Online Date with Fish2Fish: intimate

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Monday, 18 July 2016

How to Make Love to a Woman, As Told by a Woman

"This has the makings of a good time, but it would be interesting to hear the opinions of all you men out there" - Susan

How to Make Love to a Woman, As Told by a Woman

Wild sex is fun from time to time, but making love can be just what both of you need. Find out how to make love to a woman from a woman.

Women love slow, romantic sex. In other words, we love when a man makes love to us. Forget banging, getting laid, getting it on, and all of those different ways to have sex. We often love the caring nature of making love more than any of that.

This is a lot different that your average male because their instincts most often drive them in the direction of hot, steamy, rough sex. That being said, they don’t exactly know how to make love the way a woman might like it best.

How making love is different than your average sex

They don’t just call it “making love” for no reason. This type of sex is much different from your average romp in the sheets. There’s a lot more care and emotion involved in making love than just taking off your clothes and going at it.

This doesn’t mean that every time you have sex with someone you love it has to be categorized as making love. In fact, this type of love should be saved for special occasions because it is such an intimate act.

How to make love to a woman

Making love to a woman is not an easy task, and most men need some direction. Who better to get that from than a woman herself? If you want to make love to a woman and really show her how you truly feel about her through sex, this is how you should do it.

#1 Take it seriously. I know that making jokes and being silly can really ease the seriousness of sex and make it light and fun. However, if you want to really find out how to make love to a woman, you’ll want to be serious about it.

Set the jokes and funny antics aside for the night and put on a more serious, intimate tone. Not only will she be able to feel the difference in your emotional state during sex, but she’ll also be able to feel just how serious you are about HER, and that will translate into some great lovemaking.

#2 Foreplay should be emotional. Normally, your foreplay might be intense and physical… at least I hope it is. When you get to the foreplay portion when you’re trying to make love to a woman, though, it has to be a lot more emotional than it is physical.

This doesn’t just start when you get home. This should be started during the day with sweet, loving text messages sent her way. This kind of foreplay really speaks to her emotional side and will get her in the romantic mood for some fantastic sex later on.

#3 The entire evening should be romantic. You can’t just make the sex romantic and call it making love. You have to set up the entire mood for lovemaking in order to successfully make love to your woman.

Try having a delicious and decadent dinner that’s lowly lit with a lot of conversation surrounding your feelings for her. You’ll get bonus points if you cook the meal yourself.

#4 Make sure the lighting is dim. To set the mood for making love to a woman, you’ll have to keep the lighting very dim and sultry.

I suggest lighting some candles to give the kind of atmosphere that fosters those sexy shadows you sometimes see in movies. The second she sees the candles, she’ll know that this is a day for lovemaking and not just sex.

#5 Throw on some slow, sexy music. None of that grinding, thumping music that initiates the fasat-paced sex you’re so used to. Set up the mood with some slow jazz or other mood music with a slower and sexier pace.

This will not only remind you of the mood you’re trying to build, but it’ll also keep your sex slow and romantic, just as it should be when you’re trying to make love.

#6 Pamper her. There’s nothing that will make her feel more loved than pampering her in every way you can. This means choosing your dinner food based on what you know she loves, giving her a hot oil massage, and just telling her how beautiful she is in every way.

If you know that she loves something in particular that really helps her to unwind and relax, make sure you do it for her.

#7 Pick the best place. Now, this doesn’t mean you should book a hotel room or try to get frisky outside. Actually, making love is most effective when done in your own home. It’s much more personal that way.

However, you can decide where in your home is the most romantic place to do the deed. If the bedroom is the nicest and cosiest, do it there. If you have a fireplace and can lay down a blanket, that could make for an extremely romantic and intimate setting.

#8 Pick the right positions for intimate contact. Doggy style is not a good position to go for when you’re making love to a woman. It’s very primal and detached, and that’s exactly the opposite of what you want when lovemaking.

A huge part of how to make love to a woman involves trying positions that are face-to-face and therefore perfect for the closest contact. Missionary and spooning are two of the best positions when you want to make love.

#9 Make it more about her. This doesn’t just mean pampering her. This means actually making the sex more about her feelings than yours. For guys, it’s easy to get off after a little while, but women typically take more time.

So focus the sex on her pleasure this time. Spend some time giving her some much-appreciated oral, and focus on getting her off before you finish.

#10 Tell her how much you care about her. And do so while you’re having sex. It can be a bit challenging for a guy to open up about his feelings for the one he loves, especially during sex, but it can be a small touch that can make the world of difference for her. Something as simple as, “You make me so happy,” can do wonders.

#11 Take the time to cuddle afterwards. Making love to a woman doesn’t just mean having sex. It means making sure she feels loved and cared for during the entirety of the sex act—and yes, that includes afterwards.

You can’t successfully make love to a woman without spending cuddle time with her after sex. This is perfect for making her feel the love even after the sex has ended, ensuring that she truly feels appreciated for more than just her body.

Knowing how to make love to a woman is much more than simply perfecting your moves and doing the deed. There’s a lot more that goes into true lovemaking that only a woman shed some light on.

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Tuesday, 22 March 2016

Five Tips For Relationship Happiness From Existential Philosophers

"I believe that these fundamentals aren't just interesting and insightful but they can also be used as the bedrock and guide book to having good relationships even in todays present modern world as well as in the future tomorrows." - Susan

IMAGE: LOVE: BEING CLOSER THAN EVER, OR YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND? (PHOTO: JOE GELONESI)

Five Tips For Relationship Happiness From Existential Philosophers

In the western world, lovers are free from arranged marriages. Yet all too often we bring chains to relationships in the form of misplaced expectations and ideals. Skye Cleary, the author of Existentialism and Romantic Love reaches for her existential classics for help, with five philosophical tips for a happy love life.

Max Stirner, Søren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Simone de Beauvoir all dealt with love and existential themes, but they all had different ideas about romantic love. Yet they all loved loving and sought to explore the sources of frustrations in romantic relationships and how relationships could be more meaningful. Below are five key existential messages for 21st century lovers.

The best love relationships are those where lovers are free and equal

Too often, lovers use relationships as an escape from the world, according to Simone de Beauvoir. The feeling of security is comforting, but it becomes problematic when lovers make the relationship the only source of meaning in their lives. This is a risky way to be in a relationship because love that lasts a lifetime is the exception, not the rule.

Relationships would be better if lovers were stronger-willed, mastered their passions, and were better friends.

SKYE CLEARY, AUTHOR

Instead, de Beauvoir advised lovers not to become so dependent on one another that they can’t exist without each other. Relationships are more interesting and stronger if both lovers pursue rich and diversified lives through their authentic projects. Ideally, adopting common goals shifts lovers’ focus onto something other than themselves, enhancing their understandings of one another.

The best love relationships are those that are free and intimate

De Beauvoir’s lifelong boyfriend Jean-Paul Sartre thought that in order to know ourselves we need to know what other people think of us. Lovers are especially important because the more one cares about another, the more the other’s views matter. The more intimate lovers are, the deeper insights they give each other. Yet lovers can’t know if the other is telling the truth, so they try to capture each other’s freedom to force the truth. This leads to sadomasochistic power games that can’t be won—we can’t possess another’s freedom. This, Sartre thought, is why love is really conflict.

Later Sartre said that an authentic love would not try to rob the other of their freedom. Sartre and de Beauvoir attempted this by giving each other the freedom to fall in love with other people. Although their other lovers knew about the agreement, they were hurt when they realised that their love wouldn’t conquer all. It’s possible to view Sartre and de Beauvoir’s commitment to each another and Sartre’s financial and emotional support of many ex-girlfriends as contradicting their freedom. Sartre explained it philosophically as freely choosing his priorities, and practically as preferring ‘to be a fool than a jerk’. De Beauvoir said that it was his ‘guilty conscience’.

The best love relationships are based on friendship

Life shouldn’t be comfortable; it should be about challenging ourselves to be better people. Friedrich Nietzsche referred to this as striving towards the ideal of the Übermensch. The problem with love is that it all too often manifests as an egoistic desire for power over another and selfishly seeking to be the centre of each other’s attention. Love distracts—or even worse, actively prevents—lovers from achieving great things. Nietzsche described lovers as becoming like dragons guarding treasure or cooping each other up like exotic birds in a cage.

Relationships would be better if lovers were stronger-willed, mastered their passions, and were better friends. Then, lovers could focus their energy on concurrent flourishing and supporting each other’s goals instead of holding each other down with petty power games.

The best love relationships are romantic and secure

Romantic loving is beautiful, extraordinary, and intoxicating—the problem is that it tends to be fleeting. Søren Kierkegaard sought to make love secure and lift it out of the realm of lusty, unrestrained and empty hedonism. Relationships would be deeper and more meaningful if lovers would stop letting themselves be pushed around by their animal instincts. He thought that lovers could turn relationships into something more stable and enduring by owning themselves and making commitments. So he recommended that lovers choose despair and marry.

Nevertheless, Kierkegaard also recognised that marriage is no more secure than romance and risks a boredom ‘worse than death’. This is why he eventually appealed to religious love, that is, to love independently of the object of affection (which isn’t very romantic).

The best love relationships recognise that love is egoistic

Love is a sweet and enjoyable experience that makes life richer. Max Stirner thought lovers should be honest with themselves and realise that love is egoistic because when we love, we actually love loving. While we should relish the frivolity of romance, Stirner thought it a crime to become a slave to love or a lover. There’s no surer way to kill such a beautiful experience than to weigh it down with duties and sacrifices, so he advised not to turn love into an obligation, as Kierkegaard recommended.

Instead of subordinating themselves to external pressures to be in a relationship, get married, and procreate (or risk eternal loneliness, as Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote in the US Supreme Court opinion on gay marriage recently), Stirner advocated owning and loving ourselves. This means that lovers create relationships that work for them. He thought the best relationships are where lovers become stronger through their union and achieve more than they could have alone.

The existential philosophers proposed that falling in love throws existence into a new light and opens up new dimensions of possibilities and experiences. They suggest that best relationships are likely to be ones where lovers throw themselves wholeheartedly into romantic loving, but also master their passions, and are mature enough to allow each other the freedom to pursue their own goals and interests.

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Saturday, 1 August 2015

Quickies, Tantra & Kink: The Different Kinds of Sex Every Couple Needs

Couples often wonder what kids of sex everyone else is having, and is the sex they are having "enough"? Not only in terms of frequency, but also in terms of the kinds of sex to be having. After all, couples don't want to miss out, if there's great sex out there to be had!

In terms of positions, there are many in the world - thousands of books beginning with the tao of sex and the Kama Sutra have been written and no doubt blogs and books about sexual positions will continue to be written. People love to explore their bodies and pathways to pleasure with one another. But sex isn't only about the position and the frequency. Generally speaking there are categories of sex, all of which keep your sex life spicy, varied and stimulating. Just as you wouldn't eat the same meal for dinner every night, or even eat only the same dessert, or listen to one song on a loop for years on end, sex needs some variety to keep it interesting - and that means changing it up more than how often you do it or who is on top.

Here sexologist Dr Gabrielle Morrissey lists the the types of sex you should have for a healthy, balanced and spicy sex life.

Quickie sex

Fast is not a bad word. It's just bad if it's the only word to describe your sex life. Sometimes, practically speaking, and for fun too, a quickie is just the thing to put some zip - or unzip - into your day!

Gourmet Sex

This is when you take longer and indulge in each other. Perhaps you play out a fantasy. Perhaps you start with a bath together and make an evening of it. Or maybe erotic massage is your thing. When you have longer than 30 minutes to spare, think about having long, drawn out sex that indulges your senses and stimulates you both from head to toe and everything in between.

No-sex sex

Sex without intercourse can often remind a couple what it was like at the beginning of their dating relationship, if they ever had a time when they weren't sexually intimate. But sex without intercourse also allows a couple to feel intimate without the pressure of penetration and intercourse, particularly if that has become a pattern. By having some sexual time together that doesn't involve intercourse, you become the ultimate creative couple in bed.

Morning sex

Testosterone levels tend to be highest in the morning and men, and women too, can feel a strong desire for sex in the morning. But often it isn't practical - the household is awake, the day feels like it must race on, work deadlines await, morning breath is, well, not the sexiest ... but all that aside, sometimes, it's the best way to start a day and feel loved and connected, rejuvenated and with an extra spark to you. Be open to it!

Kinky sex

Each couple needs to define kinky for themselves and kinky can mean different things at different ages and stages of a person's and couple's life. Experimentation helps couple to build on their intimacy and grow together ... and have fun together! Sex is your intimate recreation time together so try new things and laugh, or try new things and say, "Let's do that again!"

No orgasm sex

Have sex without the pressure of having an orgasm. It's okay to say that you don't climax every time, or that sometimes you just want to be generous to your partner, or be the receiver of some generous, lavish attention. There has been a great deal of pressure to define sex as "meeting the goal of orgasm" and preferably simultaneously that it takes some of the pleasure just purely from touching skin to skin and enjoying each other's touch for touch's sake, away. Sometimes, you can have foreplay or intercourse and orgasm doesn't have to be a goal

Spiritual sex

A lot of people are curious about things like tantric sex, which is, like other forms of "sacred sex", acknowledging the spiritual component of engaging with each other in a naked, intimate vulnerable way. Understanding as a couple that you choose to be this with one another, is not just a physical experience, but a deeply gratifying emotional one, and one all couples, however they do it, with feeling, will benefit from greatly, especially while they are naked. Emphasis is on breathing together, sharing your feelings, preparing a safe and loving, stimulating space for sex together and enjoying who your lover is, and not just how they touch you.

View original article here

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Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Is Your Partner Still in a Relationship With Their Ex?

Is Your Partner’s Relationship With Their Ex Making You Uncomfortable?

Is it paranoia or is there a real reason for you to be worried?

By Francesca Marie

Is your boyfriend or girlfriend still in touch with their ex?

Are you okay with that?

In most circumstances, you should be accepting of that relationship.

Figuratively speaking, staying in touch with an ex is never a problem.

The problem only arises when the staying in touch translates into reality, literally!

Is your partner in a relationship with their ex?

Does your boyfriend meet his ex all the time?

Does your girlfriend share a flirty conversation with her ex now and then?

Do they ever exchange texts like “I miss those days…” or “my boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t know I’m texting you right now”?

Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t feel too comfortable imagining my partner’s ex trying to worm her way back into my partner’s life too!

But then again, is your partner’s ex worming their way back into their heart, are they just friends, or are you just getting paranoid?

Is it normal to be friends with an ex?

Yes, it is. It’s just like being friends with someone, isn’t it?

Being on friendly terms with an ex, exchanging a hello on the street, interacting with each other now and then over the phone, well, it’s completely acceptable and even healthy.

But that’s not what would bother you anyway, would it? It’s the more intimate and closer bond between exes that always threaten a new lover.

So can your lover still continue to have a close relationship with their ex? Well, it may not always be the norm because most people find it very hard to stay friends with someone they shared so much chemistry. But on the other hand, some people find it pretty easy to end a romance and turn it into friendship.

The threshold of balance

There’s a thin line between being friendly and getting attracted to each other. And to make matters worse, the thin line is always blurry and too fuzzy to see until you cross over to the other side!

How often does your partner interact with their ex? Every person is different, and sometimes, some people just find it easier to socialize and hang out with everyone comfortably, even if that’s an ex. But is your partner’s ex as close, or even closer than your partner’s other friends?

These are questions that could help you understand just how friendly your partner and their ex are. But more than anything else, what matters is your personality and your own relationship with your man or woman. What’s acceptable to you, and just where do you want to draw the line?

The easiest way to deal with this is by making it clear as soon as you get to know about their over-friendly ex. It’s awkward to tell your partner that you’re not comfortable with the idea of them being so friendly with their ex, but if you care about your relationship, you need to voice your thoughts.

Think about it, your relationship would definitely go downhill soon if you pretend to be progressive and completely secure, when in reality, you feel threatened by your partner’s proximity to their ex.

Do you trust your partner?

If you truly believe your partner won’t be doing something frisky behind your back, that’s a great thing. But if that’s the case, you wouldn’t be getting angry about their proximity to their ex, would you?

Sometimes, even if you completely trust your partner, it’s perfectly normal to feel troubled over natural human instincts. If you shared a perfect relationship with a smoking hot ex *and you had to break up with them over unavoidable circumstances*, wouldn’t you get carried away if they came on to you after both of you had a few drinks?

You may be loyal to your lover, but when you play with fire, there’s always a risk of getting your fingers burnt, or worse…

Is it affecting your relationship?

So your husband or wife, or boyfriend or girlfriend talks to their ex all the time? That isn’t the problem. What matters is how you feel about it, and where you intend to draw the line. If you have a problem with your partner’s ex, don’t bottle your emotions and endure the pain because you think you may sound silly for voicing it out loud.

#1 Talk to your partner. If you feel threatened by your partner’s closeness to their ex, don’t feel embarrassed about it. Insecurity is a completely acceptable emotion in any relationship. Don’t wait until you reach the point of no return, where you give your partner the silent treatment and pick fights with them over silly reasons every day, just because you don’t feel like telling them the truth in the first place.

#2 Do you feel disrespected? Mutual respect is an integral part of every strong romantic relationship. Does your partner make you feel disrespected in the relationship by maintaining a close bond with their ex? Just say it!

The BIG TEST

You don’t like your partner’s ex. So have you told your partner about it? How does your partner react to your insecure plea?

Does your partner fight you or voice their displeasure when you mention that their relationship with an ex bothers you? Do they appear embarrassed or do they get angry?

If your partner chooses to fight you instead of trying to reassure you, it’s pretty obvious that they prioritize their relationship with an ex higher than their relationship with you!

Really, if you tell your lover that you’re feeling insecure because of their ex, if your partner really cared about you and your relationship, they’d be more concerned about reassuring you and making the relationship work instead of defending their ex, don’t you think? Now why would anyone do that unless they have feelings for their ex?

When a partner chooses to fight you instead of trying to reassure you and comfort you, something’s definitely not right, whether your partner chooses to admit it or not.

10 Signs you need to be worried about your partner’s closeness to their ex

If your significant other is still in a relationship with their ex, it’s acceptable. Well, unless it’s not acceptable to you! What the world thinks doesn’t matter here, and the only thing that matters is whether it matters to you or troubles you.

Here are 10 broad circumstances when relationships with exes generally take a new romantic twist over time, especially when they’re not pruned at the right time.

#1 Your partner’s ex is too needy. Your partner’s ex tries to cling on to your partner all the time. They may have broken up with your partner, but they still depend on your partner for everything, including emotional support!

#2 Getting back together. Your partner’s ex wants to get back with them. How can you tell? Well, they text or say things like “I miss you…” or something much more flirty and undisguised to your lover.

#3 No reason to stay friends. Your partner doesn’t have any reason to stay friends with them. And yet, your partner doesn’t want to keep some distance from their ex even if it bothers you.

#4 Lies. Your partner lies to you about their proximity with the ex. “No, we’re not close at all,” when in reality, they’re much more attached to their ex than they claim to be.

#5 Hidden secrets. Your partner hides information about the times they meet their ex or interact with them, or manipulates the truth. If their relationship is so pure and platonic, why the lies?

#6 Comparisons. Your partner compares you negatively to their ex in the middle of a fight or a conversation.

#7 Secrets. Your partner isn’t comfortable with you reading their ex’s texts or listening to their interactions with their ex.

#8 Meetings. Your partner meets their ex far too often. And they don’t even work together!

#9 Besties. Your partner treats their ex like a best friend, and confides everything to them. In fact, they seem more like best friends and less like exes.

#10 Who’s more important? Your partner fights you over their ex. Every time both of you fight over the ex, your partner always stands up for their ex and defends their relationship with them, even if it means hurting you or walking away from you.

Relationships with exes and complicated love stories may work very well in sitcoms, but they’re extremely painful in real life. Deal with it if you’re comfortable with it, but walk away if it’s something that can’t be fixed.

After all, all of us are different, and every individual has his or her own threshold for jealousy and insecurity in love. And if your partner chooses to defend their relationship with an ex instead of trying to help you trust them better, you need to ask yourself where you stand in their list of priorities.

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with being in a friendly relationship with an ex. But if your partner gives more importance to an ex than the relationship with you, then that’s definitely something you shouldn’t put up with anymore!

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