Rekindling Romance with Communication

"Communication to some people does not come easy, but in any relationship its a must, good or bad its needed to clear the air and to make sure that small concerns do not grow into bigger concerns.  As long as nothing is said that hurts anyone directly I see only good results."                                                      -  Susan

Credit: "Happy Couple," © 2008 Ed Yourden, used under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license:
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/legalcode

Rekindling Romance with Communication

One of the most widespread forms of miscommunication between men and women stems from the fact that too many people, especially men, equate sex with romance. They believe that if their sex life is adequate, then there's no need for anything beyond this one arena. Tied to this is the notion that romantic activity outside the bedroom is automatically a lead-in to sexual activity.

 And by the way, this is a double-edged sword. Many people think of kissing and hugging as preludes to sex.  As a result, when they aren't in the mood, they don't want to snuggle because they assume that it will lead to sex.

This can be true of both partners in a relationship where a pattern has been established that kissing and hugging lead to sex. So the first batch of people may avoid physical contact if it's not attached to sex, and the second group may avoid physical contact because they fear that it will lead to sex at the wrong time.

Either way, the partner who is looking for some physical contact that is not sex-related gets left hugging her knees.

Communication is vital in this arena. The partner who wants romantic touching has to explain that she would like some more physical contact that is not linked to sex. She has to explain to her partner that just the way a car needs oil to keep the engine running smoothly, she needs some hugs, kisses, and hand-holding in order to keep her spirits going.

The onus isn't all on men, however. Some women crave romance but purposefully shut down their libidos once they get their fix because they're a bit busy or preoccupied. They are satisfied by the hugs and kisses, but they don't consider what will satisfy their partners.

Although romantic interludes don't have to lead to sex, if they're heading in that direction, veering off the path every time is not a fair way to treat a man. If women allow themselves to become more aroused, they usually do enjoy having sex and have orgasms.

But sometimes they stuff themselves on the appetiser and then don't feel they have room for the main meal. Their partners, who require more sustenance, are left feeling frustrated. If this scenario occurs too often, then clearly the relationship can suffer.

Decoding confusing signals

Another cause of confusion occurs when couples try to communicate with each other about which signs of physical affection will lead to sex and which won't. Two key facts need to be remembered: Men get aroused easily, and women can change their minds.

Even though a man may get aroused by some hugging and kissing and even have an erection, this doesn't mean that he'll start writhing on the ground or baying at the moon if he doesn't have sex. Men, particularly young men, get erections all day long and all night long as well (usually every 90 minutes during REM sleep).

After a few moments, these erections grab a cab and head downtown of their own accord, providing that the man isn't getting further stimulation. If he is being constantly stimulated, then his arousal will reach a point where it is difficult for him to just say no.

But the stimulation from a one-minute hug, providing that he and his partner are not in the nude and she keeps her hands above the belt, doesn't mean that the next step has to be a sexual encounter.

And a woman who was just looking for a hug may suddenly find that she is interested in sex, even though that was not on her mind beforehand. Women always claim the right to change their minds, and sometimes they're just too busy to realise that they were somewhat aroused.

When they take a breather in the arms of their man, they relax a bit and suddenly realise that there was more to their desire for a hug than just romance.

You may think that two people who are part of a long-standing couple should know enough about each other to be able to judge when they are going to have sex and when they're not, yet they often act like a couple on their first date — he's on first base wondering if he'll get to second.

What's the answer? Improved communication. You have to be able to share your sensitivities with your partner without hurting his or her feelings.

If a woman notices that her partner has an erection, she has to be able to tell him that she's not in the mood without him getting upset. And if she decides that she is in the mood and they do have sex, the next time they hug, he can't assume that it's going to happen again.

It's very easy for there to be crossed wires in this back-and-forth exchange, particularly if both people change their minds faster than an operator can plug in the connection.

Avoid setting fixed patterns. Each party needs to show flexibility. That means if sometimes she asks for a hug without thinking about sex, she will let herself be brought over to the bed and try to enjoy it. At other times, even if a particular kiss drags on a bit longer than usual, she can go off to finish the paper without feeling guilty and without him donning his hangdog face.

It also means that she should initiate sex from time to time, and he should initiate hugs. Good communication means a back-and-forth interaction. It means surprise. It means that your minds are engaged and that you're not acting out the same script over and over.

Improving conversational content

This seems like the appropriate place to delve into the content of your communications. If all you do is talk about such superficial matters as the weather, the children's science fair project, and what to defrost for dinner, then your relationship is going to be rather superficial as well.

That's not to say that you shouldn't talk about mundane subjects. A life is a bit like a business, and you need to deal with managerial matters. But conversations you have with your coworkers aren't likely to lead to sex.

You can spend hours at the water cooler bantering about sports, politics, and office gossip without ever probing any depths. If your conversations with your significant other are equally superficial, then what does that say about the state of your relationship?

Admittedly, some people who have partners still pour their hearts out to their coworkers.

Sometimes they've found someone who is simpatico and doesn't mind being a good listener. Or they've found a busybody who likes peering into other people's private lives. And sometimes the other person is bored to tears. But if the talker is baring his or her soul at the office and clams up at home, that's not a good omen.

Meaningful communications don't have to only be about personal crises. Endless talk of problems will turn off a partner, no matter how sympathetic he or she is. Rather, what is "meaningful" is what stimulates the intellect. For example, say you watch the news and the Supreme Court has ruled for or against some case.

Talking about the pros and cons of that decision should be equally interesting to both parties. You shouldn't be so polarised that such a conversation creates an automatic fight. If that's the case, then put those topics off limits. But there should be areas of discussion that allow you to learn more about your partner as you exchange ideas.

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• Moving In With Your Girlfriend

Moving In With Your Girlfriend

"You both have to make a conscious effort to make things work when you move in together. Always think things through and discuss any issues".           -   Susan

Moving In With Your Girlfriend

Everything You Need To Know Before You Move In With Your Girlfriend

You can't find your favourite pair of boxers until they turn up in the wash at hers. You stumble back to your flat after a drunken night when she's out of town only to realise there's nothing but expired eggs and milk in your fridge. You're all out of toothpaste because the last shop you did was together – and at hers. It's time to face the facts: it may be time to move in with your girlfriend. 

If the thought makes you nervous, know that you're joining a long list of commitment-phobic men who were ultimately mistaken about embodying that particular stereotype. Pay close attention to this list (written by an actual man who lives happily – most of the time – with his girlfriend) you’ll find that domestic bliss was never something to fret about.

Figure Out Your Finances

Before you even sign a lease, take some time to talk with your girlfriend and get your finances squared away. Figure out if you need a guarantor, decide what you’re looking for as far as rent, talk about who’s going to pay what, and work out everything you need before you dive into renting a flat together. Spreadsheets are not sexy but they can save an argument or two.

Let Your Old Habits Go

The single life is amazing, but when it’s over, it’s over. Living with your girlfriend means you've chosen another person for your team (or #squad if you're partial to lame hashtags) – you officially have someone other than yourself to care about. While staying glued to your couch for eight hours of back-to-back sport was fine (if, again, somewhat stereotypical) to do while single, you have to take into account that your live-in lover probably doesn’t want to watch you fall asleep with your hand in a bag of crisps (or down your pants). Of course, this doesn’t mean you need to change every aspect of your life, but it makes sense to evaluate certain single-man habits.

Weed

Unless you’re living on a web developer’s salary up north, chances are the first space you two live in isn’t going to be a mansion. Weeding is the act of getting rid of extraneous and superfluous pieces of your wardrobe, book collection, or box full of broken watches. It’s admittedly very hard to part with your valuables, but when the stuff surrounding you suddenly doubles, you’ll be happy that you decided to get rid of that vintageJurassic Park dino-damage T-Rex from 1994.

Talk About Expectations

This piece of advice can really be applied to anyone entering a serious relationship: what are you both hoping to get out of this? Sit down together and speak earnestly and honestly about how you want to live together. Do you expect to eat dinner together every night? Is this going to be a party household? Do you want to have dogs, cats or parrots? Talk about anything and everything you have on your mind.

Be Respectful Of Each Other’s Personal Space

The best part of living together is the fact that you can see each other literally every day and night. The worst part is the fact that you can see each other literally every day and night. So embrace the fact that she’s staying out late after work or wants to stay in bed reading while you head out for a morning run. Living together is a promise that you’ll always have time to hang out. More tricky (but no less crucial) is working out the time you spend apart.

Go On Dates

Spending a ton of time together can be a double-edged sword; you’ll never have to spend a Friday night sitting by yourself again, but there’s still the threat of losing the spark. Take it outside. Don’t let routine get the best of you, there’s always, always room for romance. Surprise each other with presents, romantic dinners, unplanned sexy times and flowers.

Talk Shit

Trust me, just get it out of the way, because you’re going to hear her defecate and she's going to hear you and there's no unhearing it. Don’t act like you’re committing murder every time you walk into the bathroom; it’s embarrassing so make a joke. Better than ignoring the giant mud-stained elephant in the room.

Don’t Be Hermits

Yeah, it’s pretty awesome living with someone you can constantly see naked, but that doesn’t mean you should become a hermit. One of the worst things someone can do is cut their good friends out of their lives for a significant other. Go out for drinks with your buds and enjoy the fact she’s doing the same, because you’re able to see her whenever you want– you don't have that luxury with your friends.

Throw Parties Often

Uh, come on. You have your space. Why not enjoy it? Throw parties, throw theme parties that are party-themed, where the streamers and balloons are placed ironically. Don’t like that? Throw a regular party with booze and crisps. This is the best thing that can happen to someone – you’re living with someone you love in your own space where there are no parents (or roommates, if you're lucky). Celebrate, damn it! And invite us over.

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What to Do When You Like Someone Else?

"Apparently falling in love with two people at the same time is as simple as falling in love with one person. Love is an emotion that can be experienced when the symptoms are right. As human beings we are capable of falling in love with two people at the same time, after all we fall in love with different people in different ways. But at the end of the day you are the one in control, and should you chose to use it,  you have the power to avoid falling in love by taking a step back, and putting a stop to the flirty conversations or secret rendezvous and allowing any feelings of lust or love  to fade away".   

                                                                                                             -Susan

What to Do When You Like Someone Else?

Appreciating or liking someone else is acceptable, but what should you do about it? Find out what to do when you like someone else and you’re already in a relationship.

Do you like someone else even though you’re already in a relationship?

Sometimes, you may jump into a new relationship only to find that you don’t really like the person and like someone else.

At other times, you may be in a relationship for a long time and find yourself getting deeply attracted to another person.

You can’t really stop your heart from liking someone else or getting attracted to some other person other than your own lover, and if that does happen, it’s inevitable.

But what are you going to do about it?

That’s what really matters when you find yourself in crossways and have to decide between the older and trusted path and the new and riskier path.

What to do when you like someone else?

You may find yourself liking someone else when you least expect it.

It may be their personality or the electric chemistry that both of you share.

A bit of flirting can be harmless, but what if the infatuation grows over time and becomes an obsession?

While it’s natural to find someone else attractive at times, deciding what to do about it is never easy.

One of the first things you really need to do is evaluate your own relationship. Are you happy to be in love with your partner? Can you see your own lover in your life five years from now? If you’re going to be confused about your relationship status each time you like someone outside the relationship, there’s obviously something wrong with your relationship.

Perhaps, you’re being fickle, or think you’re too good for your partner or you’re just not happy to be in the relationship.

When you like someone else, you really need to ask yourself why you’re falling for another person when you’re already in a relationship. While an infatuation or a little crush is completely acceptable, falling in love when you’re already in love can be a bit of a confusion, to you and even to your own partner who would confront you eventually.

New love and a new fling

Have you just fallen in love with someone and find yourself getting attracted to someone else in no time? Now it’s not really easy to fall in love with two people at the same time, especially at the start of a new and happy relationship.

If you’re experiencing the confusion of liking someone else in a new romance, you’re probably not in love at all!  [Read: YOUR BODY ON LUST ]

Exciting, isn’t it? It’s easy for you to fall in love and break up, only to fall in love with someone else in no time because you’re not really in love at all. Even when two people do fall in love with each other, it’s only an infatuation for the first few weeks or months. There’s no real love until the sexual excitement and the tingle of those stolen touches fade away. So if you find yourself liking someone else after getting into a relationship, end it if you really must. After all, it’s better to be happy with someone you really like than stay gloomy with someone you think you like.

A long term relationship and a new crush

Are you in a long term relationship with your partner? When you first fall in love, life can seem rather exciting. You’re exploring the world with someone new and everything looks fresh and exciting. The wooing and pursuing stage of love can be thrilling and can give you a lot of exciting sleepless nights.

But as the relationship starts to get older, it ages and matures into a romance that isn’t just about sexual excitement or wooing each other. What keeps a long term relationship alive is the compatibility, communication and the emotional maturity of the two lovers.

If you start liking someone else when you’re in a long term relationship, perhaps you’re just experiencing that flutter of the first few days of love and confusing it with something else. You may assume that the new person in your life excites you more, but in reality, your present relationship may have experienced the same crackling chemistry and fiery passion too. Ask yourself if there’s truly a stronger reason to end your relationship and be with someone else.

Just experiencing sizzling chemistry isn’t reason enough to end an older and seasoned happy relationship. After all, even a relationship with your new crush could turn out to be the same in a year or two. What then, are you just going to keep switching partners all your life? 

What should you do?

Firstly, make up your mind on whether you want to do anything at all. It’s easier to think of a new crush as harmless flirting and stay away from anything serious. You may like someone, but they may not really like you back in the same manner that you like them. On the other hand, you may really like someone intensely, but this person may not have the qualities you’re looking for in a long term partner.

If you really do love your current partner, avoid falling into the confusion of loving two people. It’s just not worth it.

But if you’re not really happy in your relationship or don’t really see a future in it, you may want to consider this new dating potential and see where it goes. But two timing your current partner is never a good thing either.

Always remember this in love. End a relationship because you want to or because you’re not happy in it. Never end a relationship because you think you’ve found someone better. It’s going to hurt you or even backfire on you at some point.

Should you stay in your old relationship?

If you’re convinced that you like someone else and not your own partner, then end the relationship if you think you can never truly be happy with your partner. But if you’re unsure, give your relationship another shot. Have a frank discussion with your partner and tell them that you’re not very happy in the relationship. Together, try and give your relationship another chance to redeem its love and happiness. You owe your relationship at least that much.

But even after repeated tries, if you find that the relationship isn’t really keeping either partner happy or no matter how hard you try, you just don’t seem to find the excitement in love, perhaps, it’s time to end it. Don’t end it because you like someone else, end it because the relationship isn’t working out. 

Making up your mind when you like someone else

When you leave a relationship in the hope of finding something better with someone else, you’re taking a leap of faith. And at times, this can become a fickle and repeated experience where you like someone, and when the infatuation dies, you think the relationship’s dead too.

The best thing to do when like someone else is to let it go. If you’re not happy in your relationship, end it but don’t wait for someone else to come along.

In life, you’re going to meet a lot of people you’d be attracted to and many other people who’d be attracted to you. When you’re in a secure and happy relationship, nothing else matters.

Like someone if you must. Have a secret crush on a few people. Fantasize about it. And leave it. That’s the best way to stay in a happy relationship and get over the little crushes that pop up every now and then. Lovers who get confused or find themselves liking someone else do that only because they’re uncertain of their own relationship status. If you do love your own partner a lot, you may have a crush on someone else, but you’d never be able to compare the affections you have for your new crush and your own partner.

Think about it and make up your mind. If you’re happy in love, stay away from secret flings.

If you feel you deserve better or are not happy in your relationship, keep an eye open. Or better yet, end the relationship and open both your eyes!

Have you made up your mind on what to do if you like someone else? Well, it is decision time. What’s the first thing that pops in your mind? Think… In all probability, that’s the answer to your question.

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8 Great Reasons Online Dating is Worth a Shot

"Online dating is a good resource to meet individuals for eventual face-to-face dating. However if you are weary of that first big date then just meet for a coffee, go for the  more casual approach.

The biggest piece of advice that I would give to  anyone male or female in this first date  situation is: Don't go into the date with that check list under your arm, yes you have your vision of the ideal mate, but you are surrounding yourself with too much pressure. Go into the date with the thought that you will be meeting a new friend, that way its a win win situation".                                                                                     

- Susan Watts

8 Great Reasons Online Dating is Worth a Shot

Hesitant to give online dating a try? Still think it’s a trashy trend? Here are 8 reasons that just might change your mind about finding love online.

With the advent of the internet, there arose an enormous amount of opportunity for romance, love, friendship, and excitement – all in the past decade alone. It is now much easier to meet potential partners in life, without even having to come face to face with them. Most of the time, because of the greater chances of anonymity, people tend to be more open about themselves and what they want in a relationship, compared to when they are talking in person.

Shy people, especially girls, tend to do a lot more of their socializing through blogging. This is mostly because they find it much easier than talking to people directly about who they are, how they are feeling, or what they’re thinking.

Tentative guys who are nervous about saying hello to their crushes get more self-confident knowing that they have a far better chance at saying how they feel through IM, Viber, Snapchat, Facebook, or any of the numerous social media sites out there.

Thinking about all these possibilities makes you think “What harm would there be in trying out online dating? It must be as easy as pressing a couple of buttons!”

Indeed it is!

When you come to think about it, online dating apps nowadays – like Tinder – only need a swipe of the phone screen! How convenient and hassle-free is that?

Why you should try to date online

Although it is increasingly becoming the norm in single ladies and gentlemen in their twenties, some of us still get apprehensive about the thought of meeting strangers online. So here are eight good reasons to at least give online dating a fair shot.

#1 Fun. For all of you fun-loving people of all ages, what more fitting reason is there to try meeting people online but for the sheer fun of it? You could be meeting people who could actually give you a run for your money when it comes to having a great time!

A majority of the folks who have a huge presence online are the easygoing ones. If you are one of them, or are thinking of joining them, then there are hundreds of groups, communities, and clubs online that cater to people looking for a fun environment.

For the ones who are more comfortable with smaller groups of people, there are also a lot of more exclusive sites all over the internet who welcome people with a certain type. There are dog lovers dating sites, cat people online dating, or even the much rowdier LGBT community sites. There are tons of fun things online that would make you consider dating over the internet!

#2 A new experience. For the more subdued people who are more discerning when it comes to meeting other people, there is always room for some new experiences! Wouldn’t it be a great way to try new things? How many times in your life can you say “I’ve tried online dating?” Just the fact that it is something new to try out or that it’s another challenge to overcome adds to its excitement!

Also, new experiences allow you to compare and contrast between things you’ve already experienced. Who knows, you might find some of the perks of online dating to be a lot more fun or convenient than finding dates in actual locations.

#3 Bucket list. Who doesn’t have one of these, right? Of course, online dating has to be on each of our bucket lists – especially the younger generations! Crossing out one of the many things in life that are exciting, yet only cost almost nothing, would be a great motivation when trying out dating sites online.

Right alongside bucket list entries like “swim with sharks” or “kiss a hot stranger in the rain,” online dating is a great entry to cross out of our bucket lists!

#4 Better options. Not only does online dating offer a bigger chance at anonymity, at least at first, but it also gives you a lot more freedom to choose who you actually like. No need to be super nice and be awkward in blind dates, when you actually don’t even want to talk to a person, but are just too nice to say so. In internet dating, you can be as blunt, as direct, and as picky as you want!

#5 Compatibility. On paid online dating websites, they have algorithms in place that figure out who on their website is the most compatible person for you. They take into account your own likes, dislikes, and preferences from the way you answer their specific questions.

There are also free websites out there who offer people a chance to meet like-minded individuals who are into similar hobbies. If you love movies, you can meet someone whom you can debate movie plots with! If you are into romantic poetry, you’d be amazed to discover that there are guys who may also be as into Shakespeare and Neruda as you!

#6 Excitement. All of the reasons in here are exciting. There is just no better way of putting it. The purpose of a well-lived life is to be able to try as many exciting things as you can fit in a single lifetime! There’s always going to be a dash of excitement in finally meeting up with someone you’re hitting it off with online. Of course, there are also creeps out there, but just keep your sharp wits about you, and the obvious dangers will become clear to you.

#7 Get laid. I don’t mean to be indelicate about it, but many guys do consider this as not only a very valid reason to try online dating, but the main reason as well. It doesn’t mean that we, girls, don’t have the exact same right! We need some men in our lives to give us some good lovin’! Wouldn’t you agree?

There are dating applications that you can install on your phone, which means you can bring dating with you all the time, as long as you have a decent internet connection that can make romance and sex be available at the touch of a finger *pardon the pun*.

Some online dating sites, if not most, provide just this exact service, and who could blame them when we, as a society, have now increasingly received sex as a very normal and even crucial part of adult life?

This is usually the main reason for guys and gals who are more open to sex, when it comes to dating. It just makes it a lot easier to find compatible people on the internet who are more open to physical relations, as well as emotional connections. So don’t be intimidated by people who are only after sex, there are a lot of them online, just be clear about your own intentions, so that they know not to bother you when you are not into it.

#8 Meet your soul mate. Although not all of us believe or admit that we believe in soul mates, this is arguably the main reason for many women to give online dating a shot. We are all a little bit mushy and romantic at heart, so even the slightest possibility of a happily-ever-after online may get us thinking, “What if?”

Indeed, what if our one true love is just out there looking for a convenient way to reach us? What if there wouldn’t be any other way for us to meet them if they were halfway around the globe? What if our soul mate is simply more confident with approaching us online than in person?

This makes everyone wonder, so it is one of the perfect reasons to start online dating. There are a lot of successful love stories out there that started online. It may be one in a million, but wouldn’t it be nice to be that special one?

Much like everything else in life, there are both pros and cons with dating online. It is good to open yourself to the possibility of love, friendship, or intimacy through the use of the internet. Be open, but be extremely vigilant. Be vigilant, but also hopeful. You never know, your soul mate may just be out there reading this exact same article!

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The Sniff Test: When Dogs Become the Match Makers

Rich Bouchner and Elizabeth Fahey, with their dog, Easy
By CHRIS BYNUM

Even with numerous businesses and websites dedicated to matchmaking, you can still find love just taking your dog for a walk

The road to dating is paved with such websites as eHarmony.com, Match.com, even GlutenfreeSingles.com and MulletPassions.com (we’re not talking fish here) … and then there’s Fido. No cyberspace required. Just ask those whose canine companions led them to their significant others.

It was just another day in New Orleans’ City Bark dog park for Rich Bouchner, a wealth manager, and his 95-pound Great Dane/lab mix. Little did he know that his dog Easy would lead him to love.

Leaving the park, Bouchner began talking to a woman as they walked their dogs out. The conversation ended with the woman saying, “I have a friend I think you should meet.”

Two minutes later, as Bouchner was driving home, his phone rang.

“I talked to my friend, and she wants to meet you, too,” said the woman. So what inspired her to turn a dog walk into a match-matching opportunity? Both Bouchner and the woman’s friend, Elizabeth Fahey, the owner of an organic juice delivery service, loved dogs. Drawn to each other via the canine connection, the human connection took on a romantic life of its own.“Today we’re a unit,” said Bouchner, a year after meeting Fahey. “The three of us go everywhere together.”

So what if Easy hadn’t connected with Fahey?

“It would have been a game-changer,” said Bouchner. Fahey had a must-love-dogs requirement as well. “As a vegan, I feel strongly that the person with whom I’m sharing my life is not only a dog lover, but a lover of all animals,” she said.

Scott Wanke and his dog, Coal, were buddies. They traveled across the country, taking in as many states as they could in as many ways as they could.

“We went hiking, backpacking, cross-country skiing, camping and snowshoeing,” said Wanke, a physical therapist. Coal was about a year old when Wanke adopted him. The black Australian shepherd/lab mix had been neglected and confined, and had no social skills when he came to live with his new owner.“But Coal turned out to be the ultimate dog,” said Wanke.

The canine sidekick always hopped into his owner’s truck when there was an opportunity to go anywhere. At least that was the case until Scott met a woman named Lara Heyliger, also a physical therapist, 10 years later.

“From the moment Coal met Lara, he loved her. It got to the point that when I would pull up in front of Lara’s apartment and open the door for Coal, he would run straight up to her place on the second floor. And if we all left Lara’s apartment together and walked out to our separate cars, Coal would hop into Lara’s car. And Lara was a cat person!” said Wanke, who was elated, rather than jealous, that his dog was as fond of Lara as he was. That bond actually sealed the deal for romance and ended in marriage two years ago for Wanke and Heyliger.

“If Coal hadn’t fallen for Lara as I did, we wouldn’t be here in New Orleans,” said Wonke.

Coal lived only a couple more years. He was 11 when Heyliger first came into the picture. Just recently, Scott and Lara adopted another rescue dog.

It makes sense that a growing community of dog lovers looking for love is now on the ever-growing list of internet dating sites. Yes, there is a youmustlovedogsdating.com site.

Locally, those who have followed Rover’s lead in social settings such as dog parks often say that they trust their dogs’ judgment. Bouchner has never doubted that his dog Coal “has a good read on people.”

“If my dog Annie is positive toward a suitor, I find I am more open,” said Lore McPeek, a licensed massage therapist. “I read her radar. If she snubs someone, I see a yellow flag. Caution.”

There are no definitive studies to prove that dogs have the ability to judge character in humans, but famed dog trainer Cesar Millan, of the National Geographic channel “Dog Whisperer” series, works on the premise that dogs read a human’s energy. A study conducted at his center indicated that dogs have instincts about other dogs that can kick in from a distance as far away as 50 yards.

“I don’t think dogs are matchmakers in a direct sense. In other words, I don’t believe they hone in on a potential mate for their favorite human companion. Indirectly, however, they create opportunities for more human interaction. Dogs are fabulous conversation starters, and without a dog, there would be missed opportunities for such interactions on walks, trips to the dog park, involvement in dog classes, trips to the pet store, and so on,” says Dr. Nancy Kay, a board certified specialist in the American College of Veterinary Internal Medicine, blogger (speakingforspot.com/blog), and author of the book “Speaking for Spot.”

“I do believe that dogs (and animals in general) have strong and accurate instincts about a person’s character, but at a first meeting I’m not sure this comes into play. As a relationship progresses, how the dog feels about their human’s romantic interest may be a factor (in how the relationship progresses),” said Kay.

But dogs don’t hold a monopoly on love connections: just ask the cat lovers.

Kati Stewart (now Kati Hill) was a graduate student in 2007 when she took her cat, Lola, in for a second opinion after getting the disheartening news that her beloved pet had feline leukemia. The new vet, however, determined there had been a misdiagnosis and that her cat was perfectly healthy. After the appointment, she shared the good news about Lola to a girlfriend and added, “By the way, this vet is so cute!”

She adopted another cat and returned to the vet, Dr. Brian Hill at Maple Small Animal Clinic. During the feline exam, she couldn’t help but notice how Dr. Hill and her cats connected.

“I knew he had a kind heart,” she said. The devoted cat person also noticed that her new vet wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.

“I used to be very shy, but at the urging of my stepmother, I wrote him a thank-you note that ended with ‘Let me know if you would ever like to have coffee or lunch,”’ she said.

A response to her note came the very next day. Fast forward to marriage in 2009 and now a family of two children, two dogs and two cats.

“The cats love him more than they love me,” said Kati Hill.

In the interest of equal time, there are dating sites (such as purrsonals.com) for cat lovers.

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