide each other with a sense of comfort and safety. Upon coming home, you partner should feel there is no other place he or she would rather be.

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Follow Sheiresa on Twitter @SheiresaNgo

Thursday, 31 December 2015