Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Common Carnal Sins Women Make in Bed

Common Carnal Sins Women Make in Bed
We are brought up believing that sex should always be initiated by men and it’s mostly about pleasing men, notions that are deeply wrong. Here are some common mistakes women make in the bedroom (and any other place one likes to have sex).

Sin #1: Assuming men are ready, and want sex all the time.

This may be true for a teenager with raging hormones, but not with someone who is in his mid-20s, the latter has too much to worry about and that tends to dampen his desire for sex.

Sin #2: Sex is done when he’s done

Not true, you can always turn the tables on him. What’s stopping you from telling him, ‘Hey, we’re not finished yet’? If his orgasm seriously has wiped him out (and in his defence, his body is flooded with ‘sleep’ hormones immediately after orgasm), explain to him that you need to have yours before he does. (What women want in the bedroom)

Sin #3:Sex is more than than just sex to men

Men often have sex to feel wanted. It may be hard for women to accept that it’s a way for men to express affection, but it just might be the case. So, if he really wants to say ‘I love you’, he may suggest sex. If he feels emasculated, sex could make him manly again. If he’s feeling vulnerable after a health scare, sex is his way of proving to himself he doesn’t have to go through it alone. Sometimes when you reject sex, you’re not just rejecting sex but you’re effectively saying ‘I don’t like or want you’. Adopt a new philosophy: don’t say no, say when and always make it clear you’re saying no to sex, not a cuddle or cosy chat. (Top 5 female orgasm myths busted)

Sin #4: Sticking to the same boring routine

You wouldn’t expect your partner to eat the same lunch every day. Why then, do most of us become paranoid when our partner dares to suggest a change to their sexual menu? Wanting change is nothing to be threatened by. (Read: Top sex positions – woman on top)

Sin #5: Not giving enough instructions

If you don’t show or tell him how to touch you—when, where, how hard, how fast, in as much detail as possible—you might as well both give up there and then.

View the original article here

Previous Articles

Dating is a Numbers Game

Twitter and Facebook are Bad for Your Love Life!

The Very Worst Types Of Guys You'll Meet Online

7 Compliments Women Actually Find Insulting

The Language of Love

8 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

Friday, 11 April 2014

Dating is a Numbers Game

Dating is a Numbers Game

After you have gotten clear on the qualities you need in a partner, you must be accessible. Unless you want to date the pizza delivery guy or the female UPS employee, leaving the house is a necessity. Even if you prefer the ease of Internet sites, the at-home preparation requires an in-person meeting. My dear friend and client says, “Dating is a numbers game.”

The more people you meet, the more acute your focus. Each time you go out with another person, you automatically rack up information on your preferences. Also, you become more comfortable with the “meet and greet” process. No matter what style of dating you like, from a casual coffee date with low expectations to a formal dinner, each and every outing clarifies the qualities needed in your preferred partner.

I have a friend, now engaged, who dated voraciously. She had a basic outline of what she wanted. With that, she participated in numerous Internet sites and went out several times a week to meet new people. She approached dating, like a business. After 6 months she’d had a few involvements and a lot more personal information. She belabored one point. What type of man was best suited to her? Personality Type A, or Type B? She’d had two long-term relationships with both types of men. The Type A male had power and his own financial resources, but little time to spend with her. The Type B guy had time, but their togetherness mostly centered around taking care of him financially and otherwise. She’d lost valuable time in her own career, managing Mr. Type B’s life. Yet, with Mr. Type A the endless nights alone couldn’t be soothed by a gorgeous home and gardens.

My friend was clear on partnership, but skewed on this point. The real problem? She’d been looking at an “EITHER/OR” scenario. By sending out opposing messages, she was caught in a holding pattern. I suggested she allow for the possibility of both, in one partner. A man who was financially stable, yet free to spend time with her. Radical conceptually, in that she never imagined the morphing of these two qualities, together. Did such a man exist? In the real world? He could never show up unless she put her two requests, together.

She met her ideal man. Interestingly, when she was “off duty.” After months of effort applied to dating, it was on the night her friends coerced her into leaving her home. She was tired and not in the mood. But, they were insistent. After leaving the first dance venue she started toward her car. Her friends begged her to go to “one more place.” It was there, that she met her fiance. Not planned, and in this case, with no apparent effort on her part. The effort she had applied, took root in the previous 6 months. She did her external homework in being open to meeting new people. She did her internal homework, in figuring out what she really wanted. The moment she was clear, her partner showed up. Dating by the numbers is misunderstood. It isn’t about going out every night. It isn’t about looking. It isn’t about hunting. At its core, it is about clarity. The clarity comes via contrast. With each new interaction, we begin to refine those qualities we must have, and those things that are negotiable. Dating allows the opportunity to see the many variations of these qualities, via presentation in each new person. The numbers game is a service we give to ourselves, that eventually allows us the ability to recognize our true mate, when we see them.

View the original article here

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Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Twitter and Facebook are Bad for Your Love Life!

Arguments over social media platforms among romantic partners are damaging relationships, ending in negative outcomes like emotional and physical cheating, breakup and divorce, a significant research reveals. Individuals who are active Twitter users are far more likely to experience Twitter-related conflict with their romantic partners, researchers said.

‘I found it interesting that active Twitter users experienced conflict and negative relationship outcomes regardless of length of romantic relationship,’ said Russell Clayton, a doctoral student in University of Missouri’s school of journalism. Couples who reported being in relatively new relationships experienced the same amount of conflict as those in longer relationships, he noted. In his study, Clayton surveyed 581 Twitter users of all ages. (Read: 8 tips to develop more intimacy in your relationship)

Clayton asked participants questions about their Twitter use such as how often they login in to Twitter, tweet, scroll the Twitter newsfeed, send direct messages to others, and reply to followers. Clayton also asked how much, if any, conflict arose between participants’ current or former partners as a result of Twitter use. He found that the more often a respondent reported being active on Twitter, the more likely they were to experience Twitter-related conflict with their partner.

‘The aim of this study was to examine whether my previous study that concluded that Facebook use predicted Facebook-related conflict – which then led to breakup and divorce – were consistent with Twitter,’ Clayton commented. In his previous research on Facebook, Clayton found that Facebook-related conflict and negative relationship outcomes were greater among couples in newer relationships of 36 months or less. (Read:How can I get my sex drive back?)

If Twitter users are experiencing Twitter-related conflict with their partner, Clayton recommends ‘couples of all ages limit their daily and weekly use of social networking sites to more healthy, reasonable levels’. According to him, although a number of variables can contribute to relationship infidelity and separation, social networking site usage such as Twitter and Facebook use can be damaging to relationships. Cut back to moderate, healthy levels of Twitter use if you are experiencing Twitter or Facebook-related conflict, he advised in the study published in the journal Cyberpsychology,Behavior, and Social Networking.

View the original article here

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Monday, 7 April 2014

The Very Worst Types Of Guys You'll Meet Online

Dating is hard. Online dating is even harder. But it's an increasingly common and less socially-weird-than-it-used-to-be way of meeting potential mates. I've done my fair share of it. I've tried OKCupid, eHarmony, and Match to name but a few of the cyber romantic walkways I have stumbled down. I haven't found love yet (call me, Michael Keaton). And while I might every so often shut down every single account and vow never to do it again, I always come back for more.

Because the odds are a whole lot more likely that I'll meet a dude online than I will in real life. I work with mostly ladies, and while they are awesome, I am not attracted to ladies. When work is through, I go to the gym or usually I go home. So unless I plan on the potential disaster of hitting on someone at the gym or on the subway (where I feel like I'd just immediately be arrested for harassment), I've got to keep an open mind where online dating is concerned.

It's not always easy. In fact, it's far more likely that I'll decide to start taking classes or going to science lectures in the hopes of awkwardly meeting someone with whom I'd like to bump uglies, try that for a while, and when it doesn't work, then I reactivate all my old accounts. Nothing changes when it comes to dating. There are basically six types of guys you come across. It can be bleak, but I do it anyway. Because while I'm a cynic, I'm also a romantic. He's out there, I just, in the immortal words of Michael Buble, haven't met him yet.

1. The Two-Letter Lover

"hi" That's all he has to say. No caps, no punctuation, maybe an emoticon if you're lucky. He's into you enough to spend less than two seconds composing a message. He's into you enough to trick you into doing the heavy lifting. In other words, he's not into you at all. Dudes of the world, you're better off not messaging us at all if 'hi' is all you have to say.

2. Captain Overshare

He seemed cute in his profile. His answers were quippy and on point; his photos were adorable. You guys like all the same bands! You should be psyched when you see his message in your inbox. And you are! Until you open it and see that it's just an unsolicited photo of his junk. Don't call us, penis. We'll call you.

3. Mr. Wuthering Heights

Things are going great with this guy! You might even have made it as far as going out on a couple of dates. But something isn't right. He talks about his ex ... kind of a lot. And not, like, in a normal way. One glass of wine and suddenly he's crying and sobbing her name. You guys are having a great night, until he begins screaming for his ex at the restaurant. He's a real romantic, a rare breed indeed, but he's obsessed with his ex.

4. The Insta-Boyfriend

You go on one date with this guy, and in his eyes, you're married. He's ready to get hitched, to settle down, to start with the baby-making. So much so that he doesn't care who joins him in this endeavor -- so long as she's got reproductive organs and seems vaguely nice.

5. Colonel Not-So-Serious

He's got a smoking body; he's funny and smart. He's the perfect catch. Except for one thing: He has no intention of ever seeing you again. He's a lot of fun, and who doesn't love fun? You. Try talking to him about 'where this is going' and you'll get his lecture -- he thinks you're great but he's not looking for anything serious, whatever his profile might say.

6. ... Hello?

I am convinced there is a void where all dudes who you exchange one, positive message with before they disappear forever are currently sitting waiting to be rescued. Sure, stuff happens, but where do these mystery dudes go?

What other types of dudes have you found while dating online?

View the original article here

Previous Articles:

7 Compliments Women Actually Find Insulting

The Language of Love

8 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

Men's Sexual Response

7 Essential Relationship Skills

Porn and Relationships

Thursday, 3 April 2014

7 Compliments Women Actually Find Insulting

woman, compliment, insult, man, frustrated

7 Compliments Women Actually Find Insulting

Take note of these seven compliments that women actually find insulting before you accidentally find yourself walking home alone.

‘…for a girl’
Ending a sentence with: ‘You’re so funny, for a girl’ or ‘You’re really clever, for a girl’. Not only does this suggest that a female with a good sense of humour or a brain is a rare and precious thing, but calling anyone over the age of 18 a ‘girl’ is insulting in itself. She’s an adult!

‘You look fine’
If a woman has spent some time getting ready to go out with you, telling her she looks ‘fine’ when she asks will not cut the mustard. Go with ‘beautiful’ or ‘gorgeous’ or something similar and, for extra points, pick out a detail like “…and I really like your new lipstick.”

‘You’re so bubbly!’
In many women’s eyes ‘bubbly’ = ‘chubby and irritating’. Avoid.

‘You have a great personality’
The ‘great personality’ compliment is so lame that you might as well just give up on attracting women now. It’s so generic that it sounds like you haven’t listened to a word they said, don’t know anything about them and have barely looked at them.

‘You are so HOT!’
This applies mostly to women that you’ve only just met, but even if you end up dating them you should proceed with caution. Whilst a woman does like to be found attractive, she doesn’t want to be seen as a sex object, so be careful how you tell her you like her.

‘You look like you enjoy a good meal’
If you’re a fan of cooking, eating out and are generally an all round foodie, then this will seem like the highest of compliments, as you probably can’t think of anyone you’d rather take on a date. However, for a woman, you’ve basically just said: “You’re fat”. Bad move, Romeo.

‘You’re so beautiful, you’re so beautiful, you’re so beautiful’ (ad infinitum)

Yes, being called beautiful is indeed a compliment, and one that will no doubt be appreciated, but using the same compliment over and over again wears it out, like a toothbrush or a pair of shoes. If you can’t manage to think of an original thing to say now and again, the woman in your life is going to think you’re either unimaginative and boring or you’re only with her for her looks, neither of which paint you in an attractive light.

View the original article here

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The Language of Love

It's the universal language, but some expressions of love say more to one person than another. Which one is yours?

Remember when you and your partner first got together? That period of endless time, energy and attention for each other, lots of sex and touching, feeling that you would do anything for one another ... According to US marriage counsellor Gary Chapman, you can get these aspects back into your relationship by learning to speak your partner's love language. It may sound a bit touchy-feely, but the idea is that each of us has a way that we like to give and receive love.

Chapman identified five major "languages" - words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch - and said that we all have one major language and one or two secondary ones. Queensland-based psychologist Dr Peta Stapleton says Chapman's concept can help men and women understand each other better. "Even if they have to try all five to get the right one, people can only benefit from learning their partner's love language," she says. "They'll have a more responsive partnership and understand each other better. And it doesn't just have to be in your romantic relationship. You can understand your mate or boss better, too."

Interpreting your partner

There are a couple of ways to work out which love language your partner speaks. The first tactic is to try all five and see which gets the best response. If you want to take a more scientific approach, look closely at what your partner complains about.

If they say, "You never listen to me", maybe they want quality time. If they harass you for never helping out, they might be an acts-of-service speaker. If you get kudos for a Christmas present, gifts might be the way forward. And if you can't remember the last time you gave your partner a hug or a compliment and things aren't great, you could take that as a clue that you need to learn to use physical touch or words of affirmation.

Getting your own back

By the time you've worked out your partner's love language, you'll have a fair idea which one is yours. And as you head down the path, you might realise that your primary language is not the one you first thought it was.Chapman says that once you start speaking your partner's love language, you'll find that yours is also being fulfilled, even if it's different to theirs.

Dr Stapleton agrees: "It really does work. I've had non-believers give it a go and they've been amazed at the change in their relationship. I've never come across a couple who had the same love language - after all, opposites attract."When we're first dating, we tend to do all five love languages.

We spend plenty of time devoted to each other, we give each other little gifts, help each other out with tasks or chores, have plenty of physical intimacy and say nice things. As time goes on, we slide into our primary love language, the one we're most comfortable with, and the others drop away. Then there are the complaints. I know that my husband's love language is quality time and I only have to spend one or two times a week doing this, then he will do anything for me, which is perfect because my love language is acts of service."

The five love languages

Here are the five love languages, as identified by Gary Chapman, and how to speak to your partner with the right lingo

1. You're the best

The first love language is words of affirmation. People who speak this language thrive on compliments and being told they're appreciated. They want to hear you say they make the best Thai beef salad or how lucky you are to have a partner who picks up the kids every afternoon.

Key phrases Try a different form of compliment every day for a week and watch your partner fall in love with you all over again. Send a text message saying, "You look beautiful this morning." Write a poem or put a post-it note in their book with a simple "I love you". Tell their friends and family how great they are; it will filter back eventually and you'll get double points. Write a list of their strengths and stick them on the fridge.

2. Hanging out

For some people, nothing shows love more than quality time. And, no, watching TV together doesn't count; quality time requires undivided attention with no distractions. That doesn't mean you have to sit there staring into each other's eyes. You can do something you both enjoy, but the activity is merely an excuse for being together.

Key phrases Have a quality conversation: really listen to each other and ask questions to learn something, not for the sake of hearing your own voice. Do something you know your partner loves, even if it is shopping.Go for walks, try new restaurants, go through old photos together. Make space for quality time at least twice a week.

3. You shouldn't have...

Perhaps your partner's love language is receiving gifts. Financial advisor Nick Penn gives his partner Sarah Tremarco a card every week to celebrate their weekly anniversary - and they've been together for six years. The mind may boggle, but as Chapman points out, visual symbols of love are more important to some people than others. What it says to the receiver is: "He was thinking about me."

Key phrases Unless you're loaded, get used to picking flowers and making cards to give along with other little trinkets. Be aware that birthday and Christmas presents are very important and must be well thought out. Try giving your partner a gift every day for a week and reap the benefits.

4. Yes, master

The next love language is "acts of service". This means doing things you know your partner would like you to do. And here's the hard bit: you have to do them out of love. If you make dinner because you feel you should, it's a chore - but if you do it because you know it makes your partner happy, it becomes an act of love.

Key phrases Wipe the white spots off the mirror, vacuum the floor or clean your partner's car and leave a note saying, "Just because I love you". Ask your partner which acts of service would mean the most to them and then do them as often as you can. Regularly ask your partner what you can do for them that day.

5. Touch me, baby

For those who speak the language of "physical touch", love is a very handson experience. On the one hand you have sex and foreplay, which most men don't have trouble with, but don't underestimate the implicit touches such as a kiss on the head while your partner is on the computer, holding hands or sitting really close together. These touches are all just as important.

Key phrases Never leave your partner without a hug and a kiss. Be affectionate in public, even if it's just a hand on the small of their back. Learn to give a good massage. Bathe and shower together occasionally. For every sexual encounter, aim to have two non-sexual touches.

Read The Five Love Languages (Northfield Publishing) by Gary Chapman.

View the original article here

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Tuesday, 1 April 2014

8 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

When it comes to finding "The One" -- that one special person and relationship that will last a lifetime -- the conventional wisdom is simply, "When you know, you know." That's all fine and dandy, but many of us require something more concrete than just a gut feeling.

We reached out to marriage and relationship experts to help us pinpoint the most telling signs that you're in the right relationship. Find out what they had to say below.

1. You know what your partner needs to feel loved -- even if those needs are different than yours.

Some people feel loved when their partner brings them a cup of coffee in the morning. Some need their spouse to tell them how beautiful or handsome they look. Others require sex and physical forms of affection. The point is, each of us has different preferences when it comes to giving and receiving love.

"We have to teach our partner to love us and not expect them to read our minds," sex and relationship expert Dr. Tammy Nelson said. "You know you are with the right person when they tell you what makes them feel loved and you are happy to generously lather them with whatever they need. And they do the same for you."

2. You fight, but you do it productively.

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how you handle those disagreements can predict whether or not you'll be together in the long-run. "How both of you behave now when you have a disagreement also says a lot about how you will (or won't) resolve problems in the future," Dr. Terri Orbuch -- relationship expert and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship -- told The Huffington Post. "A good relationship is one where the two of you fight fair. In other words, you don't curse, scream, talk down to each other or dismiss each other."

3. You get a confidence boost from your mutual physical attraction.

"Feeling sexual attraction and sexually attractive is a life force like nothing else," Iris Krasnow, author of Sex After...Women Share How Intimacy Changes As Life Changes said. "That person who ignites you from within, boosting your self-esteem and also offers external pleasures is definitely a keeper."

4. You two are different enough to keep things interesting, but you're on the same page where it matters most.

They say that opposites attract, and while that may be true at first, it's not necessarily a long-term predictor of relationship success. In fact, Orbuch's research has shown that the strongest relationships are those built on a foundation of similar underlying values and beliefs.

"It is okay to have different interests or movie likes, but similarity in key life values (e.g., views on money, the importance of religion or how you raise children) is what keeps people together over the long-term," she explained.

5. Your family and friends give the relationship their stamp of approval.

Despite what your once-rebellious heart might have told you, your family's approval of your significant other does matter. W. Bradford Wilcox, the director of the National Marriage Project, told HuffPost Weddings that high levels of social support from your nearest and dearest are crucial to a happy marriage. "Such friends and family often have a more objective view of your partner than you do," he said. "And their support can be invaluable after the wedding. We know that couples who have parents, in-laws, and friends who support them as a couple are much more likely to go the distance."

6. You feel comfortable getting a little adventurous between the sheets.

Couples in secure relationships report that they can combine spontaneous acts of intimacy with tender expressions of their love. "The best recipe for great ongoing sex does not seem to be finding more manuals to get bigger and bigger orgasms but tuning into each other and feeling safe enough to go with the thrill when it comes," Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and author of Love Sense, told The Huffington Post.

7. You are willing to put the "we" before the "me."

A commitment to doing what is best for the relationship, rather than what is best for the individual partner, is a strong predictor of future marital satisfaction. "People who are marriage-minded should look for a partner who talks and thinks in terms of 'we' not 'me'," Wilcox said. "Someone who articulates shared dreams, shared values, and a willingness to put the relationship above his or her desires. Couples who put their marriage above their own desires are more likely to flourish."

8. You find yourself missing your partner when he or she isn't around.

Benjamin Le -- co-founder of ScienceOfRelationships.com -- says it's important to miss your partner when he or she is away. "If they are 'out of sight, out of mind,' that doesn't bode well," he said. "But if you have an emotional response to him or her being away, it's a signal that you really want to be with him or her."

View the original article here