Can I Get Her Back?

Can I Get Her Back?

Darragh asks: "My girlfriend and I were together for a number of years, and then I really messed up. I've tried calling her, texting her, showing up at her house, talking to her friends.. and she's just asked me to leave her alone. I can't get her out of my head though. I just want her back! Help?" 

When a relationship ends, regardless of the reason or fault, we all feel a gap in our lives. You're struggling with that gap Darragh, and that's what's fueling your need, almost desperation, to get her back. Let's look at how you got here, and what you can do about it to get back on track again - which may or may not include your former partner.

More: How to get introduced to your ideal partner

We're going to start with what not to do after a breakup, which in your case means you have to stop beating yourself up over whatever you feel you "messed up". All you can change is the here and now, or how you react in the future. That may mean reviewing your actions and coming up with a plan to ensure you react differently in the future, or forgiving yourself and accepting you did the best you could under the circumstances. It's cold turkey time though; if you need an elastic band around your wrist or a good friend to remind you every time you start on this tack again - do it. 

Next up is breaking some bad habits that you (seem to have) adopted post-breakup. I strongly urge you to read the article I've linked to in order to work through this step. In a nutshell however, you want to look at any behaviors, actions, events, people or things that aren't serving you anymore, and like an addition, remove them from your life. How to remove them is the next step; we're just reviewing what they are at this point.

If you actually worked through all those steps (they'll take you a few weeks at best, a few months for most people), I'll hazard that you likely feel differently about your partnership now. Like I said to a dear friend recently, who broke up with his girlfriend of five years, "If you really want to see if she's The One, you have to take a long break from one another. Six months at least. Give each other some space and time to figure out what went wrong, what needs reviewing, how you can be a better you. If after that point you're still questioning her Rightness, then, and only then, do you make contact to go for a walk-and-talk".How do you remove anything from your life, especially if you've got a lot of emotional attachment to it? You fill that space with new things, things you love, things that give you an even stronger emotional pull towards the positive. More concrete ways to feel better after your breakup include doing the things again that you stopped doing while in the relationship, finding new hobbies you're passionate about, getting sweaty with a good workout, or traveling somewhere new and exciting.

My friend has yet to heed this advice, even though he's agreed it's sound, and I'll readily admit I've struggled personally with the same situation. The fact is, if you want a better, new relationship with someone you love, when there's history and it didn't work out positively in the past, you've got to take the time to focus on you first. Center yourself, calm yourself, inspire yourself to new heights. Review what you want your life to look like,what your ideal partner embodies, how you want to feel when you know you're mutually and madly in love. With some space, distance and time, you may well realize that that person is someone other than the woman you've written me about - or you may realize she's still The One in your heart. Either way, you'll have a clear answer, and all that you'll have to do is move towards whatever makes you the happiest. 

View the original article here

Previous articles:

• Simple Online Dating 101 Tips
• HOW DOES YOUR LOVE LIFE FIGURE?
• First Date Survival Guide
• 9 Reasons Technology Has Ruined Relationships, Fri...
• Digital Life: How to Win at Online Dating

12 Tips on Starting a New Relationship

12 Tips on Starting a New Relationship

Make sure you are ready

When you're broken hearted, it's natural to want someone else's arms around you. But you are unlikely to form a good relationship while you're still hankering after your previous partner. So give yourself six months to be single. Try to enjoy it. Catch up with old friends. Decorate your home. Throw yourself into your job. Once you feel happier in your own skin, you'll be more ready for romance.

Play the numbers game

If you're not having much luck in the dating game, try building up your number of friends of both genders. Most of us find romance at work or through our network of acquaintances. If this isn't happening for you, you may need to extend your friendship circle.

Best way to do this is to spend more time on leisure activities that you enjoy, so you speak to other individuals who like the same things. The more friends you have, the more chances you have of meeting that special someone.

Blind dates

Nowadays, we are pretty choosy when it comes to finding love. Few of us meet someone in our home town and stay with them through life. Also, most people have careers and are busy. This can mean finding a special person just doesn't seem to happen.

Loads of people now use lonely hearts ads and online dating sites to find love. Just make sure when do meet face-to-face, you do so in a public place, you let at least one friend know where you're going and you have your mobile with you.

As for speed-dating, this can be fun - especially if you take a mate along. And you never know, that perfect person could be there too.

Introduction agencies

Introduction agencies are a more heavy-duty way of finding a partner. But when individuals aren't having much luck and are keen to settle down, a good introduction agency can narrow the search for you.

Fees can vary enormously and if you're aiming for the elite end of the market, you might be asked to part with anything up to £10,000. If you do go down this route, make sure the agency is a member of the Association of British Introduction Agencies.

How to approach someone you like

If you want to get to know someone better, a good ploy is to involve him or her in some group social event. Indoor bowling is a fun evening for most people. Or you might organise a trip to the theatre and then on to a pub afterwards, so everyone can discuss what they've seen.

With luck you should be near the person you like and be able to talk together without the pressure of it being a 'date'. If things go well, you might progress to suggesting a cup of coffee sometime. And if that is successful, you'll probably feel ready to suggest a cosy dinner for two.

How to tell if someone likes you

People's body language can tell you a great deal about someone's response to you. When someone is interested in you it's likely there'll be lots of eye contact. They will also stand close to you when they speak. And they will possibly squeeze your arm or touch your hand when you're chatting.

As well as smiling, other good signs are if someone breathes with you, and if he or she mirrors your gestures or your posture. And if someone nods when listening to you, this means they are empathetic and pleased to be engaged in conversation with you.

First dates

First dates can be frightening and fraught, so don't expect too much. All you really need to establish is that you are comfortable with the other person and you don't feel physically repelled by them.

Try to do something that does not expect too much of either of you. A movie is a good choice and then dinner afterwards. That way you can at least chat about the film.

Or you might prefer just to meet for a quick drink. Better to underestimate how much time you'll want to spend together than be lumbered with each other for a whole evening.

Contact after the first date

If you've had a good time, there's no harm in texting or phoning to say how much you enjoyed it.

But don't insist on another date if the other person seems less than keen. A gentle 'Would you like to meet up again some time?' should be enough to establish if there's any spark.

If you don't want to meet again, it's good manners to gently let the other person know the truth. Try: 'I thought you very nice, but I don't think we could have the kind of relationship I'm looking for. Good luck for the future.'

How to judge if you want to see them again

Unless you thought the person was truly awful, it's a good idea to agree to a second date - even if you're not sure you're keen on them. This is because first dates are seriously nerve-wracking, which means that people are rarely at their best.

So if your date didn't speak much - or talked far too much - you might need another meeting to find out if their first date behaviour was typical or just down to nervousness.

If you don't like what you find on a second date, it's time to cut your losses and move on.

When to take things further

Plenty of people have sex on the first date - and this is fine so long as they are both happy with that and use contraception so neither person picks up an STD or gets pregnant.

But plenty of people do not want to rush things. And no one should be coerced into sex if they're not ready. Always remember that sex should be worth waiting for. If someone isn't prepared to wait, this person is unlikely to be right for you.

Mistakes and misunderstandings

We all have off days in any romance, so try not to be too quick to jump to the conclusion that it's over just because he or she is late for a date, or hasn't phoned when you'd arranged. A new relationship is bound to have its fair share of mistakes and misunderstandings while you get used to each other.

But if the bad days or lack of consideration persist, you may need to ask yourself if this relationship is doing you good. If it's not, you'll probably feel better about yourself if you're the one who ends it rather than wait to be rejected.

If things go well

Your good friends should be with you for life. Unfortunately, your relationship may not last that long. So even if you are thrillingly and passionately in love, don't forget to make time for mates.

It's never a good idea to lose sight of who you really are as an individual person. So take time off from being a couple and see your pals. They will remind you that you're you - and not just part of a magical couple.

View the original article here

Related articles:

• Do Vaginal Orgasms Really Exist?
• 10 Body Language Love Signals
• What Turns You On? 10 Fascinating Facts About Sexual Attraction
• The Under F**ked Pussy Epidemic (Every Woman Needs To Read This!!)
• 7 Keys to Good Loving

Women Gain 7lb In a New Relationship, Men Lose 4

A new relationship means plenty of love, laughter and smiles and an expanding waist line too, according to new research.

The research has revealed the effect that a woman’s frame of mind can have on her weight, unveiling that the majority of women in the UK claim to have been at their ‘skinniest’ in recent years when they’ve been most unhappy in other areas of their life.

The study also found that the average woman will gain 7.2 pounds in the first year of a new relationship with majority putting weight gain down to being happy. However, just under half put blame on their partner’s poor diet as the reason for weight gain.  

So it’s no surprise that the men who lost weight during the first year of a relationship put it down to the healthy foods their partners were cooking.

Sarah Bailey of UKMedix.com, who conducted the research, commented on the findings:

“It seems that our frame of mind has a huge impact on our weight, and although men seem to lose weight when in a happy relationship- the average woman will gain half a stone! It was incredibly interesting to see just what effect happiness has on our weight, and it seems that unhappiness often equals Weight loss amongst women. Being comfortable in our love lives often equates to increased self-confidence, perhaps explaining the weight gain that many experience. As long as you’re a healthy weight though, this shouldn’t be anything to worry about- happiness can give you a huge health boost, and is probably more important than squeezing in your jeans!”

View the original article here