Online Date with Fish2Fish: passion

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Monday, 23 May 2016

Which of the 7 Types of Love Relationships Fits Yours?

"Interesting! ..... take the test!" - Susan

Which of the 7 Types of Love Relationships Fits Yours?

Identify and improve your intimate relationships with this simple 7-item test

Psychology continues to struggle with the question of how to define love, and after decades of research, is no closer to the ultimate answer. However, the triangular theory of love proposed by University of Wyoming Robert Sternberg provides a fascinating and useful framework. The triangle here is not a true "love triangle," but instead is the shape used to represent love's three main dimensions.

It’s easiest to understand the theory by looking at this figure. Each point of the triangle represents the extreme of one of the dimensions of love. At the top of the triangle is the extreme of intimacy, which is the extent to which your relationship is characterised by feelings of closeness, connectedness, and strong emotional bonds.

The commitment pole reflects your decision to stay in the relationship. People who are strongly committed to their relationship make a vow to stay in that relationship through thick and thin, and therefore are willing to work hard to keep it going even if the thin outweighs the thick.

Finally, passion reflects the intensity of your sexual desire toward your partner. This desire may take the form of romantic attachment as well as strong sexual attraction and a desire to be with your partner.

Sternberg’s model predicts that as your relationship ripens, passionate love mellows into companionate love. If you're lucky, the flames of passion remain alive, though, and you experience consummate love.

Strong sexual attraction helps spice things up, but more important for relationships to last are commitment and intimacy. The feelings of sharing, having mutual goals, and enjoying your time together in a quieter and more reflective way are what build lasting emotional bonds.

Returning to the triangular model, Sternberg’s theory describes a total of 7 types of relationships:

Consummate (the highest form): High on all three dimensions (represented by a point in the middle of the triangle)

Infatuated High on passion only

Fatuous High on passion and commitment

Empty High on commitment only

Companionate High on intimacy and commitment

Romantic High on intimacy and passion

Liking/friendship High on intimacy only

Now that you have this framework in mind, you’re probably wondering how your closest relationship measures up along these dimensions. Read these brief descriptions, and for each one, see which comes closest to your closest relationship. Don’t peek at the ratings until you’re done:

1. You have been together for several years, still feel very close and connected emotionally, but do not always feel the same passion toward one another as you once did.

2. You have a strong sexual drive and a need for physical and romantic contact with each other, but do not feel very close to each other. You have not planned for your future together, and in fact have not even thought about any form of long-term commitment.

3. You have been married or cohabiting for a long time and still verbally proclaim your love for each other, but admit to having lost much of the emotional connectedness, as well as the sexual desire that you once had.

4. After more than 6 years together, you are as “in love” as ever. You remain close and connected, very sexually and romantically in sync, and are completely committed to each other and to your relationship.

5. You have been together for only a couple of months, and although you feel you have become close and are connected emotionally, you have yet to become passionately involved or think about your future commitment.

6. You are in love and have a strong sexual desire for one another, are very close and connected emotionally, but have yet to discuss any future plans that would include a decision to commit only to each other.

7. You have been together for a while and are planning on staying together. You continue to maintain a healthy and satisfying sex life, but say you do not feel very closely connected where emotion is concerned.

Interpretation

1. Companionate Love

2. Infatuation

3. Empty Love

4. Consummate Love

5. Liking

6. Romantic Love

7. Fatuous Love

How did your relationship rate? It’s possible that you don’t fit completely into one category, as these are the extremes. You can use that triangle to plot your relationship’s exact point. Higher on intimacy and passion but not quite ready to make a commitment means that you’re starting to move from romantic love and into the consummate region.

This example shows that just as it can be useful to find out where your relationship fits in the triangle, it’s also helpful to remember that relationships are rarely static over time. You don’t have to give up on a relationship that’s fatuous or empty because the relationship lacks either intimacy, passion, or both. At least one study, though conducted on undergraduates (Madey & Rodgers, 2009), suggests that intimacy and commitment contribute to relationship satisfaction. Research on long-term relationships suggests, further, that passion in the form of wanting to be near your partner continues to predict a couple’s satisfaction. You can dial up or down the dimension that’s in need of adjustment by working on that function of your relationship.

If you want to take this even further, ask your relationship partner to take this quick quiz. Perhaps you’ll be surprised to find out that what you think is an empty love is one that your partner finds has more passion and intimacy than you realise. Or you may find out that the relationship you think is consummate is one that your partner finds lacking in one of the three crucial dimensions.

Your partner’s happiness, as well as your own, can benefit from a candid discussion of where you feel you need to make those adjustments. Relationship education, though intended for premarital counselling, can also help long-term couples gain skills and knowledge to prop up their ways of handling communication and conflict resolution.

Psychologists may still not have the ultimate definition of love, but the framework provided by triangle theory can give you a practical tool to maximise the fulfilling you receive out of your closest ties.

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Tuesday, 22 March 2016

Five Tips For Relationship Happiness From Existential Philosophers

"I believe that these fundamentals aren't just interesting and insightful but they can also be used as the bedrock and guide book to having good relationships even in todays present modern world as well as in the future tomorrows." - Susan

IMAGE: LOVE: BEING CLOSER THAN EVER, OR YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND? (PHOTO: JOE GELONESI)

Five Tips For Relationship Happiness From Existential Philosophers

In the western world, lovers are free from arranged marriages. Yet all too often we bring chains to relationships in the form of misplaced expectations and ideals. Skye Cleary, the author of Existentialism and Romantic Love reaches for her existential classics for help, with five philosophical tips for a happy love life.

Max Stirner, Søren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Simone de Beauvoir all dealt with love and existential themes, but they all had different ideas about romantic love. Yet they all loved loving and sought to explore the sources of frustrations in romantic relationships and how relationships could be more meaningful. Below are five key existential messages for 21st century lovers.

The best love relationships are those where lovers are free and equal

Too often, lovers use relationships as an escape from the world, according to Simone de Beauvoir. The feeling of security is comforting, but it becomes problematic when lovers make the relationship the only source of meaning in their lives. This is a risky way to be in a relationship because love that lasts a lifetime is the exception, not the rule.

Relationships would be better if lovers were stronger-willed, mastered their passions, and were better friends.

SKYE CLEARY, AUTHOR

Instead, de Beauvoir advised lovers not to become so dependent on one another that they can’t exist without each other. Relationships are more interesting and stronger if both lovers pursue rich and diversified lives through their authentic projects. Ideally, adopting common goals shifts lovers’ focus onto something other than themselves, enhancing their understandings of one another.

The best love relationships are those that are free and intimate

De Beauvoir’s lifelong boyfriend Jean-Paul Sartre thought that in order to know ourselves we need to know what other people think of us. Lovers are especially important because the more one cares about another, the more the other’s views matter. The more intimate lovers are, the deeper insights they give each other. Yet lovers can’t know if the other is telling the truth, so they try to capture each other’s freedom to force the truth. This leads to sadomasochistic power games that can’t be won—we can’t possess another’s freedom. This, Sartre thought, is why love is really conflict.

Later Sartre said that an authentic love would not try to rob the other of their freedom. Sartre and de Beauvoir attempted this by giving each other the freedom to fall in love with other people. Although their other lovers knew about the agreement, they were hurt when they realised that their love wouldn’t conquer all. It’s possible to view Sartre and de Beauvoir’s commitment to each another and Sartre’s financial and emotional support of many ex-girlfriends as contradicting their freedom. Sartre explained it philosophically as freely choosing his priorities, and practically as preferring ‘to be a fool than a jerk’. De Beauvoir said that it was his ‘guilty conscience’.

The best love relationships are based on friendship

Life shouldn’t be comfortable; it should be about challenging ourselves to be better people. Friedrich Nietzsche referred to this as striving towards the ideal of the Übermensch. The problem with love is that it all too often manifests as an egoistic desire for power over another and selfishly seeking to be the centre of each other’s attention. Love distracts—or even worse, actively prevents—lovers from achieving great things. Nietzsche described lovers as becoming like dragons guarding treasure or cooping each other up like exotic birds in a cage.

Relationships would be better if lovers were stronger-willed, mastered their passions, and were better friends. Then, lovers could focus their energy on concurrent flourishing and supporting each other’s goals instead of holding each other down with petty power games.

The best love relationships are romantic and secure

Romantic loving is beautiful, extraordinary, and intoxicating—the problem is that it tends to be fleeting. Søren Kierkegaard sought to make love secure and lift it out of the realm of lusty, unrestrained and empty hedonism. Relationships would be deeper and more meaningful if lovers would stop letting themselves be pushed around by their animal instincts. He thought that lovers could turn relationships into something more stable and enduring by owning themselves and making commitments. So he recommended that lovers choose despair and marry.

Nevertheless, Kierkegaard also recognised that marriage is no more secure than romance and risks a boredom ‘worse than death’. This is why he eventually appealed to religious love, that is, to love independently of the object of affection (which isn’t very romantic).

The best love relationships recognise that love is egoistic

Love is a sweet and enjoyable experience that makes life richer. Max Stirner thought lovers should be honest with themselves and realise that love is egoistic because when we love, we actually love loving. While we should relish the frivolity of romance, Stirner thought it a crime to become a slave to love or a lover. There’s no surer way to kill such a beautiful experience than to weigh it down with duties and sacrifices, so he advised not to turn love into an obligation, as Kierkegaard recommended.

Instead of subordinating themselves to external pressures to be in a relationship, get married, and procreate (or risk eternal loneliness, as Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote in the US Supreme Court opinion on gay marriage recently), Stirner advocated owning and loving ourselves. This means that lovers create relationships that work for them. He thought the best relationships are where lovers become stronger through their union and achieve more than they could have alone.

The existential philosophers proposed that falling in love throws existence into a new light and opens up new dimensions of possibilities and experiences. They suggest that best relationships are likely to be ones where lovers throw themselves wholeheartedly into romantic loving, but also master their passions, and are mature enough to allow each other the freedom to pursue their own goals and interests.

View original article here

Thursday, 10 March 2016

The Perfect Romantic Massage to Turn Your Lover On

"This sounds like fun!" - Susan

The Perfect Romantic Massage to Turn Your Lover On

What better way to relax and turn your partner on at the same time than with a sensual massage that can lead to hotter, naughtier activities?

The Big Bang Theory’s Leonard professes to be the King of Foreplay and Penny seems to agree. We bet he knew how to use a sensual massage to prolong his foreplay. Here’s how you can give sensual massages to your partner, and maybe you’ll hook your own Penny to stay.

What comes to mind when you think of sensual massages? Gentle hands warmed with scented oils touching your skin, while lying on your stomach in a room filled with a relaxing, ambient tune? It makes you want to just succumb to the allures of utter relaxation, doesn’t it? Well, it doesn’t take a genius *or a brilliant physicist with a PhD* to realize that these are the same ingredients to a sensual night in bed with your partner.

Sensual massage is the art of giving pleasure, while allowing your partner to release the tensions of a hard day’s work or a stressful week. Moreover, it primes them for a sensual night with you, their caring and sensitive partner.

What you need for the perfect sensual massage experience

Before you embark in this sensual endeavour, you need to make sure you have everything that you need. To give the perfect sensual massage, you have to set the mood. That means getting the right music, setting the room ambience, choosing the oils, and preparing the bed.

The best music for a sensual massage

#1 Nature music is a staple in massage salons and spas. However, instead of using typical forest sounds, try one with ocean waves or rain sounds. Who hasn’t fantasized about having sex on the sand with the ocean waves providing the backdrop for their sexual abandon? With their eyes closed, your partner is sure to have this picture in mind.

#2 Spanish guitar music. If you think nature music is too cliché, try a little Spanish guitar music. It conjures visions of a dashing Spaniard with a silky voice, strumming a sexy acoustic guitar, while a sultry Spanish woman with golden tanned skin sways to the music. It is soothing but with a hint of passion, priming your partner to a passion-filled night with you.

#3 Tantric music. For a more direct approach, try sensual music designed especially for lovers like Tantric Heart. It’s a music collection inspired by the ancient tantric cultures of the east. It is sure to unleash the Tantric god or goddess in your partner.

Setting up the room for a sensual massage

If you’re giving the massage in the bedroom, get some scented candles to light up the room. If you’re wary about all that open flame, opt for scented oils warmed in an incense burner. Mix 3 parts of water with 1 part oil to maximize the scent. Choose from some warm scents like vanilla or rose or a combination of the two. You may also choose a soothing scent like mint. Throw some colored scarves over the light fixtures to give the room a warm glow. Make sure the room temperature is not too cold, but not so warm either. You want your session steamy, not your partner sweaty.

Preparing the massage surface

Your bed can be the perfect setting for a sensual massage if you don’t want to kill the mood while switching rooms or positions when you get to the steamy part. However, if your bed is so soft that it yields to your weight easily, the floor next to your bed could be a good place to start with. Line the floor neatly with thick fluffy towels so your lover’s comfortable, and don’t worry about getting messy!

You may also opt to use a massage bed if one is available. Prepare a soft thin pillow so your partner can rest their head on it when they’re lying down. Make sure you have extra towels to cover the exposed parts you are not massaging. You want your partner warmed, not chilled.

The best oils to use for massaging your partner

Some people suggest using organic massage oils, such as almond oil or sandalwood oil. They are great for massages, as they feel luxurious on the skin and glides on easily. However, the downside to this is that most organic oils can cause latex condoms to weaken and break. They can also upset the sensitive Ph balance inside the vagina, causing unpleasant reactions.

For a perfect sensual massage, use “body safe” massage oils. These are massage oils that can double as lubricants, perfect for what you have in mind for later. Choose one with a thinner consistency for a smoother glide, but one with silicone or glycerin, so they do not dry out quickly. Some oils also have a cooling or warming effect, which can be nice to experiment with. Just remember, a little goes a long way.

How to give the ultimate sensual massage

Giving a perfect sensual massage can be daunting for beginners with no massage experience. I would suggest you get a regular massage first to know the basic motions, such as rubbing and kneading, as well as what motions work for certain areas of the body.

Nonetheless, what’s important when giving a sensual massage is keeping in touch with your partner’s reactions, what motions work for them, what makes them sigh with pleasure, and what intensity they feel comfortable with.

#1 Head massage. A head massage is a perfect introduction to the sensual treat you have prepared for them. Stripped down, lying on their stomach with only a towel covering them, it can be nerve-wracking for a partner you haven’t been intimate with. The head massage will make them forget any misgivings they may have had at first.

With their head on a pillow and facing up, start rubbing the temples in a circular motion. From the forehead, apply gentle pressure towards the scalp, like combing their hair with your fingers. Do this for about a minute, then move on to the other side. You can also run your fingers gently, applying some pressure towards the nape and the neck, as a precursor for the back and shoulder massage.

#2 Back and shoulder massage. Apply some oil on your hand and warm it, before rubbing it on your partner’s back. Start with the middle of the shoulders, below the nape. Rub your partner’s back from the middle, towards the shoulders. Drizzle a few drops of oil on their back, so your hands can glide against their back sensually, without sacrificing pressure.

Move your hands along their back, and experiment with a few Shiatsu strokes from the top of their back to the bottom. It’s an easy move to slide your hands along your lover’s back, but you’ll soon see that this simple move can turn out to be one of the most sensual and yet relaxing moves. Get on top of your partner and sit down gently on their lower back or their butt, so you can reach out everywhere without uncomfortable stretches. Bonus: If you’re a man, your partner gets to feel your bulging cock as you massage them. Scorching hot, right?

#3 Legs and arms massage. While they’re still lying on their stomach, massage the arms by gently stroking the muscles. Focus on the hands, particularly the palms and the fingers. When massaging the legs, move your hands softly in circular motions, paying more attention to the thighs and the calves.

Don’t forget to massage the feet as these are easily the most stressed part of the body. Massage the heels, toes, and the pads of their feet. Be gentle, but not too gentle as you might end up tickling them.

#4 Buttocks massage. This is when it gets a little steamy. From the legs, work your hands up to their butt. Circle your palms against their butt cheeks as you spread the sensual oils all around. With your palms on the butt, work your hands around in circular motions. Lightly knead the buttocks and press it upwards. Make sure to apply slight pressure only, as this can be painful.

To test the waters, ever-so-lightly graze a finger in between the buttocks towards the dip on the back. If they don’t tell you to mind your fingers, then they’re ready for the next stage.

#5 Sensual massage as foreplay. Have them lie on their back with their head lying on your lap, as you sit facing their feet. Start with a few circular motions on the temples, then gently stroke the nape towards the scalp. Comb the hair from the back of the head towards you, with your fingers, applying a bit of pressure. Lightly stroke the neck and the nape.

From the sides of the chest, make gentle upward strokes towards the underarm and arching towards the top of the breast *not the nipples* or the chest area and the cleavage. You don’t want to go directly towards the nipples. Instead, build anticipation and focus on the areas surrounding the breasts, as well as the stomach area. Be gentle!

Lightly massage the hips and the sides of the waist. Make gentle stroking motions instead of kneading, then massage the breasts, gently kneading them. Your partner should be writhing in pleasure by now. Top with a kiss on the nipples and a gentle finger graze in between the lips of her vagina, and… Well surely, you don’t need me to give you directions from here!

A sensual massage need not be as long as an hour to have the desired effect. A 10-minute rubdown, if done correctly, can send your partner into relaxation heaven, primed and eager to engage in a sensual adventure with their Tantric sex god or goddess: YOU.

View original article here:

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Saturday, 5 March 2016

5 Signs It Really, Truly IS Love at First Sight

"Can it be love at first sight, or is it lust? What is love?" - Susan

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5 Signs It Really, Truly IS Love at First Sight

Is it actually real?

Chemistry is a killer. Let's face it: the minute your lips lock, the super glue holding you together is cemented into place and you're hooked. This always happens. Your body makes sure you don't miss each other.

So what's the problem? Only a fraction of these hot and heavy relationships have any staying power. Some experts guess that 80 percent of "chemistry-driven" relationships fail in less than three months.

According to Psychology Today, "Each couple that engages in love at first sight believes that their passionate feelings for one another will overcome the steep odds against a whimsical union actually providing a lifetime of personal fulfilment for each partner."

Scientists can now measure the brain chemicals that collide with each other, creating an addictive cocktail that controls you when sexual chemistry is ignited. Addictive? You bet. The areas of the brain that light up when cocaine hits the bloodstream are the exact same areas that light up when the chemicals of love and attraction are released.

You're addicted to love — literally.

Do people get tired of each other? Why does the sizzle fizzle out? Once more, can you avoid the fizzlers right away so you can get on to the happily ever after kind of love? Are there signs that love is true in the first few passionate days? Is there love at first sight?

Here are five signs that your new guy could be the real deal (in spite of the chemistry):

1. He treats restaurant staff kindly.

No, I'm not talking about manners... well, not eating habits anyway. A wise woman once told me, "Watch how your man treats waitresses. You will see much about his character." Kindness and generosity to blue and pink collar workers is a genuine trait not easy to fake.

2. He has a great relationship with his female family members.

How does he treat his mom? Sisters? Ex? When I met my husband (my second, I met him at age 52) he still took his ex-mother-in-law for outings away from her rehab home once a month, even though he had been divorced for years. He treats me with old-fashioned chivalry to this day and it's one of the things I love the best about him.

3. He's busy and fulfilled with a productive hobby or career.

If you fall for a guy who's on fire about his own life and still takes time to prioritise you, that's a great sign. The Universe may be able to create happily ever afters with broke, unemployed guys; after all, nothing is impossible. But do you really want that? Chemistry with a man with no income may be hot but is rarely the real deal.

4. He's not your type.

Countless love at first sighters — the couples that claimed they knew very early on that their one was the one — say the same thing: "We met in the most surprising way. I never expected to be with someone like him. He's not my type at all." When you're attracted to someone outside your "type," pay attention.

5. You're still into him two to three months down the line.

Sometime in the two-to-three-month range, take a reading of your relationship. How hot is the chemistry? Has it changed for either one of you? If you guys are cooling off, here's what to check: How fascinated are you with each other? You want to watch for signs that he's "into you" outside of sexual attraction.

Curiosity and fascination are two powerful indicators that this is the real deal, especially when the first rushes of chemistry start to pale. Crushes always melt you in the beginning and then break your heart in the end. In between crush and heartbreak, there are a lot of experiences waiting for you. Love at first sight experiences can rock your world and some are the real deal.

If you're in the midst of that roller coaster ride right now, buckle your seatbelt and hang on, have fun and enjoy how it unfolds. There really is nothing like a mind-numbing crush. Just check in at that two-to-three-month point and be honest with what's happening. If he's still into you, that's the best sign of all.

Read original article here

Thursday, 17 September 2015

YOUR BODY ON LUST

Intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people.
Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate.
Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs"
- Susan Watts

YOUR BODY ON LUST

Anyone who's claimed 'love at first sight' might have their L-words mixed up.

When it comes to instant attraction, it's your brain - not your heart - that kicks in.

0 TO 5 SECONDS

Here's how it works: you spot a hot stranger and, before you can even say hello, your brain has processed his voice, face and pheromones.

The less like you he smells, the more aroused you’ll become – so lay off the Old Spice, ladies.

Your brain’s ventral tegmental area lights up and begins churning out dopamine, the same chemical responsible for feelings of elation – and the high that comes with certain drugs.

Now that’s an addiction we can get on board with.

At the same time, the areas of your mind that handle negative emotions are suppressed, allowing the fact that he’s just burped to go virtually unnoticed.

If you’re ovulating, you may be drawn to more masculine traits like a chiselled jawline or deep voice.

If you have your period, a guy with softer, more feminine features is more appealing.

The spot deep in your brain that deals with memories is recording his every move and feature, subtly comparing him with last loves. Totally healthy.

AFTER 5 MINUTES

Your brain has revved up its hormone control centre to shoot out chemical signals to your ovaries. Dot-dot, dash-dash-dot…dashing.

The brain also signals the adrenal glands to pump out adrenaline – so that’ll explain the pounding heart, sweaty palms and maniacal intense focus.

Meanwhile, your body is busy producing testosterone, the male hormone often associated with aggression and risk-taking.

After all, it’s hard to communicate when you’re feeling shy – and everyone loves a spot of angry flirting.

AFTER 10 MINUTES

While you’re giddy-drunk on the potent cocktail of adrenaline, dopamine and testosterone, your brain prompts the pituitary gland to produce oxytocin, the hormone thought to promote bonding – and monogamy.

TIP: If you normally prefer a foppish Hugh Grant to a beefy Hugh Jackman, don't worry if he suddenly loses his appeal. When you're ovulating, you're more attracted to men with strong masculine features. The wandering eyes will pass.

WITHIN A FEW MONTHS

If you’re truly smitten, your brain steps up its production of nerve growth factor, a protein that may increase mental capacity.

Sadly, it returns to normal after a year of commitment, so now’s the time to embark on a pub-quiz tour.

Newfound passion might also trigger adrenal glands to shoot out the stress hormone cortisol.

But unlike the cortisol that comes with most chronic anxiety, this short-term version makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and can boost your arousal. It’s stress, but sexy stress.

View original article here

Thursday, 6 August 2015

9 Popular Teachings About Marriage That Aren't True

9 Popular Teachings About Marriage That Aren't True

Everyone tries to imagine the way their lives would change after saying " I do" but often get disappointed in their first years of marriage because they realize that what they imagined was far from reality

There are certain myths about marriage that can influence the way we think our future will look like next to the one we love, but many of these things aren’t actually true.

Though it's not wrong to want certain things in life or from your relationship, you must be aware of the fact that things often change and that people evolve and you should not be disappointed if they are not as you imagined them to be.

Corina Dondas of Binoni disproves a few popular and most common myths about marriage:

1 The only ingredient for a happy marriage is love:

One of the most common myths about marriage refers to the fact that you only need love in order to have a long, happy married life. This statement couldn’t be more wrong! For a marriage to work, besides all the love, you also need a lot of other things, like patience, empathy, care, consideration, tact and a lot of other qualities that you either have or you either develop along the way. A marriage takes a lot of work and unfortunately, love isn’t enough to make things work out... you also need to put a little effort into it.

2 Once you get married, you don't evolve anymore:
This is another myth that influences a lot the way people perceive marriage and themselves being married. Often, many people, and especially the single ones, tend to think that married couples have certain predetermined roles and responsibilities, and all that prevents them from evolving, from having fun, from enjoying life. These things are completely false! Even if after marriage you could get a few new responsibilities, you will still be able to make time for your hobbies, for doing stuff that makes you happy. You will even share these things with the one you love; it will be more fun!

3 After marriage your relationship will be even stronger
In order for your marriage to work, it will take a lot of effort and a lot of compromises from both of you spouses. People tend to think that marriage will help consolidate their relationship, without them doing a thing, and that isn’t exactly true. I don’t doubt the fact that marriage does unite couples even more, but you should work on your relationship after your wedding too. Good things need a lot of work sometimes! But I’m sure that all that work means nothing compared to a really happy marriage.

4 The spouses should have the same interest or passions
This sentence couldn’t be more wrong! Every person is unique and this also applies to couples. It would be nice if you would have a few things in common with your husband or wife, a few pleasant hobbies that you share, some common interests, but, if you don’t have them it’s still okay. It’s also good if you are a bit different in some ways because this will allow you to complete each other.

5 If couples live together before marriage, their marriage will be really happy

Nowadays, there are a lot of couples that decide to move in together, taking this step as a final test before saying "I do." But, you know, nothing will guarantee you that your relationship will be even better after marriage by living together, because this depends entirely on you guys. You are the only ones who can make things work and the only ones who can have a really happy and wonderful marriage!

6 Your spouse should be your best friend

This is one of the popular myths that it’s often wrong. The thing with the spouse being also your best friend is not a rule that every married person should follow. It’s absolutely normal and necessary to get along very well with your other half, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have other friends with whom you can get along just fine or maybe, sometimes, even better. These friends can listen to you, can offer you advice, can be there to comfort you when you need it, and they can do all these things in other ways that your spouse does them.

7 There's only one person in the world whom you can marry
Here, I am talking about the well-known, "soul-mate" myth. We like to believe (and I think it would be really nice if this were true) that somewhere, in this big, big world, there’s our other half, which completes us perfectly and with whom we will live happily ever after. Unfortunately (or why not, fortunately for us), this perfect half doesn’t exist, so you could have a really happy marriage and a wonderful life with different people.

8 Children can increase happiness of a married couple
This is a very, very popular myth among a lot of married couples or even people who are in committed relationships. The fact is that a lot of studies have shown that actually, the first born baby of a couple separates a bit the two new parents because this event brings a significant amount of stress in their lives. Also, the couples with many children are less likely to get a divorce but also, this is not a rule.

9 Married people have a less satisfying sex life:
I can understand how easy it is to believe that married people have a less satisfying sex life and that they have sex a lot less than the single people do. But actually, recent studies have shown that in fact married couples have a much happier and more fulfilled sex life than the single ones, not necessarily by having more sex but by having meaningful sex, by being involved both physically and especially, emotionally.

View original article here

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