"There is nothing wrong with staying friends with an ex, but it depends on the situation, if an ex continues to contact you, either hear them out or block them. If the ex finished the relationship to go after another relationship then I would suggest you ignore them, chances are they are only contacting you because the relationship they left you for has finished. However if you finished on mutual terms and are happy with the relationship then hear them out". - Susan

15 Reasons Why Your Ex Still Texts You and Stays in Touch

Getting over someone is hard and confusing without their continuous stream of texts. Here’s why your ex just won’t stop texting you.

When someone says they don’t want to date you any longer, that should be it, right? So why is your ex always texting you out of the blue just for some small talk? Honestly, it’s annoying and can make getting over them and moving on that much harder.

Even if you were the one to break things off, it’s still not easy to move on. Maybe it was difficult to end things with them, maybe you have someone new who isn’t okay with your ex always texting, or maybe you just find it really annoying.

The truth is, there are a lot of reasons your ex could be continuously texting you, and there’s no way to absolutely know why for sure without being able to read minds. However, these reasons are usually common amongst the masses of over-texting exes and that is where we come in.

Why your ex just won’t put down their cell phone

Although it can be really annoying having an ex’s name pop up in your inbox, you should be aware of why they’re texting you in the first place. Even if they text you just to say hi, there’s a deeper meaning behind every message you receive.

Being someone who has had their fair share of exes, I’ve noticed many of their messages have different meanings entirely. I, along with many others who suffer from frequent texts from their ex, have put together all the reasons why they won’t stop texting you.

#1 They do it out of habit. Sometimes, just waking up and texting you a “good morning” is a habit for them they just can’t shake. It’s part of their routine, and they’re not ready to let it go even if they had to let you go.

#2 They miss you. If this isn’t the most obvious reason, I’m not sure what is. Honestly, if your ex is texting you in any capacity–other than to arrange dropping off belongings, etc.–then they miss you. They want to talk to you and get a reply out of you because they miss the conversation.

#3 They heard you have someone new. Am I the only one who gets a new boyfriend and all my exes immediately text me as if some sort of signal goes off, and they have to jump in and mess things up right away? If your ex hears you’re with someone new, they might text you just to scope them out and compare themselves to your new lover.

#4 Something reminded them of you. From time to time, if I see something that reminds me of an inside joke with my ex, I might snap a picture and send it to them. This is an innocent reason to text an ex that doesn’t always have a deeper meaning.

However, if it’s frequent and stirs up a lot of conversation on their part, then they may be trying to rekindle some feelings by sending you things that remind them of the two of you.

#5 Winter is coming and they don’t have a cuddle buddy. Many studies have proven the majority of people enter into relationships in the winter months so they have someone to bear the cold with. AKA: someone to snuggle up next to the fire and whisper sweet nothings in their ear.

If it’s around the winter months and holiday season, you could be in danger of your ex texting you because they’re looking for someone to share body heat with this winter.

#6 They still have feelings for you. If you’re getting random texts here and there asking about your day and making small talk in general, then your ex is probably texting you because they still have feelings for you and need to talk to you.

#7 They want to win you back. This goes hand in hand with the previous reason. They could be texting you to spark up a conversation that may lead to them trying to win you back. This reason can be blatantly obvious because they’ll ask you out on dates and compliment you like crazy.

#8 They want to annoy you. If you dumped this ex, they could be texting you just to spite you. They could be really upset, angry, and frustrated with your decision to end things and want to annoy you with their babble as much as possible.

#9 For reassurance. If you ended on good terms with your ex, there’s a good chance they’re going to text you for some positive reassurance in their life sometimes. If the two of you are still friends, they could text to ask you advice, reassure themselves if their ego has been shot, or just to get your opinion on certain things.

#10 They have problems letting go. Some people have a lot of issues with accepting things are over. They have problems with letting someone important to them go and are trying to hold on for dear life.

#11 For explanations–for the 100th time. If you dumped them and they’re still texting you, it could be because they’re still looking for explanations as to why. No matter how many times you tell them why things didn’t work out, they might keep coming back, because to them that reason isn’t good enough.

#12 They’re still holding onto hope. They could also be texting you because they’re holding on to a thread of hope you’ll want to get back together with them, and they’re just waiting for that one message to get through to you.

#13 Their friends are all in relationships, and they’re feeling lonely. Let’s be real, when your friends are all coupled up, it makes you want to couple up with someone too. And if you don’t have anyone, who would you turn to? Probably your ex.

This could be their mindset when they text you. They’re feeling lonely, and seeing all their friends in relationships stirred up some old hopes and desires within them, and they’re hoping you can satiate them.

#14 Just to check in. I’ll be honest, I still like and respect some of my exes in a completely platonic way. I care about them and just want to see how their life is going sometimes. I want to know if their career is going well, if they’ve run that marathon they always wanted to, and just to check up on them from time to time.

This could be exactly what your ex is doing, too. If there isn’t any notion that they’re looking for anything more than just a check-up with you, then that’s all they want–to make sure you’re okay.

#15 To leave the connection open. If your ex is that texter sending a few messages a week and then you don’t hear from them the rest of the time, chances are they’re trying to keep that connection open for when they find it convenient. They don’t want to go too long without contacting you for fear you’ll completely move on.

Exes blowing up your text inbox with messages can be one of the most frustrating things. But if you have these reasons as to why they’re hitting you up, it can make things a bit easier.

View original article here

"Being lonely is about feeling an absence of love, not just an absence of people." Photo: Getty

Are Women Lonelier Than Men?

Loneliness kills. This is the hard conclusion drawn by recent research into what happens when we find ourselves chronically isolated: ill health is exacerbated, life expectancies are shortened.

In a recent review of the research in The New Republic, science editor Judith Shulevitz notes the significant finding that the adverse effects of loneliness are more severe in women than in men.

Profound loneliness is more than the disappointment of having to spend a Saturday night at home reading a book because your friends all seem to be out of town, or the pang I felt when my local grocery store decided to market cartons of six eggs as "great for singles!" (I bought a standard dozen out of spite and made a unnecessary pavlova in protest). The clinical definition of loneliness is a sustained sense of a lack of closeness, of emotional intimacy with others. It's hard to admit to: it feels bleak and worthless. Loneliness makes us feel unlovable. It isolates us, and makes us feel undeserving of exactly what it is that will alleviate it: other people's care.

And anyone who knows how deep loneliness feels – which is likely everyone, once in a while – knows that its hollow pain can strike just as easily in a crowd of people as when you're simply on your own (which may, indeed, feel like quite the opposite of loneliness).

Being lonely is about feeling an absence of love, not just an absence of people. There are no guarantees against loneliness. Romantic relationships, in theory, should cure loneliness, but it's easy to feel very alone (and trapped) in a relationship that isn't right.

Photo: Getty

Perhaps that's part of why loneliness hits women harder: the extent to which we feel we are valued in terms of who we have relationships with by others may in fact lead to these senses of crushing isolation. It's there in the way we are driven to seek intense friendships with each other, the belief that the possession of a "best friend" is essential, the disappointment when that kind of friendship drifts (more painful than a breakup). The feeling, to paraphrase Mindy Kaling, that everyone's having fun without us.

It's also there in the enduring belief (although evidence refutes it, it's so baked in to our culture, our celebrations, our conversations about women's lives) that we should all still be in quest of a "life partner" who should, and could, fulfil all of our emotional needs.

In fact, we thrive most with different kinds of love: no one form of it is an exclusive route to happiness. But as long as people continue to congratulate women on achieving certain kinds of relationships, and regard us with something ranging from pity to disdain if we don't have them, it will be hard to resist the shadow of loneliness.

Just allowing ourselves – and each other – to admit to feelings of loneliness is an important first step to conquering it. It can feel tantamount to admitting that we feel disgusting, inhuman – think of all the times women are dismissed as "desperate" or "needy" because they express a desire to find a partner.

We must talk more about loneliness as a universal, rather than exceptional, feeling. Embracing the value of all kinds of different relationships is also important: what is paramount is having people who care about us, not the particular position that they take in our lives.

Hillary Clinton wrote many years ago that it takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a village to make adults feel like we're leading happy lives. Loneliness can be unattractive – something that we often witness and look away from, as if in fear that it will rub off on us. But the truth, of course, is that it can only be alleviated in a collective effort. It's up to all of us to be kind, to be giving with our time, to not wince and look elsewhere when we come across someone who's lonely.

Let's be generous – offer a bit more emotional capital, stop for five minutes to have a chat with a stranger, reach out to a friend who we haven't seen in a long time due to busy-ness or apathy. We'll all suffer loneliness at some point in our lives. Together, we can experience it less.

View the original article here

Other articles of interest: