Sunday 31 January 2016

How to overcome low self-esteem

"Low self-esteem can be helped by Mindfulness which is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, without judging whether they are right or wrong".    -    Susan

How to overcome low self-esteem

You ARE good enough to go for that job, and NO you don't annoy all of your friends. Here are the most common thoughts a poor self-image can lead to, and how to stop them all from doing a number on your life.

Studies have linked low self-esteem and poor self-image with a variety of problems that can affect anything from the way you look to your career and your relationships. Here are some of the most common problems low self-esteem can cause – and how to get them sorted.

1. You hate yourself

While there are times when we all dislike who we are, loathing your thoughts and actions is a classic sign of low self-esteem. Self-hate is characterised by feelings of anger and frustration about who you are and an inability to forgive yourself for even the smallest of mistakes. 

Turn things around 

Change your internal dialogue. An internal critic fuels self-hate, so step one is to silence the voice in your head by consciously making yourself repeat a positive response for every negative thought you have. Why be your own worst critic? If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, don't say it to yourself.

  • Forgive yourself for your mistakes. No one is ever all good or all bad. Doing something you regret doesn't make you an awful person, just as doing something good doesn't make you a saint. 
  • Challenge your negative self-beliefs. It's likely that your sense of who you are is outdated and has been passed to you from others such as your parents, ex-partners and colleagues. Don't be afraid to rewrite your own script – it's your life.

2. You're obsessed with being 'perfect'

Perfectionism is one of the more destructive aspects of low self-esteem. A perfectionist is someone who lives with a constant sense of failure because their achievements, no matter how impressive, don't ever feel quite good enough.

"There's a huge difference between failing at one thing and being 'a failure"

Turn things around 

  • Set realistic expectations for yourself. Consciously think how reasonable and manageable your goals are before striving for them, remembering that life in general is imperfect. 
  • Recognise there is a huge difference between failing at something you do and being a failure as a person. Don't confuse the two. 

  • Stop sweating the small stuff. Perfectionists tend to nitpick at insignificant problems. They forget to view the bigger picture and take pride in that. 

3. You hate your body

A negative body image is often linked to low self-esteem and vice versa. This means it can affect everything from how you behave in relationships to how you project yourself at work. It can even prevent you from looking after your health, as you feel unworthy.

Turn things around 

  • Avoid comparing yourself to others. This only leads to insecurity. Accept that everyone is different and remember where your strengths lie. 
  • Look after your health. A healthy diet and daily exercise regime will not only make you feel physically more able, but also leads to the release of endorphins, the body's feel-good hormones.
  • Take care of your appearance. People with a poor body image often stop making an effort, believing there is 'no point'. Do three positive things today for your looks.

4. You think you bring nothing to the table

We all doubt our ability in certain areas of our lives, but a deep-rooted sense of worthlessness comes from believing that somehow we are not as valuable as others. If this sounds familiar, it's important to understand that feeling worthy isn't something given to us by others, but something we have to build ourselves. 

"Remember, we teach others how to treat us"

Turn things around

  • Accept we all come with our own unique talents. We have to take pride in these to believe we are worthy people. 
  • Stop thinking others are better than you. While it's fine to think highly of others, it's irrational to translate this as meaning they are 'better' than you. Admire others' traits, but not at the expense of your own. 
  • Be aware that we teach others how to treat us. Practise projecting yourself as someone whose opinions are just as valid as others, and your sense of self-worth will begin to rise.

5. You're oversensitive

Being too sensitive is one of the more painful aspects of low self-esteem. Whether you're angered by criticism or literally feel demolished by any comment that's directed at you, it's important to desensitise yourself. 

Turn things around 
  • Really listen to what's being said. This way you can evaluate whether a comment is true or not, before deciding how you feel about it. 
  • Stand up for yourself. If the criticism is unfair, say you disagree. 
  • Be proactive. If there is some truth in it, learn from what's being said, rather than beating yourself up about it. Constructive criticism can be exactly that, provided you take the comments on board and make changes for the better. 
  • Move on. Replaying over and over what's upset you only anchors the memory to you –​ which won't help. 

6. You're fearful and anxious

Fear and a belief that you are powerless to change anything in your world are irrefutably linked to low self-esteem. 

Turn things around 
  • Discriminate between genuine fears and unfounded ones. Challenge your anxieties with the facts. For instance, you may feel it's pointless to go for a promotion because you don't think you can get it. How true is this statement when you look at the evidence? 
  • Build confidence by facing your fears. Draw up what's known as a fear pyramid, placing your biggest fear at the top and your smallest fears at the bottom. The idea is to work your way up the pyramid, taking on each fear and boosting your belief in your abilities as you go.

7. You often feel angry

Anger is a normal emotion, but one that gets distorted when you have low self-esteem. When you don't think highly of yourself, you start to believe your own thoughts and feelings aren't important to others. Repressed hurt and anger can build up, so something seemingly small can trigger outbursts of fury. 

Turn things around 
  • Learn how to remain calm. One way is to not let your feelings simmer away until you explode. Instead, express how you're feeling at the time. 
  • Remove yourself. If the above doesn't work, step away from the situation and breathe in long slow breaths to reduce your heart rate and bring your body back to a relaxed state. 
  • Don't over do it. People with low self-esteem often over commit then feel bitter as they struggle to cope. Try to take on only what you want and would like to do. 

8. You're a people pleaser

One of the biggest problems with low self-esteem is feeling you have to please others so that they like, love and respect you. As a result many people-pleasers end up feeling aggrieved and used.

"You shouldn't have to bend over backwards just for people to like you"

Turn things around 
  • Learn how to say no. Your worth doesn't depend on others' approval – people like and love you for who you are, not what you do for them.
  • Be selfish sometimes. Or at least think about your needs for a change. People with a healthy self-esteem know when it's important to put themselves first. 
Set limits on others. Feeling resentful and used stems from accepting things from friends and family that you personally feel is unacceptable. Start placing limits on what you will and won't do and your resentment will ease.​

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Monday 25 January 2016

5 Sex Positions To Try If He Has A Big Penis

5 Sex Positions To Try If He Has A Big Penis

There's big, and then there's BIG.

Mae West said, "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful." Which can be very true. But sometimes it can just be, well, too much. If your man is packing large down below, the trick to good sex is twofold: control the depth of penetration, and keep him the hell away from your cervix. Here are some ways to comfortably enjoy all his glory.

1  The Flying V  

With him kneeling, the trick to this position is finding something slightly lower than his hips to prop your sweet ass on, like a sturdy coffee table or a pile of pillows. Sit on it and make your legs into a V-shape. When he has to enter you downward like this, it keeps him from going super deep. You get the feeling of being well-taken (oh yes!) without being impaled.

2  The Cherry on Top
Lie on top of him on your back and have him enter you from behind. This position has a semi-awkward angle that keeps him from hitting you too deep, but still strokes the sensitive top side of your vagina. Even better: lube your upper thighs so they stimulate his shaft with every thrust. He also has direct access to finger your clit from here, which is always a bonus.

3 The Stand and Deliver
Stand facing each other and lift one of your legs, wrapping it around his waist. Have him enter you standing like this (he may have to squat a little). One of the disadvantages of standing positions with a man less bountifully endowed than yours is that you just can't...get...him...deep...enough. But that's the good part here. You'll get plenty of him, just not too much. Part of this is because you're lengthening your vaginal cavity, but don't bring that up during. Or ever, probably.

The Thigh-High Straddle
Hard to imagine that something that starts with sitting cross-legged could be so hot, but trust. Have him sit cross-legged on the bed, and straddle him, using his raised thighs to support your butt so he doesn't go too deep. You control the thrusts (control = good): go slow and rock back and forth, letting him slowly in deeper. Also good for deep, hot kisses, plus you'll have a free hand for self-love on your clit.

The Humping Bumper Cars
Warning: this position is not only way advanced, but involves being in that crab walk position from grade school gym class. With him in the crab walk position, stand straddling his hips, squat down to let him enter you, then lean back onto your hands so you're in a crab walk position too, with him inside you. Yeah, it's kind of funny seeing each other doing a naked crab walk, but you'll both forget that immediately when you lean back and start thrusting against him.

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Saturday 23 January 2016

15 Reasons Why Your Ex Still Texts You and Stays in Touch
"There is nothing wrong with staying friends with an ex, but it depends on the situation, if an ex continues to contact you, either hear them out or block them.  If the ex finished the relationship to go after another relationship then I would suggest you ignore them, chances are they are only contacting you because the  relationship they left you for has finished. However if you finished on mutual terms and are happy with the relationship then hear them out".                                                            - Susan

15 Reasons Why Your Ex Still Texts You and Stays in Touch

Getting over someone is hard and confusing without their continuous stream of texts. Here’s why your ex just won’t stop texting you.

When someone says they don’t want to date you any longer, that should be it, right? So why is your ex always texting you out of the blue just for some small talk? Honestly, it’s annoying and can make getting over them and moving on that much harder.
Even if you were the one to break things off, it’s still not easy to move on. Maybe it was difficult to end things with them, maybe you have someone new who isn’t okay with your ex always texting, or maybe you just find it really annoying.
The truth is, there are a lot of reasons your ex could be continuously texting you, and there’s no way to absolutely know why for sure without being able to read minds. However, these reasons are usually common amongst the masses of over-texting exes and that is where we come in.
Why your ex just won’t put down their cell phone
Although it can be really annoying having an ex’s name pop up in your inbox, you should be aware of why they’re texting you in the first place. Even if they text you just to say hi, there’s a deeper meaning behind every message you receive.
Being someone who has had their fair share of exes, I’ve noticed many of their messages have different meanings entirely. I, along with many others who suffer from frequent texts from their ex, have put together all the reasons why they won’t stop texting you. 
#1 They do it out of habit. Sometimes, just waking up and texting you a “good morning” is a habit for them they just can’t shake. It’s part of their routine, and they’re not ready to let it go even if they had to let you go.
#2 They miss you. If this isn’t the most obvious reason, I’m not sure what is. Honestly, if your ex is texting you in any capacity–other than to arrange dropping off belongings, etc.–then they miss you. They want to talk to you and get a reply out of you because they miss the conversation.
#3 They heard you have someone new. Am I the only one who gets a new boyfriend and all my exes immediately text me as if some sort of signal goes off, and they have to jump in and mess things up right away? If your ex hears you’re with someone new, they might text you just to scope them out and compare themselves to your new lover.
#4 Something reminded them of you. From time to time, if I see something that reminds me of an inside joke with my ex, I might snap a picture and send it to them. This is an innocent reason to text an ex that doesn’t always have a deeper meaning.
However, if it’s frequent and stirs up a lot of conversation on their part, then they may be trying to rekindle some feelings by sending you things that remind them of the two of you.
#5 Winter is coming and they don’t have a cuddle buddy. Many studies have proven the majority of people enter into relationships in the winter months so they have someone to bear the cold with. AKA: someone to snuggle up next to the fire and whisper sweet nothings in their ear.
If it’s around the winter months and holiday season, you could be in danger of your ex texting you because they’re looking for someone to share body heat with this winter.
#6 They still have feelings for you. If you’re getting random texts here and there asking about your day and making small talk in general, then your ex is probably texting you because they still have feelings for you and need to talk to you.
#7 They want to win you back. This goes hand in hand with the previous reason. They could be texting you to spark up a conversation that may lead to them trying to win you back. This reason can be blatantly obvious because they’ll ask you out on dates and compliment you like crazy. 
#8 They want to annoy you. If you dumped this ex, they could be texting you just to spite you. They could be really upset, angry, and frustrated with your decision to end things and want to annoy you with their babble as much as possible.
#9 For reassurance. If you ended on good terms with your ex, there’s a good chance they’re going to text you for some positive reassurance in their life sometimes. If the two of you are still friends, they could text to ask you advice, reassure themselves if their ego has been shot, or just to get your opinion on certain things.
#10 They have problems letting go. Some people have a lot of issues with accepting things are over. They have problems with letting someone important to them go and are trying to hold on for dear life.
#11 For explanations–for the 100th time. If you dumped them and they’re still texting you, it could be because they’re still looking for explanations as to why. No matter how many times you tell them why things didn’t work out, they might keep coming back, because to them that reason isn’t good enough.
#12 They’re still holding onto hope. They could also be texting you because they’re holding on to a thread of hope you’ll want to get back together with them, and they’re just waiting for that one message to get through to you.
#13 Their friends are all in relationships, and they’re feeling lonely. Let’s be real, when your friends are all coupled up, it makes you want to couple up with someone too. And if you don’t have anyone, who would you turn to? Probably your ex.
This could be their mindset when they text you. They’re feeling lonely, and seeing all their friends in relationships stirred up some old hopes and desires within them, and they’re hoping you can satiate them.
#14 Just to check in. I’ll be honest, I still like and respect some of my exes in a completely platonic way. I care about them and just want to see how their life is going sometimes. I want to know if their career is going well, if they’ve run that marathon they always wanted to, and just to check up on them from time to time.
This could be exactly what your ex is doing, too. If there isn’t any notion that they’re looking for anything more than just a check-up with you, then that’s all they want–to make sure you’re okay.
#15 To leave the connection open. If your ex is that texter sending a few messages a week and then you don’t hear from them the rest of the time, chances are they’re trying to keep that connection open for when they find it convenient. They don’t want to go too long without contacting you for fear you’ll completely move on.
Exes blowing up your text inbox with messages can be one of the most frustrating things. But if you have these reasons as to why they’re hitting you up, it can make things a bit easier.
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Wednesday 20 January 2016

The 5 Sexiest Types Of Flirters: Which One Are You?

"Did you know that there is an art to flirting? it requires many skills: intellect, body language, creativity, empathy. At its best, flirting can be high art, whether you're vying for a soul mate, manipulating a salesman, or just passing the time. An art that many people are able to master"  -Susan

The 5 Sexiest Types Of Flirters: Which One Are You?

Find out...
Finally, psychology is focusing on the important things: flirting. Researchers at the University of Kansas have been busy interviewing a ton of people about their flirting styles and dating histories, and they've managed to solve some of the mysteries of dating.
Dr. Jeffrey Hall not only identified five main styles of flirting, but he also matched them up with the kinds of relationships those flirts lead to. And — surprise! — he found no difference between male and female flirters of each style. Hall teamed up with the University of Kansasand interviewed men and women about their flirting styles and dating histories.

Read all about the five styles of flirting to find out where you fit in.

1. Physical flirts: They aren't afraid to express sexual interest in their targets. These flirters fall headfirst into relationships quickly, and have a lot of emotional connection and sexual chemistry.
2. Traditional flirts: They have old-school values. They think that men should pursue women, and male traditional flirters usually get to know a woman as a person before they try to date her. Traditionally flirty women report having a hard time getting men to notice them and are often less flattered by flirting in general, probably because, by their standards they can't really flirt.
3. Polite flirts: They follow all the rules and flirt non-sexually. They're sometimes slow to approach people they're interested in, but once they get into a relationship, those relationships are pretty meaningful.
4. Sincere flirts: They want to know how you're doing. They have sincere interest in who you are and want to make an emotional connection. This style was only slightly favoured by women over men. The relationships of sincere flirts tend to be meaningful and full of emotional oneness.
5. Playful flirting: They are the least likely to have their flirting end in a meaningful relationship. These flirters often enjoy this style as a way to boost their own self-esteem.

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Monday 18 January 2016

The Sexy Happy Hour

"Life today seems to travel at such a high speed and most of us are having to juggle several things at once, like work, family, finances, health and much more.  Its understandable that through all of this our relationships with our spouses/partners are put on the back boiler and neglected.  Your relationship should be nurtured, have a regular date night away from  your usual surroundings. Set new goals, act out fantasies, lighten up with each other again, enjoy the company, it will pay dividends in the long run.  Try the "naughty pause", you might like it".                                                                                             - Susan                                                                                                -                                                                                                       

The Sexy Happy Hour

Married couples can benefit from a weekly scheduled "naughty pause."

In France, a different kind of happy hour is reportedly celebrated during the week. It’s called “le cinq à sept" and it’s also referred to as “the naughty pause.” It is a special time, between 5 and 7 at the end of the work day, that is devoted to romantic trysts and lovemaking that may or may not be illicit. Hotels, even nice respectable ones, offer special deals on day rentals. Questions are seldom asked about “who’s zooming who,” apparently. Not surprisingly, results from a Pew Research Study from 2013 indicated that France was the country that was least upset by marital infidelity -- less than half of the respondents there agreed that affairs were morally unacceptable. In the United States, however, about 84% of people believe adultery is morally wrong.
What does that say, though, about the American culture that is awash with sexualised imagery and innuendo designed to sell everything from chewing gum to “gentlemen’s clubs” to radio stations? It probably says that our country’s puritanical heritage has instilled an enduring polarity of voyeurism coupled with inhibition. Some people have suggested that it is that historical “Pilgrims’ Pride” that led our country to be so squeamish about the human body, nudity, and, of course, sexuality.

Sex & Shame

Shame and humiliation are too often the tools that parents might use to censure their children’s early curiosity and questions. Not giving children a safe place to ask the questions leads to a tacit condemnation of even the desire to ask the questions. The human body and sexuality become taboo topics and most of us know that if we can’t ask a grown-up, we will likely seek answers from a peer. Today, though, there are more visual aids available to kids to share with their friends than just a crumpled copy of Playboy magazine that an earlier generation might have used as a guide to anatomy. The internet is a minefield of images that can reflect and broadcast everything from the sanctity and sacredness of sexual union all the way to the most depraved and revolting extent of the human imagination. 
So, in a country where we frown on infidelity, yet see our national heroes and media figures be outed for their role in child pornography or sexual assault, or read about religious fundamentalists sexually molesting young women, or any number of unexpected sexually-tinged crimes, it seems that our desire to keep our clothes on and our mouths shut on the topic of sex leads to uninhibited debauchery behind doors that are kept shut tight.

Money & Sex

In a study that explored the relationship between breadwinner status and infidelity (Munsch, 2015), or to put it more bluntly, money and sex, some interesting facts were revealed. Breadwinning males were more likely to be unfaithful than wives who were the primary breadwinners. Dependent spouses, especially husbands, were also more likely to engage in adultery. This reflects the relationship to power that money and sex may hold. For men who earn the lion’s share of a family’s income, it appears that this also gives license to greater sexual freedom. For breadwinning women, it was hypothesised that staying faithful would be one way to mitigate what might be an already strained relationship due to the unexpectedly unbalanced gender/income disparity. Dependent spouses may be using extramarital sex as a way to express a sense of power that lower income may preclude in the relationship in other ways.
Conflict & Sex
Results from a study of women who strayed (Jeanfreau, Jurich, & Mong, 2014) indicated that there were three basic themes expressed as reasons for adultery:

  1. Need for more attention than being received from their spouses
  1. Lack of “quality time” spent with their spouses
  1. Conflicts that could not be resolved

Spouses need time, attention, and the willingness for a partner to work through conflict. What may be especially frustrating for women reading this is that another study showed that one of the best ways to maintain marital satisfaction involved wives being able to “down regulate” their negative experience and behaviours. Sounds like women, a group that research has shown to be more amenable to exploring and processing emotions, need to “get a grip” in order to ensure that both partners feel better about the relationship. Perhaps “getting a grip” would help solve the conflict aspect of the infidelity equation. Seems like men are getting off easy?

Sex: Getting your Weekly Dose

Reliably weekly sex has been found to be “enough” for most people to feel is adequate for a satisfying sexual relationship. In fact, it was found that weekly sex was better than monthly sex for both partners to feel positive about their marital relationship. In fact, the degree of positive difference found between weekly and monthly sex was actually greater than the influence of income size in happiness! Seems like there’s not much difference within a relationship if the couple brings in $15-25K or $50-$75K a year.
Making Time for the Naughty Pause -- AKA Weekly Sex
Even if Americans seem to be more prudish, overall, and more likely to believe that intimacy belongs behind closed doors while “sex-for-sales” belongs on billboards, it might be a worthwhile investment of time and resources for couples to integrate that “naughty pause” into their weekly calendar. The excitement might be less for some than hooking up with a stranger or an illicit partner, but the long-term rewards of sexual connection between spouses on a regular basis include marital satisfaction and relationship longevity. It doesn’t get any better than that.
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