Online Date with Fish2Fish: stimulating the clitoris

Friday, 28 August 2015

The Right Way to Tell Your Partner You're Into Kinky Sex

There's a fine art to introducing your new sex partner to your kinks. Showing up with an armful of paddles and chains without a word is more than likely to freak them (or anyone) the fuck out. "You should think of it like easing into a cold pool," recommends sex expert Dr. Ian Kerner. Take it slow; no need to make them feel like they're in the middle of a Rihanna video the first time you start experimenting.

Keep in mind, though, no one should be put in a situation where they're not enjoying themselves. "To do things in the bedroom that one doesn't want to do, that's a formula for resentment and a deterioration of your sex life," says Dr. William Picker, a sex therapist with a BDSM subspecialty. If your partner's not into it after following this handy guide, don't push it. They might just not be the right sex partner for you.

1. Figure out what your kinks even are. Understanding not just what turns you on, but how and why it turns you on, can get your partner excited about trying something they're not used to. Plus you're going to need to be able to explain that stuff to your partner when you're blindfolded with your hands tied to the headboard. You can even write up a script to practice. "Any good sex life involves communication between the partners in terms of how one thinks about it and how they actually enjoy it," says Picker.

2. Start with hypotheticals. Start off slow and make it sexy and enticing for your partner. "You're expressing the 'deep end' when you discuss the fantasy," says Kerner, "instead of the 'shallow end.'" Kerner recommends presenting your kink as a dream you had in which you and your partner were acting on these desires, and see how he or she responds. It takes a bit of the pressure off, and talking about the fantasy in a hypothetical way removes any judgment from the discussion.

3. Use pop-culture references. If you want to get all BDSM-lite on your partner, start leaving Fifty Shades of Grey around the bedroom, and reference it in your convo, suggests Dr. Jane Greer, New York-based marriage and sex therapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. Kerner recommends seeking out porn that explores your particular kink to watch together. Having a book or movie bring up the topic for you can be an easier way to gauge your partners reaction. If they say, "I would never do that, I think it's awful and embarrassing," you can easily be like, "Haha me neither and also we're breaking up. Bye!" No harm done.

4. Sneak little bits of kink into regular sex. Kerner and Greer both recommend demonstrating some of the lighter aspects of your kink to your partner during a regular sex romp — but that doesn't mean handcuffing them without warning, or busting out some hot wax. "Arousal has a way of naturally lowering your inhibitions and it releases a chemical cocktail that loosens you up," explains Kerner. Some light spanking or dirty talk (probably) won't kill your partner's sex drive on the spot, even if they're a little confused right away. Just don't get carried away.

5. Give your partner something to do. Giving your partner instructions and telling them why you love seeing them do it can be extra encouraging. "When a man tells his girlfriend he wants to have a threesome, she might think, 'Oh, he just wants to get in bed with another woman.' The reality of it may be that he finds it stimulating to see her pleasured," says Kerner. Even if you think he finds your fantasy daunting, making it about him can be empowering and make him more receptive.

6. Show them how much you love it. "During really good sex, the idea of the giver or receiver loses meaning," says Picker. "The act of doing and experiencing one's partner's pleasures is, by absolute definition, pleasure as well." Even your partner can't get into your kink, they might still get off on knowing you're getting off. When you're introducing them to it for the first time, be vocal and show them how hot it makes you.

7. Be open to new stuff. Just because you're into serious punishment and your partner isn't, doesn't necessarily mean your sex life is doomed. Instead, try to find a similar kink that you're both into. "I think everyone has experiences with pain as potentially pleasurable," says Picker. "Pain of being bit by a mosquito only to have the pleasure of scratching. Delay of orgasm can be a version of punishment. Even vanilla people can participate in a little bit of teasing, which is a kind of pain." You might not be able to get your partner to hogtie you and spank you, but if you can both get off on a little blindfolded role play, you're in good shape.

View original article here

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Quickies, Tantra & Kink: The Different Kinds of Sex Every Couple Needs

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Friday, 31 October 2014

Would You Enter Orgasms School?

The School of Orgasms

Would you take a masturbation class? A new movement called OMing (or Orgasmic Meditation) is taking things to a new level...

Orgasms are one of the best feelings in the world. Fact. But what if they could be even better?! Say what! More and more women are heading to orgasmic meditation classes to get their rocks off on a whole new level – this is one #sextrend we really like.

Labelled OMing, these classes are made specifically for women, but not shy ones because you will be getting touched up by your BF or a stranger (!) in the class. But for a better climax, would you consider going?

OMing, which began all the way back in the 1960s, is about using meditation and prolonged masturbation to get harder, stronger, longer “Os”. So these classes are designed to teach women how to do this and involves stimulating the clitoris for a whole 15 minutes! Tens of thousands of women have done these classes in the US and their popularity is on the rise.

The founder Nicole Daedone, whose San Francisco-based company One Taste runs workshops, says OMing is about enjoying the now. She told UK Metro, “Orgasmic meditation (OM) is a practice done between two people that has no goal, except to feel what is happening in the moment.”

“OM is not about climax (yes, orgasm and climax are different). It’s about expanding the most pleasurable part of the orgasm,” she added.

One US Cosmo journo who took the class for a, ahem, spin said, “Our orgasm trainer, Ken, a normal-looking 30-something, explained the technique, then proceeded to demonstrate on our other trainer, Rachel (Ken's girlfriend).

“On a bunch of pillows that became a sort of orgasm nest, she—yes—got bottomless, then Ken set a timer and, palm facing down, used his left pointer finger to massage her infamous upper-left quadrant."

Read about Do Vaginal Orgasms Really Exist?

Sexpert Nikki Goldstein isn’t so sure the classes are right for all women though, “Everyone is different and by saying, 'You must spend 15 minutes in that one spot', it can be negative because putting deadlines of coming can just add a lot of pressure. And not everyone can orgasm through manual masturbation so these classes might make these women feel inferior.” Not to mention the fact that it’s all public – eek.

OMing teaches you that the “upper left quadrant” is the most pleasurable spot, but many sexperts disagree, claiming that the whole clitoris is equally sensitive. Sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright told Cosmo she'd never heard of the upper-left quadrant of the clitoris being a special spot, but the idea that spending 15 minutes to get a woman turned on could make her orgasm stronger wasn't BS.

“I think there are different sweet spots that are more sensitive for people [on the clitoris] but it varies for everyone,” adds Goldstein.

While the classes aren’t available here yet, Aussie chicks can still turn to sex coaching with qualified therapists to get private lessons on technique and Tantra workshops at the Australian School of Tantra to learn how to maximise their O.

View the original article here