Showing posts with label love at first sight. Show all posts

Saturday, 5 March 2016

5 Signs It Really, Truly IS Love at First Sight

"Can it be love at first sight, or is it lust? What is love?" - Susan

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5 Signs It Really, Truly IS Love at First Sight

Is it actually real?

Chemistry is a killer. Let's face it: the minute your lips lock, the super glue holding you together is cemented into place and you're hooked. This always happens. Your body makes sure you don't miss each other.

So what's the problem? Only a fraction of these hot and heavy relationships have any staying power. Some experts guess that 80 percent of "chemistry-driven" relationships fail in less than three months.

According to Psychology Today, "Each couple that engages in love at first sight believes that their passionate feelings for one another will overcome the steep odds against a whimsical union actually providing a lifetime of personal fulfilment for each partner."

Scientists can now measure the brain chemicals that collide with each other, creating an addictive cocktail that controls you when sexual chemistry is ignited. Addictive? You bet. The areas of the brain that light up when cocaine hits the bloodstream are the exact same areas that light up when the chemicals of love and attraction are released.

You're addicted to love — literally.

Do people get tired of each other? Why does the sizzle fizzle out? Once more, can you avoid the fizzlers right away so you can get on to the happily ever after kind of love? Are there signs that love is true in the first few passionate days? Is there love at first sight?

Here are five signs that your new guy could be the real deal (in spite of the chemistry):

1. He treats restaurant staff kindly.

No, I'm not talking about manners... well, not eating habits anyway. A wise woman once told me, "Watch how your man treats waitresses. You will see much about his character." Kindness and generosity to blue and pink collar workers is a genuine trait not easy to fake.

2. He has a great relationship with his female family members.

How does he treat his mom? Sisters? Ex? When I met my husband (my second, I met him at age 52) he still took his ex-mother-in-law for outings away from her rehab home once a month, even though he had been divorced for years. He treats me with old-fashioned chivalry to this day and it's one of the things I love the best about him.

3. He's busy and fulfilled with a productive hobby or career.

If you fall for a guy who's on fire about his own life and still takes time to prioritise you, that's a great sign. The Universe may be able to create happily ever afters with broke, unemployed guys; after all, nothing is impossible. But do you really want that? Chemistry with a man with no income may be hot but is rarely the real deal.

4. He's not your type.

Countless love at first sighters — the couples that claimed they knew very early on that their one was the one — say the same thing: "We met in the most surprising way. I never expected to be with someone like him. He's not my type at all." When you're attracted to someone outside your "type," pay attention.

5. You're still into him two to three months down the line.

Sometime in the two-to-three-month range, take a reading of your relationship. How hot is the chemistry? Has it changed for either one of you? If you guys are cooling off, here's what to check: How fascinated are you with each other? You want to watch for signs that he's "into you" outside of sexual attraction.

Curiosity and fascination are two powerful indicators that this is the real deal, especially when the first rushes of chemistry start to pale. Crushes always melt you in the beginning and then break your heart in the end. In between crush and heartbreak, there are a lot of experiences waiting for you. Love at first sight experiences can rock your world and some are the real deal.

If you're in the midst of that roller coaster ride right now, buckle your seatbelt and hang on, have fun and enjoy how it unfolds. There really is nothing like a mind-numbing crush. Just check in at that two-to-three-month point and be honest with what's happening. If he's still into you, that's the best sign of all.

Read original article here

Thursday, 17 September 2015

YOUR BODY ON LUST

Intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people.
Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate.
Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs"
- Susan Watts

YOUR BODY ON LUST

Anyone who's claimed 'love at first sight' might have their L-words mixed up.

When it comes to instant attraction, it's your brain - not your heart - that kicks in.

0 TO 5 SECONDS

Here's how it works: you spot a hot stranger and, before you can even say hello, your brain has processed his voice, face and pheromones.

The less like you he smells, the more aroused you’ll become – so lay off the Old Spice, ladies.

Your brain’s ventral tegmental area lights up and begins churning out dopamine, the same chemical responsible for feelings of elation – and the high that comes with certain drugs.

Now that’s an addiction we can get on board with.

At the same time, the areas of your mind that handle negative emotions are suppressed, allowing the fact that he’s just burped to go virtually unnoticed.

If you’re ovulating, you may be drawn to more masculine traits like a chiselled jawline or deep voice.

If you have your period, a guy with softer, more feminine features is more appealing.

The spot deep in your brain that deals with memories is recording his every move and feature, subtly comparing him with last loves. Totally healthy.

AFTER 5 MINUTES

Your brain has revved up its hormone control centre to shoot out chemical signals to your ovaries. Dot-dot, dash-dash-dot…dashing.

The brain also signals the adrenal glands to pump out adrenaline – so that’ll explain the pounding heart, sweaty palms and maniacal intense focus.

Meanwhile, your body is busy producing testosterone, the male hormone often associated with aggression and risk-taking.

After all, it’s hard to communicate when you’re feeling shy – and everyone loves a spot of angry flirting.

AFTER 10 MINUTES

While you’re giddy-drunk on the potent cocktail of adrenaline, dopamine and testosterone, your brain prompts the pituitary gland to produce oxytocin, the hormone thought to promote bonding – and monogamy.

TIP: If you normally prefer a foppish Hugh Grant to a beefy Hugh Jackman, don't worry if he suddenly loses his appeal. When you're ovulating, you're more attracted to men with strong masculine features. The wandering eyes will pass.

WITHIN A FEW MONTHS

If you’re truly smitten, your brain steps up its production of nerve growth factor, a protein that may increase mental capacity.

Sadly, it returns to normal after a year of commitment, so now’s the time to embark on a pub-quiz tour.

Newfound passion might also trigger adrenal glands to shoot out the stress hormone cortisol.

But unlike the cortisol that comes with most chronic anxiety, this short-term version makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and can boost your arousal. It’s stress, but sexy stress.

View original article here

Saturday, 15 February 2014

How to Make Love Last

Your heart beats wildly, your eyes sparkle, your hands get clammy and you go all gooey...love at first sight is known to many! But when you meet someone who you instinctively feel is The One, you need to transform initial passion into long-term love.

Dreams and reality

In the heat of the moment, love overwhelms us and affects our judgement. We idealise and make him out to be gorgeous, intelligent, sensitive, attentive...perfection in the form of a man. Well, take a step back: disillusion could be on the way! What are his real qualities? Without going over the top, think about his personality and watch his reactions to various situations with a neutral eye. This way, you won't get carried away and you'll be more realistic about him.

Take your time

So it's all going well, you're happy in your relationship and you think he’s the love of your life. However, don’t rush into making plans for your future together too fast. Talking kids and marriage can wait, surely? Enjoy the magic and make it last. Go on holiday together to get to know each other better - this doesn't commit you to anything and is a good way to road test how compatible you are without moving in with him!

Carpe Diem – seize the day!

Enjoy being in love and make the most of it. Don’t get bogged down with too many questions like ‘Does he really love me?’. Have confidence in yourself and in him, and listen to him. Don’t talk to him about your ex. The past is the past. And don't spoil things by openly comparing your new love with your previous boyfriends.

Be yourself

Crazy love and passion can be destructive. Don’t neglect your friends, your life or your job for your new man. When you fall madly in love, you tend to forget the rest of the world exists and his needs seem to become more important than your own, which is a negative attitude to have in the long term. So be yourself, because he was attracted to you and you shouldn't change what he fell in love with!

View the original article here

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