Is Your Partner’s Relationship With Their Ex Making You Uncomfortable?
Is it paranoia or is there a real reason for you to be worried?
By Francesca Marie
Are you okay with that?
In most circumstances, you should be accepting of that relationship.
Figuratively speaking, staying in touch with an ex is never a problem.
The problem only arises when the staying in touch translates into reality, literally!
Is your partner in a relationship with their ex?
Does your boyfriend meet his ex all the time?
Does your girlfriend share a flirty conversation with her ex now and then?
Do they ever exchange texts like “I miss those days…” or “my boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t know I’m texting you right now”?
Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t feel too comfortable imagining my partner’s ex trying to worm her way back into my partner’s life too!
But then again, is your partner’s ex worming their way back into their heart, are they just friends, or are you just getting paranoid?
Is it normal to be friends with an ex?
Yes, it is. It’s just like being friends with someone, isn’t it?
Being on friendly terms with an ex, exchanging a hello on the street, interacting with each other now and then over the phone, well, it’s completely acceptable and even healthy.
But that’s not what would bother you anyway, would it? It’s the more intimate and closer bond between exes that always threaten a new lover.
So can your lover still continue to have a close relationship with their ex? Well, it may not always be the norm because most people find it very hard to stay friends with someone they shared so much chemistry. But on the other hand, some people find it pretty easy to end a romance and turn it into friendship.
The threshold of balance
There’s a thin line between being friendly and getting attracted to each other. And to make matters worse, the thin line is always blurry and too fuzzy to see until you cross over to the other side!
How often does your partner interact with their ex? Every person is different, and sometimes, some people just find it easier to socialize and hang out with everyone comfortably, even if that’s an ex. But is your partner’s ex as close, or even closer than your partner’s other friends?
These are questions that could help you understand just how friendly your partner and their ex are. But more than anything else, what matters is your personality and your own relationship with your man or woman. What’s acceptable to you, and just where do you want to draw the line?
The easiest way to deal with this is by making it clear as soon as you get to know about their over-friendly ex. It’s awkward to tell your partner that you’re not comfortable with the idea of them being so friendly with their ex, but if you care about your relationship, you need to voice your thoughts.
Think about it, your relationship would definitely go downhill soon if you pretend to be progressive and completely secure, when in reality, you feel threatened by your partner’s proximity to their ex.
Do you trust your partner?
If you truly believe your partner won’t be doing something frisky behind your back, that’s a great thing. But if that’s the case, you wouldn’t be getting angry about their proximity to their ex, would you?
Sometimes, even if you completely trust your partner, it’s perfectly normal to feel troubled over natural human instincts. If you shared a perfect relationship with a smoking hot ex *and you had to break up with them over unavoidable circumstances*, wouldn’t you get carried away if they came on to you after both of you had a few drinks?
You may be loyal to your lover, but when you play with fire, there’s always a risk of getting your fingers burnt, or worse…
Is it affecting your relationship?
So your husband or wife, or boyfriend or girlfriend talks to their ex all the time? That isn’t the problem. What matters is how you feel about it, and where you intend to draw the line. If you have a problem with your partner’s ex, don’t bottle your emotions and endure the pain because you think you may sound silly for voicing it out loud.
#1 Talk to your partner. If you feel threatened by your partner’s closeness to their ex, don’t feel embarrassed about it. Insecurity is a completely acceptable emotion in any relationship. Don’t wait until you reach the point of no return, where you give your partner the silent treatment and pick fights with them over silly reasons every day, just because you don’t feel like telling them the truth in the first place.
#2 Do you feel disrespected? Mutual respect is an integral part of every strong romantic relationship. Does your partner make you feel disrespected in the relationship by maintaining a close bond with their ex? Just say it!
The BIG TEST
You don’t like your partner’s ex. So have you told your partner about it? How does your partner react to your insecure plea?
Does your partner fight you or voice their displeasure when you mention that their relationship with an ex bothers you? Do they appear embarrassed or do they get angry?
If your partner chooses to fight you instead of trying to reassure you, it’s pretty obvious that they prioritize their relationship with an ex higher than their relationship with you!
Really, if you tell your lover that you’re feeling insecure because of their ex, if your partner really cared about you and your relationship, they’d be more concerned about reassuring you and making the relationship work instead of defending their ex, don’t you think? Now why would anyone do that unless they have feelings for their ex?
When a partner chooses to fight you instead of trying to reassure you and comfort you, something’s definitely not right, whether your partner chooses to admit it or not.
10 Signs you need to be worried about your partner’s closeness to their ex
If your significant other is still in a relationship with their ex, it’s acceptable. Well, unless it’s not acceptable to you! What the world thinks doesn’t matter here, and the only thing that matters is whether it matters to you or troubles you.
Here are 10 broad circumstances when relationships with exes generally take a new romantic twist over time, especially when they’re not pruned at the right time.
#1 Your partner’s ex is too needy. Your partner’s ex tries to cling on to your partner all the time. They may have broken up with your partner, but they still depend on your partner for everything, including emotional support!
#2 Getting back together. Your partner’s ex wants to get back with them. How can you tell? Well, they text or say things like “I miss you…” or something much more flirty and undisguised to your lover.
#3 No reason to stay friends. Your partner doesn’t have any reason to stay friends with them. And yet, your partner doesn’t want to keep some distance from their ex even if it bothers you.
#4 Lies. Your partner lies to you about their proximity with the ex. “No, we’re not close at all,” when in reality, they’re much more attached to their ex than they claim to be.
#5 Hidden secrets. Your partner hides information about the times they meet their ex or interact with them, or manipulates the truth. If their relationship is so pure and platonic, why the lies?
#6 Comparisons. Your partner compares you negatively to their ex in the middle of a fight or a conversation.
#7 Secrets. Your partner isn’t comfortable with you reading their ex’s texts or listening to their interactions with their ex.
#8 Meetings. Your partner meets their ex far too often. And they don’t even work together!
#9 Besties. Your partner treats their ex like a best friend, and confides everything to them. In fact, they seem more like best friends and less like exes.
#10 Who’s more important? Your partner fights you over their ex. Every time both of you fight over the ex, your partner always stands up for their ex and defends their relationship with them, even if it means hurting you or walking away from you.
Relationships with exes and complicated love stories may work very well in sitcoms, but they’re extremely painful in real life. Deal with it if you’re comfortable with it, but walk away if it’s something that can’t be fixed.
After all, all of us are different, and every individual has his or her own threshold for jealousy and insecurity in love. And if your partner chooses to defend their relationship with an ex instead of trying to help you trust them better, you need to ask yourself where you stand in their list of priorities.
Remember, there’s nothing wrong with being in a friendly relationship with an ex. But if your partner gives more importance to an ex than the relationship with you, then that’s definitely something you shouldn’t put up with anymore!
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