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"Can it be love at first sight, or is it lust? What is love?" - Susan

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5 Signs It Really, Truly IS Love at First Sight

Is it actually real?

Chemistry is a killer. Let's face it: the minute your lips lock, the super glue holding you together is cemented into place and you're hooked. This always happens. Your body makes sure you don't miss each other.

So what's the problem? Only a fraction of these hot and heavy relationships have any staying power. Some experts guess that 80 percent of "chemistry-driven" relationships fail in less than three months.

According to Psychology Today, "Each couple that engages in love at first sight believes that their passionate feelings for one another will overcome the steep odds against a whimsical union actually providing a lifetime of personal fulfilment for each partner."

Scientists can now measure the brain chemicals that collide with each other, creating an addictive cocktail that controls you when sexual chemistry is ignited. Addictive? You bet. The areas of the brain that light up when cocaine hits the bloodstream are the exact same areas that light up when the chemicals of love and attraction are released.

You're addicted to love — literally.

Do people get tired of each other? Why does the sizzle fizzle out? Once more, can you avoid the fizzlers right away so you can get on to the happily ever after kind of love? Are there signs that love is true in the first few passionate days? Is there love at first sight?

Here are five signs that your new guy could be the real deal (in spite of the chemistry):

1. He treats restaurant staff kindly.

No, I'm not talking about manners... well, not eating habits anyway. A wise woman once told me, "Watch how your man treats waitresses. You will see much about his character." Kindness and generosity to blue and pink collar workers is a genuine trait not easy to fake.

2. He has a great relationship with his female family members.

How does he treat his mom? Sisters? Ex? When I met my husband (my second, I met him at age 52) he still took his ex-mother-in-law for outings away from her rehab home once a month, even though he had been divorced for years. He treats me with old-fashioned chivalry to this day and it's one of the things I love the best about him.

3. He's busy and fulfilled with a productive hobby or career.

If you fall for a guy who's on fire about his own life and still takes time to prioritise you, that's a great sign. The Universe may be able to create happily ever afters with broke, unemployed guys; after all, nothing is impossible. But do you really want that? Chemistry with a man with no income may be hot but is rarely the real deal.

4. He's not your type.

Countless love at first sighters — the couples that claimed they knew very early on that their one was the one — say the same thing: "We met in the most surprising way. I never expected to be with someone like him. He's not my type at all." When you're attracted to someone outside your "type," pay attention.

5. You're still into him two to three months down the line.

Sometime in the two-to-three-month range, take a reading of your relationship. How hot is the chemistry? Has it changed for either one of you? If you guys are cooling off, here's what to check: How fascinated are you with each other? You want to watch for signs that he's "into you" outside of sexual attraction.

Curiosity and fascination are two powerful indicators that this is the real deal, especially when the first rushes of chemistry start to pale. Crushes always melt you in the beginning and then break your heart in the end. In between crush and heartbreak, there are a lot of experiences waiting for you. Love at first sight experiences can rock your world and some are the real deal.

If you're in the midst of that roller coaster ride right now, buckle your seatbelt and hang on, have fun and enjoy how it unfolds. There really is nothing like a mind-numbing crush. Just check in at that two-to-three-month point and be honest with what's happening. If he's still into you, that's the best sign of all.

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"Apparently falling in love with two people at the same time is as simple as falling in love with one person. Love is an emotion that can be experienced when the symptoms are right. As human beings we are capable of falling in love with two people at the same time, after all we fall in love with different people in different ways. But at the end of the day you are the one in control, and should you chose to use it, you have the power to avoid falling in love by taking a step back, and putting a stop to the flirty conversations or secret rendezvous and allowing any feelings of lust or love to fade away".

-Susan

What to Do When You Like Someone Else?

Appreciating or liking someone else is acceptable, but what should you do about it? Find out what to do when you like someone else and you’re already in a relationship.

Do you like someone else even though you’re already in a relationship?

Sometimes, you may jump into a new relationship only to find that you don’t really like the person and like someone else.

At other times, you may be in a relationship for a long time and find yourself getting deeply attracted to another person.

You can’t really stop your heart from liking someone else or getting attracted to some other person other than your own lover, and if that does happen, it’s inevitable.

But what are you going to do about it?

That’s what really matters when you find yourself in crossways and have to decide between the older and trusted path and the new and riskier path.

What to do when you like someone else?

You may find yourself liking someone else when you least expect it.

It may be their personality or the electric chemistry that both of you share.

A bit of flirting can be harmless, but what if the infatuation grows over time and becomes an obsession?

While it’s natural to find someone else attractive at times, deciding what to do about it is never easy.

One of the first things you really need to do is evaluate your own relationship. Are you happy to be in love with your partner? Can you see your own lover in your life five years from now? If you’re going to be confused about your relationship status each time you like someone outside the relationship, there’s obviously something wrong with your relationship.

Perhaps, you’re being fickle, or think you’re too good for your partner or you’re just not happy to be in the relationship.

When you like someone else, you really need to ask yourself why you’re falling for another person when you’re already in a relationship. While an infatuation or a little crush is completely acceptable, falling in love when you’re already in love can be a bit of a confusion, to you and even to your own partner who would confront you eventually.

New love and a new fling

Have you just fallen in love with someone and find yourself getting attracted to someone else in no time? Now it’s not really easy to fall in love with two people at the same time, especially at the start of a new and happy relationship.

If you’re experiencing the confusion of liking someone else in a new romance, you’re probably not in love at all! [Read: YOUR BODY ON LUST ]

Exciting, isn’t it? It’s easy for you to fall in love and break up, only to fall in love with someone else in no time because you’re not really in love at all. Even when two people do fall in love with each other, it’s only an infatuation for the first few weeks or months. There’s no real love until the sexual excitement and the tingle of those stolen touches fade away. So if you find yourself liking someone else after getting into a relationship, end it if you really must. After all, it’s better to be happy with someone you really like than stay gloomy with someone you think you like.

A long term relationship and a new crush

Are you in a long term relationship with your partner? When you first fall in love, life can seem rather exciting. You’re exploring the world with someone new and everything looks fresh and exciting. The wooing and pursuing stage of love can be thrilling and can give you a lot of exciting sleepless nights.

But as the relationship starts to get older, it ages and matures into a romance that isn’t just about sexual excitement or wooing each other. What keeps a long term relationship alive is the compatibility, communication and the emotional maturity of the two lovers.

If you start liking someone else when you’re in a long term relationship, perhaps you’re just experiencing that flutter of the first few days of love and confusing it with something else. You may assume that the new person in your life excites you more, but in reality, your present relationship may have experienced the same crackling chemistry and fiery passion too. Ask yourself if there’s truly a stronger reason to end your relationship and be with someone else.

Just experiencing sizzling chemistry isn’t reason enough to end an older and seasoned happy relationship. After all, even a relationship with your new crush could turn out to be the same in a year or two. What then, are you just going to keep switching partners all your life?

What should you do?

Firstly, make up your mind on whether you want to do anything at all. It’s easier to think of a new crush as harmless flirting and stay away from anything serious. You may like someone, but they may not really like you back in the same manner that you like them. On the other hand, you may really like someone intensely, but this person may not have the qualities you’re looking for in a long term partner.

If you really do love your current partner, avoid falling into the confusion of loving two people. It’s just not worth it.

But if you’re not really happy in your relationship or don’t really see a future in it, you may want to consider this new dating potential and see where it goes. But two timing your current partner is never a good thing either.

Always remember this in love. End a relationship because you want to or because you’re not happy in it. Never end a relationship because you think you’ve found someone better. It’s going to hurt you or even backfire on you at some point.

Should you stay in your old relationship?

If you’re convinced that you like someone else and not your own partner, then end the relationship if you think you can never truly be happy with your partner. But if you’re unsure, give your relationship another shot. Have a frank discussion with your partner and tell them that you’re not very happy in the relationship. Together, try and give your relationship another chance to redeem its love and happiness. You owe your relationship at least that much.

But even after repeated tries, if you find that the relationship isn’t really keeping either partner happy or no matter how hard you try, you just don’t seem to find the excitement in love, perhaps, it’s time to end it. Don’t end it because you like someone else, end it because the relationship isn’t working out.

Making up your mind when you like someone else

When you leave a relationship in the hope of finding something better with someone else, you’re taking a leap of faith. And at times, this can become a fickle and repeated experience where you like someone, and when the infatuation dies, you think the relationship’s dead too.

The best thing to do when like someone else is to let it go. If you’re not happy in your relationship, end it but don’t wait for someone else to come along.

In life, you’re going to meet a lot of people you’d be attracted to and many other people who’d be attracted to you. When you’re in a secure and happy relationship, nothing else matters.

Like someone if you must. Have a secret crush on a few people. Fantasize about it. And leave it. That’s the best way to stay in a happy relationship and get over the little crushes that pop up every now and then. Lovers who get confused or find themselves liking someone else do that only because they’re uncertain of their own relationship status. If you do love your own partner a lot, you may have a crush on someone else, but you’d never be able to compare the affections you have for your new crush and your own partner.

Think about it and make up your mind. If you’re happy in love, stay away from secret flings.

If you feel you deserve better or are not happy in your relationship, keep an eye open. Or better yet, end the relationship and open both your eyes!

Have you made up your mind on what to do if you like someone else? Well, it is decision time. What’s the first thing that pops in your mind? Think… In all probability, that’s the answer to your question.

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Previous articles:

Saturday, 5 March 2016

5 Signs It Really, Truly IS Love at First Sight

5 Signs It Really, Truly IS Love at First Sight

Wednesday, 23 September 2015

What to Do When You Like Someone Else?