Women's Hips Could Influence Whether They Hit It + Quit It

Women's Hips Could Influence Whether They Hit It + Quit It

Shakira was seriously on point — hips really don’t lie. Even when it comes to a woman’s sexual history.

That’s according to scientists at the University of Leeds, who report that a woman’s figure could play a crucial role in her decision to have sex. Specifically, women with wider hips are more likely to hit it and quit it, and to have more sexual partners in general. Less-hippy women, on the other hand, tend to take a more prudent approach to sex.

“Women’s hip width has a direct impact on their risk of potentially fatal childbirth-related injury,” said Colin Hendrie, an associate professor of human and animal ethology at the University of Leeds who led the study, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. “Women’s sexual activity is therefore at least in part influenced by hip width.” It’s a controversial conclusion.

Women with hips wider than 14.2 inches had more sexual partners and one-night stands than those with hips narrower than 12.2 inches.

Hendrie and his colleagues recruited 148 women between 18 and 26 years old from around the University of Leeds who’d had sex at least once in their lives. They measured their hip width — the distance between the upper edges of the iliac crest bones of the pelvis — as well as their hip circumference at the widest point, plus their waist circumference at its narrowest point. The women also filled out questionnaires about their sexual histories, including how old they were when they lost their virginity and how many sexual partners they’d had in their lifetimes. Some questions asked about emotionally significant sexual relationships, like “Were you in love with this partner?”

Women with hips wider than 14.2 inches (36 centimeters) had more sexual partners and one-night stands than those with hips narrower than 12.2 inches (31 centimeters). And women who tooted and booted it in 75 percent of their sexual relationships had hips nearly an inch (2 centimeters) wider than those who had fewer one-and-done encounters. Their less-curvy counterparts “really only had sex with people in the context of relationships, demonstrating a more cautious sexual strategy,” Hendrie said.

And possibly for good evolutionary reason. Some anthropologists theorize that as humans learned to stand upright, they developed smaller hips to make walking easier, while female hips became just wide enough for childbirth. Narrow-hipped mothers-to-be run a higher risk of gynecological injury and death.

Still, the study has weaknesses. The researchers studied women only from Leeds and its environs; findings may not apply to other populations and cultures. Some anthropologists also point out that the hip measurements taken don’t accurately indicate the size of the birth canal or internal opening of the pelvis and that, besides, childbirth-related injuries might not even be that risky. Although it’s often thought that cephalopelvic disproportion — when a baby is too big to pass through the pelvis — is a major cause of cesarean sections, it actually occurs in only about one in 250 pregnancies, according to the American College of Nurse Midwives.

Yet the study is suggestive. Earlier research has shown that a woman’s waist-to-hip ratio correlates with her attractiveness — playing a major role in influencing the number and quality of men available to her for sex. But hip width may factor more into her decision to actually sleep with them. “This study is not reflecting what men find attractive,” Hendrie said. “It’s about women being in charge of their own destinies, where they can control their own sexual behavior.” 

Ladies: Your hips might sway even more than you realize.

View the original article here

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What women want in the bedroom

March 8 was International Women’s Day.

If there’s one question that most men want answered, it’s this – What do women really want in the bedroom? What kind of sex do they expect? Do they want more foreplay? Do all women like to cuddle after sex? And what can men do to facilitate better sex for women? Rachel Hercman, a female sexuality psychotherapist lays bare the answers to the most important question in the world – what do women really want in the bedroom?

What Does She Want

If I asked you what a woman wants to order when she sits down at a restaurant, you’d probably answer with, “Well, what does she like?”  There may be certain food groups that women tend to prefer, like fruits and vegetables, but the reality is that each woman has different affinities for different tastes and types of foods.  Her hunger today may not be the same level of hunger as yesterday, and what she would order today is not necessarily what she would want to order tomorrow.

 The same thing goes with the bedroom. While there may be commonalities in women’s preferences when it comes to sexual pleasure, it is important to remember that each woman is unique in what she enjoys and how she relates to the sexual experience with a partner. 

 What is desirable and is pleasurable for one woman may not work for another.  One woman may be satisfied with having sex one time a month; another woman may want to have sex multiple times a day.  Some women prefer sex to be long and slow with lots of foreplay; others prefer a more accelerated process. Some women want to cuddle afterwards and have ‘pillow talk’; others are fine with falling asleep.

 It is important to keep in mind that a woman’s social personality may not necessarily reflect what her private desires are when it comes to sexual connection. For many women, it takes being in a comfortable, respectful relationship for them to allow themselves to be vulnerable to express what they want in the bedroom, and even in many of those relationships it is still difficult nonetheless.

 What Does She Expect

Women’s expectations and attitudes towards sex vary across the spectrum and for many women, can vary across different relationships. Religious upbringing and social influence can play a significant role in a woman’s way of relating to sex; she might view sex as sinful or dirty and feel guilty having sex even when she is married and part of a sanctioned relationship. It’s difficult to experience and increase sexual pleasure when she cognitively perceives sex as solely a religious obligation, a vehicle for procreation, or a necessary concession to keep a man from straying.

For other women, sex is a source of passion and electricity in a relationship, and allows the couple to convey their feelings for each other on a deeper level.  It is a way to feel closer, to feel connected, and to feel like one unit.  In my counseling work, I’ve met many women who have been with the same partners for decades and said that even as their bodies age, sex continues to be an area where they feel young and vibrant.

For women who grew up with little or no sex education and their first sexual experience is their wedding night, the expectations and attitudes going into sex can be naïve and confused.  They may find it difficult to allow themselves to experience pleasure or feel that is their religious or social obligation to be passive.  It is thus imperative that brides who have limited sexual knowledge are properly educated about sex before their weddings: This is essential not only for the sanctity of the marriage, but for a healthy sense of empowerment for the woman when it comes to her body.

 When Men Can Do To Facilitate Positive Sex

Even for men who have previous sexual experience, developing a sexual relationship with a new partner does not necessarily happen effortlessly.  Similar to two musicians who are meeting for the first time, it may take time and practice for them to work harmoniously together and adapt to each other’s strengths and preferences.  Most people are not mind-readers, which means that for a couple to have a satisfying sexual relationship, it takes open communication to convey what is desired, what feels good, and what needs to change to make the experience better.

 However, many women do not feel comfortable expressing their sexual desires to their partners.  For some, there is shame in being a sexual being and communicating needs to a partner feels wrong and inappropriate.  Thus, if the man helps create a space where he shows her that he wants to make her feel good and wants to know what is pleasurable for her, she will be more comfortable opening up.  No matter how assertive she may be when it comes to other topics, this area may be one that she feels unworthy of expressing her wishes and desires.

 Ultimately, regardless of a couple’s chemistry, it takes time for partners to find their way when it comes to developing a mutually satisfying relationship.  Bumps in the road are not only normal but should be expected, and can present an opportunity to grow together in improving communicating about experiencing sexual pleasure in the relationship.  For some, talking about sex can feel dirty and inappropriate.  However, there should be nothing shameful about a woman being open with her partner about what feels good, and how her partner can give her pleasure, and how the relationship can become more passionate. 

 Tips to remember

•  It’s important to remember that each woman is unique in what she enjoys the in the bedroom.
• Women’s expectations and attitudes towards sex vary across the spectrum and for many women, can vary across different relationships.
• It takes open communication to convey what is desired, what feels good, and what needs to change to make the experience better.

View the original article here

Many Hearts Not Fond Of Absence

REALITY OF ROMANCE: Is a bit 

of mystery really necessary to

keep the passion alive?

Does  absence really make the heart grow fonder? I’ve been without my lover for days and it hurts. I actually feel an ache because he is gone. The bed is empty. The house is larger. My hours feel incomplete. He is on the other side of the world, and he won’t be back for moons to come.

Will our relationship be better or worse for this trial called separation?

Psychotherapist Esther Perel argues good and committed sexual relationships draw on two conflicting needs: our need for security – predictability, reliability, safety - and our need for surprise – the unknown, unexpected and astonishing.

I appreciate her point.

New romances blush with a rush of wonder and joy inspired by their happy marriage of these twin human desires.

There’s nothing quite like that moment when you’re in love, you’re sure of it, they love you, you’re sure of it, but who are they, where are you going, what will happen next and how will it all end up?

It’s thrilling, it’s intoxicating, it’s a height we all attain, but the lofty bliss doesn’t seem to last.

Time marches in. Familiarity washes over the little love boat you’ve built. Turgid seas of discovery are replaced with the calmer, stiller waters of comfort.

This is a nice transition. You come to know and understand this person you’ve chosen to be with. Together you’ve drawn up a plan for the future, shone light on the aspects you disagree on, agree to disagree or compromise, and accept that you’ve got it figured out.

Some people think this figuration comes with the wedding – the big ceremony to mark the fact you’ve signed on for the big commitment called marriage.

A commitment you only make when all things are certain. A commitment you make when you’re sure of everything, and you’re ready to navigate the same course, together, forever.

Other people think this point comes with time. A few years on from when you first met, and you’ve docked at the harbour of happy ever after. Success and happiness henceforth!

But we all know about the doldrums. When the winds cease, but everything blows.

Indeed, most people who have ever linked their life with someone will know what it’s like to sail into the stillness after the storm.

A relief at first, but the safety and surety sure can get boring. You start to want the skies to darken again.

So some of us manufacture drama, calling up rage and waves of indignation to rock the boat again and rediscover the passionate pleasure fear can bring.

This is not particularly healthy. Others will lob a life-raft overboard for a reconnaissance mission. Perhaps something – or someone else – can ameliorate the dullness of predictability.

This may be a smarter strategy providing the lines of communication with the mother ship remain open and honest.

Others still will pull the plug, sink the boat and be done with it all. This may be the smarted thing to do if the journey really was ill-fated from the beginning.

But what if it wasn’t?

This is a question many people in long-term relationships struggle with. The sails are slack, but are they down and out? Is it a sign that we weren’t really meant for each other – that our hopes were sunk long before we cast off?

Maybe it wasn’t love after all. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe. But it felt so right...

This is where it can be helpful to recall the beginning. To go back to before you got to where everything seemed certain. To recall what it was like to sit opposite a stranger.

It can be helpful, even if it’s scary, because it takes us closer to the truth.

Though we want to, and though it is right to aim for it, knowing someone absolutely and utterly is impossible.

We grow and change and evolve all the time.

It’s wonderful to realise this, and discover how much mystery abounds even in the most familiar places.Even with the most familiar people.

Sometimes a bit of distance makes the mystery all the more apparent.

As Dr Perel would say, “eroticism requires distance”. There’s nothing quite like wanting something and not being able to have it.

It certainly does wonders for the libido.

But, as ever, it all depends on your circumstance. It all depends on your relationship.

For some people, distance is less trial, more tyranny.

Separation leads to insurmountable complication.

Absence makes the heart weaker, not stronger.

What’s been your experience?

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