12 Tips on Starting a New Relationship
Make sure you are ready
When you're broken hearted, it's natural to want someone else's arms around you. But you are unlikely to form a good relationship while you're still hankering after your previous partner. So give yourself six months to be single. Try to enjoy it. Catch up with old friends. Decorate your home. Throw yourself into your job. Once you feel happier in your own skin, you'll be more ready for romance.
Play the numbers game
If you're not having much luck in the dating game, try building up your number of friends of both genders. Most of us find romance at work or through our network of acquaintances. If this isn't happening for you, you may need to extend your friendship circle.
Best way to do this is to spend more time on leisure activities that you enjoy, so you speak to other individuals who like the same things. The more friends you have, the more chances you have of meeting that special someone.
Best way to do this is to spend more time on leisure activities that you enjoy, so you speak to other individuals who like the same things. The more friends you have, the more chances you have of meeting that special someone.
Blind dates
Nowadays, we are pretty choosy when it comes to finding love. Few of us meet someone in our home town and stay with them through life. Also, most people have careers and are busy. This can mean finding a special person just doesn't seem to happen.
Loads of people now use lonely hearts ads and online dating sites to find love. Just make sure when do meet face-to-face, you do so in a public place, you let at least one friend know where you're going and you have your mobile with you.
As for speed-dating, this can be fun - especially if you take a mate along. And you never know, that perfect person could be there too.
Loads of people now use lonely hearts ads and online dating sites to find love. Just make sure when do meet face-to-face, you do so in a public place, you let at least one friend know where you're going and you have your mobile with you.
As for speed-dating, this can be fun - especially if you take a mate along. And you never know, that perfect person could be there too.
Introduction agencies
Introduction agencies are a more heavy-duty way of finding a partner. But when individuals aren't having much luck and are keen to settle down, a good introduction agency can narrow the search for you.
Fees can vary enormously and if you're aiming for the elite end of the market, you might be asked to part with anything up to £10,000. If you do go down this route, make sure the agency is a member of the Association of British Introduction Agencies.
Fees can vary enormously and if you're aiming for the elite end of the market, you might be asked to part with anything up to £10,000. If you do go down this route, make sure the agency is a member of the Association of British Introduction Agencies.
How to approach someone you like
If you want to get to know someone better, a good ploy is to involve him or her in some group social event. Indoor bowling is a fun evening for most people. Or you might organise a trip to the theatre and then on to a pub afterwards, so everyone can discuss what they've seen.
With luck you should be near the person you like and be able to talk together without the pressure of it being a 'date'. If things go well, you might progress to suggesting a cup of coffee sometime. And if that is successful, you'll probably feel ready to suggest a cosy dinner for two.
With luck you should be near the person you like and be able to talk together without the pressure of it being a 'date'. If things go well, you might progress to suggesting a cup of coffee sometime. And if that is successful, you'll probably feel ready to suggest a cosy dinner for two.
How to tell if someone likes you
People's body language can tell you a great deal about someone's response to you. When someone is interested in you it's likely there'll be lots of eye contact. They will also stand close to you when they speak. And they will possibly squeeze your arm or touch your hand when you're chatting.
As well as smiling, other good signs are if someone breathes with you, and if he or she mirrors your gestures or your posture. And if someone nods when listening to you, this means they are empathetic and pleased to be engaged in conversation with you.
As well as smiling, other good signs are if someone breathes with you, and if he or she mirrors your gestures or your posture. And if someone nods when listening to you, this means they are empathetic and pleased to be engaged in conversation with you.
First dates
First dates can be frightening and fraught, so don't expect too much. All you really need to establish is that you are comfortable with the other person and you don't feel physically repelled by them.
Try to do something that does not expect too much of either of you. A movie is a good choice and then dinner afterwards. That way you can at least chat about the film.
Or you might prefer just to meet for a quick drink. Better to underestimate how much time you'll want to spend together than be lumbered with each other for a whole evening.
Try to do something that does not expect too much of either of you. A movie is a good choice and then dinner afterwards. That way you can at least chat about the film.
Or you might prefer just to meet for a quick drink. Better to underestimate how much time you'll want to spend together than be lumbered with each other for a whole evening.
Contact after the first date
If you've had a good time, there's no harm in texting or phoning to say how much you enjoyed it.
But don't insist on another date if the other person seems less than keen. A gentle 'Would you like to meet up again some time?' should be enough to establish if there's any spark.
If you don't want to meet again, it's good manners to gently let the other person know the truth. Try: 'I thought you very nice, but I don't think we could have the kind of relationship I'm looking for. Good luck for the future.'
But don't insist on another date if the other person seems less than keen. A gentle 'Would you like to meet up again some time?' should be enough to establish if there's any spark.
If you don't want to meet again, it's good manners to gently let the other person know the truth. Try: 'I thought you very nice, but I don't think we could have the kind of relationship I'm looking for. Good luck for the future.'
How to judge if you want to see them again
Unless you thought the person was truly awful, it's a good idea to agree to a second date - even if you're not sure you're keen on them. This is because first dates are seriously nerve-wracking, which means that people are rarely at their best.
So if your date didn't speak much - or talked far too much - you might need another meeting to find out if their first date behaviour was typical or just down to nervousness.
If you don't like what you find on a second date, it's time to cut your losses and move on.
So if your date didn't speak much - or talked far too much - you might need another meeting to find out if their first date behaviour was typical or just down to nervousness.
If you don't like what you find on a second date, it's time to cut your losses and move on.
When to take things further
Plenty of people have sex on the first date - and this is fine so long as they are both happy with that and use contraception so neither person picks up an STD or gets pregnant.
But plenty of people do not want to rush things. And no one should be coerced into sex if they're not ready. Always remember that sex should be worth waiting for. If someone isn't prepared to wait, this person is unlikely to be right for you.
But plenty of people do not want to rush things. And no one should be coerced into sex if they're not ready. Always remember that sex should be worth waiting for. If someone isn't prepared to wait, this person is unlikely to be right for you.
Mistakes and misunderstandings
We all have off days in any romance, so try not to be too quick to jump to the conclusion that it's over just because he or she is late for a date, or hasn't phoned when you'd arranged. A new relationship is bound to have its fair share of mistakes and misunderstandings while you get used to each other.
But if the bad days or lack of consideration persist, you may need to ask yourself if this relationship is doing you good. If it's not, you'll probably feel better about yourself if you're the one who ends it rather than wait to be rejected.
But if the bad days or lack of consideration persist, you may need to ask yourself if this relationship is doing you good. If it's not, you'll probably feel better about yourself if you're the one who ends it rather than wait to be rejected.
If things go well
Your good friends should be with you for life. Unfortunately, your relationship may not last that long. So even if you are thrillingly and passionately in love, don't forget to make time for mates.
It's never a good idea to lose sight of who you really are as an individual person. So take time off from being a couple and see your pals. They will remind you that you're you - and not just part of a magical couple.
It's never a good idea to lose sight of who you really are as an individual person. So take time off from being a couple and see your pals. They will remind you that you're you - and not just part of a magical couple.
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