10 Sexual Fantasies Men Have (That They Never Tell Their Girlfriends About)

10 Sexual Fantasies Men Have (That They Never Tell Their Girlfriends About)

by Alexis Caputo

Since I wrote today about women’s sexual fantasies and how difficult it can be to share them with their partners, I also surveyed my male friends to find what common fantasies *they* had that they were uncertain about sharing with their girlfriends or wives. Surprisingly, they aren’t that different from women.

My girlfriend dominating me.

“In our relationship I feel like I have to initiate EVERYTHING. It’s exhausting. Sometimes there’s not even room for me to tell if she’s really enjoying herself because she always wants me to be in charge. I think she wouldn’t find this sexy, but I would love nothing more than to lay back for once and do what SHE tells me to do. I want her to be in charge and use my body however she wants to to get herself off.”

I want her to call me Daddy.

“I would NEVER, EVER tell my girlfriend this, but I really, really want her to call me Daddy during sex. I’m not a pedophile, my girlfriend is actually a few months older than me. But something about this hits deep inside, some kind of animal instinct, it turns me on like no other.

I want my girlfriend to sit on my face.

“I have shared this fantasy with a few girlfriends in the past and since I got the same (negative) response with all of them I haven’t bothered to bring it up to my current gf. I want a girl to sit on my face so I can eat her out, it’s messy, sure, but I like that. I want it to be messy and feel a little bit suffocated and out of control.”

.

I want to make her have sex with one of my friends

“Not only would I never ask my girlfriend to actually do this, I won’t even joke about it with friends when we’re bragging about the sex shit we’ve done. But I want my girlfriend to have sex with one of my friends while I watch. I don’t even want to participate I just want to tell her to do it and enjoy watching.”

I want her to lay on her back on the bed with her head hanging off the edge, and get oral like that.

“I’ve seen it and I’ve read it and I’ve asked just about every girl I hooked up with to try it — only one said yes and it was the best oral of my life. Now I’m married, and it’s just not the kind of thing you ask your wife to do, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want the “best” of anything I do in bed to be behind me. I really want to do this, I just don’t think she will say yes or enjoy it even if she does. It’s to the point where I’m thinking about putting an ad on Craiglist to just do it again and get it over with.”

Anal.

“The only regret I have about getting married young is that I wasn’t with more adventurous women before I settled down. Now I will never know what anal is like. I haven’t asked my wife for it but I’ve asked her for much tamer things and she’s just not interested in trying new things. I really want to see how this feels.”

Squirting.

“I want to make a girl squirt, it’s like a sense of accomplishment for me as a man. But I’ve learned that it takes female cooperation and females do not like to cooperate. Squirting for them feels amazing but they don’t like to do it because they are too shy. I don’t get it. If a girl could make me have some insane orgasm I’d be super thankful.”

Public sex.

“I want to take my girlfriend to a sex club and fuck her while a bunch of people watch. It’s a compliment, I want them to see how hot she is and be proud that I landed her. But the girl I’m with is a conservative lawyer, she’d never go for it.”

I’m secretly turned on by the thought of impregnating her.

“I suffered an injury in Iraq that left me totally healthy down there, except that I probably won’t be able to have kids. I’m extremely sensitive about it, and as a result I developed a kind of fetish about not using condoms and getting a girl pregnant. I’ve haven’t seriously dated someone since this started so it’s super frustrating to have to use condoms every single time I have sex. All I want to do is tell them about it and try it one time, I would cum so hard, but I’m pretty sure they’ll think I’m a freak.”

I want her to be more submissive.

“My girlfriend is a feminist, and I am too — I don’t believe that’s at odds with having some roleplay fun in the bedroom — but I’ll never tell her I want to roleplay domination/submission stuff because I think she’ll think I’m like, a depraved misogynist. It’s not like that, I love and respect her, it’s just really, really fucking hot to think about fucking hard her with my hand on her throat.”

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Masturbation: All the Ways Self Love Is Good for You

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Masturbation: All the Ways Self Love Is Good for You

As we get better at self-love, we get better at making love to others.

In 1995 Jocelyn Elders was fired as Surgeon General of the United States for suggesting that masturbation should (maybe) be taught in schools. That same year, sex-toy company Good Vibrations launched National Masturbation Month to help break down stigmas surrounding the practice. Twenty years later, National Masturbation Month has grown into International Masturbation Month. And while things are slowly starting to come around, there still doesn't seem to be enough love surrounding the act of self-love.

As Susan Block once told me, “You are your own longest term lover.” Now that masturbation month is drawing to a close, it’s important to be reminded of that. While partnered sex is certainly a thrilling endeavor, a little solo practice can go a long way in enhancing the experience. Listed below are 10 examples of how.

1. It helps you get acquainted with your orgasms.

If we were to compare sex to an ice cream sundae, orgasm would be the cherry on top. And while failing to reach that end certainly doesn’t discredit the experience, it can leave you craving something more. Masturbation is an easy way to get acquainted with your orgasms, and more importantly, where to locate them. Of course, some people have an easier time finding their pleasure centers than others. It’s not like guys have to go digging to find their sex organs (unless of course, they’re looking for the pleasurable prostate, but more on that another day). Women, on the other hand, do. But just as the trip to the liquor store gets shorter once you know the route, orgasms become easier to attain the more time you spend looking for them. There are certain things in life we like to leave to chance. When and how you experience orgasm doesn’t have to be one of them.

2. It helps layer the the sexual experience.

Masturbation can take different forms. Some people like using their hands. Others rely on toys. Preferences will differ, but, hey, variety is a good thing. And the more comfortable we become with solo-sexual activities, the more likely we are to bring them into a partnered environment. Masturbation is a pretty reliable way to experience orgasm, so it makes sense to introduce masturbatory activities into other areas of our sexual lives. As clinical sexologist Kat Van Kirk told You Beauty, “Sex begets sex." She added, “The more often a woman is sexually aroused – even by herself – the more likely she is to not only want more sex with a partner, but also be more orgasmic when she does.”

3. It can work as a sleep-aid.

Having an orgasm is a great way to relax. That’s what makes it such a perfect note to end the day on. But while most of us can relate to that feeling of post-pleasure laziness, not all of us have the science down to explain it. And that’s okay, that’s what the Internet is for.  Shape magazine reports that the hormone prolactin is released in the brain following climax. This not only leads to a refractory period after orgasm, but an increase in drowsiness as well. Oxytocin and vasopressin are also present in the cocktail of chemicals released during climax. As LiveScience explains, their “release frequently accompanies that of melatonin, the primary hormone that regulates our body clocks.”

4. It makes being single that much easier.

One of the most obvious perks to being in a relationship is that you’re having sex on the reg (and maybe on the rag, too). Not that single folks aren’t getting laid. Casual encounters can be wonderful experiences, but they can also be unreliable and leave you less-than-satisfied. When that turns out to be the case, it’s nice to know that you’ve got a helping hand to turn to – your own hand, that is. As the late George Carlin once said, “If God had intended us not to masturbate, he would’ve made our arms shorter.”

5. It puts you in a better mood.

WebMD reports “Masturbation increases blood flow throughout your body and releases feel-good brain chemicals called endorphins.” Nicole Prause told the publication, “That may explain why there’s a clear mood benefit, even if you don’t orgasm.” She added, “It takes your mind [off your worries] while activating areas of the brain associated with pleasure.” That all sounds pretty promising. If that doesn’t sell you on the act, maybe a piece of information from clinical sexologist Gloria Brame will. She told Men’s Health magazine, “An orgasm is the biggest non-drug blast of dopamine available… A brain scan of someone having an orgasm looks like a heroin addict’s.”

6. It can relieve pain.

Most people would agree that maturbating is a lot more fun than popping a few Tylenol. And the list of ailments it can help cure is impressive. Medical Daily explains how having an orgasm can help cure anything form headaches to hiccups; menstrual cramps to morning sickness. Back in 1985, famed sex researcher Beverly Whipple conducted two separate studies to help prove the ways in which female masturbation can actually help increase one’s tolerance for pain.

7. It can help keep you hard.

A study published in the American Journal Of Medicine found that men who reported having sex less than once a week were twice as likely to develop erectile dysfunction. The message was the more sex (or at least the more orgasms) you have, the less likely you are experience impotence. Or more simply put, you use it, or you lose it.

While some urologists remain skeptical of the findings, most agree that experiencing erections can help maintain sexual function. Men’s Health magazine writes “Regular sex or masturbation works out your pelvic floor muscles to prevent erectile dysfunction and incontinence.” As Gloria Brame told the publication, “It keeps the angle of your dangle perky.”

8. It makes your hair look better.

Michael Roizen, co-founder of YouBeauty writes, “Each hair follicle has a blood vessel to it, and your blood flow is a major determinate of both internal and external beauty.” As we know, orgasms help increase blood flow. Self-induced orgasms are no different. The more blood we get pumping through our system the more oxygen and nutrients reach different parts of our bodies – the scalp included. So every time you head south of the border during a moment alone, remember, you’re not just giving your genitals some love. You’re nourishing your hair as well.

9. It helps mediate the effects of menopause.

Gynecologist Judi Chervenak explained to Web MD that during menopause, “The vagina can actually narrow, which can make intercourse and vaginal exams more painful.” She added that masturbation – especially with a water-based lubricant can “prevent narrowing, boost blood flow, relieve some tissue and moisture problems, and increase sexual desire.”

10. It can help keep you (and your junk) healthy.

Jennifer Landa, a specialist in hormone therapy told Men’s Health, “Masturbation can [produce] the right environment for a strengthened immune system.” She explained that ejaculation can elevate cortisol levels – a hormone that can actually help regulate and maintain immunity, "in small doses." And back in 2003, a team of Australian researchers found that men who ejaculated more than five times week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer. So gentleman, keep at it, and keep healthy. Your families will thank you.

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Are You Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm? A Guide for WomenWould You Enter Orgasms School?

Why Women Struggle With Orgasm

Why Women Struggle With Orgasm

Here is an in-depth look at this complex topic that impacts on the pleasure and relationships of many women.

The reasons for this to happen are many and cover a spectrum. First off is purely physical, their partner's don't know what they're doing, how to touch them. Often women don't know enough about their own bodies so they can't guide their partner's.

Linked to this, but its own issue, is lack of communication. This takes the form of women not being able to ask for how she'd like to be touched, the very specific stimulation she needs, and her partner not asking her.

The next reason is belief. The sexual beliefs we hold have enormous impact on our behavior. These beliefs are communicated through family, religious and social teachings. So much of what we do comes out of what we hear and see our parents, family, teachers and peers say and do. I've come to see that so much of what we learn about sex and intimacy is from what's never said, rather then what is. If you think about the amount of sexual misrepresentation and myth we grow up with, what's ignored or never said has great power. So if you get the idea that sex is not pleasurable, or not for pleasure, or even purely for your husband's pleasure, it will have great impact on your ability to have orgasm.

One of the most powerful preventive beliefs is that good girls don't do that, don't enjoy sex. Connected to this is body image, general and specific. The general refers to feeling good about your body, not being obsessed. There is a belief that many women hold that only 'good looking/beautiful' people have good sex. The specific refers to genitals. If you're brought up to believe that you're genitals are dirty it becomes harder to allow yourself the pleasure of orgasm.

Then there's the willingness to let go. In order to experience orgasm you need to let go, to relax, and sometimes to allow the wild side to come out. One of the most important factors here is safety. If a woman does not feel safe she will not allow herself to let go enough to have an orgasm. This safety is an emotional state, an internal state that is often created by her partner. Intimacy, feeling loved, not judged in any way are all aspects of this. Women who have had bad sexual experiences, been raped or abused in some way will often struggle to have orgasm after that event. This makes it important to say here that anorgasmia can be caused by a traumatic event, physical, sexual or emotional.

The concept of reciprocation in sex also has impact. If a woman feels that she has to do something for her partner just because he pleasured her becomes a pressure situation, and she'd rather not go there in the first place.

Certain medications, particularly anti-depressants and anti-anxiety tablets can also be a major cause of this.

The impact on a relationship is huge and can be devastating. So much of our self -identity and self-confidence is linked to our sexual success, particularly with men. A wise man once said, 'when sex works it's about 20% of a relationship, when it doesn't, it's 90%'.

We often judge sex as being successful by the result, more often than not this about orgasm. There is enormous pressure on both men and women to make sex successful by reaching this goal. As a man if I can't make it happen for her, than I'm not a good lover. As a woman if I can't have an orgasm something's wrong with me. So we try harder, create more pressure and deepen the problem. Our egos become bruised, we feel incapable, and begin to withdraw. We begin to avoid not only sex, but also touch and intimacy that may lead to sex.

Is it possible to change this? In the vast majority of cases, yes. A resounding yes!

The most successful way of changing this is taking all the pressure off by getting out of goal-oriented mind set. Take achieving, reaching, having an orgasm right out the equation. As long as it remains a goal to achieve, every time you don't... and the pressure mounts, the frustration and anger increase.The principles of Expanded Orgasm are perfect for this, enjoy being in the moment, enjoy the sensations, the intimacy and touch, let your body relax, breath deeply and simply be there. After a while of this, your body will respond differently and allow the orgasm to happen. It's not quite that simple and requires more, looking at and changing the beliefs, healing and releasing sexual hurts, freeing the pelvis and blockages that are there, learning different sexual techniques, genital massage etc. And learning to COMMUNICATE!

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The Best Positions for Women to Achieve Orgasm

The Best Positions for Women to Achieve Orgasm

If an earth shattering, bed rattling and mind blowing orgasm stays elusive to you, there is a high probability that the fault doesn’t lie with your body, but with your technique. Yes, you heard us right! The quest to that perfect orgasm doesn’t mean you have more and more sex, but it requires you to have quality sex using the right position, that will always and always guarantee an orgasm. And the fact of the matter is that some of the carnal classics are more than good enough to orgasm, if you tweak them just a little to suit your requirements.

Here are some sex secrets that will tell you which sex positions increase your chances for that perfect climax. Try these positions the next time you have sex, and we assure you that you will not be sorry!

( Read: HOW TO DIRTY-TALK DURING SEX WITHOUT FEELING SILLY )

#1 The Doggy style

Everyone has tried doggy style, but many of us don’t really get it right. One way to try this position is to kneel on all fours and make sure the legs are slightly parted and the elbows bent for better support. The key is to ensure that your head isn’t pressed in to the pillow; arch your head back slightly and hold your butt up for full penetration. If that doesn’t work for you, tweak the position slightly by lying on your stomach, and lift your butt slightly so that your man can penetrate from behind.

Why it works? When done correctly, this position can maximize G-spot stimulation because it gives a lot of scope for the penis to rub against the upper walls of the vagina, as well as the testicles to rub against the clitoris to create just the right amount of friction, resulting in a strong, powerful orgasm.

#2 The Rocking Horse

While the woman on top position works for many because this gives you the chance to set the pace and thrust, sometimes you need a little modification to achieve an earth shattering orgasm. The Rocking Horse is the perfect example – the woman is sitting and not lying on top, with her legs wrapped around her man, rocking up and down to set the perfect rhythm.

Why it works? Not only do you have full control to work on your orgasm, the angle allows for a deeper penetration and the rocking movements will set the perfect pace. Additionally, the fact that your man has the ideal angle to work on your pert nipples at the same time works like a charm!

#3 The Backwards Cowgirl

Now we have already established the fact that being on top will work in your favour to achieve that elusive orgasm, but why not spice things up a bit? Try the backward cowgirl – face away from your man as you mount him from the top and ride away to that perfect orgasm!

Why it works? The position gives you the opportunity to dictate the pace as well as the depth of thrusting. The man has access to your clitoris and can further use his fingers to stimulate it. Also, the fit is tighter and that makes the sensations you have coursing through your body a lot more intense.

( Read: HOW TO BOOST YOUR BEDROOM CONFIDENCE )

#4 The Flower Press

If a G-spot orgasm is what you are after, the Flower Press is sure to thrill. While this is a simple position that is a tweak to the favourite Missionary Style, here you need to raise your legs upwards and angle them over your man’s shoulders, your knees nestled in the crook of his neck.

Why it works? This position deepens the penetration because of the angle your body is in, also making his pelvic arch create the perfect friction against your clitoris for extra stimulation.

Bonus tip: While our highly recommended sex positions are guaranteed to make you come, it definitely helps if you play around a little by yourself to find out which of these positions has the most desired effect on you. This ensures that when you are with your partner the next time, you know exactly what to get him to do to facilitate that orgasm.

Do you need help to achieve an orgasm? What positions have you tried that worked for you? Do you think you will try our recommended sex positions to spice up your sex life? Let us know!

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