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Tuesday, 1 March 2016

What Are The Early Signs That She's Cheating?

"Remember that signs of cheating does not necessarily mean proof of cheating. Our perception as human beings is biased any behaviour or changes in behaviour can be interpreted in different ways. When you trust your spouse or partner you don’t pick up on any obvious signs of infidelity. However if you are of a suspicious nature you are more likely to notice any signs of cheating where ever you look, even if they are not there. People see what they want to see, so until you have concrete proof of any cheating stop tormenting yourself." - Susan

What Are The Early Signs That She's Cheating?

5 Early Warning Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble

Wouldn't it be nice to know, before going into a relationship, if things were guaranteed to run smoothly? That you'd hold hands and skip in the park with each other's families and that you'd be so comfortable that peeing with the door open was positively welcomed?

Sadly relationships aren't born in Pleastantville – and there's no augmented reality app available for your smartphone that you could simply hold up in a public area to clearly label relationships either "doomed" or "guaranteed to succeed" in neon graphics. But there are some warning signs your relationship is in trouble.

Enter Renachantel McClain, a licensed psychotherapist who works with couples on rebuilding relationships after infidelity. “The best advice I would give couples is to sit down and talk to their partner if any of these signs are present and you have concerns,” she recommends. If you or she's losing interest or eyes are starting to wander, these are the early signs it's not going to work out, and even an an affair may be in the works.

1. Using Nicknames Instead Of Your Actual Name

“This could be a way to avoid slipping up and calling you someone else's name,” McClain says. We all say some very stupid things, and this is http://www.yourtango.com/2016285936/five-signs-deceased-loved-one-nearby-still-with-you truer than when we’re either having sex, or are engaged in a conversation we don’t much care for. So with that, the cheating partner might choose to manufacture a nickname to make sure such slip-ups won’t happen.

2. Preferring Texting To Conversation

Texting is fairly impersonal and can be done while doing many things – like when going to the bathroom (don't kid yourself, we all do it). This impersonal form of communication could mean that while she’s texting you, she's in someone else’s company. “When you’re texting back and forth but your calls go directly to voicemail, she could be with somebody and doesn’t want them to know she’s communicating with you,” McClain says. Likewise, she doesn’t want you to know she’s communicating with them.

3. Putting More Effort Into Appearance

If one of you is suddenly altering your looks drastically, it could be a sign that they're eager to get back on the market. Though they might just be trying to take it up a notch for your sake, McClain insists drastic changes in wardrobe, hairstyle, and physique could indicate that one partner is trying to impress somebody outside of the relationship.

4. Suddenly Needing Condoms

There’s a good chance your partner hasn’t suddenly picked up on watching Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant, or some other MTV reality show that makes motherhood look absolutely terrifying. So if they're suddenly opting to use condoms when you normally don’t (assuming you’re in a trusted relationship) this may be a sign that they're seeking some sexual attention outside the confines of your relationship.

5. Becoming More Involved With Social Media

Social media is a great way for singles to scope out talent. A study on the popular dating app Tinder discovered that 40% of its users aren’t single and that three in 10 users are actually married (shock). So if your partner has never been much of a social media user, but has recently picked up on social media trends, they could be starting the process of looking, McClain states. This kind of flirting is usually done by liking another person’s images, sending instant messages (which can easily be deleted later), and hiding apps like Tinder within inconspicuously named smartphone folders such as “Games” or “Work”. Big red flag.

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Saturday, 30 May 2015

Victorian Values for Singletons Still Hold True

A new book has emerged with advice for the Bridget Jones's of the Victorian era Photo: Rex Features

Victorian Values for Singletons Still Hold True

By Helen Croydon

Glancing through the extensive How-to-find-Mr-Right section in a bookshop, the last thing I’d think single women needed was another self-help volume. Particularly one beamed straight from the Victorian era, when women were groomed to be nothing more than fragile wallflowers .

But this week an advice manual for 19th-century single ladies is being reprinted and its publishers say modern women can learn from it. The British Library discovered in its archives Advice to Single Women, written – by a man – in 1899, and was surprised to find how relevant his pearls of wisdom are for contemporary relationships.

Little is known about the author, Haydn Brown, but it seems he had women’s interests at heart. Despite marriage in the 1800s being deemed to be a young woman’s most important career move, he is intent on relieving them of the urgency. Don’t rush, he tells them, wait until you are at least 21. Brown may not have been prophetic enough to give tips on responding to Facebook messages or eliciting communication on Tinder, but he does give some crucial dating tips: play it cool. “Nothing is so fatal as a ticket stuck in a hat, on which is written: 'I want to marry…’,” he writes.

There's no need to rush into marriage (Alamy)

Plus ça change! Modern bestsellers are based on this very mantra. Remember The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider? The fail-safe way to win a man, they advised millions of women in the Nineties, is never to chase. And I bet every woman, everywhere, has been told at least once by a friend to resist the urge to reply to a text.

While we may smile that the Victorians shared the same dating advice as us, we should really be asking why women need this rudimentary advice in the first place? We are not desperate by nature. We only make hints about rings because we are sold a myth that singletons inevitably turn into old maids. We are groomed to believe that we will be socially and financially worse off without a hard-working, solvent husband, and that we will grow old with cats if we don’t find someone, right now.

It is true that single women are no longer overtly relegated to second-class citizenship as they once were – unable to take out a loan, locked away in an asylum for being pregnant out of wedlock. Yet it still lurks beneath the surface, that fear of spinsterhood, and for Victorian women the fear of not marrying ran deep.

Brown tries to explain that there are other paths. “Single life isn’t that bad after all”, he writes, adding that “singleness permits of greater and more valuable concentration in work, and it avoids the innumerable little worries inseparable from parent-hood”.

Beware the corset - "men do not fall in love with a tiny waist"

Some of his wisdom might be heeded by today’s Wags. When considering glamorous women, he wrote that flaunting one’s feminine assets wasn’t necessarily the best way into the sanctuary of marriage: “Men do not fall in love with a tiny waist, unless the owner happens to have several other points of beauty to carry it off. The human male likes proportion and artistic beauty, with ease and grace of movement, and all bound together not by a corset but by ineffable manner of charm.”

How very modern – a man who believes that sexual allure need not always be faked, or grounded in artificial discomfort. A pity he couldn’t have had a word with the organisers of the Cannes Film Festival where , this week, women were turned away from a screening for not wearing high-heeled shoes .

Brown is an admirable author – not for his dating advice or even his insights, but for his boldness in recommending that the women of the time should ignore their fears of staying single. How depressing that his advice is so similar to what we are offered in self-help books today. Clearly, we have not made as much progress as we might have thought.

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Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Photoshopped Photos On Dating Sites Have Mixed Results

Dating apps like Tinder offer a quick look at a potential connection, with a simple swipe to either decline or accept a potential match, so it follows that some people will try to game the system by using an old picture or one that is enhanced using a tool like Photoshop.

So many people do it, at least according to common belief, that is must work. But does it?

People assume some pictures must be fake and they don't want to be "catfished" (slang for a romantic hoax, because less reputable seafood restaurants will serve catfish as something more expensive) so alarm bells ring when something looks too good to be true, or in this case "too hot to trust."

Linda Evangelista is probably not on

your Dungeons & Dragons
forum.

Credit: Pinterest.

What is the threshold? Scholars at the University of Connecticut found that enhanced photos of women viewed by men increased attractiveness but lowered trustworthiness. Women found enhanced photos of men both increased attractiveness and increased trustworthiness.

The researchers focused on 305 participants who identified as heterosexual and ranged from ages 17-36. Participants were placed into an opposite sex condition and then randomly assigned to view one of four profile pictures of the same male and female. These pictures featured two different types of images, one that had been beautified (i.e. lighting, makeup, hair) and the other, which was a relatively normal, non-beautified picture (satisfactory lighting, no makeup, no hair treatment). Participants were then asked a series of questions to determine the profiles physical attractiveness, similarity (to the participant), trustworthiness, and ultimately their desire to date.

They found that men perceived a beautified profile picture to be more attractive, yet less trustworthy compared to the non-beautified picture of the exact same female. However, women found the beautified male profile picture to be both more attractive and more trustworthy than the non-beautified profile picture that featured the same male.

Previous research has shown that dating site users understand the importance of putting their best "face" forward and that the focus on profile pictures is important given how much of an influence it has on an individual's appeal to a profile. Individuals have long been beautifying themselves (hair, make-up, fitness, plastic surgery, etc.) to enhance their physical attractiveness, They say their study takes an evolutionary approach in which they use theories of attraction to explain why the perceived attractiveness of a profile picture is so important.

Rory McGloin, Amanda Denes and Olivia Kamisher from the University of Connecticut will present their findings next week at the 65th Annual Conference of the International Communication Association in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

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Tuesday, 1 March 2016

What Are The Early Signs That She's Cheating?

What Are The Early Signs That She's Cheating?

Saturday, 30 May 2015

Victorian Values for Singletons Still Hold True

Victorian Values for Singletons Still Hold True

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Photoshopped Photos On Dating Sites Have Mixed Results

Photoshopped Photos On Dating Sites Have Mixed Results

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