Online Date with Fish2Fish: mental health

Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

5 SIMPLE WAYS TO SWITCH OFF ANXIETY

"Anybody out there who does not suffer occasionally with anxiety should count themselves lucky. I know when it has come to visit me it affects my whole body, how I feel and behave. I can equate it to being frightened but now knowing why.

How do I get over it I hear your shout!

Well trying to retrain my brain into not being anxious is not always easy, as my thoughts are my worst enemy. However what I try to do is either think of something positive, funny or cute. Then with I sit and watch with my minds eye, the antics of a large box of cute, tiny kittens, I can feel their warm bodies, their soft fur and hear them purring, this does bring a smile to my lips and eases any anxiety. Try it, it doesn't have to be kittens, you chose". - Susan

5 SIMPLE WAYS TO SWITCH OFF ANXIETY

Anxiety is a big deal. According to the UK Mental Health Foundation, generalised anxiety disorder accounts for 30% of GPs’ mental health caseload. There are likely to be many more of us with mild to moderate anxiety, though - we all know someone with a tendency to over-worry about things.

It's certainly the most common issue I see in my hypnotherapy practice and the latest YouGov survey found significantly higher levels of anxiety among women than men.

Anxiety can manifest itself in different ways, from fears and phobias to obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and trichotillomania (hair pulling). The most common is generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), which can be described as being 'chronic worrying' and include things like catastrophising (“He's late, he must have been hit by a car!'), problems with sleep, irritable bowels, and tension in the body. We all feel like this at times, but if it's affecting your life, it's time to take action.

The first step to feeling better is recognising that there is an issue and deciding to do something about it. It's important that if you suspect you have anxiety that you speak to your GP and get it properly diagnosed.

In the meantime, here are a few of my tried and tested, evidence-based techniques to help you to beat anxiety.

1/ THE ART OF DISTRACTION

It may not be a long-term solution, but distracting yourself can dial down the intensity and help break patterns of anxiety. When you first notice anxious thoughts or feelings, tell yourself 'STOP!' and quickly find something else to do. Get on the phone to a friend, go for a run, do some writing or focus on your breathing...

2/ B-R-E-A-T-H-E

Controlled breathing short-circuits anxiety in the brain by activating the parasympathetic nervous system (the opposite of the ‘fight or flight’ response).

Breathe in, watching how your belly expands like a balloon, and let it flatten with the exhalation. Sit comfortably and breathe in for a count of 7 and then out for a count of 11. You can count as fast or as slowly as you like - it's the ratio that is important. Do this for a few minutes or until you feel calm.

3/ REMEMBER: YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS

Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true. Anxious thoughts are often irrational or distorted. Worried that someone at work is annoyed with you? If there’s no reason why they would be, recognise that it’s your tendency to think the worst at play.

3/ DEAR DIARY
…
Writing things down not only helps you get things in perspective; the physical act of writing also has an effect on the subconscious mind. Try this daily writing exercise. In the morning, or, if you struggle with sleep, at night before bed, write a stream of consciousness. Get all of your worries, anxious thoughts and feelings down on paper. Doesn't it feel good to get it all out? Once you've done that, it's time to boost your positivity by writing a list of all the things you are thankful for. Studies show being grateful boosts feelings of wellbeing, so note down the big things (I'm grateful for my family/my home/my health) and small things (It's a sunny day/this coffee tastes great/it's nearly the weekend). Following this, set your intention for how you would like to be feeling, thinking and acting. For example, 'I am feeling safe and relaxed', 'I am feeling in control', 'I know everything will be okay'. It can be helpful to state these in the present tense, since this makes you more likely to take it on board subconsciously.

5/ ANSWER BACK

This technique is borrowed from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Write down your worry and then give it a 'rational response'. For example, for 'That presentation went terribly, I'm a failure and everything is going wrong', you could answer back, 'The presentation did not go as well as I would have liked, however I have learned a lot for the next time and the presentation will not matter at all in a few days’ time'. You could even imagine that a best friend is answering back for you. Getting into the habit of writing down worries and answering back trains your mind to see things more rationally.

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Friday, 27 November 2015

You Don't REALLY Know Yourself Until You've Gone Through Hard Sh*t

"Do you know the real you? I don't think I know the real me. I have been trying to work this out over the past sex years and still don't know. I find its so easy to keep comparing the now to the past, should I still be that person? Life is scary, our parents, teachers, culture, society and the media provide us with a narrow band of ‘acceptable’ ways of how we should be, and when that doesn't conform it our mind, we panic and hide behind the mask of the person we think society will accept. Showing our flaws and even to some extent what we class as our good points can be a terrifying thought. We seem to believe that if we came out as our true self we may not be liked, loved or well thought and its the idea of losing these precious things that keeps our masks firmly in place.

Who said life was easy? TAKE OFF THAT MASK!!!!!" - Susan

Think you know who you are? Your future self disagrees.

Whether it's divorce, quittin' the hooch, or something as scary as cancer, it's these life-altering curve balls that help you come to a place of truly understanding your sense of self.

And if you've never experienced anything catastrophic, well, you may not know who you are.

Recently, I left my wife of eight years and found myself trying to figure out how to go about life in a very unfamiliar way. After sharing a life with someone for a number of years, so many of my daily routines, belief systems and stress relievers were suddenly thrown into the air like a deck of cards in the wind.

My once placid days quickly turned into me arduously chasing after these shambled, scattered cards to try and make the deck complete again. The small things came easy; the bigger issues that took a bit more time.

I really had to stop and think: What do I want for my life now that I don't have to plan it around another person?

Decisions like, "I want to start a business!" (I do? Yes, I do!) "I want children!" (holy shit, I do?!) and "I want to be with someone again."

That last one was big considering I had just come out of an eight-year marriage. But I woke up one morning and decided that I wanted to love and be loved. Call me a p*ssy, but it really was as simple as that. A conscious decision was made; a redefinition of self through hardship.

Right then and there, I became different. And the funny and unexpected thing? I finally felt like I was becoming more myself then I'd ever been before.

The loss of a spouse is just one of a billion things that can force you to redefine yourself. Just a few weeks ago, an old high school friend came to visit me in Nashville and filled me in that he'd quit drinking after 12 years. He divulged to me that his addiction had become so bad that he hadn't gone 12 hours without a drink in over eight years.

"How are you handling it?" I asked.

"I simply started to teach myself how to do everyday things, sober," he replied.

With most of his days starting after the fourth or fifth drink, he felt as if he was re-learning how to be himself. In fact, this re-learning phase morphed into a redefinition of his current identity. He was forced to ask himself: Who will I be once I've learned to live sober?

Then take my friend Jess. In her early 20s, Jess was diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer. Overnight, she went from a healthy, vivacious woman to facing her own mortality.

Although I was across the country when she started chemo, I was (and still am) an avid reader of her blog, cheering her on to remission. Little by little, I could see her change almost week by week. It seemed the things she once valued to be "important" became trivial as her battle with cancer progressed.

Jess's priorities completely changed and she became Jess with Cancer instead of the fun loving, carefree Jess I knew. I'd like to think that this journey she's on is only just a stage, and that soon she'll have her chance to reshuffle that f*cking deck, again. Only this time, the cancer card won't be included.

In the end, having the courage to walk away from something —or maybe having the courage to face it head-on —is just the first step in a journey of self-exploration and self-definition.

We humans pride ourselves on our identity, but what I've learned is when faced with things like addiction, sickness, or a wounded, bleeding heart, these evolving and unpleasant truths truly unravel your sense of self.

Who you will become is not who are you now.

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Sunday, 25 October 2015

My Boyfriend/Girlfriend Has Depression

"In my experience there is nothing that you can say to somebody suffering with depression that will make them feel better at that time, most of the time nothing that you say actually registers with them. But that does not mean that you stop trying, just being there when they need you helps, to listen or just sitting with them in silence. Remember that depression is not just "feeling down". - Susan

My Boyfriend/Girlfriend Has Depression

Dating someone with depression can be really tough. Find out how to cope – from your boyfriend going off sex, to your girlfriend not wanting to leave the house.

Helping your partner with depression

How can you help your partner and yourself? Try following these steps.

Be understanding: If you’ve got depression, doing the simplest of things – getting dressed, brushing your teeth – can take a humungous effort.

Remember it’s an illness: Clinical depression isn’t the same as feeling a bit sad. It’s a seriously debilitating mental health condition.

Encourage self-care: Suggest they put together some treats in a box – favourite snacks, DVDs, magazines – for the next time things get really tough.

Be patient: Recovering from depression is hard work and can take a while. If they could get better faster, they would.

Don’t be dismissive: People don’t choose to have depression, so there’s no point telling them to cheer up, or saying they’ve got nothing to be unhappy about.

Coping with their bouts of depression

If depression has got its claws into your partner you might be torn about whether to offer help, or just leave them to it. Don’t wait for them to tell you what they need. They probably won’t ask for it, as depression is very good at convincing people they’re worthless and they shouldn’t reach out.

The best thing you can do is just let them know you care and keep checking in with them. Something as simple as a text message saying: “I’m thinking of you,” can make a huge difference.

What if they mention suicide?

It can be very scary if your boyfriend or girlfriend says they’re feeling suicidal. Don’t assume they’re making it up for attention, or saying it to try and hurt you.

When people say they’re suicidal it usually means they’re in a lot of emotional pain and they want it to stop. Encourage them to call Samaritans and to visit their GP. If you’re really worried, think about calling the emergency services.

They never want to do anything

It can get very boring if your partner never wants to leave the house; it’s probably pretty miserable for them, too.

“Dating or living with someone who has depression can be very lonely and very hard,” says Emer O’Neill, CEO of Depression Alliance. “Connecting with other people, avoiding loneliness and keeping active is really important.”

“Acknowledge your frustration and anger, but take it elsewhere,” she adds. “There’s no point expecting the response that you need or want from the person who’s got the condition.”

It’s OK to tell your partner if you’re finding things tough, but make sure you separate the illness from the person. You’re dating them, not their depression, however it may sometimes feel.

Depression can actually have positive effects in the long-term. “It’s a horrendous condition that wipes you out and takes you down, but if you’ve been through depression you’ll probably have an honesty and integrity that people who are charging through life very often don’t have,” says Emer.

My boyfriend/girlfriend won’t have sex with me

“If your partner has depression you can end up feeling very unwanted and very unloved,” says Emer. It can be ego-crushing if they don’t seem to fancy you any more, but try to remember that it really isn’t personal.

Depression often affects bodily functions, like sex and sleep. Loss of libido, erection problems and difficulties reaching orgasm are also common side effects of many antidepressants.

You can encourage your boyfriend or girlfriend to see their GP and try to keep doing tactile things like holding hands and hugging, but don’t pressurise or guilt-trip them into having sex. If they’re not up for it, there’s always masturbation

Can’t they just snap out of it?

It’s totally understandable that you feel frustrated. Depression is a debilitating condition and it’s probably really hard seeing how it affects your partner. But depression is an illness and you can’t just decide to get better – it’s not possible to just snap out of it, even if you want to.
“Nobody wants to have depression,” says Emer. “Recovery does happen, but it’s really hard work and it usually takes both medical and non-medical support.”
“Have some awareness yourself so you can get your own head around what’s happened,” she suggests. Mind, Depression Alliance and the Royal College of Psychiatrists are all good places to find information.

What if they won’t get help?

You can’t force your boyfriend or girlfriend to get better, but you can encourage them. Remind them that GPs see loads of people with depression and there’s no shame in asking for help.

You might have to be patient, as depression can convince people they’ve got no chance of getting better and some people find it very hard to seek help. “It can be a long, slow journey,” says Emer. “Have some information ready in case they do decide to get help. They might need to read it 100 times before it sinks in.”

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