Wednesday 31 August 2016

Are You Flirting More Than You Realise?

The danger arises from misreading the context and the other person’s perspective.   -Susan


Are You Flirting More Than You Realise?

The signals you send can make things complicated

You may regard yourself as a loyal, faithful partner who would never ever cheat. However, stop and think: Is it possible that you engage in unintentional "innocent" flirtations? Maybe you engage in occasional teasing with co-workers, neighbours, or even a sister- or brother-in-law. Are you communicating, unintentionally, that you’re sexually available? That teasing, when it involves certain nonverbal messages, can get you into trouble, even though you believe it to be harmless. Without realising it, you’ve led the person you’ve been exchanging knowing glances with to assume that you mean business. Taken aback, you deny having sent any sexual signals, and an embarrassing silence follows.

Flirtation is a fact of life in many social interactions, even (or especially) among people who don’t know each other. A waiter offers you a glass of sparkling water and you think you spot a wink. You’re waiting in line at airport security, and a good-looking fellow traveler offers to put your shoes in the bin. As you offer your thanks, you could swear that your shoes are being handled with extra special attention. Five minutes later, you forget the whole thing ever happened, but for that fleeting moment, it seems like the chance meeting could go in any direction at all.
With a person who you see on a frequent basis, flirting is far more complicated. You’re very happy in your primary close relationship, but it’s kind of fun to play around with the idea that you could play around with this other person. It would be highly inappropriate, you know, but you can almost imagine giving this person a little pat where you shouldn’t or wouldn’t dare to. During a ceremonial hugging opportunity (such as at a birthday party or holiday) you want to linger just a little bit longer, though, again, you know this would be a wicked thing to do.
Flirting in your head could inadvertently turn to flirting for real if the other person picks up on the cues you believed to be ever so subtle. Finding yourself alone with this person (or in the adjoining seat on the plane), you’re now at that point I referred to earlier where you’re being taken far more seriously than you ever intended. Faced with the prospect of turning those mental images into reality, you’re thrown into a chaotic mental state of fear and temptation.
Jeffrey Hall and Chong Xing (2015), communications Studies at the University of Kansas, examined the verbal and nonverbal behaviours associated with what they define as the 5 basic flirting styles. According to Hall and Xing, people differ in the style of flirting they typically prefer, or what they call a “unique dispositional manner of communicating romantic interest” (p. 42). In other words, your personality in part determines how you let other people know you’re sexually attracted to them. If you’re typically comfortable in the idea of having sex outside a relationship, you’ll flirt one way; if not, you’ll flirt in other ways. Everyone flirts, but in slightly different manners.
In previous research, Hall and his associates developed a self-report measure of flirting style that correlated with other self-report measures of a person’s interest in sex outside of relationships. Hall and Xing decided it would be perhaps even more revealing to rate flirting styles not on what people said about themselves—not necessarily all that accurate—but on how they behaved in an interaction with a stranger. They asked 51 pairs of single (not in a relationship) male and female undergraduates to talk to each other in a lab setting for a 10-minute period. To make sure the conversation never reached a lull, the researchers gave participants sample questions to discuss over the course of the interaction. At the end, each participant indicated how physically attracted they were to their conversation partner.

This brief interaction gave the researchers plenty of verbal and nonverbal data which they subsequently rated (from videos) along 38 dimensions. The behavioural ratings included non-sexual bodily movements such as arm and leg crossing, moving closer or farther apart, gesturing, and head nodding. Additionally, raters assessed more sexual behaviours such as flirtatious glancing, licking the lips, and taking a suggestive pose. Conversational ratings included raising one’s vocal pitch, speaking animatedly, teasing, and engaging in self-disclosure.

After crunching the wealth of data obtained from these ratings, Hall and Xing were able to identify behavioural differences among the 5 self-acknowledged flirting types using as their basis for categorisation the self-report questionnaires that participants also completed.
Here’s how your behaviour might look for each of the flirting styles. (Where men and women differed, these are broken apart.)

  1. Physical. If you’re a physical type of flirt, you touch the people to whom you're physically attracted, even if only so subtly. In the Hall and Xing study, women who described themselves as physical flirters indeed tended to “open up” their bodies by moving their hands out and away from their torsos, and nodding their heads often during conversation. Surprisingly, men who described themselves as physical flirts and felt attracted to their partners looked at them less and rarely gave them compliments. 
  2. Traditional. If you’re a traditional flirt, you believe that men should make the first move. Accordingly, as shown in the study, men who saw themselves as fitting this type were more likely to lean toward their partner while traditionally flirtatious women used verbal teasing as their means of communication.
  3. Sincere. You appear to have a true interest in the other person if you’re a sincere flirt, and before long, you’ll find that other people are revealing their deepest truths to you. Behaviourally, as shown in this study, you’ll be less likely to tease (especially if you’re a man) and more likely to exchange flirtatious gazes early in your meetings with strangers.
  4. Polite. If you don’t really like flirting per se, but prefer to take your time to get to know someone, your interactions with a new person will take on a more formal or polite quality. As shown by Hall and Xing, even if you’re physically attracted to someone, you won’t make a move to get closer, you won’t engage in teasing, and (if you’re a woman) you won’t even ask too many questions.
  5. Playful. A playful flirt enjoys the game, but isn’t really in it for the relationship. If you fit this profile, you’re not really sincere about getting to know the other person and you may even be using the flirtation as the means to another end, such as getting someone to do you a favor. Without even realising it, you may be sending physical signals such as protruding your chest (whether male or female) but if you’re a woman, you’ll flash the flirtatious gaze especially once the interaction gets going.
Some behaviours in this study emerged as related to physical attraction to the partner regardless of flirting style. If you’re really attracted to someone, as observations revealed, you’ll touch your own body less frequently, give out plenty of compliments, give more flirtatious glances (especially early in the interaction), and not do any teasing as the interaction winds down. Women smile and laugh with the people they’re interested in and open up their bodily gestures. Men look at their partners more and tend to sit still.
In summary, this study of behavioural differences revealed that people who regard themselves as one particular type of flirt do interact differently when they’re engaged in talking to a stranger who they find attractive. Because flirtations can have consequences that you might not intend, it’s helpful to know what message you’re communicating to your interaction partners, no matter how brief or seemingly random. It’s also possible for those brief encounters to turn into ones that last, allowing you to experience the fulfilment that comes from a mutually rewarding intimate relationship over the long-term.
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Sunday 31 July 2016

This Is The Single Key to Effective, ZERO-Arguing Communication

"My advice is listen, listen, listen then count to three before you answer. Arguing is a waste of energy.  However,  meaningful conversation can be much  more positive"    -       Susan

This Is The Single Key to Effective, ZERO-Arguing Communication

Tool to improve communication: TWO people in the room, not ONE.

Do you have the courage to speak your "truth," as Voltaire called it, and to listen? This is not easy for many of us.
In fact, not long ago I was at a meeting where we as a group needed to make a decision. I had thought about the topic, did some research, spoke to some colleagues and was very clear about what we needed to do. I was convinced, hooked on being right and righteous.

I was so convinced I was "right" that I was struck with how closed off I was to listening to anyone in the group with a different point of view. Suddenly, I realised this position went against absolutely everything I believed in and know is true: that listening facilitates real communication and conversation.

I knew I wanted to make a shift. So with all my energy and strength I said to the group, “I have a very strong opinion on these issues AND from my heart and head I want to listen to your opinions.” What a lesson.

Often we forget that we are separate and have different opinions, different memories, and different perceptions of what actually happened, and there is no one right way. Even if you totally and absolutely know that you are "right,” all you know is your perspective. When you don’t allow the other their perspective, there is only one person in the room. There is no room for two, and communication is stopped, killed, deadened.

Here's an exercise, a first step that will strengthen your communication. The more we speak our truth and listen, the more we can have a conversation, and communication that grows and evolves us.

  1. Person A speaks her appreciations to Person B. B listens and doesn't interrupt. A gives concrete examples (e.g., "When I asked you to turn the computer off and you did, I really appreciated that."). Person A gives a concrete example for every appreciation.
  2. Person B speaks her appreciations to Person A. Again, very concrete examples. Person A listens, hopefully with head and heart, and does not interrupt.
  3. Person A speaks resentment, once again using concrete examples. Person B listens, no interruptions. 
  4. Person B shares resentments while Person A listens.

Do this for a short period of time — three minutes each, maximum.
At first you are practicing speaking and listening. There is no responding.  When you have developed a muscle, you can respond if you want to after the other person has shared. No discussion, just a simple response.

This is a powerful step. In the end you do not have to agree. You may really disagree. However, if you’re listening with your head, heart and body, you will most likely be affected; you and the other will find your authentic way.

Although I’m focusing on conversations between and among people, this also applies to communication between different parts of ourselves. For example, when faced with a decision, it can sometimes feel like several voices are going off in your head. It’s valuable to listen to all of them, to not dismiss.

You can follow the same structure as in the exercise above to talk things out with yourself. Respect all of the voices, listen to each one, and you’ll find your authentic way.

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Friday 22 July 2016

How To Make Love To A Man So He'll NEVER Forget You

"Well ladies we have had the article on how we think the man should make love to us, so here is the article on  how we should make love to the man, to achieve max results!! 

Interesting ! But you cant beat spontaneity" - Susan

How To Make Love To A Man So He'll NEVER Forget You

There's a difference between making love and having sex.

You may be nervous at the thought of learning how to have amazing, passionate sex with a man, but you shouldn't be. In this guide, I'm going to show you exactly how to make love to a man in a way that is super easy and takes all the pressure off you. More importantly, you will learn how to truly enjoy this mind-blowing, emotional sex, too.

1. Be comfortable with him first! It is the only way you'll feel safe enough to let go.

By far the most important thing that you need to take care of before you start is making sure that you are totally comfortable with what's about to happen. If you have never had sex before, then you will understandably be nervous and hopefully a little excited.
However, if you aren't excited about making love or if you even have the smallest, niggling doubt, then hold off on sex with your man completely. You should never, ever feel pressured into getting intimate. While you may hope that he can just "read the signs" you need to also verbally express how you feel.
So before you attempt to make love to a man, make sure that you've found one that actually cares about you and respects you. I know this part is not exactly the most exciting, but the other important aspect of being comfortable is being safe.

2. Understand that it's not just sex — it's a connection on a deeper level.

There is an absolutely massive difference between learning how to make love to a man and just "knockin' boots".
Making love is about getting closer to your man and connecting with him, both physically and mentally. But just hooking up with a guy for the sake of it is completely different. Hooking up is more about lust and just getting off.
When you are making love with someone, you can go fast or slow, but you will always be paying attention to them. In many ways making love to a guy is a way to show him just how much you care about him. While it's obviously a bonus if you get off, you are going to be just as focused with making sure that he gets off too.
So if you really want to learn how to make love to a guy and connect with him, don't think so much about getting off as quickly as possible. Think more along the lines of slow, passionate grinding, caressing and embracing. But making love is not just about intercourse. There are a lot of other "loving" things that you can do to your man like massaging him, kissing him and even going down on him.


3. Skin-to-skin contact is crucial for intimacy.

Like I just said, learning how to make love to your man is about connecting with him. Ideally you want to connect with him on as many levels as possible — emotionally, physically and even spiritually. The best, simplest way to connect with him in all these ways is to make as much body contact with him as possible.
This is why positions like missionary, the coital alignment technique and spooning are perfect as both of your bodies are in almost full contact with each other.
But just lying on top of each other or beside each other is merely the tip of the iceberg when having sex. You can hold your man's hands and interlock fingers, or you can both physically embrace by putting your arms around each other and hugging each other.


4. Kissing intensifies your bond.

Another very important technique to use when figuring out how to make love to a man is kissing. I'm not talking about regular kissing techniques like a peck on the cheek, or using your tongue like a washing machine — I'm talking about kissing your man with passion.
So kiss your man with both intensity and tenderness. Slowly and gently suck on his lips with yours. Hold his head with your hands while you kiss him. Grab his hair. Bury your head in his neck as you kiss him. Kiss him in a way that shows him how you truly care about him.

5. Telling each other how you feel helps you understand and connect.

Disclaimer: This last tip is great if you have been dating each other for quite a while and both feel really strongly about each other. But if you have just started dating, then avoid using dirty talk until you know what you're both comfortable with.
While making love to your man, it can massively intensify things if you tell each other how you feel about each other. Letting him know how much you care about him and him doing the same to you is something that will really help you to connect more deeply.

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Monday 18 July 2016

How to Make Love to a Woman, As Told by a Woman

"This has the makings of a good time, but it would be interesting to hear the opinions of all you men out there"       -   Susan

How to Make Love to a Woman, As Told by a Woman

Wild sex is fun from time to time, but making love can be just what both of you need. Find out how to make love to a woman from a woman.

Women love slow, romantic sex. In other words, we love when a man makes love to us. Forget banging, getting laid, getting it on, and all of those different ways to have sex. We often love the caring nature of making love more than any of that.
This is a lot different that your average male because their instincts most often drive them in the direction of hot, steamy, rough sex. That being said, they don’t exactly know how to make love the way a woman might like it best.
How making love is different than your average sex
They don’t just call it “making love” for no reason. This type of sex is much different from your average romp in the sheets. There’s a lot more care and emotion involved in making love than just taking off your clothes and going at it.
This doesn’t mean that every time you have sex with someone you love it has to be categorized as making love. In fact, this type of love should be saved for special occasions because it is such an intimate act.
How to make love to a woman
Making love to a woman is not an easy task, and most men need some direction. Who better to get that from than a woman herself? If you want to make love to a woman and really show her how you truly feel about her through sex, this is how you should do it.
#1 Take it seriously. I know that making jokes and being silly can really ease the seriousness of sex and make it light and fun. However, if you want to really find out how to make love to a woman, you’ll want to be serious about it.
Set the jokes and funny antics aside for the night and put on a more serious, intimate tone. Not only will she be able to feel the difference in your emotional state during sex, but she’ll also be able to feel just how serious you are about HER, and that will translate into some great lovemaking. 
#2 Foreplay should be emotional. Normally, your foreplay might be intense and physical… at least I hope it is. When you get to the foreplay portion when you’re trying to make love to a woman, though, it has to be a lot more emotional than it is physical.
This doesn’t just start when you get home. This should be started during the day with sweet, loving text messages sent her way. This kind of foreplay really speaks to her emotional side and will get her in the romantic mood for some fantastic sex later on. 
#3 The entire evening should be romantic. You can’t just make the sex romantic and call it making love. You have to set up the entire mood for lovemaking in order to successfully make love to your woman.
Try having a delicious and decadent dinner that’s lowly lit with a lot of conversation surrounding your feelings for her. You’ll get bonus points if you cook the meal yourself. 
#4 Make sure the lighting is dim. To set the mood for making love to a woman, you’ll have to keep the lighting very dim and sultry.
I suggest lighting some candles to give the kind of atmosphere that fosters those sexy shadows you sometimes see in movies. The second she sees the candles, she’ll know that this is a day for lovemaking and not just sex.
#5 Throw on some slow, sexy music. None of that grinding, thumping music that initiates the fasat-paced sex you’re so used to. Set up the mood with some slow jazz or other mood music with a slower and sexier pace.
This will not only remind you of the mood you’re trying to build, but it’ll also keep your sex slow and romantic, just as it should be when you’re trying to make love. 
#6 Pamper her. There’s nothing that will make her feel more loved than pampering her in every way you can. This means choosing your dinner food based on what you know she loves, giving her a hot oil massage, and just telling her how beautiful she is in every way.
If you know that she loves something in particular that really helps her to unwind and relax, make sure you do it for her.
#7 Pick the best place. Now, this doesn’t mean you should book a hotel room or try to get frisky outside. Actually, making love is most effective when done in your own home. It’s much more personal that way.
However, you can decide where in your home is the most romantic place to do the deed. If the bedroom is the nicest and cosiest, do it there. If you have a fireplace and can lay down a blanket, that could make for an extremely romantic and intimate setting.
#8 Pick the right positions for intimate contact. Doggy style is not a good position to go for when you’re making love to a woman. It’s very primal and detached, and that’s exactly the opposite of what you want when lovemaking.
A huge part of how to make love to a woman involves trying positions that are face-to-face and therefore perfect for the closest contact. Missionary and spooning are two of the best positions when you want to make love.
#9 Make it more about her. This doesn’t just mean pampering her. This means actually making the sex more about her feelings than yours. For guys, it’s easy to get off after a little while, but women typically take more time.
So focus the sex on her pleasure this time. Spend some time giving her some much-appreciated oral, and focus on getting her off before you finish.
#10 Tell her how much you care about her. And do so while you’re having sex. It can be a bit challenging for a guy to open up about his feelings for the one he loves, especially during sex, but it can be a small touch that can make the world of difference for her. Something as simple as, “You make me so happy,” can do wonders.
#11 Take the time to cuddle afterwards. Making love to a woman doesn’t just mean having sex. It means making sure she feels loved and cared for during the entirety of the sex act—and yes, that includes afterwards.

You can’t successfully make love to a woman without spending cuddle time with her after sex. This is perfect for making her feel the love even after the sex has ended, ensuring that she truly feels appreciated for more than just her body. 
Knowing how to make love to a woman is much more than simply perfecting your moves and doing the deed. There’s a lot more that goes into true lovemaking that only a woman shed some light on.
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Sunday 10 July 2016

I have fetishes for feet and tickling but my girlfriend won’t play along

"Try sharing a bath, lots of bubbles, candles, a long drink and conversation, if this fails remember how Prince Charming managed to bed Cinderella - SHOES yes shoes. So if all else fails buy her shoes at least you will be in the right area when you place them on her feet!" - Susan

I have fetishes for feet and tickling but my girlfriend won’t play along

While my partner hasn’t rejected me, she feels feet are inherently unhygienic and won’t let me worship her as I would like. Are there any ways I can change her mind?

I have had fetishes for feet and tickling since I was a teenager, but have never been confident in opening up about it before. I told my current girlfriend and, happily, she did not reject me. However, she will not take part. When it comes to me wanting to worship her feet, she declines because she believes they are inherently unhygienic. I don’t want these fantasies to be the only part of our sex life, but I would like them to play some part.
While it is important that all sexual practices between two people are consensual, it’s also reasonable to introduce something unusual or fetishistic to a partner cautiously and incrementally. Instead of rushing to propose something that might seem radical or even bizarre, help her to get used to the idea by gradually suggesting something more palatable. It is often best to start with something that would not be generally considered weird. So, rather than requesting a full menu of foot worshipping – and knowing that her discomfort is partly related to her notion of hygiene – perhaps you might initiate love-making in a bath, shower, swimming pool or the sea. Make this session 95% “vanilla”, including her favourite sensual stroking or oral pleasuring to fully arouse her, then switch to something such as oral toe-pleasuring. If she enjoys this, you can repeat and extend it until it becomes a regular aspect of your love-making. Eventually, you can introduce something slightly more advanced, but it must always be very gradual.
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Thursday 30 June 2016

Photo Of Naked Elderly Couple Is Teaching The World There Are ‘A Million Billion Definitions Of Beautiful’

"Everybody is beautiful in there own right, nobody has the divine right on what is beautiful and what is not.  Imagine how boring the world would be if we all thought the same thing was beautiful !!!   Gerry and Darwin - yes I think you are beautiful !! "      -     Susan

Photo Of Naked Elderly Couple Is Teaching The World There Are ‘A Million Billion Definitions Of Beautiful’

Gerry, 75, and Darwin, 70, have been together for more than 20 years.
Now, hundreds of thousands of people have seen them naked thanks to a new project by photographer Jade Beall
I refuse to accept the wide spread (mostly Western) human belief system in regards to what is beautiful, especially when it comes to the sacred vessel we call our body.
Why do we accept to believe that one thing must be more beautiful than another? Why cannot we embrace a million-billion definitions of beautiful?

The divine: skin that drapes, stretches, sags, wrinkles, burns and rebuilds like spiralling Fibonacci across our fragile and strong bones made from the same stuff as the stars all combining to create this phenomenon that comes to life for a short amount of time that we call... bodies.

Many from my human tribe and other humans who wish to sell me things "that will hide the evidence that I am growing older" tell me that as I grow older, I am worth less and less and that elder bodies are anything but beautiful.

These elder bodies: the temples to decades of wisdom, heartbreak, strength, failure, triumph, THRIVING. How, I wonder, could they be anything but beautiful? .

I am starting a new series on beloveds over 60 because I wish to be free from the imposed beliefs.

Gerry: I love my body. I use a cane, I am having vision problems and my breasts reach to my waist, but you know what? I like me!

Darwin: I still have body issues. I would love to loose some weight.

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    Wednesday 29 June 2016

    Here’s What REALLY Happens To People Who Hook Up With A Co-Worker

    "Would you like my advice? keep love, lust and work separate, the two do not mix!"   - Susan

    Here’s What REALLY Happens To People Who Hook Up With A Co-Worker

    It’s not always what you’d expect.
    We’ve all been there. You’re working long hours on an intense project and suddenly, the camaraderie you feel with a colleague somehow tips over into sexual attraction. You ask yourself if the attraction you feel is because you're both working your butts off or are you genuinely feeling a spark of love (or lust)?
    Before you know it, you’re eating dinner together, since you’re both working late. Then you have a few laughs over the fortune cookie from the crummy Chinese place down the street. The next week, you leave work at the same time and walk to the E train together. A month later, after stopping together for a few drinks, you wake up in the morning next to that same smile that hooked you in the first place.
    Now what? Should you end it? Lean into the romance? Is an office romance worth the risk? Here's how office romances usually go down:  
    1. The Good 

    You’re cool. She’s cool. You're both adults and work approximately at the same level in different departments. So, you let the tryst happen. You ate, you drank, you laughed, you rumpled each other's sheets and you're both totally cool about it. Maybe she has a boyfriend who works in Boston. Or she’s playing the field and she sees you as a great guy she enjoys spending time with. You're not a stalker-nutcase and you respect her space, especially after you’ve done the deed. Or, maybe she just wanted some variety or to take the edge off and you were there. 
    Then again, maybe you two are meant to be. It does happen. I’ve had a few office flings in my time and one lady ended up living with me and it worked out just fine. We both found new jobs organically, but, at first, she wanted to let people know that we were an item. And I did not. My question to her was, “Can you tell me one good thing that will come out of sharing this with a gossip-crazed ad agency?”
    That kept the lid on our relationship until I found another job. At that point, what other's thought didn't matter. We kept things cool and the relationship worked out. OK, there were a few awkward moments when someone made a lecherous comment about her in my presence, but no big deal. 
    2. The Bad 

    If the word is out at the office about you two, and you have a disagreement ... it sucks. Same thing if another person in the office or someone who works with your company has his or her sights set on one of you. Things can get sticky, fast. You don’t want your co-workers knowing your personal business. They talk, maybe out of boredom, but they will talk. And when they do, your colleagues will look at you differently, and maybe guard their own words when either of you is around, especially if you impact their job.
    And you don’t want to have a tryst in the physical office space, even if your boss is an a-hole and you want to have sex on his couch, just so you have something to laugh about every time you see his smug face. So, tread carefully when the word gets out about your relationship. It can be used against both of you, and if you two stop getting along or breakup, things can get tricky. 
    3. The Ugly

    This usually happens when one of you is the boss and the other a subordinate. Let’s say the boss decides that he or she has had enough fun. The subordinate gets dumped and all hell breaks loose. High stakes tension forms a toxic cloud in the office. Uncomfortable looks, emotional blackmail, and even accusations of sexual harassment are rampant. You know it happens, even if the allegation aren't true. People try to keep their jobs by playing this card, and it can work if the circumstances are set up the right, or should I say, the wrong way. This can become a messy situation and it impacts people’s careers. You want to keep things light with this co-worker to avoid things getting ugly at all costs. 
    So, should you let a office romance blossom or nip it in the bud?
    As with all of your encounters with the opposite sex, do your very best not to let your sexual organs lead the way, especially at work. Common sense, paying attention, and being a respectful person all go a long way in avoiding office drama of the romantic kind. 
    Of course, because we spend so many hours in an office, many couples get their start at work. If that happens, act like a professional and don’t let emotions dictate your actions. Our primary reason for being in the office is for the job we were hired to do, even if it’s not much fun. That’s what we get paid for, so keep that in mind when that hot co-worker sashays past your desk every morning. I know, it’s easier said than done. Do your best and it will work out just fine. 

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