Whether you’re just getting back into the dating game or you’ve been in the zone for months, making sure you don’t make these critical first date mistakes can ensure you get to dates two, three and beyond!
Don’t hold yourself up to a standard of perfection. Trying to remind yourself to be the most witty, attractive, intelligent, ten out of ten will most likely cause you to be nervous. It’s impossible to get a second or third date with the right partner when you’re trying to be a chameleon and become what you think he’s looking for. Instead, show up as your authentic, real-deal self. Your date can sense your nerves whether you know it or not, because trying to fit into someone else’s box can cause you to emanate a vibe of “over-eagerness” that will definitely turn off your date.
Don’t stay glued to your phone during the date
The absolute best way to let someone know you’re NOT interested in them is to be tweeting, Instagramming, Facebooking and not-looking-at-them instead of actually talking to him while you’re on the date. Leave your phone in your purse, turn it on silent, and don’t check it unless you absolutely need to; and if you do, use a bathroom trip as your time to do it. Bonus Tip: If you arrive first, keep your phone in your purse. When he arrives, it’s optimum that he see you phone free, head up!
Be present and listen
If you spend the whole date eavesdropping on the table next to you or trying to get a sneak peak at the cute bartender, it’ll be hard to focus on you and your date’s conversation. Stay out of your head and focus on him. Take a minute before you arrive to remind yourself to be in the moment and allow the the date to unfold as it goes.
Bottom Line: Don’t overshare your credit score, medical records or family history. There’s no reason ever to share this type of information on a first date. The name of your ex-boyfriend, the number of speeding tickets you have, and every minute detail of your job description are all unnecessary pieces of information for your first date. Feel free to tell the story about your road trip last summer, but don’t include super personal details about your life just yet.
Remember: it’s not an interview
Making a man feel as if he’s being interviewed on a date is the number one guy turn-off! Playing 20 Questions on a first meeting isn’t going to be fun for ANYONE, especially him. One way to avoid this scenario is to try to sit kitty-corner to your date! It’s a great strategy to promote a more relaxed vibe…and make it feel less like a corporate interview. Instead of asking him questions such as “What do you do for work,” try “What do you love about your career most?” or “What are you most proud of in the work you do?”
Remember, to get the second date a man has to feel as though there’s the possibility of one day (in the future, not on the date, per se) getting intimate, and he wants to believe that you think he’s alpha male material. When you make him feel interviewed, it can erode his masculinity and will definitely ensure you don’t get to see him again!
Don’t be late
If you’re running late, be sure to let your date know. That said, showing up late will most likely make the other person think your meeting was a low priority for you. Respect him and his time by being prompt. In grownup dating land, it’s actually not cool to be “fashionably late.”
Keep expectations realistic.
If you go into a first date predicting fireworks or that he’s the one because of your awesome text message conversation over the last three days, you’ll most likely be disappointed. Some people are nervous or stressed on a first date, so first impressions aren’t always the most fantastic representations of their authentic selves. Think about if you’re nervous; they probably are too! Keep your expectations low and you’ll hopefully be pleasantly surprised instead of sorely disappointed.
Have a good time. Collect data (Is he a match for YOU?!) and have fun!
Dating with dignity is actually a fun, fulfilling process. When you’re feeling confident, positive and authentic, the experience in itself always provides value. Remember that you’re on a date, not a job assignment; so if it’s not feeling fun, then we can guess that will “leak” and possibly cause him to question your potential as his mate.
We sometimes get so wrapped up in how the other person think it’s going, how we look, or what he thinks of us that we forget to make it a joyful experience. Even if it’s the worst first date you’ve ever been on, focus on the positives: maybe your steak was great, or you love his shirt? If nothing else, perhaps there’s humor in the situation itself! Whatever it is, don’t forget have a GOOD time, smile and be confident.