Between taking a good profile picture, wading through creepers, and trying to decide who isn’t going to murder you should you meet up, online dating is hard. Thankfully, the folks at dating site OnMutualTerms.com are here to help make online dating a little less challenging by compiling a list of the least attractive phrases for online dating profiles. If you happen to have any of the following un-sexy phrases in your profile, I won’t tell anyone while you go run and change it.
OnMutualTerms.com set out to find what makes a dating profile unpopular and help other users avoid making the same mistakes. They defined “least popular profiles” by looking at people who had three date offers or less in the span of two months on the site — not people who had actually gone on three or fewer dates in two months (because that kind of seems like a lot, at least to me), but people who’d been asked out. From there, they looked at what those people wrote on their profiles, and compiled the phrases that appeared the most often. What do these phrases have in common? You probably could have guessed it: they’re extremely cliche. Trust me, I know that writing about yourself — especially in an alluring manner — is really hard, but there are certain things we all need to stay away from on our profiles. Take note.
1. “Over the bar scene.”I mean, if you’re online dating in the first place, it stands to reason that you’re no longer looking to meet your soulmate over pickleback shots at the bar. That being said, saying you’re “over the bar scene” sounds really negative and kind of makes you sound like you’re no fun to be around. Just sayin’.
2. “Too busy to meet someone.”So you’re too busy to meet someone, but the people reading your profile are supposed to believe that somehow, you miraculously won’t be too busy to maintain a relationship? Pass.
3. “I can’t believe I’m online dating.”
Somebody get Negative Nancy over here a reality check: online dating is not a big deal anymore, and nobody’s here to judge you. At least, nobody on an online dating site is going to judge you for using said online dating site. Quit acting like you’re too good for online dating because here you are.
4. “Looking for The One.”While I understand the merits of specifying that you’re not just looking to mess around, there’s got to be a better way to say it that isn’t so classic Schmosby. Like, come on.
5. “Tired of games.”Okay, nobody likes games. Sure, some of us may put up with them (at least initially) but nobody out there is like, “Sure! Mess around with my head and emotions! I just love that!”
6. “Moonlit walks on the beach.”
Do you also like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, and cliches that are more tired than my grandpa after Thanksgiving dinner? Does anybody even go on moonlit walks on the beach, or are they just a myth?
7. “I live life to the fullest.”
I would love to meet a person who would readily admit that they are sitting on the couch, waiting for life to pass them by. Again, c’mon son. This is meaningless, and you’re contemplating putting down that you “live life to the fullest” you probably shouldn’t put anything at all.
8. “Want to be swept off my feet.”Don’t we all, though? Is this even worth stating?
9. “I work hard and play hard.”…Okay, Wiz Khalifa. You’re not in college anymore, chill out with the “work hard, play hard” thing.
10. “I want the total package.”
Again…doesn’t everybody? Sure, we all want that brilliant model who’s rich and successful and only has eyes for us, but that’s not realistic. Nobody’s perfect, why would you put it out there that you’re only willing to accept perfection?
I feel like in general, a rule of thumb is “If you’ve heard it a million times and it appears in a dozen bad romantic comedies, stay away.” Use your judgment. If you have to ask yourself if it sounds lame, it probably does.
But while I agree with the advice that we should avoid making these unoriginal statements on our dating profiles, I wonder if these phrases showed up again and again in the least popular dating profiles because everyone is using them not just the unpopular folk. I would venture a guess that the most popular dating profiles — and in fact all dating profiles on the site — contain frequent uses of these tired tropes.