Showing posts with label pillow talk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pillow talk. Show all posts

Wednesday, 13 January 2016

The Power of Words Can Make or Break Your Relationship


"Think before you speak, words can cut like a knife, once the words are out there you cannot get them back".                          -  Susan


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The Power of Words Can Make or Break Your Relationship


Relationships, as firm as they may seem, are fragile. Learn how the power of words you use can change the direction of your relationship in no time.


A relationship has many needs to be successful.

But, almost all these needs are subconscious.

In fact, you won’t even realise you’re catering to these needs of your own perfect relationship unless you’re starting to fall out of love and need to make an effort just to be nice to your lover.

Romantic gestures and memories, and communication and pillow talk may be key requirements of a great relationship but there’s another subtle detail almost none of us bother about.

And that’s the power of words in a relationship.

The power of words in a relationship

Have you ever thought about how you speak to your partner, or how you treat them in private or public?

The kind of words you choose or the way you behave can have a much deeper impact than you can imagine.

The words you choose can make your relationship a lot better, or at times, it can push your partner away from you forever.

You may communicate well, share your dreams, respect your lover and even be great in bed, but the way you use the power of words could still affect your relationship on a subconscious level. 

The words we hear and the effect it has on us

The power of words in a relationship is a subconscious energy that balances the relationship. The words you choose and the way you say something can make your lover feel closer to you.

Even as individuals, words play a big part in our lives. A compliment is a compliment, but yet, the words that are used to compliment you makes all the difference, doesn’t it? 

On the other hand, words that you personally associate with negativity affect you more. If someone speaks about the traits of low confidence to a person who believes they’re not confident, it would affect them more than it would to a person who doesn’t believe it’s a negative trait of theirs.

And just like that, in our romantic lives too, the words you choose while speaking with your partner can subconsciously affect their views on the relationship.

You may believe you’re sensitive and sweet because you never criticise anyone or never pick an argument with anyone. But your partner may subconsciously believe that you’re rude at times, or perhaps even dominant. And that’s all because of the words you choose in your conversation while talking about matters close to both your hearts.

Even many first dates which you assumed went perfectly during the date may have led to a dead end with your date not calling you back and you may have no idea why. But perhaps, it’s all because of the words you chose to express your ideas. 

Your words and your partner

How you speak to your lover affects the way they think of you, the relationship and the way they approach their own life. Their motivation and inspiration depends on the way you choose your words around them.

Kind words make us feel safer. Criticisms make us feel weaker and low on confidence. Angry words make us angry. And reassuring words comfort us.

How do you speak to your partner?

If you want a happy relationship with your lover, you need to focus more on positive words and reassuring words. At times, when your partner is feeling down *and you know it’s their own fault*, you still need to use words that will make them feel better about themselves. Bite your tongue and save the accusations and the criticisms for another day when your partner isn’t feeling so low.

Here are 5 tips that can help you choose your words better with your partner, no matter what the circumstances are.

#1 Speaking in private. Do you listen to your partner’s views completely before giving your suggestion? Learn to do that. If your partner has a suggestion or wants to do something, avoid contradicting them or saying ‘no’ immediately.

Instead, voice your negative opinions through calm questions so your partner can look at the big picture through your eyes. It’ll help both of you look at the relationship as a team effort instead of a battlefield of opinions and dominant partners.

#2 When others are around. Both of you should learn to be respectful towards each other in front of others. Don’t oppose your partner’s views unless you’re joking. And don’t cut your partner in between a sentence just because you feel they’re not explaining something well. It’ll only make your partner feel low on confidence around you. Join in the conversation, but never overpower your partner.

#3 Compliments. Compliment your partner often, and don’t just restrict it to physical traits. Compliment them about their job, their personality and anything else that you genuinely feel. When your partner believes that you have a high opinion about them, they’d feel more comfortable to reveal their weaker side and ask you for help.

On the other hand, if you constantly criticise your partner, they’ll feel under appreciated and will avoid telling you any of their mistakes because they’d be afraid of being judged negatively by you. 

#4 Your words in an arguments. Arguments, confrontations and disagreements are a regular affair in a relationship. But even in an argument, avoid words that are sarcastic or condescending because it’ll hit your partner hard and leave them fuming.

An argument in a relationship never has an individual winner. You can either both win it or both of you can lose it together. So stop trying to use words that will make your partner feel weaker about themselves. And at the end of every argument, no matter how much you just want to walk away, apologise to each other and hug and make up. 

#5 Your whining. Voicing your own pitfalls and regrets about your own life all the time can make your partner feel more helpless about their own life. And it’ll only lead to your partner getting annoyed with you, or worse, they may blame themselves for your sorry life. 

If you talk about your relationship using words that are negative, your partner will subconsciously start to see the relationship in a negative light too. If there’s something bothering you, learn to communicate with each other calmly and reassure each other all the time. It’s the only way to look forward to a brand new day in a happy way!

It’s easy to overlook the power of words in a relationship, but more often than not, the kind of words you use while communicating with each other plays a far more important role in love than many other things you’d consider important.


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Saturday, 17 October 2015

Pillow Talk: Why Post-Sex Chats Boost Intimacy



"Whilst intimate conversation  after sexual activity seems like the most natural thing to happen, I think falling asleep in each others arms is just as good",         -   Susanfish2fishdating.com

Pillow Talk: Why Post-Sex Chats Boost Intimacy


The brain chemicals released after sex work to bring long-term couples closer together.

Men tend to drift off after sex—trust me, it's not you, it's the oxytocin—but with a little gentle pillow talk, you might be able to improve your relationship and your sex life.
According to biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, author of Anatomy of Love and four other books on the science of love, our brains have evolved over millennia to create deep feelings of attachment after sex. 
There are three main brain chemicals that work to bring long-term couples closer together after intercourse: oxytocin and vasopressin—known as the attachment hormones—and dopamine, the reward chemical. This cocktail of chemicals evolved, according to Fisher, to enable couples to bond long enough to raise at least one infant together. In other words, pair-bonding provides motivation to share parental chores, which benefits offspring. Evolutionarily speaking, romantic attachment is a good thing for the human race.

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While sexual intercourse can create warm and fuzzy feelings for both women and men, it also tends to make men sleepy—at least in the short-term. Scientists have recently discovered that parts of men's brains shut off after sex—specifically their prefrontal cortex—which can cause drowsiness. Not exactly news to many couples, but apparently that, combined with the release of hormones like prolactin, has a profound sleep-inducing effect for men. An orgasm might make a man feel closer to his mate, but it also acts like a very pleasant sleeping pill.
So while orgasms often make women feel loving, energetic, and almost literally high—they can make men feel like they just took a don't-talk-to-me-I'm-tired pill.
In short, if he falls asleep, don't take it personally: It's not you, it's his prefrontal cortex. And his inability to answer questions can also be seen as very good feedback—he liked sex with you so much that he's completely knocked out. He also may just need a 10-minute nap instead of falling into deep sleep—you could talk to him when he wakes up from that, refreshed.
If you're strategic, and don't take his grogginess to heart, you can use the post-coital period to your advantage. Here's what to bring up, and what not to, while you're pillow-talking post-sex:
What not to say:
  • "I'm really irritated about this thing you do all the time."
  • "I thought I asked you to fix that crack in the ceiling."
  • "That was great, darling, but last time was better."
  • "I'm looking at your face and I just want to smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it, you're so pretty" (unless you're Adam Sandler in Punch Drunk Love).
  • "I'm looking for ways to improve; will you fill out this customer-service questionnaire?"
  • "And now for your performance review." 




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