Saturday 6 July 2013

7 Fatal Mistakes Women Make When Exiting a Relationship

7 Fatal Mistakes Women Make When Exiting a Relationship

1. Failure to consider the possibility of being friends

It is unbelievable how you can spend several years of your life with a person only to break up and never speak or be friends.  It makes absolutely no sense, and this problem may be more common than you think.  It makes a man wonder, was this person ever truly a real friend?  So long as you can have a strictly platonic relationship, there is no reason to totally cut off past boyfriends, fianc√©s or husbands.  If you have spent a significant amount of time with him, he more than likely still cares about you and your well-being.  Also, your new man, if he is wise, will be watching how you treat your past beau, because he knows this is how you will treat him in the event your relationship fails.  If you have children by a man, then break up, you should not cut the father of your children off just because there is a new man.  So long as there is mutual respect, a breakup does not mean you have to throw away all the time you previously invested and stop being friends.

2. Failure to seek counseling

I know we think we all have Ph.D.s and master’s degrees when it comes to relationships, but the truth is that the majority of us have never had one class and lack the experience to make up the difference.  Most of what we have learned comes from our observations of our parents, friends, TV dramas and favorite movies.  Movies make a lot of money, and it is to the studios’ benefit to produce happy endings so people will come back to the theatre.  Yet our divorce rates and broken homes continue to increase.  According to the American Psychological Association, between 40 and 60 percent of new marriages will eventually end in divorce.  If your man has requested counseling as a last resort to save your relationship, at the bare minimum, before you make your final decision, give it an honest try.  The time will be well-spent and you may even learn a thing or two or even revive your relationship.

3. Dishonesty

Dishonesty is the most fatal of the seven mistakes listed here.  It has a two-pronged effect.  When you lie to a man about the reason you want to break up, you may cause him to question himself and his actions.  This would not be a fair assessment, especially when you are withholding the truth.  Whether you realize it or not, being dishonest gives you a certain negative aura.  You unknowingly act funny or out of character, creating tension and arguments that perhaps would not normally have taken place.  The man, in turn, has no idea what the problem is and searches his soul, putting forth great effort to correct his behavior based on your comments.  Later, he discovers that you were cheating.  Now your funny behavior makes all the sense in the world to him.  He will say to himself, “No wonder you were acting so funny.  I thought it was all my fault.”  It is unfair to make a man blame himself because you have been dishonest.  We classify dishonesty as not taking 50 percent of the responsibility for the relationship’s failure and placing 100 percent of the blame on the other partner.

4.  Listening to your friend’s bad advice

dating adviceNever listen to the advice of your friends who are single and have less than three years of consistent relationship experience.  Watching soap operas like “Days of our Lives” or “The Young and the Restless,” although very entertaining, does not count for real relationship experience (plus, they all sleep with each other–fathers with their sons’ wives, brothers with their brothers’ girlfriends, etc.).  Your friends who are single often become envious of your relationship, because they seek the same for themselves and because you may no longer spend the same amount of time hanging out with them as you did when you were single.  These single friends do not truly understand your new-found relationship responsibilities and why you have no time to do the things you used to do.  The only way for them to truly understand the new demands of a relationship is for them to get their own.  When this happens, you will often find that the very same friends who demanded your time and whose bad advice you listened to about your now-defunct relationship, now have no time for you.  This is why they are next to the last person (after the family dog) to whom you want to listen and get relationship advice from. (“Hey Tiger, what do you think about Johnny?  One bark for yes and two barks for no.”  “Woof, woof!”)

5. Thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence

Falling for the “knight in shining armor” is one of most classic mistakes an inexperienced person in a relationship can make.  Say your relationship runs into problems and a guy at your job, Zack, is there to listen and tell you the things you want to hear.  You’ll say, “Oh, Zack, you are so understanding.”  What you may not realize is that his objective is to sleep with you.  He does not live with you and has only heard your side of the story.  Of course it is easier for Zack to quote poetry and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.  Zack does not have the day-to-day responsibilities of being in a committed relationship with you.  Did he pay the light and cable bill, or know what it’s like to be late on your rent again this month?   It is guaranteed that if you do not fix and truly understand why your current relationship is broken, those very same problems will resurface in your next relationship.  A man who is telling you sweet nothings, with no respect for the man you are currently in a relationship with, is not a man of class and maturity [] who is truly ready for a real, committed relationship.

6. The inability to forgive

All relationships at some point will have a bump in the road.  Nobody is perfect [Find us on Facebook].. The only way to overcome imperfections is to love and forgive when one makes a mistake or two or three.  If you do not learn to forgive, you are going to face disappointment after disappointment, because you will attract to yourself that which you will not forgive.  It is a well-known fact that women tend to mature faster than men [Find the man of your dreams].  We are all learning each day and are bound to make mistakes.  What’s a life with no mistakes or drama?  Boring!  Perfect lives exist nowhere on planet Earth.  Not even the Queen of England at Buckingham Palace has a perfect life.  If perfection did exist, it would be quite a boring existence.  No drama?  What?  That’s exactly what happened to Adam and Eve.  Eve needed some drama, because it was just a little too perfect.  When things are too perfect, people crave drama, and when there is too much drama, people crave perfection.  The key is to find a perfect balance between perfection and imperfection in your relationship.  Forgiveness is the essential component that will aid in bringing balance.

7.  The sudden breakup with no warning

A sudden breakup or change in one’s life pattern is bound to cause extreme stress and mass confusion.  He will always be asking himself, what happened?   What did I do?  These insecurities will surely follow him into his next relationship if he does not get help or seek counseling.  Is that what you really want?  If so, following the laws of karma, the same will happen to you in the near future.  The shoe will be on the other foot.
The danger of a sudden breakup is you have no clue how the man will react.  This reaction could range from extremely calm to extremely violent, especially if he finds you were dishonest.  Buyer beware.  Always be nice, considerate and honest and ease your way out of the relationship, doing your best to keep his feelings intact.  Yes, we know it may be a little more work than you really want to do, but it will be worth it in the long run.  Cheers!

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