Showing posts with label erection. Show all posts

Tuesday, 21 July 2015

'How Do I Have An Orgasm During Intercourse?' And Nine Other Common Questions About Sex Answered

'How Do I Have An Orgasm During Intercourse?' And Nine Other Common Questions About Sex Answered

by Rachel Moss

Even if you've got an amazing sex life, you're probably interested to know what everyone else is up to in the bedroom and how you can make your own experience even better.

Despite this, most of us can be a little coy when discussing sex with other people.

That's where sex educators like Emily Nagoski come in.

In her new book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, Nagoski says most questions she receives around sex stem from three main concerns: Am I normal, am I okay, and will I be okay?

Thankfully the resounding answer she gives to all three is YES.

Of course, she says, people hardly ever just ask these questions outright.

Here, Nagoski tells HuffPost UK Lifestyle the answers to the 10 most common questions people ask about sex:

The Questions About Sexual Response:

1. How do I have an orgasm during intercourse?

Less than a third of women are reliably orgasming from penetration alone. The remaining 70% are sometimes, rarely, or never orgasmic from intercourse alone.

The reason for this is pretty simple: intercourse is not an effective way to stimulate the clitoris, and clitoral stimulation is the most common way that women orgasm.

That means the simplest way to orgasm during intercourse is to add clitoral stimulation.

Your hand, your partner’s hand, a vibrator, rubbing your pubic bones together, whatever.

2. How often am I supposed to want sex?

As often as the context of your life supports – so your desire will change as your context changes.

And that’s a good thing. Think how inconvenient that would be, if you wanted to same amount of sex when you’re single as when you’re partnered, when you’re staying with your maiden aunt as when you’re cozily at home?

Desire is – and needs to be – dependent on context. It’s not always convenient, showing up at times that you don’t want it, and it’s not always obedient, failing to show up at times you do want it.

But a great place to start is to take an inventory of which contexts create desire in you and which squelch it. It will naturally fluctuate over the course of your day, your week, your life.

There is no “supposed” to, there just… is what it is.

3. Is my penis doing it right? Subquestions: does size matter? (Nah.) Why can’t I get an erection and/or how do I delay ejaculation?

The sexual response mechanism in the brain consists of two parts: the Sexual Excitation System (SES), which responds to sexual stimuli and sends the “turn on” signal, and the Sexual Inhibition System (SIS), which responds to potential threats and sends the “turn off” signal – you can think of them as the sexual accelerator and the sexual brakes.

This means that the process of becoming aroused is both the process of turning on the ons and the process of turning off the offs.

Erection and ejaculation difficulties are caused by an imbalance of these two processes.

Erection difficulties are about too much brake, usually, so figure out what’s hitting the brake (it’s often performance anxiety – ironically the more you want and try to have an erection, the less likely it is).

Premature ejaculation is effectively treated by the stop-start method – get aroused, back off, get aroused, back off, over and over, to get to know the landscape of your arousal, so that you can recognise when you’re close to orgasm and take pressure off the accelerator and/or tap the brakes, to stop from going past the “point of no return.”

4. I liked it when my partner touched me a certain way yesterday, but I didn’t like it today. What the hell?

Pleasure, like desire, depends on context.

Like tickling - if you’re feeling flirty and sexy and your partner tickles you, that would, at least in theory, feel fun and sexy.

But if you’re feeling annoyed and pissy with your partner and they try to tickle you, how does that feel?

Stabby, right? Like you want to punch them in the face.

Pleasure depends at least as much on the context in which you receive a sensation, as it does on the nature of the sensation itself. So if something felt good (or not) yesterday, that doesn’t mean it will feel good (or not) today. That’s normal.

The Questions About Sexual Interests:

5. Why does pain sometimes feel sexy and good?

See question 4.

6. Why did 50 Shades of Grey sell so well?

Because of the arbitrariness of market dynamics and its ability to deliver the most basic fantasy anyone has: feeling wanted and cared for.I mean, who wouldn’t want an attractive billionaire to sweep them off their feet, buy them cool stuff, protect them from danger, and want them so much they can’t think straight?

All the other stuff was just window dressing for feeling wanted and cared for.Some people liked that window dressing, others did not. People vary.

But we all like to feel wanted and cared for.

7. Why do I fantasise about things I don’t want to do in real life?

Because the context of fantasising about something – lying safety in your bed, alone, with the door closed and your hand down your pants as you imagine being cornered, held down, and licked by five unknown but beautiful men, say – is an entirely different context from being actually cornered, held down, and licked by five unknown men, no matter how beautiful they may be.

And The Questions That Science Can Never Fully Answer..

.8. Why does the world insist that my body has to a particular size or shape before I’m allowed to experience sexual pleasure, before I’m allowed to be loved, before I’m allowed to be included fully as part of the human race?

9. Why did my family turn away from me, why do strangers shame me and beat me, just because I fall in love with a different kind of person than they expected me to love?

10. Why did my partner use sex against me as a weapon?

Why didn’t he stop when I said no? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

There’s science about these questions, theories, evidence… but in my heart, I don’t know why we, as a species, are so quick to shame and humiliate and hate others because of their bodies and what they do with them.

I don't know why we are still using sex as a weapon against each other or why we do not reach first for compassion when we encounter differences.But, under even these impossible-to-answer questions lies the same deeper questions as all the others:

Am I normal? Am I okay? Will I be okay?

And the answer is:

Yes.You are normal - it’s normal to struggle when you’ve been confronted by shame, rejection, and violence.

You are okay - if you’re well enough to ask the question, you’re well enough to listen for the quiet voice inside you that’s telling you that the core of you is intact, whole, and healthy.

You will be okay - every day I meet people who are healing, who have healed, from the kind of violence, shame, and trauma that the world inflicts on us.

Every day I am inspired by the resilience, the strength, the raw capacity for survivorship that lives in human bodies, side by side with our capacity for love, for pleasure, for joy, and side by side with our capacity to judge and humiliate.

View original article

Related articles:

The Best Positions for Women to Achieve Orgasm

Do Vaginal Orgasms Really Exist?

Previou articles:

Sunday, 8 September 2013

9 Rules for Stronger Erections

No penis is an island. Or so J. Stephen Jones, M.D., F.A.C.S., a urologist with the Cleveland Clinic, likes to tell his patients. If your penis were an island, it would be tempting to think of it as a hot spot in the Caribbean—calm and tranquil during the day, throbbing with activity at night, and the destination of a constant rotation of half-naked coeds.

(Get more ideas on how to boost your stamina, strength, and endurance with Belly Off! Pro. Go now.)

As much as that sounds like paradise, Dr. Jones says a more precise urological/geographical parallel would be your penis as peninsula—a bodily extension that shares a supply of blood, oxygen, and nutrients with all your other organs. Unfortunately, that means if a natural disaster strikes the mainland, it's likely to affect any protruding landmasses, too.

"ED stands not only for erectile dysfunction but also for 'early diagnosis,' because you can use ED to predict a heart attack, potentially by years—arterial damage from cardiovascular disease affects the small arteries in the penis first," says Christopher Steidle, M.D., a clinical associate professor of urology at the Indiana University medical center at Fort Wayne. That's one reason it's a mistake to let Levitra, Viagra, and Cialis lull you into an I'll-fix-it-when-it-breaks mindset.

Here's another: Take steps to safeguard your sex life now and you may never need to pop the little blue pill. Or any other shade of erection aid. In other words, follow our advice and every woman who visits your peninsula will leave with a smile.

Eat Blackberry Jam on Your Toast

Dark fruits like blackberries, bilberries, and elderberries contain high levels of anthocyanins, ultrapowerful antioxidants that could act as erection insurance.

Quick science lesson: Your penis's ability to rise and shine depends, in part, on the availability of nitric oxide, a blood-vessel-dilating chemical. When too many free radicals are present in your bloodstream, nitric oxide goes down-and so does your penis. Enter anthocyanins. These potent antioxidants attack free radicals before they have the chance to lower nitric oxide levels.

Here's proof of their power: Indiana University researchers found that arteries treated with anthocyanins retained high levels of nitric oxide even after being flooded with free radicals. "Antioxidants help keep free radicals under control so nitric oxide can do its thing," says David Bell, Ph.D., the lead study author. And that "thing" is giving your penis the blood it needs to turn excitement into an erection.

Shut Down the Smokestack

If you still light up, you've probably accepted your increased risk of heart disease, stroke, lung cancer, and bladder cancer. But how about dying young and impotent? A study published in the Journal of Urology found that smoking causes arterial damage that doubles a man's risk of total erectile dysfunction. The good news: "If men quit in their 50s or earlier, we can usually reverse the damage," says Andre Guay, M.D., director of the Lahey Clinic for Sexual Function, in Massachusetts.

When Dr. Guay measured nighttime erections in 10 impotent smokers (average age 49), he noted a 40 percent improvement after just 1 smoke-free day. Swap the cancer sticks for fish sticks: Researchers at the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland discovered that taurine, an amino acid found in fish, helps heal smoke-damaged arteries.

Become a More Sensitive Guy

Everyone knows stress is a psychological cold shower. But untamed tension also works in a more insidious way—by releasing epinephrine, a type of adrenaline that goes straight to your arteries and slowly wreaks havoc there. "Stress in the long term can contribute to hardening of the arteries," says Dr. Jones, who is author of Overcoming Impotence: A Leading Urologist Tells You Everything You Need to Know.

In a great medical irony, being hard in the arteries can leave you soft in the shorts. The fix: Force yourself to concentrate on each of your five senses for a few minutes every day—the feel of the steering wheel in your hands, the sound of the engine revving to redline, the sight of the hot brunette in the next car . . .

"Obsessing on stressful thoughts will increase your epinephrine," says Jay Winner, M.D., author of Stress Management Made Simple. "On the other hand, if you focus on current sensations, it decreases the epinephrine and ultimately improves your ability to have an erection."

Stop Sawing Wood

Snoring can sabotage a night of sex, and not just because it's difficult to engage in foreplay from the couch. "All of your tissue needs oxygen to be healthy, and the penile tissue is especially sensitive," says Dr. Jones. "When you snore, you're depriving your tissue of that oxygen."

That said, don't waste your money on OTC snore stoppers; research by the U.S. Air Force shows that these products aren't effective. Instead, try placing bricks under the bedposts at the head of the bed. "Snoring has a lot to do with gravity," says Phillip Westerbrook, M.D., founder of the sleep-disorders center at the Mayo Clinic. "If you elevate the torso without bending the neck, it changes the effect of gravity on the soft tissues of the throat."

Eat a Dark-Chocolate Dove Bar

It's erection medicine. Dark chocolate contains epicatechins, flavonoids that trigger the release of dilating chemicals in the inner, or endothelial, layer of the arteries. How much should you munch? A University of California at San Francisco study shows that those who ate a 1.6-ounce dark-chocolate bar each day increased their blood-vessel dilation by more than 10 percent.

While the study wasn't done specifically on erectile tissues, anything that benefits your body's endothelial system will likely benefit your erections, since the penis is made up largely of endothelial surfaces. "Keeping those surfaces healthy is crucial to good arterial flow," says Kevin McVary, M.D., a professor of urology at Northwestern University. Look for dark chocolate that bears the CocoaPro logo on the label—this symbol is a visible sign that the candy bar you're buying is chock-full of flavonoids.

Lower Your Estrogen

Calculate your body-mass index. If your BMI comes in close to or over 25, you may be carrying just enough lard to drag down your erections. "We know that heavier men convert testosterone to estrogen, and that a lower level of testosterone and a higher level of estrogen are not good for erectile function," says Larry Lipshultz, M.D., a Men's Health advisor and chief of male reproductive medicine and surgery at Baylor college of medicine.

Fortunately, even moderate weight loss can rid you of excess estrogen and put your sex life back on track. A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that one-third of clinically obese men—BMI 30 or higher—with erectile dysfunction showed improvement after losing 10 percent of their body weight.

Get Pricked

If you think the problem is that you, well, think too much, see an acupuncturist. The results of a study published in the International Journal of Impotence Research suggest that acupuncture can help treat psychologically induced erectile dysfunction. (Relax—the prick points are all in your back.)

"In psychogenic erectile dysfunction, the patient has trouble with the balance of his sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems," says Paul Engelhardt, M.D., the study author. "Traditional Chinese medicine tries to restore that balance." Sure, it sounds like using feng shui for your underwear drawer, but it works—64 percent of the men who underwent 6 weeks of acupuncture regained sexual function and needed no further treatment.

Build a Stronger Floor

Go figure—one of the best ways to treat erectile dysfunction is to pretend that you suffer from premature ejaculation. British researchers discovered that the traditional treatment for a hair trigger—strengthening the pelvic-floor muscles—is also a remedy for men who can't point their pistols. In the study of 55 impotent men, 40 percent of those who practiced pelvic-floor exercises, a.k.a. Kegels, every day for 6 months regained normal sexual function.

Apparently, the same muscle contraction that's used to stop peeing midstream can also prevent blood from escaping during an erection. "Unless they have severe back pain, all men with ED can perform pelvic-floor exercises," says Grace Dorey, Ph.D., the study author. Here's the workout plan: Contract and relax your pelvic muscles anytime you're sitting, although you can also do them lying down. Work up to doing 18 contractions daily, holding each one for 10 seconds.

Open Your Medicine Cabinet

And make a list of all the prescription pills you're popping. "A lot of prescription drugs may be associated with sexual dysfunction," says R. Taylor Segraves, M.D., Ph.D., coauthor of Sexual Pharmacology. One possible culprit is the cholesterol-lowering drug simvastatin, brand name Zocor. For a full list of erection offenders, visit MensHealth.com/drug. If you're taking one of them, talk to your doctor. Often a similar pill, sans side effects, is on the market.

Still Not Able to Defy Gravity?

At this point, it makes sense to consider taking Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra to stimulate bloodflow to the penis, says Dr. Steidle. And who knows what miracles might happen once you prime the pump a few times? "What a lot of men find is that once they restart these medications, they may not need them for every episode of sexual activity—they may need them only now and then," he says.

Similarly, if you suffer from performance anxiety, a drug-fueled romp or two may be just what the urologist ordered to restore confidence. And while all three erection medications have the power to prevent you from psyching yourself out in the sack, Cialis's ability to work for up to 36 hours may provide an advantage, says Julian Slowinski, Psy.D., an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania school of medicine. "This gives a man and his partner a lot of time over the weekend to be more spontaneous."

View the original article here

Related articles: