Tuesday, 30 June 2015

25 Beliefs Every Man Needs to Have About Women and Life

25 Beliefs Every Man Needs to Have About Women and Life by Sebastian Harris

What do you believe in? I am sure you believe in something. Every man does. The only problem is that a lot of men in today’s day and age believe in things that are completely wrong and that are in no way beneficial to their personal development.

We live in a time in which the mainstream media does everything they can to pull men and women apart. We live in a time in which women are conditioned to believe that men are nothing but disposable ATMs. We live in a time in which you are a hero when you make fun of men and a villain if you make the same joke about women.

Even though it is understandable that this development led to a community of men who decide to live their life without women, I wouldn’t say that a life without women and without any love and sex is a life worth living.

In order to live a happy and fulfilled life we men need women, whether we accept it or not. I have never met a guy who was truly fulfilled in his life, who hadn’t had at least one beautiful woman in his life. You deserve an amazing life and you deserve gorgeous women.

What’s the secret to a happy life and successful relationships with women? Instead of believing all the negative things that our society wants you to believe, it is time to believe the things that have the power to transform your life into a never-ending adventure.

1. Life is Full of Possibilities

Some women will reject you. So what? Some people will become jealous and hateful as soon as you become successful. So what? We live in a world that makes it so easy to bring other people down, but we also live in a world of endless possibilities.

Due to the fact that you are reading this article I simply assume that you have an electronic device that allows you to open websites and that you have a working internet connection. Congratulations, you are not homeless and you have even enough money to buy luxury products, such as laptops or smartphones.

You can do whatever you want with your life. A poor Filipino street child who will never be able to read this article doesn’t have the same possibilities as you have.

2. Happiness Comes From Within

Are you ready for the shocking truth? A woman can never make you happy. Having amazing women in your life can increase your happiness level, but only if you were already happy before.

Do you really think that a beautiful, emotionally healthy and self-confident woman wants to date a completely miserable guy? No, you can only attract the things or people into your life that your energy allows you to attract.

The sooner you accept that true happiness comes from within, the sooner you will be able to attract a woman who makes you even happier.

3. A Man Needs Women to Feel Like a Man

You can try to talk yourself into believing that you don’t need women in your life as much as you want, your subconscious mind will never believe you. We are biologically programmed to want sex and we only feel like real men once we had the pleasure to be inside a woman.

Stop lying to yourself and stop pretending that you don’t care when you see guys who have beautiful girlfriends. Admit that you also want to have beautiful women in your life and do everything in your power to learn how to seduce them.

4. Self-Confidence is Key

Before you go out and approach the first woman you have to work on your self-confidence. No expensive car, not fancy job title and no trophy girl can replace real self-confidence.

Developing self-confidence is absolutely essential if you want to become successful in anything in life. You need skills to become successful, but without the necessary self-confidence you will never try to become successful, even though you might have all the potential in the world.

If you come from a place of love, she will be a lot more willing to love you, than if you come from a place of anger, hate and resentment.

5. Loving Women is Important

Do you love women? The more comments I read on popular manoshpere blogs, the more I get the feeling that there are a lot of men out there who hate women. If you really hate women you will never have the seduction success you truly want.

You might be able to attract emotionally unstable girls with severe daddy issues but you won’t attract the fun and life-affirming women that are good for you. Women are very sensitive and the moment they see you they instantly feel where you come from.

6. I Have Feelings

Every man has feelings. Unfortunately, a lot of young guys are so brainwashed by this whole alpha movement that they start to believe that a strong man is a man without feelings. Just because you suppress your feelings and just because you pretend to be an emotionless rock, doesn’t mean that you are strong.

The truly strong men are the ones who accept their emotions and who are confident enough to show their vulnerable side to women. Accept that you have feelings and show them in an authentic way. This is way more attractive than walking around as the strong alpha man who doesn’t have any emotions.

7. Being Authentic is Better than Being Fake

There is a saying that women can fake orgasms but men can fake whole relationships. Even though I hate stereotypical sayings, I have to admit that this one is true. So many men try to impress women with things that they don’t have or with behavior that doesn’t represent who they really are.

You might be able to fake it for the first few dates, but if you end up in a relationship with a girl she will sooner or later find out who you really are. The moment she finds out that you pretended to be someone you are not is the moment she decides to leave you.

Be real, be authentic and you will attract the women who love you for who you are.

8. No One Cares About Me

“No one cares about me!”

How can this be a positive belief? I know that it sounds quite frustrating but accepting the fact that (nearly) nobody cares about you can be very liberating.

No one really cares if you are successful. That means you can finally stop caring what other people think and start your own business.

No one cares if you approach the women in the red dress or not. Your fears of being judged and being looked at are completely irrational. Nobody freaking cares. Walk up to her and say “hi”!

You can do whatever you want, because 99% of the people won’t even witness what you do.

9. Success Attracts Haters

Don’t quit, just because someone hates you for what you do. I write about foreign dating and seductionand if I would quit whenever someone tells me that he doesn’t like what I do, I would have given up on my dreams before I even started.

Success attracts haters.

As soon as you will have the slightest success in any area of your life, there will be people who are jealous and who will hate you for what you do. They only do this because you show them their own failure.

Letting those haters dictate your life will lead you straight into misery.

10. I Will Lose Friends

Do you know that you will lose friends?

Maybe I should formulate this question a little bit different.

Do you know that you will lose friends if you want to improve yourself?

A man like you, who wants to improve his dating life and his life in general, will lose one or two friends along the way. This is an inevitable process. Everyone has one or two people in his social circle who will try to put him down as soon as he tries to reach the top.

Get rid of those false friends and make some room for new friends.

11. I Will Get New Friends

Saying that it is lonely at the top is not really true. The only difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that the people who reached a certain level of success got rid of the negative people.

For every false friend you lose their will be two amazing new friends who enrich your life.

12. Women are Not Stupid

Whenever I talk about dating and seduction with a group of men, there is always one guy in the group who thinks that all women are stupid and naïve girls who can be tricked into bed so easily. It is not surprising that the same guy who says things like that is the one who has no girlfriend.

Women are not stupid.

In fact, when it comes to emotional intelligence and being aware of emotional conditions, they are often better than us. Sorry guys, but that’s the truth. If you still think that women are stupid, you should probably rethink why you always end up dating the dumb girls.

13. Unhappy Women Make Me Unhappy

Stay away from emotionally unstable women. If you disregard this advice I can guarantee you that you will end up miserable. I know from my own experience how life-sucking it is to be together with a depressed and anxious woman.

I even have someone in my social circle who is together with a woman who can only survive the day with the right dose of antidepressants. Do your emotional, financial and your physical health a favor and stay away from those women.

14. I Only Take Advice from People Who Have Done What I Want to Do

When I made the decision to overcome my fears and to seduce amazing women, I was so enthusiastic about this topic, that I asked friends and family for advice. Back then I had no experience with women and I was stupid enough to believe in the advice they gave me.

Today I wouldn’t make the same mistake again. No matter what you want to accomplish, only ask people for advice who have already done what you want to do. You also wouldn’t ask a homeless person how to become a millionaire.

15. Women Love Sex

Women are innocent little angels who only use sex to end up in relationships, right? Wrong!

Women love sex. If you don’t believe me, look at a female body. Women have a clitoris and the only reason why this thing exists is because it allows them to feel sexual pleasure.

The belief that women only use sex to end up in a relationship is one of the biggest misbeliefs in the history of dating advice. Women love sex. They love it with strangers, in open relationship and sometimes even in monogamous relationship, at least when they are together with a man who knows how to satisfy them.

16. Women are Attracted to Dominant Leaders

In case you live in a Western country you have probably heard that every woman should be in a leadership position. Well, even if you are dating a woman who leads a team of ten people at work, she for sure doesn’t want to be the leader in the relationship with you.

Don’t be one of those guys who believe that just because a woman is independent and dominant at work, she also wants to be dominant in bed. The happiest relationships are the ones where the dominant male energy and the submissive female energy are in balance.

Women want dominant men who have leadership qualities. Don’t be afraid to lead her in the bedroom, just because she leads people at work.

17. Most Women are Constantly Horny and Lonely

When I started with approaching women I believed that I would offend girls by giving them direct compliments and that I would disturb them with my approach. I was so wrong.

The more women I approached, the more I realized that they nearly always smiled when I told them that they were beautiful and that a lot of the girls who were single were happy to put their number into my phone.

I once had a date with a model who told me that she hadn’t had sex in five months. Believe it or not but the most beautiful women are very lonely and extremely horny. Do them a favor and approach them.

18. I am What I Do

Who are you? To a certain extent you are what you do. If you are wasting your precious time in front of the TV eating chocolate cake, you are a lazy guy who probably won’t attract amazing women into his life.

If you, however, spend your time with traveling, working on interesting projects and doing what you really love to do, you are an attractive man who is able to effortlessly attract women.

19. Porn is Poison

Do you feel like a real man when you hold your dick in your hand while you are watching one porn movie after another? Do you feel satisfied when you ejaculate in a tissue paper while you are watching another guy having sex with a hot girl?

Porn is poison and it destroys your motivation to meet women and it can be a major reason for social anxiety. Quit watching other guys having sex with women and start overcoming your fears, so that you can have sex with real women.

20. I Date Who I Want

What if some people think that you are a sex tourist because you are dating an Asian girl? Who cares!

What if some people think that you are a weirdo because you are dating an older woman? Who cares!

Don’t let other people tell you who you should date. No matter what someone else says, it is your choice if you want to date Asian, white, or black women and it is your choice if you are looking for girls who are ten years older or ten years younger than you.

21. I Date How I Want

Unfortunately, there are still some people who will stare at you like a deer that stares into headlights, when you tell them that you don’t live in a traditional monogamous relationship.

I am in an open relationship with an amazing woman and I am still traveling the world in search of unforgettable sexual experiences. I know what it means to get judged for the relationship model that I prefer.

As long as you and the girl you are with agree upon the relationship model you want to live in, you shouldn’t worry about what other people think about you.

Monogamy, open relationships or no relationship at all…it is your choice.

22. If I Don’t Do It Now I’ll Regret it Later

One day I will get out of my toxic relationship!

One day I will travel the world and experience incredible adventures!

One day I will overcome all my fears and seduce the women I always dream of!

For most people this magical one day will never come. Don’t make the same mistake. Do what you want to do and do it now.

23. Life is too Short to Dance with Fat Chicks

Besides achieving certain things, your main goal in life is most likely happiness and fulfillment. I already said that having women in your life is essential if you want to feel as a real man, but what’s even more important is that you have the right women in your life.

Ending up in bed or in a relationship with a girl who you are neither physically nor emotionally attracted to won’t bring you any fulfillment. Always remember life is to short to dance with the fat chicks..

24. I am Responsible for my Own Life

There is only one person who is responsible for your life and this person is you. Neither your parents, nor your teachers are responsible for your life.

You are the only person who can make yourself happy and you are the only one who can make all the important choices that either lead your life in the right direction or in the wrong direction.

25. I Always Have two Choices

You always have two choices in life. No matter which situation you are in, you can either do something to improve yourself, or you can stay the way you are.

You can either decide to learn how to seduce women and eventually end up with the girl of your dreams, or you can decide to not do anything and to waste one year after another.

All you have to do to achieve everything you want is to make a simple decision.

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Thursday, 25 June 2015

10 Super Honest Reasons Men Looove (And Appreciate) Your Boobs

Here's why your dynamic duo tops their list of favorite things.

As you're well-aware, the love affair between men and female boobs goes back centuries, perhaps even to the beginning of time; (before chomping on the apple, Adam may not have known the full significance of Eve's frontal accoutrements — but he knew what he liked.) Guys go out of their way to get a glimpse of breasts at every opportunity. Some spend obscene amounts of hard-earned cash just to watch nubile hotties bare their bounteous assets in seedy, sweaty, prurient palaces, ironically referred to as, "gentlemen’s clubs." Such is their complete infatuation with the blessed bosom.

But why this utter devotion? And what specifically draws them to your mellifluous mammaries? Read on as I offer 10 reasons into man's magnificent obsession.

1. We like how your breasts look. Contrary to what you may think, regardless of size, we find your boobs fascinating. Whether they're large and luxurious or small and sporty, we're hot for your hooters. And while men may have an individual preference for a particular sizeor shape, overwhelmingly, we're enticed by your charms — be they pendulous or pert, pouty or protuberant.

2. We like how they feel. It's hard to say specifically why they feel so nice, but nonetheless,they do. Really! Touch them and feel for yourself. There's nothing else quite like them. So, if ever presented the opportunity, we can't resist putting our hands (or other body parts) on them (with your consent, of course) whenever they're in the neighborhood.

3. We like to watch them dance. Almost as much as seeing and touching them, we like to watch them in motion. The way they shake when you move, bobble when you walk, or bounce when you jump, they command our attention almost as much as a half-court shot at the buzzer (and you know how we love our basketball). And women jumping on trampolines … well, that just reaffirms our belief in Heaven.

4. We like how they work as a team. Some things are just meant to come in pairs: socks, shoes, even fang marks from your favorite Twilight hunk. And your "girls" are a member of this wonderfully co-dependent group. While they're individually lovely, together they create one of nature's most awesome vistas — cleavage.

5. We like them as a pillow. Life is tough. And at the end of a day in the trenches of adulthood, nothing is as comforting a resting place for our weary heads as the, ready-made cushion of your bosom. Cradled in the calming warmth of your natural upholstery, we can relax and regroup. Bringing a true sense of rejuvenation, allowing us to face the world anew,with our spirit magically restored.

6. We like them as a handle. Face it; there are some sexual positions where your breasts are perfectly placed to help us hold on as things heat up. And though we often don't absolutely need to hold onto them to prevent us from falling off the bed, (or worse, losing our rhythm,) why leave them out of our love-play? After all, they're a treasured part of your anatomy, and we don't want them to feel neglected. Men are extraordinarily considerate that way.

7. We like them as an information system. Now, to your nipples. Oh, how we love them. Not only for their inherent beauty — perfectly accessorizing your fashionable frontage — but also for their incredible communication skills. When you're clothed and we see them, they tell us you're bra-less (or at least wearing a very sheer, sexy bra). When they stand erect, they tell us you're either experiencing a chill or very happy to see us (or someone else), or both. But thing one thing remains constant: when they talk, we listen!

8. We like their mystery. From the time we first become aware of them, breasts fascinate us; not only what we see, but what we don't see, as well. We spend an untold numbers of hours imagining what those beautifully, mysterious, mounds under your clothing actually look like. And when they're finally beheld "in the flesh," we're rarely disappointed.

Although, afterwards the particular mystery of what your breasts look like has finally been solved, there are billions more as-yet-unseen breasts for us to ponder and speculate about. Ah, sweet mystery of life.

9. We like their curviness. Ideally anyway, men are angular, hard and defined. Our shape (when we're "in shape," that is) is not given to graceful curves or comforting cushiness. Women, on the other hand, are naturally more curvaceous; something we greatly appreciate. And the soft swell of your breasts perfectly enhance the rest of the feminine figure. In other words, you're curvy where we're flat … and viva la difference!

10. We like how they make us feel better. I'm sure you're aware of studies that have definitively shown that people who have pets live longer, healthier lives. What you may not know is that recent findings indicate that looking at breasts for as little as fifteen minutes a day actually has a similar, healthy and longevity-enhancing impact on men. Now, I'm certainly not comparing women's breasts to our furry family friends. (Although we do like when either are nuzzled up against us or are available for petting.)

But, it's exciting to learn that it is now scientifically proven that beholding your up-top attributes on a daily basis can add years to our lives … in addition to adding a spring to our step. You just gotta love science!

Well, if you had any doubts about how strongly guys feel about your breasts, I hope I've eliminated them. We love 'em, cherish 'em, can't get enough of 'em. And luckily for us, they're attached to one of the few things in this world that we love, value and desire even more than them — you.

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Wednesday, 24 June 2015

4 Reasons Why Women Love to Date Confident Guys

Single ladies often complain of how tough dating can be, how they meet Indirect, passive men who have no solid plan, no clear intentions, and make dating feel exhausting instead of fun.

Chicago based Psychotherapist and owner of Skylight Counseling Center, David Klow, says that , “women like direct men the same way a salsa dancer likes a good lead. When there is clarity and direction, she feels relaxed. If she can’t trust his movements, they step on one another’s toes. If he is direct and clear in his leadership, however, everyone wins.”

Erica Gordon of AskMen lists 4 main reasons women love dating direct, confident men:

The Direct Man Doesn't Cause Unnecessary Stress:Dating should be fun, not stressful. It’s hard to trust the ambiguous, indirect type, and dating these kinds of guys usually results in the woman’s confidence level plummeting the longer she has to guess how he feels. When you’re really present with a woman, you’re showing genuine interest and that’s what makes dating enjoyable. You should make her feel secure. Otherwise, her self-esteem is in jeopardy, and her self-esteem is a prized possession – something she won’t want to risk damaging by playing mind games with unenthused guys. Sasha Daygame, direct dating coach, creator of The Direct Dating Summit and author of The Direct Daygame Bible: How to Meet and Attract Beautiful Women in Everyday Situations, explains that being the ‘mysterious type’ results in nothing but complications, “the mystery method was popularized by the book The Game and encourages inauthenticity and awkward interactions.” As an alternative approach, Sasha recommends his direct dating method, which encourages honesty, authenticity, and expressing yourself assertively.
The Direct Man Exudes Confidence: Confident men are sexy as hell. Confidence stems from being secure with yourself and it takes confidence to be direct, Women are well aware that these two qualities go hand in hand. April Masini, relationship expert and the voice behind the Ask April advice column, agreed that there’s something seductive about a direct, confident man, “men who are straightforward, open and honest in a relationship project a sexy confidence, and that’s an aphrodisiac that beats oysters any day. Lots of men think it’s money or girth that women are after, but in reality we’re after confidence, a sense of humor and success – all of which require a man to be direct, straightforward and open.” Direct men, or the alpha male type, are the type women are often the most attracted to. The reason for this has to do with a direct, confident man’s ability to really go after what he wants. A confident man will pursue the woman he likes. If you’re interested in her, pursue her. Women love it when you make plans with them in advance, bonus points if you follow up with her the next day.
The Direct Man Doesn't Waste Her Time: A direct man will be upfront and honest if he’s not feeling a connection after the first few dates, and he’ll have no problem being direct about how into a woman he is when he does feel a connection. Ambiguous men, however, often avoid being honest and would rather waste a woman’s time if it means they can side step an uncomfortable conversation. The beauty of being direct is that women can feel confident knowing that if something is bothering you, you’ll be straightforward and talk about it, which puts their minds at ease. If you’re indirect and hard to read, women will assume you’re not all-in, that you’re avoiding being honest. Though the truth may hurt, she would prefer honesty to wasted time she’ll never get back.
The Direct Man Wears His Heart On His Sleeve: A direct man will not beat around the bush due to fear of rejection. He’s emotionally transparent and will communicate openly about what he’s feeling and thinking. Nicole Prause, Ph.D. and sexual psychophysiologist says, “some people really struggle to communicate their emotions accurately. Desiring somebody ‘direct’ is actually code for wanting someone who is aware of their own emotions and can accurately communicate them, but also relieves some of the stress on the partner who is trying to accurately understand their emotions. When any part of this complex chain breaks down, it can be a source of conflict and could even be central to the relationship ending.” Women are much more attracted to the emotionally transparent man than to a man who is closed-off. Back when we were girls, we may have been attracted to the mysterious, ambiguous man who was tough to figure out. Women, though, don’t have time for that sh*t. She wants you to tell her what’s on your mind instead of shutting off when something’s wrong. Transparency is also what makes her feel like you’re all-in. It is key in relationships because it allows her to feel closer to you and causes the relationship to progress rather than fall apart. So if you really like her, be direct, and open with how you feel.

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Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Parents Talk to Their Kids About Sex for the First Time

Watch parents awkwardly talk to their kids about s

Source: YouTube/Cut Video

Parents Talk to Their Kids About Sex for the First Time

The most awkward conversation you can have with your kids caught on camera.

Talking to your kids about 'the birds and the bees', explaining exactly how sex works and where babies come from is never going to be a fun conversation. It's awkward and you're forced to use terms you'd rather not say in front of your young child.

Whether you like it or not, it has to be done.

Watch these parents talk about sex with their children for the very first time courtesy of Cut Video on YouTube. Some of the answers and observations by these kids may shock you!

View the original article here

Thursday, 18 June 2015

Aziz Ansari on how to make online dating work

WE turn to screens for nearly every decision. Where to eat. Where to vacation. Where to eat on vacation. Where to get treatment for the food poisoning you got at that restaurant where you ate on vacation. Where to write a negative review calling out the restaurant that gave you food poisoning and ruined your vacation. So it’s no surprise our screens are becoming the first place we turn to when looking for romance — because you need someone to take care of you when you get food poisoning on your vacation, right?

One of the most amazing social changes is the rise of online dating and the decline of other ways of meeting a romantic partner. In 1940, 24 percent of heterosexual romantic couples in the United States met through family, 21 percent through friends, 21 percent through school, 13 percent through neighbors, 13 percent through church, 12 percent at a bar or restaurant and 10 percent through co-workers. (Some categories overlapped.)

By 2009, half of all straight couples still met through friends or at a bar or restaurant, but 22 percent met online, and all other sources had shrunk. Remarkably, almost 70 percent of gay and lesbian couples met online, according to the Stanford sociologist Michael J. Rosenfeld, who compiled this data.

And Internet dating isn’t just about casual hookups. According to the University of Chicago psychologist John T. Cacioppo, more than one-third of couples who married in the United States from 2005 to 2012 met online.

Online dating generates a spectrum of reactions: exhilaration, fatigue, inspiration, fury. Many singles compare it to a second job, more duty than flirtation; the word “exhausting” came up constantly. These days, we seem to have unlimited options. And we marry later or, increasingly, not at all. The typical American spends more of her life single than married, which means she’s likely to invest ever more time searching for romance online. Is there a way to do it more effectively, with less stress? The evidence from our two years of study, which included interviews around the world, from Tokyo to Wichita, Kan., says yes.

TOO MUCH FILTERING The Internet offers a seemingly endless supply of people who are single and looking to date, as well as tools to filter and find exactly what you’re looking for. You can specify height, education, location and basically anything else. Are you trying to find a guy whose favorite book is “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” and whose favorite sport is lacrosse? You’re just a few clicks away from this dream dude.

But we are horrible at knowing what we want. Scientists working with Match.com found that the kind of partner people said they wanted often didn’t match up with what they were actually interested in. People filter too much; they’d be better off vetting dates in person.

“Online dating is just a vehicle to meet more people,” says the author and dating consultant Laurie Davis. “It’s not the place to actually date.” The anthropologist Helen Fisher, who does work for Match.com, makes a similar argument: “It’s a misnomer that they call these things ‘dating services,’ ” she told us. “They should be called ‘introducing services.’ They enable you to go out and go and meet the person yourself.”

What about those search algorithms? When researchers analyzed characteristics of couples who’d met on OkCupid, they discovered that one-third had matching answers on three surprisingly important questions: “Do you like horror movies?” “Have you ever traveled around another country alone?” and “Wouldn’t it be fun to chuck it all and go live on a sailboat?” OkCupid believes that answers to these questions may have some predictive value, presumably because they touch on deep, personal issues that matter to people more than they realize.

But what works well for predicting good first dates doesn’t tell us much about the long-term success of a couple. A recent study led by the Northwestern psychologist Eli J. Finkel argues that no mathematical algorithm can predict whether two people will make a good couple.

PICTURE PERFECT People put a huge amount of time into writing the perfect profile, but does all that effort pay off?

OkCupid started an app called Crazy Blind Date. It offered the minimal information people needed to have an in-person meeting. No lengthy profile, no back-and-forth chat, just a blurred photo. Afterward, users were asked to rate their satisfaction with the experience.

The responses were compared with data from the same users’ activity on OkCupid. As Christian Rudder, an OkCupid co-founder, tells it, women who were rated very attractive were unlikely to respond to men rated less attractive. But when they were matched on Crazy Blind Date, they had a good time. As Mr. Rudder puts it, “people appear to be heavily preselecting online for something that, once they sit down in person, doesn’t seem important to them.”

Some of what we learned about effective photos on OkCupid was predictable: Women who flirt for the camera or show cleavage are quite successful. Some of what we learned was pretty weird: Men who look away and don’t smile do better than those who do; women holding animals don’t do well, but men holding animals do. Men did better when shown engaging in an interesting activity.

We recommend the following: If you are a woman, take a high-angle selfie, with cleavage, while you’re underwater near some buried treasure. If you are a guy, take a shot of yourself spelunking in a dark cave while holding your puppy and looking away from the camera, without smiling.

TOO MANY OPTIONS As research by Barry Schwartz and other psychologists has shown, having more options not only makes it harder to choose something, but also may make us less satisfied with our choices, because we can’t help wonder whether we erred.

Consider a study by the Columbia University psychologist Sheena S. Iyengar. She set up a table at an upscale food store and offered shoppers samples of jams. Sometimes, the researchers offered six types of jam, but other times they offered 24. When they offered 24, people were more likely to stop in and have a taste, but they were almost 10 times less likely to actually buy jam than people who had just six kinds to try.

See what’s happening? There’s too much jam out there. If you’re on a date with a certain jam, you can’t even focus because as soon as you go to the bathroom, three other jams have texted you. You go online, you see more jam.

One way to avoid this problem is to give each jam a fair chance. Remember: Although we are initially attracted to people by their physical appearance and traits we can quickly recognize, the things that make us fall for someone are their deeper, more personal qualities, which come out only during sustained interactions. Psychologists like Robert B. Zajonc have established the “mere exposure effect”: Repeated exposure to a stimulus tends to enhance one’s feelings toward it.Continue reading the main story

This isn’t just a theory. In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the University of Texas psychologists Paul W. Eastwick and Lucy L. Hunt suggest that in dating contexts, a person’s looks, charisma and professional success may matter less for relationship success than other factors that we each value differently, such as tastes and preferences. In fact, they write, few people initiate romantic relationships based on first impressions. Instead they fall for each other gradually, until an unexpected or perhaps long-awaited spark transforms a friendship or acquaintance into something sexual and serious.

Think about it in terms of pop music. When a new song featuring Drake comes on the radio, you’re like, “What is this song? Oh another Drake song. Big deal. Heard this before. Next please!” Then you keep hearing it and you think, “Oh Drake, you’ve done it again!”

In a way, we are all like that Drake song: The more time you spend with us, the more likely we are to get stuck in your head.

No one wants to invest too much on a first date. After all, the odds are it won’t be a love connection. It’s hard to get excited about a new person while doing a résumé exchange over beer and a burger. So stack the deck in your favor and abide by what we called “The Monster Truck Rally Theory of Dating”: Don’t sit across from your date at a table, sipping a drink and talking about where you went to school. Do something adventurous, playful or stimulating instead, and see what kind of rapport you have.

SWIPE AWAY Apps like Tinder boil the dating experience down to assessing people’s images. Compared with stressing out over a questionnaire, swiping can be fun, even addictive. Within two years, Tinder was said to have about 50 million users and claimed responsibility for two billion matches.

As with all other new forms of dating, there’s a stigma around swipe apps. The biggest criticism is that they encourage increasing superficiality. But that’s too cynical. When you walk into a bar or party, often all you have to go by is faces, and that’s what you use to decide if you are going to gather the courage to talk to them. Isn’t a swipe app just a huge party full of faces?

In a world of infinite possibilities, perhaps the best thing new dating technologies can do is to reduce our options to people within reach. In a way they’re a throwback to a past age, when proximity was crucial. In 1932, the sociologist James H. S. Bossard examined 5,000 marriage licenses filed in Philadelphia. One-third of the couples had lived within a five-block radius of each other before they wed, one in six within a block, and one in eight at the same address!

Today’s apps make meeting people fun and efficient. Now comes the hard part: changing out of your sweatpants, meeting them in person, and trying for a connection so you can settle down and get right back into those sweatpants.

Aziz Ansari, a writer, stand-up comedian and actor, is the author, with Eric Klinenberg, a professor of sociology at New York University, of “Modern Romance.”

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Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Is He Interested in You for All the Wrong Reasons?

Is he interested in you or is he just toying with your feelings? If you want to know if he’s got romance on his mind too, use these signs to find out. By Gerry Sanders

Sometimes, it’s easy to get clouded by your emotions.

You may love your guy like crazy, but he may not share the same feelings.

You may think he truly cares about you.

But he may have his own ulterior motives to date you.

If you’re in a bittersweet relationship where your boyfriend loves you once and pushes you away twice, chances are, he’s either a bad boyfriend who’s not worth your time or a guy who’s using you for his selfish interests.

[Read: 10 Body Language Love Signals]

Is he interested in you for all the wrong reasons?

Ever felt like you’re being used in the relationship?

Sometimes, your instincts are your best judge.

If your boyfriend’s behavior changes every now and then, perhaps it’s not just love holding both of you together.

Be rational, even though you’re totally in love with your guy. And use these signs to find out if you’re actually being used instead of being loved.

[Read: What Turns You On? 10 Fascinating Facts About Sexual Attraction]

7 signs he’s using you and not really in love with you

All of us can be selfish now and then. It’s not like we want to, but when we find someone gullible enough to fall for it, we instinctively use them or take them for granted.

Throughout our lives, we’ve used others or manipulated others to help us, be it our parents or our friends.

So if you’re in a relationship with a manipulative guy, you can’t blame him for using you. Instead, you need to blame yourself for being so gullible and falling for his trap perfectly. [Read: 6 Things Women Notice About Men Right Away]

There are many ways a guy would try to use you, but here are 7 most common reasons where a guy could pretend like he’s interested in you, when in reality, he doesn’t even care half as much as you do.

#1 You’re his rebound. Are you dating a guy who’s just broken up with his girl? Or does your boyfriend spend a lot of time talking about his ex? If you’re dating a guy who’s still obsessed with his past, there’s a good chance that he’s still not over his ex and is using your intimacy only to stitch his heartbreak up.

If you’re thinking of dating a guy who’s overcoming a recent break up, take things slow and find out if he genuinely loves you before you start dating him. A relationship that’s built over open wounds will lose its importance once the old wound heals. [Read: 15 signs you're in a rebound relationship]

#2 He wants you to be his arm candy. Some guys don’t really care who they’re dating as long as his friends think she’s attractive. You could be the dumbest or the snottiest person in the world, but he wouldn’t care as long as you cling on to him when he’s out with his friends.

Are you dating a guy who tries to hold you really close or indulges in public display of affection only when he’s in front of his friends? Does he ignore you or avoid cuddling you when both of you are at home? If a guy gets touchy feely in public or when his friends are around, but avoids intimacy or romantic gestures when no one’s around, he’s probably only using you to show off in front of his friends.

Stop him when he tries to get physical in front of others, and watch how he reacts. If it annoys him or if he tries to manipulate you into doing something in front of others, he’s definitely using you.

#3 To have sex with you. Sometimes, a guy may pretend like he’s fallen in love with you only to have sex with you. And once he gets to do that a few times, he’d start to lose interest in you or may start to take you for granted. Are you in a relationship where your guy’s lost interest in you ever since both of you had sex?

It’s sucks to be in a relationship like this, but you know what, there’s nothing you can do about it. If a guy you’re dating isn’t making an effort to keep love alive, he doesn’t deserve a great girl like you. End the relationship, learn from your mistakes and move on. [Read:The Future Of Love Is Not As Clear As It Might See...]

And always remember this. Don’t ever get pressurized into having sex very early into a new relationship. It kills the excitement. Wait at least a couple of months before you go to bed with any guy *unless you’re interested only in the sex too*. If he truly loves you, he can learn to stick around.

#4 To get back at his ex. This is more common than you can ever imagine. Many guys date a new girl immediately as soon as they break up only to annoy their ex. How can you tell if he’s using you and not really interested in you? Here are two clues. He would try to take you to places where his ex hangs out almost all the time. Or by some miraculous coincidence, both of you would constantly bump into his ex now and then and he’d be more than happy to bump into her. And at times, he may even hold you closer when his ex is around.

There are two things you need to know about this type of a guy. He would go to any end to hurt the people who upset him even if they’re upset already. And two, he doesn’t love you. [Read: 13 secret signs your boyfriend's not over his ex yet]

#5 Your connections. Are you a popular girl with a lot of friends? Or are you working somewhere influential and have a lot of powerful friends? You’d definitely be on the date list of many guys who could benefit from the people you know.

Are you dating a guy who prefers meeting you when your friends are around? Or does he love going to social gatherings with you? If he likes public dates more than a romantic twosome date, that’s something you need to think about, don’t you think? At the start of a new romantic relationship, all lovers want to do is lock themselves away from the rest of the world, not hobnob with each other’s friends!

Your guy may be using you only to advance his own career prospects or to become the new popular kid in town. Avoid these guys because they’ll squeeze you dry and walk all over you once they’ve got what they wanted. [Read: Things to think about before and after moving in with your boyfriend]

#6 Sugar momma. If you’re a girl with a lot of money in the purse, you always need to be cautious about the kind of guys you date. Almost always, more than half the guys you date would be after your money than anything else.

Reading the signs of a guy who’s dating you only because you’re rich is never easy. Many guys pretend to behave chivalrously and never make it seem like they’re after you for the money until they’ve hooked you deep. But if you find that you’re the one who’s doing more of the splurging on dates and gifts, it’s a good sign.

Stop buying him things or taking him out to expensive dinners for a couple of weeks or a month, and if his behavior changes, you’ll realize he’s into you only for the money. [Read: 15 signs you're a high maintenance woman]

#7 Easy pickings. Were you the one who asked the guy out? This is a common scenario that we see every now and then when a girl asks a guy out. When you ask a guy out or tell him that you like him, he may not really like you but he may accept to date you because he’s got nothing better to do every evening anyways. And by dating you, he gets to make out with you and go out with you all the time even if he doesn’t like you.

This is the kind of guy who blows hot and cold all the time. He may behave like a sweet guy at times, or completely ignore you at other times. To avoid this scenario from ever cropping up, avoid telling a guy your true feelings until you feel like it’ll be reciprocated by him. [Read:Buyer Beware: Relationship Warning Signs]

Take your time before dating him, and get to know him better through a few casual dates. If he seems unenthusiastic now and then, he’s probably not as interested in you as he says he is, and is just using you to pass the time.

It’s hard to truly find out if a guy’s really interested in you for the right reasons. After all, even the nicest guys may be seen using these signs now and then in their own small ways.

[Read: How Important is Kissing to a Relationship?]

But your instincts will help you be the best judge when it comes to matters of the heart. So is he interested in you for the right reasons? You’ll be able to tell now, won’t you?

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