Top Sex Mistakes Women Make
Think you know everything about sex? Unfortunately, there’s lots of room for error when it comes to matters of the body. Do you obsess about how you look? Too embarrassed to give him directions? Not open to trying new things? Learn the 10 common mistakes you’re making. Plus, do you have good manners in bed? Find out with our quiz...
Sex Mistake #1: Assuming he’s always up for sex.
This might hold true for teenage boys, but not men. Once they hit their mid-20s, many things compete for their energy, says sexpert Tracey Cox, author of More Hot Sex (Bantam) and 10 other sex books. Work pressures, bills and everyday life can dampen his libido.
“He’s not like a vibrator,” Cox says. “You can’t just plug him in and expect him to perform on cue.” If he’s not into it, it doesn't mean he doesn't desire you anymore. He truly may not be in the mood.
Sex Mistake #2: Thinking sex ends when he climaxes.
Just because he’s fulfilled doesn't mean you are. Let him know you haven’t finished and help him find ways to get you there with his hands or mouth. If he’s consistently too wiped out to give you the attention you deserve, Cox says, have your needs met before his next time.
Sex Mistake #3: Obsessing about your body
The numbers on the scale aren’t what you’d like… so what? Putting on weight is no excuse for avoiding sex. Or maybe your weight is fine, but you’re fixating on another flaw.
Guess what? If he wants to have sex with you, he thinks you're sexy, Cox says.
Sex Mistake #4: Not giving him any guidance.
Pleasing a woman is no easy task, Cox says. So help him out! Give him explicit directions – when, where, how hard, how fast and more. If you’re too embarrassed to cue him verbally, find another way. For example, if you’re watching a sex scene in a movie, say something like, “That’s a good move” or “That doesn’t do it for me.” Or bookmark pages in a sex book and ask him to read them. Or let out a moan when he does something that pleases you. When it comes to sex, communication is key.
Sex Mistake #5: Overreacting when he suggests something new.
Most of us do the same thing day in and day out
. And whether it’s in the bedroom or the boardroom, routine can get boring. Men like looking at, trying out and experimenting with new things.
There’s nothing wrong about it, Cox says. Suggesting something new is not a criticism of you. It’s simply a craving for variety. So have an open mind. “Often someone will say ‘That’s the weirdest, craziest thing I’ve ever heard,’ and they’ll tell their friends who’ll say ‘That’s not that crazy, why are you reacting like that?’” says Emma Taylor, half of sexpert team Em & Lo, authors of Em & Lo’s Sex Toy: An A-Z Guide to Bedside Accessories(Chronicle Books). The best part? He wants to try it with you.
Sex Mistake #6: Surprising him with something wild.
If you want to take a walk on the wild side, talk first. Massages, concert tickets and flowers make great surprises. Blindfolds, handcuffs and a riding crop do not. Same goes for tush play – it’s poor manners (and possibly assault) to try to slip in there without asking first.
Sex Mistake #7: Saying someone else’s name.
“Good luck slithering out of that one,” Taylor says. “You’ll be offering a lot of unreciprocated oral sex and doing a lot of dishes
to dig yourself out of that hole.” Of course, that may depend whose name you screamed out – George Clooney’s or your ex’s – especially if your current partner wonders if you’re really over the ex.
You could tell him that fantasy is pretty common. “Women can say it’s just something women do, that they call on images from their past, that it’s all fantasy, that it doesn’t mean anything,” Taylor says.
Sex Mistake #8: Not disclosing you have an STD.
Many people with STDs fear they’ll be rejected if they share their status with a partner. So they keep mum, figuring they don’t have to volunteer the information if their partners don’t inquire.
This “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is a serious breach of sexual etiquette – it puts your partner’s health at risk, Taylor says.
Condoms aren’t 100% effective at blocking STDs; for example, herpes can be transmitted even when a condom is used.
If you’re the one receiving this information, be compassionate and don’t freak out. That doesn’t mean you have to proceed with sex.
Step back and assess your health risk and comfort level, then decide if you want to take it further.
Sex Mistake #9: Analyzing his equipment malfunction.
This happens to every guy, but it’s still an awkward moment for both. Unless deflated sails are an ongoing problem, don’t make a big deal about it.
Delving into the psychology of why he’s gone flat and what it means only makes the situation worse.
“Who knows why it happens,” Taylor says. “He could have suddenly had a [mental] flash of his grandmother that he couldn’t control and the thought made him lose his erection.”
Follow his lead. If he’s done, move on. But if he feels he can rally, “keep going and try something else,” Taylor says. “There are so many things you can do in bed together that don’t require an erect penis. Take it as a chance for him to focus on you for a few minutes.”
Sex Mistake #10: Blundering a booty call.Lifescript asked several sex experts for their tips for no-strings nookie:
Make sure you’re both in it just for the sex. “If one person is clearly looking for something more than a hook-up, it’s rude to string them along with a series of booty calls,” says Amber Madison, author of Hooking Up: A Girl’s All-Out Guide To Sex and Sexuality (Prometheus Books).
Limit the drunken 3 a.m. phone calls. “That’s kind of when [flings] happen,” says Josey Vogels, author of Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy (HarperCollins). “But waking someone up every Friday andSaturday night might be abusing your booty call privileges a bit.”
Be open if you’re not exclusive. “If you know your partner thinks you’re just sleeping with him, it’s unfair to let him carry on believing that,” Taylor says. “But once it’s out there, there’s no need to keep bringing it up.”
Keep things light. “Your booty call isn’t the person you call if you’ve had a bad day,” Taylor says. You can’t treat him like a partner.
If it’s very late, text. “It’s much less intrusive,” Taylor says. “If they’re asleep, it’s not going to wake them. If they’re with someone else, it’s not going to be awkward.” Write something short and saucy. “When you send someone a message at 1 a.m. saying, Wht r u up to?, they know exactly what you’re asking,” Taylor says.
Other articles of interest:
