I Think My Partner Is Cheating -- Now What?

"Most of us think we would never cheat..........Think again.   It can happen to you, It can happen to your partner. 
 My advice is ......don't even go there.  The grass always looks greener, but guess what ... it isn't.  So think very carefully before you take that step!
If you think your partner is cheating, hold back with the confrontation until you have hard core evidence."     -  Susan Watts

I Think My Partner Is Cheating -- Now What?

The signs are there. You suspect your partner is cheating and having a cyber, emotional or physical affair. You might be feeling betrayed, hurt and unsure of how to proceed. Your natural impulse is probably to immediately confront your partner and let them have it. However, a word to the wise: Stop and take a deep breath! Don't make any accusations until you have concrete evidence to make your case and secure a confession.

Here's why: When first confronted about the affair, your partner may clam up, deny and deceive you further to protect themselves from the fallout. They fear being abandoned, punished or rejected if the truth is discovered. They fear losing control and being forced to change. They may also want to protect you from being hurt.

So what is the best way to proceed?

As a relationship therapist and author of a book on this topic, here's my best advice: If your goal is to get to the truth, make sure you have the 4 P's covered -- Proof, Preparation, Purpose & Plan -- before talking to your partner.

Here's what you need to know and do:

1. Have proof.

You must have tangible proof of the infidelity, such as a text, email or voicemail message, a private detective's report, a piece of clothing you found that doesn't belong to you or even photographs -- something that you can produce as indisputable evidence.

Without proof, you will look (or be treated) like a distrusting fool at best and, at worst, you will ensure that your cheating partner learns to cover their tracks better.

Proof will also help you plow through your own denial. When we love and want to trust someone, it can create huge blind spots in our ability to see the truth. Let's face it, to hear your partner admit that he or she has cheated on you hurts to the core. However, the truth can also be the doorway to a better and healthier relationship on the other side.

The more proof you possess, the greater the chance you'll have to get your partner to come clean.

Only when you have PROOF can you proceed.

2. Be prepared.

"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail." -Benjamin Franklin

Don't be surprised if your partner gets defensive, adamantly denying any and all wrongdoing and dismissing everything (i.e. "We're just good friends, that's all," "We're not having sex, so what's the big deal?" or "Lighten up. It was just a totally harmless text.")

When it comes to emotional or cyber infidelity where no physical intimacy has occurred, the boundaries are blurrier. It is often easy for the betrayer to deceive themselves (and you) into thinking their behavior is meaningless and harmless. Their denial may be even more defensive or aggressive.

Cheaters often use distraction as a tactic to deflect the truth by claiming you're being irrational or paranoid. They may even blame you for the time they were spending with someone else, claiming they needed a supportive friend because you were dropping the ball in the relationship by not providing something your partner needed or wanted.

The bottom line is, do your homework and be prepared. DON'T be surprised by your partner's reaction and DON'T lose your cool.

3. Know your purpose.

The purpose is to get the truth by getting your partner to confess. Once you have a confession and know what's really going on, you can work at a solution.

To do this, you must approach your partner in a rational, non-threatening way that alleviates your partner's fear instead of aggravating it. The intention is to get your partner to respond in a way that is forthright and honest.

Keep affirming to yourself... "I feel calm. I am safe. I can handle this. I want the secretiveness to stop. I'm in charge here and I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

4. Make a plan.

"If you don't know where you're going, you'll end up someplace else." -Yogi Berra

Make a plan to confront your partner and discuss the affair without interruptions. Choose the time and place carefully, then present the evidence one piece at a time.

It is very important to remain calm, no matter how much you may want to inflict physical harm on your cheating partner! Don't get me wrong, wanting to vent is healthy and necessary. In fact, it is essential to your own healing, as well as, the healing of your relationship that you are able to express your emotions.

However, getting upset, accusing, attacking, or name-calling will put your partner on the defensive and not help you get to the truth.

Remaining calm, cool, and collected is key to getting to the truth. Have a plan for how you'll deal with your anger and frustration when these emotions come up. The more calmly you deal with the truth, the more your partner will tell you the truth.

Do a personal check-in and make sure that you are emotionally prepared for the outcome of the discussion.

When the answer is "Yes! I'm ready!", here's what to do next:

Think Conversation, NOT Confrontation

First, remember to do everything you can humanly do to stay calm so that you can approach your partner in a diplomatic, non-combative way. A good way to start the conversation is to talk about yourself and start each sentence with "I" instead of "you." This will help your partner be less reactive.

Second, phrase the problem in a non-judgmental way by stating, "Something I discovered is upsetting me. I'm concerned (sad, hurt, frustrated) and I'd like to talk with you about it." This will maximize your chances of being heard and ultimately getting the truth.

Lastly, once your partner starts to open up, don't bombard him or her with questions. Studies show that people shut down, become defensive and lie when asked too many pointed questions (i.e. Who were you with? Why did you lie? How could you do this to me?). Know that this is an ongoing, unfolding discussion and everyone needs to come out of the shock and denial first. Listen carefully to your partner's responses so you can accurately assess the situation and keep the conversation going.

It helps to think of this conversation as a way to come together to understand and discuss what went wrong and what you can do about it now. Keep insisting: "I love you. I want our relationship to work. This has got to stop. This is what I need." If you can approach your partner with an expressed desire to use their confession for good-to ultimately improve your relationship-the conversation will be far more fruitful.

View original article:

Relative articles:

This Man’s GENIUS Plan To Bust Cheating Wife Turns Out BETTER Than Expected!
Should Flirting Over Instant Message Be Considered G-Cheating?
Once A Cheater Always A Cheater: Science Says Cheating Is Repetitive

Previous articles:

• Help! My Partner Doesn't Want To Have Kids
• Falling In Love Is Easy — STAYING In Love Is A Cho...
• YOUR BODY ON LUST
• How to Deal With Someone Who Always Wants to Argue...
• THE WORLD'S JUICIEST SEX SECRETS
• How To Become Your Own Best Friend

Jealousy in Relationships: Facing your Inner Demons

Questioning social aspects is healthy in any relationship in order to start building trust among both of you. Within time, this factor disappears as true emotional bond settles. However, some individuals pursue this questioning even further and invade their mate's personal life.

The predominant assessment of such action is insecurity. It is the lack of trust upon someone else to respond up to your standards and imagining the worst of every circumstances.

How is this triggered you may ask yourself?

This insecurity is triggered first and foremost by several components of the heart such as the death of a loved one, a failed relationship or a reflection of guilt, all of which reside within the integrity of self-esteem.

These situations often alter how we interpret and respond to any situation in our daily lives. It affects the outcome of our every step we  and ultimately our final destination. In this journey whom we acknowledge as life, our surroundings seems to be missing something of importance: an emotional and trustworthy bond with someone we love.

To many, in relationships, jealousy is the chosen emotion to reflect their insecurity that relies within. At first, this perception is a solution  that may result as a harmless method but in reality, several individuals have fallen deeper into this dark state of mind.

In today's society, jealousy is indeed a survival instinct and a necessity to any healthy and sane relationship. It reminds partners that they must appreciate one another and integrate themselves in their lifestyle rather than imposing change. It takes efforts of both parties to fully participate in a loving and equal relationship.

However, when jealousy is a predominant factor in your everyday lives, our mental state is affected and irrational and illogical thinking may take over the happiness that resides between this couple. No longer are these individuals overcoming their struggles with efficacity, but rather altering their route to avoid a confrontation from their biggest fears. Trust issues, communication methods and anger management are all elements whom are deeply affected by this insecurity.

''Jealousy is not a single, simple emotion,'' Dr. White said. He defines jealousy as ''a complex of thoughts, feelings and actions which follows threats to the relationship, when those threats are generated by the perception of a real or potential attraction between one's partner and a (perhaps imaginary) rival.'' mentioned Dr.Wright to a source of NY Times.

This problem has become recurrent in our society and causes an enormous impact on the victim . Furthermore, their families, families and their spouses are also greatly affected by this component. It may even become physically and emotionally harmful to their mate.

"According to the U.S. Department of Justice, 49 percent of nearly 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members between 1998 and 2002 were committed against spouses." wrote Christa Miller.

A relationship is solely based on the ability to communicate with one another. Interpretation and listening are critical components to gain knowledge on someone's true identity. Rather than complying with their means, they have hidden their true emotions, consequently the fear of loss, sadness or grief to their loved one remain concealed as what may be perceived as jealousy.

''Clearly, people feel unpleasant when they feel jealous,'' the psychologist Dr.Wright said. ''But in many cases it is natural - it is a safety signal that there are problems in the relationship or with the individual.'' Joel Greenberg wrote.

In the last few years, jealousy has become more and more significant. Consequently, technology and media has seen a greater evolution than ever before. With more resources at hand to monitor information, doubts are easily imposed as the interaction with the opposite sex has become more evident. Facebook, Twitter and texting leave room to a wide range of interpretation and may lead to an unconscious search for factors that may reveal infidelity

"Certain personalities have a tougher time trusting significant others. The technology is simply an enabler of his or her personality issues. Obsessive types will still check someone's phone or accuse others of cheating. " states a source on mashable.com

It has become harder to trust your significant other and to truly acknowledge whether they are telling the truth or not. The media is portraying jealousy and infidelity as acceptable factors in society and within our everyday lives. In fact, such behaviour still ultimately resides as an immoral and a heartless act in the eyes of every partner.

Changing your beliefs and reactions is very difficult but is does not remain an impossible task nevertheless. To address your jealousy, you must not only want to distress yourself from these emotions, but rather face the reality of addressing and imposing changes to your beliefs.

"By practicing a few simple exercises you can step back from the story your mind is projecting and refrain from the emotional reaction. If you really have the desire to change your emotions and behaviour you can do it. It just takes the willingness to learn effective skills" wrote a source from pathway to happiness.

Without doubt will it be a difficult process where hope may not reside in our hearts, but unlike our fears predicted, someone will be there to lend you a helping hand when you fall.

View the original article here