Tuesday 14 March 2017

Why Men Pull Away: Their Reasoning and Your Response

" Its not because of you !!!!!   So dont push him, just leave him to get on with it"  .........Susan

Why Men Pull Away: Their Reasoning and Your Response

One of the ways that men communicate is actually through a lack of communication. Read on to find out why men pull away and what you can do about it.

Everything is going along fantastically—at least, that’s what you think. Your relationship is moving along, you’re on cloud nine, and you’re beginning to see a real future with your guy. Then it happens. As if out of nowhere, he starts to pull away.
Guys are way more complicated than anyone gives them credit for. Predictably unpredictable, when they begin to seem to lose interest and pull back, our first instinct is almost always wrong. In fact, the very behavior that is making him pull back just may be the thing that you’re doubling down on.
When you feel him start to fade, your response may make the difference between getting him to come back full throttle and watching him dash in the other direction. To know how to respond to a guy’s elusive behavior, it’s important to understand the reasons that guys seemingly ditch out of a relationship without any sign of trouble or forewarning. 
Reasons why men pull away
There’s a reason the question of “why he pulls away?” is one of the most frequently searched phrases on the internet. It’s a typical response from guys, and one that is very misunderstood and mysterious to women. Men do not communicate in the same manner as women, which can leave us scrambling with fear and worry.
The problem is that the more questions you ask, the more irritated he will likely become, and thus, the more he will withdraw. Oftentimes, the first thing women want to do is try to “fix” it. But many times, in trying to do so, we just make it worse.
No matter the reason a guy pulls away, there is one response that will work and one that will get you the very opposite of what you want. Here are the reasons why a man might retreat, as well as some productive ways of dealing with him when he does. The key is to figure out what is driving him away.
#1 You are too pushy. If you are coming on too strong and he is not in the same place in the relationship, he will likely start to withdraw. Guys don’t like feeling pressured into being with someone. Wanting to maintain control, if they feel as if you are moving too fast, trying to persuade them to take the relationship to a point they aren’t ready for, they will begin to pull back and try to create distance.
Answer: Stop being so aggressive. The more you push, the more he is going to pull away. Give him some space to figure stuff out without all the questions and accusations. If you push him too far, you are going to lose him. If you take some of the pressure off, he may just find his way back to you.
#2 He lacks the skills to effectively communicate. If there is something on his mind or something that is bothering him and he doesn’t know how to express it to you, then he might start to push you away. The biggest problem in this situation is that he’s often unaware himself of what is going on, how to explain it, or how to fix it. Lacking in the capacity to express his feelings or needs, a man often decides that the whole thing is too much trouble and will retreat instead of dealing with it.
Answer: Sometimes all he needs is a little coaxing to figure out what’s going on. That involves being patient and giving him space and time to figure things out for himself and to discover what it is that he’s feeling. If you keep questioning him, things are going to get more jumbled, which will only lead to more confusion and will keep you two at odds. 
#3 He has lost attraction. At the beginning of a relationship, all a man can do is dream about having sex with you. At this point in your relationship, the brainreleases a hormone called dopamine in response to dreaming about being with you. After about three to four months, however, the brain’s production begins to taper off, and it’s like the drug has worn off. When that happens, he doesn’t understand what’s going on. Afraid that he is no longer attracted to you, he may begin to pull away.
Answer: Just because dopamine is not being produced naturally, that doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to create it. You have to turn on the heat sometimes to bring the magic back. A relationship takes work, especially in the sex department. Find ways to turn him on and he will be running back into your arms.
#4 He is attracted to someone else. If nothing happened and he is suddenly pulling away, then it may be that he is attracted to someone else. If he is thinking about being with another woman, he may be trying to find a way out of the relationship. If you notice that his habits are changing, he is no longer interested in sex, or if he becomes more secretive and rarely spends time with you, then he may have found someone else.
Answer: Cut him loose. If you think that he’s cheating on you or is interested in someone else, don’t pursue him. If you take the time to step back and he doesn’t show any effort to reel you back in, then, either way, it wasn’t meant to be. If you think that he’s attracted to another woman, find someone who will be fully committed to loving you.
#5 He is stressed out at work. Men are not like women. They are not multitaskers. If he is preoccupied with something like work, he probably isn’t capable of keeping his focus on two things at once. If you notice that he’s no longer as interested as he used to be, it’s important for you to start looking not only at his behavior but at what is going on with his family and work life as well. It may have absolutely nothing to do with you at all.
Answer: Don’t make the situation worse by putting more stress on his plate. Give him time to work out his other issues, and you can take that time to focus on you. The more you pressure him to let you in, the more you are going to be overloading his already overwhelmed psyche. 
#6 The hunt and chase are over. Men love a challenge. If his initial attraction to you was based on a conquest and he has now gotten you, then the thrill may be gone. It isn’t a conscious thing—it’s just that once he wins you over, he may feel that some of his virility is gone.
Answer: Remind him what he was chasing you for. Show him that just because he’s won over you doesn’t mean he gets to keep you. Instead of grovelling and chasing him, turn the tables and make him work to get you back. If you remind him that you can be just fine without him, he’s likely to begin the hunt and chase all over again.
#7 He has low self-esteem. If you’ve been together for a while and things have not gone financially the way that he thought they would, he may be feeling inadequate. When a man feels like he can’t provide the way that he wants to, the pressure of being with someone he loves can become overwhelming. Transferring his feelings of inadequacy to you, he may unwittingly be pulling away due to his own feelings of inadequacy, blaming you for his failures.
Answer: If he’s feeling low about himself, then the last thing you want to do is make him feel even worse by being upset all the time. The only thing you can do is to hang on, try to boost his confidence, and encourage him to follow this dreams. Being supportive will help him to feel accomplished and will let him know that you are happy with him and have all that you could need.
#8 You are at different stages of the relationship. There are varying levels of a relationship, and if you are on stage 10, but he is still stuck at stage 3, he may be pulling back because he just isn’t ready or capable of being where you are. There are all different reasons why people aren’t willing to commit. If he’s not and he senses that you are, he is going to try to pull away and find some space.
Answer: You can’t make someone be at the same place as you. The only thing you can do is give him the space he needs to figure out if he wants to join you or move on. Let him go and figure things out, and if he is ready to move forward with you, he’ll let you know. Pushing him is only going to drive him farther away and will make him think you aren’t the one. 
#9 He knows it isn’t right but doesn’t know how to tell you. He may love you but may not be in love with you. Yes, that sounds like a cliché, but it’s a real thing. He cares a great deal for you, but that romantic love for you just may not be there. That last thing he wants to do is hurt your feelings, so he may become distant while he tries to figure out how to approach you about it.
Answer: Stop trying to make something happen when it isn’t right. Most women who find themselves in this position know in their heart that something isn’t right. Instead of pursuing him to find out what’s going on with him, it may be time for you to find that person inside of you who knows you deserve someone who is completely into you, not just staying to avoid hurting your feelings. 
Relationships are complicated and can be made even more so when your man pulls away and isolates you from his thoughts and feelings. The worst thing you can do is overreact or aggressively try to pry his emotions from him. As hard as it is, step back, give him space, and take the time to focus on your own feelings and wellbeing.
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Saturday 11 March 2017

How To Get A Second Date, When You’ve No Idea What You’re Doing

Be yourself, well mannered and smile !!     .........Susan


How To Get A Second Date, When You’ve No Idea What You’re Doing

When it comes to dating, it’s worth knowing that everyone gets it wrong sometimes. No-one is ever taught how to date, it’s just something we’re expected to know and, unfortunately, as much as we’d like it to be, it’s never like it is in the movies!
One of the reasons dating has become so confusing is the massive change in gender roles of the past few years. Years ago, whilst dating still wasn’t perfect, everyone knew where they stood. Men were expected to ask a woman out, hold the door for her, pull out her chair, and pay the bill. But, as more women entered the workplace, increasing their spending power, confidence, and their chance for equality not just at work but at home as well, these traditions began to fall out of fashion. Nowadays it’s not a given that men will cover the bill. And, while I’m sure every woman likes a bit of chivalry once in a while, having your chair pulled out for you in a restaurant can feel awfully archaic.
So, in 2017, who should be doing what? Is it OK for a women to ask out a man? Should the bill be split 50/50 or broken down by what each person had? Add to this the fact that the dating landscape has changed with the introduction of apps and dating quizes and the whole dating game is a bit of a nightmare.
Fortunately, making mistakes when dating is common, so if you feel like you don’t quite know what you’re doing you’re not the only one. People from all over the globe are facing the same dating challenges and dilemmas; no nationality, culture or ethnicity is immune. And, while some mistakes are common everywhere, other mistakes tend to be unique to a specific culture or ethnicity.
There is lots of confusion, angst and turmoil. To add to the confusion, we’re constantly bombarded with conflicting dating advice too.
Despite this, everyone is doing the best they can. Ultimately, we’re all looking for love because we all want to be happy. We’re all seeking that connection with someone. Getting that all-important second date.
Dating is a numbers games and many of your first dates won’t make it to a second date. This is completely normal. That said, here are a couple of things you can do to increase your dating success:

1) Make an effort. Don’t turn up to a date in your work clothes or worse in your gym kit. 
2) Stay away from ‘no go’ topics, for example, don’t talk about politics, religion, sex, or about past relationships. And stay away from anything negative too. Instead, try and stick to light and fun topic areas.

Friday 10 March 2017

Online Sexting: 10 Biggest Sexting Rules You Should Never Ignore

'Sexting is flirty hints of whats to come ! 
 It has be written that new research shows that sending raunchy texts to your partner can ignite things between the sheets. It can boast confidence, strengthen your relationship and be  fun at the same time.
However always be aware of what you say and do and with who, because things can have a habit of coming back and biting you.  ENJOY '    ........... Susan

Online Sexting: 10 Biggest Sexting Rules You Should Never Ignore

There is a fine line that you have to balance if you want to make online sexting effective, yet stay safe at the same time. Here’s how to do it.

Online sexting is something many couples use to stay connected when they can’t actually be together. And truth be told, it’s very useful. It can help forge that bond of intimacy that you wouldn’t otherwise get when you’re forced to be apart for a while.
However, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t come without some hardships here and there. First, while most couples use online sexting, there are people out there who use sexting as a means of growing closer with someone new and bringing out that flirty vibe. As you can imagine, this can come with some issues.
The dangers of sexting
While sexting should be done with someone you fully trust, there are still risks you take every time you send a naughty text. You can’t make those risks disappear completely, but you can do things to limit them.
The truth about online sexting is that it’s a little dangerous to be so vulnerable on the internet nowadays. People can hack devices, steal pictures, and even take conversations and post them for others to see. For that reason, you have to be safe about the way you sext, while still making your sexts just as effective. 
Rules for effective and safe online texting
As you can imagine, being safe while making your sexts hot and erotic can be a bit of a challenge. However, there are ways you can still sext your lover while ensuring you’re being completely safe with yourself and protecting your privacy.
No matter who you’re sexting, always use these rules, because even if you want to send something to your husband or wife, there are still people out there who could get a hold of those sexts and violate your privacy. In order to make online sexting effective while keeping yourself safe, follow these rules.
#1 Trust your partner. This should be the most obvious thing when it comes to online sexting, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t truly trust their partner but still send them sexts anyways.
The truth is that when you sext someone, you’re giving them full power to violate your privacy and show a ton of people. So, make sure you truly trust your significant other to NOT show all their friends your sext before sending it in the first place.
#2 Use code names. Don’t use your real names when sexting your partners. In fact, keep them in your phone under a completely different name if you want to add to the safety of your sexts.
Not only can this be really fun foreplay, but it’ll also make it really difficult for people to know it’s you if any information does get leaked. As long as they’re completely random, they should work.
#3 Don’t show your face. Online sexting usually means sending your lover naughty pictures of yourself in order to get them in the mood. While this is perfectly fine, you’ll want to use precautions to ensure people can’t actually tell it’s you in the photo.
That being said, don’t put your face in any naughty pictures. Your significant other will get just as much pleasure out of it whether or not your face is visible, and you can rest easy knowing there isn’t really a way for anyone to tell it’s actually you. 
#4 Use your own code words for activities. If you really want to take safety up another notch, you can use a code word for more than just each other’s names. You can use code words for your naughty activities you want to sext about so no one will know what you really mean.
By doing this, it’ll look like you’re having a regular conversation, but to the both of you, it’ll be secretly really sexy and fun. This can even add to the excitement knowing nobody else knows just what you’re saying to each other.
#5 Avoid doing so when drinking. Drinking and online sexting is never a good idea. Although you may be tempted to have a few before online sexting to calm the nerves, it’ll always end in disaster. Why?
Because when you’re drinking, you’re just not thinking clearly. This means you’ll be sloppier in your safety, and you’ll probably do something that can compromise your privacy. Like sending an online sext to the wrong person. 
#6 Delete the photos after. If you do end up taking photos of yourself and sending them to your lover, you should delete them afterwards. That way, the images won’t remain on your phone for others to accidentally come across or for hackers to steal.
You should always make sure to delete them from your iCloud and any other device that may have saved them internally. Deleting them from every source is vital to keeping your online sexting life private and safe.
#7 Don’t do online sexting at work. This is just a rule that everyone should follow for their own benefit. Sure, work can be a really boring place, and it might be fun to keep yourself entertained by online sexting your significant other.
However, you’re at work. You’re in a professional environment, and there are just far too many things that can go wrong. You can send it to the wrong person. You could be caught by your boss. You could even be fired for doing “personal work” while at your job. Just avoid it. 
#8 Only use your personal, secure devices. This won’t stop every perv from hacking your device and trying to steal your sexts, but using a device that’s not secure will make it a hell of a lot easier for someone to take your information.
For that reason, only use devices that will always stay in your possession. Don’t even use a family computer or tablet that you know others in the family will use. Stick to your cell phone, your personal tablet, or your laptop for online sexting.
#9 Hide the background. As much as you should hide your face in a sexting photo, you should also try to hide the background of the image, too. That being said, when you send a sext, try your best to make the majority of the photo all the good stuff and less background space.
Not only will your lover like how upfront and close it is, you’ll also reduce the risk of others finding out who you are by the things in your apartment or house. Believe it or not, you can tell a lot about a person by what’s in the background.
#10 Use an alternative app. Instead of using texting or emailing directly, try an app developed specifically for online sexting. There are quite a few out there that use extra security encryptions that protect your information, photos, and conversations better than your normal system can.
However, always practice the same type of caution in the apps as you would anywhere else because you never know what could happen. Safety should be first when it comes to online sexting.

Wednesday 8 March 2017

How To Find Unconditional Love In A Divorce-Obsessed World

'When you find someone who loves you as you are, and you are able to love them as they are, it is an amazing experience. They may be different from you in many ways. They may view the world differently and have habits that you don’t share, but you can embrace these differences because they are part of this unique person you love'.   ........  Susan

How To Find Unconditional Love In A Divorce-Obsessed World


It doesn't work for everyone... Will it work for you?

What does unconditional love REALLY mean, in this day and age? 
It means loving someone regardless of conditions.
In other words, someone who loves a person no matter what they do, say, think, feel, look like, act like, or believe.
Loving someone even if your needs of connection, certainty and significance aren't being met by them.
Unconditional love means no-strings-attached to the love you give. You may or may not receive love back because that's not part of the deal.
If you had to receive it back, that would be a condition. You love them without expecting anything at all in return.

How do you get unconditional love?

In order to get it you must be willing and able to give it as well. It's a two-way street.

The two-way street is not a condition, it is based more on personal growth and attraction.

Most people want unconditional love so they have certainty that the person they are with won't leave them because of things they do or say — but are rarely willing to give the same in return.

If this is you, your need for unconditional love already has conditions.

Most people don't realise they have to work for it, they just want to receive it.
The reason you have to be willing and able to give it is because then you will attract other people to you who are able to do the same.
The confidence you develop when you recognise you are a whole and complete human being (all by yourself) is the same confidence that is so attractive to other people with confidence—the only other ones who will be able to provide you with no-strings-attached love.
When you have this confidence, you will be able to give love without expecting anything in return.

  • You won't get your feelings hurt if your guy doesn't do what you think he should do or say what you think he should say.
  • You won’t need his approval or acceptance of you so that you feel validated as a worthy human being because you already do.
  • You will feel connected to him even if he doesn’t call on time, doesn't invite you out on the weekend or forgets your birthday.
  • You may be upset but your love for him won't change because of it.

What's the point of unconditional love?

You may be wondering: "Then what would I need him for?"
That's just it.
You won't need him. You will want him and to be in a relationship with him out of desire.
Needing a relationship and wanting a relationship are two completely different things.
Most people feel they should be in a relationship to be whole or because society is rough on singles many times and alienates them or they feel uncomfortable and alienate themselves.
Some people pride themselves on giving unconditional love and tell people about it.
I'd venture a guess that them telling people about it is to gain acceptance and approval in which case the love they say they are giving is filling a need they have therefore is not unconditional.
Would these same people love the same way if they couldn't tell anyone about it?

What if you can't give unconditional love?

So, let's see if you're ready to give love unconditionally yet. There is no right or wrong answer; just an authentic awareness of where you stand that may take some pressure off of a need to find this elusive emotion or the key to how you can get it. 
Let's say you love someone because they have certain qualities you like or status or treat you in a certain way.

Ask yourself if you would feel the same way about them if they didn't have or do those things you like so much; the things that attracted you to them.

Most people who are being honest with themselves will say, "No."

If you said, "Yes," congratulations.
You are much closer to getting unconditional love from someone else than most people are. 
But if you said, "No," you’re in good company.
When we decide what we want in our lives and go after it, we have standards, and we hopefully also establish and enforce healthy personal boundaries around those standards.
This way, we don't hook up with someone who turns out to drag us down and wreck the plan we had for our lives?
Can our standards and plan change? Absolutely.
However, many people do fall into the trap of getting together with someone who lets their health go downhill or stops taking care of themselves within a few months.
This is common when someone who wants a relationship gets in shape simply to catch a mate and afterward, no longer feels the need to be diligent about staying healthy.
This, is self-centred and deceitful yet many people do it. It's a good example of someone falling for someone who isn't who they portrayed themselves to be.
I'm sure you've either been in that situation or know someone who has, right?

Here's an example of unconditional love: 

One of your core values is honouring your body and keeping in shape.
You are in a relationship with someone who becomes very overweight, smokes cigarettes and has no intention of changing their habits.
Physical health just isn’t one of their priorities like it is yours. You love them just the way they are—physically healthy or not.
Can you hope they see the light and want to get healthy at some point? Sure, but your love isn't dependent upon if they do or not.
Now that you know what getting unconditional love entails on your part, do you still want it? If so, you are going to be so excited with the confidence you'll develop in setting yourself up for this kind of love that most people will never experience.

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Tuesday 7 March 2017

'Golden trio' of sex moves to help women orgasm discovered by scientists

Hmm Interesting !

Good news for all you women out there, apparently any woman can climax - and indeed have multiple climaxes - if the circumstances of her life are right .......... Susan 

'Golden trio' of sex moves to help women orgasm discovered by scientists

“Explicit and direct communication with one’s partner is key”

Studies have shown that heterosexual women have fewer orgasms during sex than any other demographic, which substantiates the myth of the elusive female orgasm.
That said, it’s also been proven that lesbian women reach orgasm significantly more - in one study, 86 per cent of lesbian women reported they always or usually orgasm when sexually intimate compared to just 65 per cent of straight women.
But that proves that the female orgasm is not in fact as elusive as many people think, and scientists have now revealed a ‘golden trio’ of sex moves designed to increase the chances of a woman reaching orgasm.
Researchers from Chapman University, Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute studied over 52,000 Americans of different genders and sexual orientations to look into how often people orgasm.
The participants were aged between 18 and 65 and all said they were in a relationship with one person.
So, what need to happen in the bedroom for women to orgasm?
The ‘golden trio’:
  • Genital stimulation
  • Deep kissing 
  • Oral sex
“About 30% of men actually think that intercourse is the best way for women to have orgasm, and that is sort of a tragic figure because it couldn’t be more incorrect,” said study co-author Elisabeth Lloyd, who has written a book called The Case of the Female Orgasm.
She adds that: “To say that there needs to be some education I think is an understatement.
The researchers also found that women who do orgasm with their partners are more likely to feel satisfied with the relationship as a whole.
Whilst the ‘golden trio’ could provide some help, the study authors admit that there’s no ‘one size fits all’ approach to orgasming.
“Women really are tremendously variable in how readily they orgasm and what makes one woman orgasm can be quite different than what makes another woman orgasm,” said David Frederick, lead author of the research from Chapman University. 
“Explicit and direct communication with one’s partner is key.”