'Golden trio' of sex moves to help women orgasm discovered by scientists

Hmm Interesting !

Good news for all you women out there, apparently any woman can climax - and indeed have multiple climaxes - if the circumstances of her life are right .......... Susan 

'Golden trio' of sex moves to help women orgasm discovered by scientists

“Explicit and direct communication with one’s partner is key”

Studies have shown that heterosexual women have fewer orgasms during sex than any other demographic, which substantiates the myth of the elusive female orgasm.

That said, it’s also been proven that lesbian women reach orgasm significantly more - in one study, 86 per cent of lesbian women reported they always or usually orgasm when sexually intimate compared to just 65 per cent of straight women.

But that proves that the female orgasm is not in fact as elusive as many people think, and scientists have now revealed a ‘golden trio’ of sex moves designed to increase the chances of a woman reaching orgasm.

Researchers from Chapman University, Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute studied over 52,000 Americans of different genders and sexual orientations to look into how often people orgasm.

The participants were aged between 18 and 65 and all said they were in a relationship with one person.

So, what need to happen in the bedroom for women to orgasm?

The ‘golden trio’:

• Genital stimulation
• Deep kissing 
• Oral sex

“About 30% of men actually think that intercourse is the best way for women to have orgasm, and that is sort of a tragic figure because it couldn’t be more incorrect,” said study co-author Elisabeth Lloyd, who has written a book called The Case of the Female Orgasm.

She adds that: “To say that there needs to be some education I think is an understatement.

The researchers also found that women who do orgasm with their partners are more likely to feel satisfied with the relationship as a whole.

Whilst the ‘golden trio’ could provide some help, the study authors admit that there’s no ‘one size fits all’ approach to orgasming.

“Women really are tremendously variable in how readily they orgasm and what makes one woman orgasm can be quite different than what makes another woman orgasm,” said David Frederick, lead author of the research from Chapman University. 

“Explicit and direct communication with one’s partner is key.”

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"Dreams can bring back to life the voices of your loved ones who have left this earthly plain,  .... lovely".

Why is it that if you wake up during a really good dream  you cannot get back into it, but if you wake up during a horrible dream you fall straight back into it? This always happens to me".   -  Susan

                                                                                              

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7 Things Your Top Sex Dreams Really Mean

They can tell you a lot about your life. ​

Ever wake up in the A.M. confused about the crazy sex dream you just had? Before you jump to conclusions—like it's a sign that you should get a divorce or your hubby is texting another woman—there's something Ian Wallace, psychologist, dream expert, and author of The Complete A To Z Dictionary Of Dreams: Be Your Own Dream Expert, thinks you should know: Your sex dreams have absolutely nothing to do with, well, having sex at all. Here's what they really mean: 

1. Cheating on your husband.

A dream like this often points to an underlying lack of trust, but not in your marriage. "It means that the dreamer is losing faith in their own attractiveness and is experiencing something in their waking life that is making them feel less confident and sure of themselves," says Wallace. Whether you got shot down after presenting a new idea at work, or that super-fit, has-it-all mom is suddenly making you question everything, Wallace says it's a sign you're seeking too much approval from those around you.

2. Having gay sex—if you're straight—or straight sex—if you're gay.

3. Sex with a person who has no face.

"The face symbolises identity, so if the person you're having sex with has no face, it means there's something you're constantly being challenged by in your life that you haven't discovered yet," says Wallace. In other words, it's a call to action to look more closely at what could potentially be holding you back so you can fix it, asap. 

4. Best-friend sex.

It might seem weird, but Wallace says fantasies like these come and go when there's a personality trait you really admire that your best friend has. See? No major problems here. Unless of course your situation is eerily similar to Joey and Rachel's.

5. Experiencing an actual orgasm.

If it feels like you're having an orgasm, it could actually be because you're getting close to experiencing one physically, according to studies. It's not just men who get extra excited while catching z's. Experts say women, too, go through bodily changes—i.e. increase in vaginal lubrication, enlarged clitoris—during the REM stage of sleep that can lead to arousal down there. And if your sex dream happens to coincide with the time that you're experiencing REM, you're really in for a treat.

6. Sex with a co-worker you can't stand. 

In short, you're super jealous of a work-related talent or skill that this person is good at and are frustrated that they're excelling at it and you aren't, says Wallace. 

7. Sex with Bradley Cooper.

Or Becks. Or Leo circa 1997. Besides the possibility that you might just be dreaming out a life-long fantasy of having sex with a hot celeb, Wallace says these kinds of dreams signal that you—like most celebrities—are really good at something in your life and have the ability to gain even more power from it. Lucky you...and Bradley.

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10 Things Every Guy Has Thought During Sex

Both male and females have a lot of insecurities regarding sex, these can be resolved through better communication with each other.  Being honest and open to talk about any issues that arise makes for a happier sex life. BUT SOMETIMES EASIER SAID THAN DONE1"            -   Susan

10 Things Every Guy Has Thought During Sex

You know, besides this is awesome!

You might think the inside of a man's brain sounds like the buzz of a broken fluorescent lightbulb. Not true. In my humble view, the brain cells of men work like pistons, constantly firing—just like yours. Some of the internal dialogue they produce is quite sophisticated ("Why, I detect rose hip and cardamom in this rare Flemish beer!"), while other times, they send us in pursuit of life's simpler pleasures ("boobs, boobs,boobs..."). 

Sex is one of the simpler moments. In the presence of a naked woman, a man's mind becomes pretty predictable. Here are 10 thoughts that have probably crossed your guy's mind at least once while doing the deed:  

So, um, was that an orgasm? When men orgasm, you know it. It's a whole thing. To leave no doubt, we collapse as if we just ran a marathon. So you can understand our confusion when, after you orgasm, you just keep on going like you're the freakin' Duracell bunny. Should we keep going? Should we wrap it up? WHAT DO WE DO?! 

Damn! I forgot to shower. Let me take this moment to apologise to every woman who's ever caught a whiff of musky body odour during sex. We planned to rinse off an hour ago, but we were probably too tired or lazy at the time, and then we got distracted by the prospect of sex. We're not proud of it.   

My god, these are perfect! From a man's perspective, the best breast sin the world are those that have recently been exposed solely for his enjoyment. If you happen to possess those breasts, just know that we're thoroughly impressed. 

I should really remember this for later. Sometimes you're not available when we're in the mood and we have to go it solo. For those moments, it pays to have fond memories of your naked body to guide us. (I'm talking masturbation, people.) 

"Take me out to the ballgame, take me out to the crowd …" When I was younger, a friend told me that by playing the "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" song inside my head, I could fight off an impending climax. And no joke, it worked. The song is so unsexy that it totally kills the orgasm reflex and allows the sex to continue. I doubt every guy sings this song in particular, but you can bet he has some non-sexy thought that he uses to consciously fend off a big O. 

Play it cool, play it cool, play it cool. You know that scene in Ghost when Patrick Swayze is seducing Demi Moore over a pottery wheel? The guy doesn't make a single wrong move! He navigates some pretty precarious territory with that wet clay and then manages to successfully move the action to the bed without doing anything clumsy. You don't see him rolling on his back trying pull his socks off, or struggling with the finicky little clasp on the back of her bra. He's smooth from the first scene to the last, and that's what all us guys are shooting for. We want you to think we're totally in charge, even when we're not. 

Keep it up! Occasionally, things go very wrong and a guy's flagpole doesn't seem to want to raise higher than half mast. Stress and booze are the common culprits, but whatever the reason, it sucks to disappoint you. In these situations, letting us know your feelings aren't hurt can go a long way, and you can bet we'll bounce back hard the next time—no pun intended.

I wonder if she'd be cool if I tried ______? Every guy has his own bag of tricks—some we've tried and others we've just thought about. Maybe your guy's fighting the urge to playfully slap your ass or bite your nipple. Or maybe he wishes he could finish somewhere a little, um, out of the box, but he isn't sure if that's even a thing that normal people do. So he doesn't do it. Bottom line: If you're up for trying something new in bed, let him know. The experimentation can go as far as you want to take it.

Where did she learn THAT?! On that note, a guy's obviously not going to complain if you pull out a brand new bedroom move yourself (especially if you try something from our ultimate hot sex bucket list). That said, if it comes out of nowhere and it's not something you've previously spoken about, he's definitely wondering where the inspiration came from (Did she read that in a magazine? See it in porn? Learn it from her last boyfriend?) Don't worry, we're usually just happy to be a part of the sexual experiment.

THAT. JUST. HAPPENED. We may not show it afterward (again—we're acting smooth like Swayze), but we're pretty damn excited. The emails that need to be sent, the yard that needs to be mowed, the packages that need to go to the post office—none of that matters. We have a hot woman in our arms and our brain is stewing in a bath of feel-good hormones. Few moments in life can compare. 

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Delayed Ejaculation (retarded ejaculation)

"How complex the human body is and how lucky are we to have people out there with the know how to tweek and fine tune it to keep it in suitable working order."     - Susan

Delayed ejaculation (retarded ejaculation)

I have seen a number of males with this problem. In a little over half of these cases, the man was eventually able to reach orgasm inside his partner's vagina.

What is delayed or retarded ejaculation?

The terms 'delayed ejaculation' (DE) and 'retarded ejaculation' (RE) mean the inability of a man to reach a climax inside the vagina.

I have seen a number of males with this problem. In a little over half of these cases, the man was eventually able to reach orgasm inside his partner's vagina.

Term watch

The old term for this condition was 'ejaculatory incompetence'.

Most sex therapists now prefer to say delayed or retarded ejaculation.

To add to the confusion, you may find it referred to by other names such as:

• ejaculatory dysfunction
• ejaculatory overcontrol
• anejaculation
• inhibited orgasm
• situational retarded ejaculation.

Usually the man can achieve orgasm with masturbation, or lovelplay, but not during sexual intercourse.

Writing in the World Journal of Urology in 2007, Dr Michael Perelman and Dr David 
Rowlands said that this disorder causes 'considerable distress, anxiety and loss of sexual confidence'.

It often has a damaging effect on a couple's relationship, particularly if the woman wants to have children.

How common is delayed ejaculation?It is the third most common male sexual disorder after impotence (erectile dysfunction) and premature ejaculation. However, it is nothing like as common as the other two.

Delayed ejaculation is not easy to treat: only 58 per cent of cases I've seen were significantly improved by treatment.

All of the successful couples were well-motivated and willing to persevere with long-term therapy.

Because this disorder is not as common as the other two main male sexual problems, there is remarkably little medical literature on this subject. Exceptions are the pioneering works of Masters and Johnson, and of Helen Kaplan and her associates in the USA.

Beware: some material which you can find on the web in 2009 is very misleading and may be designed to extract money from you for 'treatment'. Some sites confuse DE with PE.

What causes delayed ejaculation?

Many of the men tend to have had a strict upbringing and are very controlled in their lives.

Some have terrific drive and detachment, and have risen to the top of their professions. A surprising number have been in the finance industry.

Some of them readily admit to having quite controlling personalities. Very often this is directed inward rather than at other people.

They may have difficulty in showing emotions and in 'letting go'.

Other possible factors include:

• fear of causing pregnancy
• fear that the vagina is dirty
• over-strict religious upbringing
• latent homosexuality.

Is delayed ejaculation always a psychological problem?

Nearly always, but there are exceptions.

Age and climax

Quite a lot of men find it's not as easy to climax as they get older.

They have good erections, but do not always get to orgasm.

This phenomenon was first noted by US researchers Masters and Johnson.

It is not the same thing as delayed ejaculation, which first occurs in a much younger age group.

• Medication: ejaculation problems can happen suddenly in men who have had no previous difficulties, but who have been put on certain medication, particularly antidepressants. In these cases, a change of tablets will usually cure the problem.
• Excessive use of alcohol can also cause difficulty in ejaculation, as can some recreational drugs.
• Serious spinal injuries can also create major problems with achieving ejaculation. They are outside the scope of this article, but it is worth noting that men who have this type of injury can produce an ejaculation, and therefore father children, by means of electrical stimulation of the prostate area (electro-ejaculation). There have also been recent claims that high-frequency vibrators may help.

Why does delayed ejaculation cause problems?

In your youth, you may not feel that you have a problem and may well assume that other men are the same.

When you first have sex with women, you may be very popular because you can keep going for two or three hours.

But when you get into a regular relationship, especially if you hope to have children, delayed ejaculation can be a major problem.

Both the man and woman may become sore and frustrated, and the female partner often feels resentful or even insulted that her man does not ejaculate when they make love.

Not surprisingly, it is common for men with this problem to have had several broken relationships – because their partners have decided that they want somebody who can 'come'.

Sometimes the man seeks help after a divorce. More commonly, a couple may ask for treatment when they are desperate to have a baby.

What can be done for men with delayed or retarded ejaculation?

Unfortunately, there is no instant cure. At present, there are no drugs that will make a man come.

But there is a good chance of putting things right through counselling, provided both the man and his partner really want to cure the problem.

Counselling

The object of therapy is to gradually diffuse the man's anxiety about giving up control so he can climax inside his partner without difficulty.

The most common method is based on the work of American experts who have developed behaviourist ways of helping the man to relax and 'let go' when he is with his partner.

Generally, the man can reach orgasm by self-masturbation and maybe through love play, but not through intercourse.

So the therapist may encourage the couple to gradually proceed to a situation where the man can ejaculate just outside his partner's vagina, and eventually go on from there to a more 'advanced' situation where he is able to cope with ejaculating inside her.

American sex experts Masters and Johnson have also devised a slightly different therapy:

• first, the couple go through a period of treatment in which actual sex is off limits, but kissing and cuddling are encouraged
• they progress to a stage where the woman, sitting astride the man, masturbates him till he reaches orgasm - even if this takes two hours or more
• finally, they move to a situation where she lowers herself onto him shortly before he climaxes.

Other treatments

Beware of people who want to give you expensive hormones, or who try to relieve you of very large sums of money.

If you search the internet, you will find claims for Chinese herbal treatment that produces a near 100 per cent success rate. This does not seem very likely.

Claims are also made for yoga and for hypnotherapy as modes of treatment.

We want to have children. What if counselling doesn't work?

If the man cannot get to the stage where he ejaculates inside the vagina, couples can be helped to conceive by:

• IVF (test-tube) techniques
• artificial insemination (AI), in which a doctor injects the man's seminal fluid into the woman.

We know of couples who have tried 'self-insemination' without medical help. This involves getting the semen by masturbation and then putting it into the vagina.

There is something to be said for this approach, but a few women who have attempted it have ended up with injuries to their cervix (neck of the womb). Do not use any sharp instruments.

There are numerous websites that have advice on self-insemination. Many of them are aimed at lesbians, but the information can be useful for any couple.

Where can I get help?

Your GP can refer you, if he knows of one.

Other organisations that can be of assistance include the following.

• A very few family planning clinics, but they're overworked these days and are unlikely to have the time to help.
• Relate has excellent psychosexual counsellors.
• Relationships Scotland does similar good work to Relate, but north of the border.
• The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) is an organisation whose members are trained in sexual counselling.
• Institute of Psychosexual Medicine is another counselling organisation whose members are all doctors trained in psychosexual therapy.
• Sexual Advice Association is just an office that providesleaflets and useful addresses, but they will try to help you find a therapist.
• There are also some private clinics, but only a few have any real experience in treating retarded ejaculation.

Can delayed ejaculation be cured?

Delayed ejaculation, also known as retarded ejaculation, is a frustrating and trying condition for both partners.

With some expert help and a determination to persist with therapy, it is possible to defeat it.

But if you cannot solve the problem, and are keen to have a baby, you should consider IVF or artificial insemination – especially if your years of fertility are running out.There is some NHS help available from psychosexual clinics. Your GP can refer you, if he knows of one.

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The SURPRISING Reason Your Man Falls Asleep After Sex

"The act of sex is physically exhausting."         -  Susan

The SURPRISING Reason Your Man Falls Asleep After Sex

It has nothing to do with biology and EVERYTHING to do with this.

Your man enjoys a amazing orgasm during sex. You revel in the thrashing of his body on top of you. The air sighs out of him and he goes limp, his weight pressing you into the bed. Down below, you feel "the main event" shrinking. He looks into your eyes and says, "It was good, it was big."

He kisses you, rolls off ... and falls asleep.

You lie in the dark thinking, "Maybe I'm responsible for my own orgasm, but couldn't he have contributed a little more?" Or, maybe you are sexually satisfied, but feel as though he betrayed the closeness of your "lovemaking" with his unceremonious drop into sleep. Listening to his gentle snores, you feel dissatisfied, frustrated, and lonely.

You're educated, liberated, understanding, and get gender differences. You've read the studies and know that "75 percent of men do this ..." and what not. You (and science) justify his post-coital snooze by acknowledging that he just got a massive hit of prolactin with his orgasm, knocking him right out. And, with his evolutionary duty being done (making kids) — he's done, too. 

Resigned to yet another example of God and evolution not working in your favour, you figure you might as well let it go and get used to it. 

Let me stop you right there! 

Yes, we're biological creatures, zinging with hormones and neurotransmitters, but we're NOT slaves to our biology.

You know damn well that if the game were on after his "big O," he'd be bushy-tailed again by kick-off. Remember, too, the battles early feminists waged against experts who solemnly asserted that women couldn't adequately function in the work place, because of their monthly hormonal maelstrom. (In other words, don't believe every scientific justification for insensitive behaviour).

Biology is no excuse. It influences but does not dictate our behavior. Your man can choose something other than sleep after sex. And, you can choose something other than lying in bed feeling resentful.

Two things could be at play here: Sleep, like "having a headache," is an easy way to avoid the messiness of dealing with uncomfortable stuff, like connecting with your partner on an emotional level. 

So, what's the real reason he's nodding off versus connecting with you? What's your man avoiding? 

If women worry about their appearance, men worry about their performance. Can they keep it up? Will they come too soon? Can they find your clit, g-spot, or even trigger your ejaculatory release for that matter? Can they match the improbable antics they see in online porn? Can they sexually satisfy you?

Society raises men to perform. 

We frequently tie our self-worth to how well we do in school, sports, careers, and most other areas of our lives (Note: women too! See Brene Brown's masterful: The Gifts of Imperfection). We're praised when we do a task well and criticized when we do it poorly. Who we are as men is measured by our performance. But, it gets even nastier. No matter how well we perform, it's never perfect — we could always have done better. It's as if we marinate ourselves in a corrosive sense of never ever being good enough.

So for us, it's better to go to sleep than learn that we're not satisfying you.

This situation becomes exacerbated by several factors. Physiologically, you're confusing. When pleasing a man, it's reasonably clear what you need to grab onto. However, with women, it's a guessing game — especially in the dark and with, say, your tongue. 

How often has your partner gone downtown, industrially licking down there, but way off-center? You reach down and gently guide his head to the big top, but after a few seconds he drifts off onto some other random fold.

Any lover, particularly one just starting out, is going to get lost now and then. Instead of asking for directions (c'mon, a man!?), he's going to pretend all is well and avoid any bad news by going to sleep.

With sex, the stakes are really high. It's not like figuring out the remote — after sex, you're open to serious rejection, criticism, or judgment. Again, safety feels better than to feel hurt.

Finally, women are often lousy at communicating their needs. Even if men ask, we often just get a tepid, "I'm OK" or "I'm fine." Little is more corrosive than the lie designed to protect another's feelings. We know you're lying and you're training us not to trust you AND that your needs aren't important.

So what do you do when your man wants to snooze post sex? 

Communicate. Be straight, courageous, and responsible. Do it with heart, grace, and generosity.

Too frequently, people blame their partners for what isn't working in the relationship — "He'sthe one who's going to sleep, after all." True, but it's your job to talk to him about what you like and do so without deploying the relationship killers of criticism, judgment, and resentment.

Engage him so that your request lights him up. Create a space in which he's comfortable talking about pleasuring you. Give him a tour. Be straight about what you like and what you don't like.

Be warned that, generally, you can't talk someone out of a deeply held belief such as "I'm not good enough." That's his work. It's enough to know that insecurity is there and that it's tender.

Bringing an open heart to sex is scary. Having the courage to wade into the messiness of feelings, fears, and the unknown — without judgment — is a gift to you and to him. But, do it successfully and you'll grace your lovemaking with intimacy and love.

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5 Ways Stress Can Affect Your Sex Life

"Life today is full of frustrations, worry and demands, for many people stress has become a way of life and it can be a killer.

By understanding how you body's responds to stress gives you the chance to protect yourself, you are then able to recognise the signs and symptoms of stress overload thus being able to take the necessary steps to reduce its harmful affects."      - Susan

5 Ways Stress Can Affect Your Sex Life

Stress. I'm slightly on edge just writing the word. It brings up thoughts of all of the things I have yet to accomplish. Of all the resolutions I have (thought about) but not yet followed through with (and it hasn't even been two weeks). After years of managing work, marriage, children and relatives, I can tell you that when I'm stressed, I'm not that pleasant to be around. And when it comes to sex, stress makes your sex life suffer. In fact, stress is one of those weird issues that can not only affect your sex life, but also be alleviated by having sex. So if you want to get rid of stress, why don't you just go have sex? OK, that's all. 

The effects of stress are insidious. It takes a toll on your physical, emotional and relationship health, probably more than you realise. 

Here are five ways stress can impact your sex life:

1. Stress contributes to a negative body image. Bad body image = bad sex.

The hormones produced in association with stress can impact our metabolism. If we feel sluggish or if we gain weight (unintentionally), it can make us feel badly about our physiques. If we don't like our bodies, it is pretty difficult to find the desire to shed your clothes and jump into bed with your partner. Now, I am not suggesting that you should just get it over with, but it's a vicious cycle. Lower self-image equals less sex and less sex creates relationship problems. Ideally, our relationship should enhance who we are, not make us feel more stressed. And one of the biggest stressors we can have is our relationship, if we don't take the time to nurture it.

2. Stress takes a toll on our libido.

By now, we know that hormones affect our bodies in numerous ways from childhood to adolescence, pregnancy, menopause and beyond. Cortisol is one of the hormones produced by stress, and you might have heard of it if you've ever seen those late night diet pill commercials with the image of the pixelated woman gaining weight in her abdomen. Our bodies need this hormone, but in small doses for short bursts of time. If elevated levels of Cortisol are being produced for a prolonged period of time, they suppress our sex hormones. Lower quantity of sex hormones equals lower libido. 

3. Stress makes us question our relationships and our partners. 

As I mentioned earlier, when we are stressed, we are not that pleasant to be around -- and vice versa. You don't want a partner who flies off the handle and snaps at you because he or she is overwhelmed. And you don't want to be the one who incites those feelings of frustration in someone that you love. Who wants to go to bed with an emotional monster? Relationships suffer when we are stressed, especially if we stop communicating. Or if our communication consists of rolling our eyes and grunting at a loved one. 

4. Stress can lead to excessive drinking. Excessive drinking makes for bad sex.

It's not a surprise that lots of people use alcohol to escape. I, like many women I know, have been known to long for happy hour -- any happy hour. But this isn't about a glass of wine, a bottle of beer or a drink with one of those smile-inducing hot pink umbrellas in them. This is about excessive, prolonged drinking. More than one or two drinks a day. (And we can even debate whether that is too much.) This is the type of drinking that you probably hide from friends. It may be the type of drinking that begins long before happy hour does and goes on far later. Or it may just be one drink beyond that early, feel-good buzz.

So it's time to make some changes.

Exercise, relax, take a bath, drink one glass of wine (not four), masturbate (yes, I said masturbate), make out with your partner and delegate some responsibilities to others. It will make 2013 a lot less stressful... and hopefully, a lot more enjoyable. 

We know that men have difficulty getting an erection when they drink too much. But what about us? As it turns out, alcohol can dull sex, making it less pleasurable. Alcohol dehydrates us, making lubrication challenging. Without lubrication, sex is painful. Without lubrication and sufficient arousal, we can kiss the idea of orgasm (or pleasure in general) goodbye. After a number of pleasure-less or mildly painful sexual experiences, we are not going to want it. Would you?

5. Stress impacts our fertility and our menstrual cycle. When we are stressed, our hormones levels take a dive. 

I mentioned stress as a factor in why our libidos suffer when we're stressed. But who would have thought that fertility would be challenged, too? (Yes, I know what you're thinking, if you're not having sex, you're probably not getting pregnant. You're right, but there's more to this -- and besides, not all women are heterosexual, and they try to get pregnant, too.)

Stress can impact our pituitary gland, which controls the thyroid, adrenal glands and ovaries. If our ovaries aren't functioning properly, your menstrual cycle is adversely affected. Our periods may become irregular or we may stop menstruating. (This is called amenorrhea and if stress-related, not a permanent condition.)

If you are trying to get pregnant, you need to decrease your stress. Which (as I know) can be difficult, because there are few things more stressful than trying to become pregnant and not being able to do so.

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