Women Reveal What's Really Important When It Comes To Sex

"How sad it is  to read that 40% of women in this survey were put off sex because of stress. In an ideal world it should be the other way around, sex should take your mind off the stresses in life."     - Susan

Women Reveal What's Really Important When It Comes To Sex

There are plenty of misconceptions surrounding women when it comes to sex.

Some believe we have a lower libido, while others think we just don't orgasm as much as our male counterparts. It's pretty frustrating - namely because much of the time it's not true.

Now, one survey is hoping to set the record straight once and for all.

Women were asked to comment on their sexual experiences in terms of how often they orgasm, whether they have enough sex, and what is most important to them when it comes to love-making.

Interestingly, the study of 500 people found that - contrary to popular belief - most women orgasm, sometimes more than once, during each sexual encounter.

It also found that stress plays a huge role in dampening the mood.

The survey by fertility app Kindara found that more than half of women would like to have more sex.

Of those surveyed, 53.2% said they don't have sex as often as they would like to. Meanwhile nearly three quarters would like to engage in sexual activity more than three times per week.

It also discovered that plenty of women cherish emotional connection when it comes to sexy time, even above foreplay.

When women were asked to highlight the factors that deterred them from having sex, they revealed that stress was the biggest issue with 40% of women saying it put them off. 

This was followed by feeling "out of sync" with their partner, not being in the mood and struggling with self image.

On a positive note, nearly 20% said there were no factors impacting their sex life.

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I Kept Wanting More From My ‘Unromantic’ Husband—U...
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GET OUT OF THE DOGHOUSE

I Kept Wanting More From My ‘Unromantic’ Husband—Until I Had This Epiphany

"Who doesn't like to receive gifts?  if we are honest most of us like the idea of receiving a gift and even more so if a lot of thought has gone into choosing it. I hold my hands up to being one of these people and have been very lucky in my gift receiving experiences.
However,  agreeing with Victoria Fedden,  we are all different and gifts are not that important to some people, but what better gift is there than seeing the love that is felt for you shining within your partners eyes when you enter the room."   -  Susan
                     

I Kept Wanting More From My ‘Unromantic’ Husband—Until I Had This Epiphany


I wondered what was so wrong with me that I couldn’t inspire a man to make a fuss over me.

I always wanted a scavenger hunt. You know, the kind where my partner would leave little notes and gifts, maybe rope some of my best friends in as accomplices to drive me all around town, looking for my next clue in places that held special significance to just us.

At the end, there’d be a big surprise, lots of flowers, candles, champagne, and a declaration of undying love for me. I know men who’ve done this for the women they loved. I also know not one but several women whose significant others whisked them away on surprise trips to Paris. Two of them got engaged there.

After I swooned, I wanted to stab them.

You see, I’d never been the object of an overblown romantic gesture, and just once I wanted to know how it felt to have a man go to all that trouble to create a romantic spectacle all for me

Maybe I watched The Bachelor too much. Perhaps romantic comedies gave me an unrealistic vision of true love, but was it really so wrong for me to crave a hotel suite flickering with tea lights and a king-sized bed scattered with rose petals? Maybe so.

Right now, I’m a forty-one year old mom who’s somehow been happily married for ten years without a single sunset helicopter ride up the California coast. I figure if over-the-top romance hasn’t happened yet, that door has probably closed and I’ve more than made peace with that.

Even though I survived just fine, minus hot air balloon excursions over Napa and picnics on private Caribbean islands, for many years I felt bitter that I’d never been with what I defined as a “romantic man.”

It was unfair. I wondered what was so wrong with me that I couldn’t inspire a man to make a fuss over me. 

When would it be my turn? When would I get to be the woman whose friends were jealous because her husband constantly lavished her with date nights, bouquets, jewelry and perfume?

At one point, my resentment grew so great that I began to dread birthdays, holidays and anniversaries because I knew I was going to be let down.

One year, after yet another birthday disappointment, I finally realized that something had to change — and that something was me.

The root cause of my unhappiness wasn’t my husband or any of my past boyfriends; I was creating this. I was the only one responsible for my feelings, so I needed to understand myself better to figure out the heart of the problem.

As it turned out, it was fairly simple.

I mistakenly viewed television-style romance as concrete proof of true love. I believed that all men could be moved to extreme romantic measures if they really loved their lady.

I didn’t measure up to some mysterious standard, I thought, and so I was never “good enough” for a proposal on the banks of the Seine. I came to believe that I must be unlovable.

This belief became so ingrained that I began to view the world through a lens of unworthiness where every event, every little instance, became the proof I was looking for that I lacked the spark that would make a man shower me with treats and surprises.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

When a friend gave me the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, it finally clicked. 

Everyone shows love in different ways. This was a huge revelation, because I seriously thought there was only one way to show love.

Because I’d held such a narrow view, I’d closed myself off to all the other ways that I’d been being loved all along. 

It was like I’d been blind to anything outside of my definition of romance and I’d really been missing out.

Not only that, but I finally faced the fact that I’d never been attracted to the kinds of men who enjoy romantic excess. Those men, at least in my experience, tended to be a lot more extroverted than “my type.”

I examined my dating history and found a clear pattern. I liked practical, dependable men who could fix things. They made me feel safe, so I tended to shy away from risk-takers who expressed extreme emotions.

I didn’t like show-offs and preferred partners who liked reading and bonding with me through intellectual conversations over coffee. The guys I was drawn to were too busy fixing the hot water heater to create elaborate scavenger hunts — and you know what? That was OK

I stopped looking for evidence that I was unlovable and started to focus on all the little, lovely things my husband does every single day to express his love for me — making me breakfast on the weekends, running a hot bath for me each night, working hard for our family, making future plans for us, texting me from work to see how I am, encouraging me and supporting me while I pursue my dreams, and never complaining when I want a girls’ night.

The list is endless because my husband constantly expresses his love, even if it’s highly unlikely that he will ever compose sexy riddles or shock me with a whirlwind trip to South Africa for a glam safari.

Which is fine, because jeez, that stuff is expensive. And when it comes down to it, I think I’d rather save the money for our daughter’s college fund anyway.

More importantly, I try to focus on loving him and be grateful for what he does instead of b*tching about what he doesn’t.

Giving up comparisons was another key to finding the love I already had. Holding my relationship up against other people’s was a recipe for disaster. I still need to remind myself that the cute selfies couples post on Facebook and all the bragging they might be doing about their weekend at The Four Seasons is only a tiny, heavily-filtered picture of their lives.

Someone else’s romantic getaway is in no way a comment on the state of my relationship. I get that now.

Romantic partners come in all varieties. Romance is totally subjective; when we understand that our partners can show love in a multitude of ways and we can release our expectations about what love looks like, we can focus on finding the positive in our relationships and being grateful for them. We can come to know real romantic fulfilment.

True love doesn’t look like it does on TV. It’s not found in private concerts, in hot tubs in the snow, or in professionally produced, public spectacles.

More often, true love is probably hammering away in the backyard again, fixing things, building.

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Previous articles:

• • The Average Number Of Sexual Partners For Men And ...
  • 12 Subtle Signs You’re Being Manipulated By Your L...
  • Why Do Men Pay For Sex? 5 Guys Tell Us What Their...
  • What Makes a Man Attractive to Women?
  • GET OUT OF THE DOGHOUSE

The Average Number Of Sexual Partners For Men And Women Revealed

" Interesting how these figures are arrived at, I would think that depending on what part of the world these tests were conducted the averages would change considerably.  After all what one person deems to be promiscuous in one part of the world might not be the case in another part of the world.  

'How many sexual partners have you had?' Not a good question to ask partners, as  questions about numbers bring about more questions and insecurity.  The only thing you need to know about your partners sexual past is whether he is disease free."          -   Susan

© Getty

The Average Number Of Sexual Partners For Men And Women Revealed

Think you've had sex with a lot or a little…? Much as it doesn't matter, it's still intriguing

Scientists have been comparing data from a lot of men and women and have come up with some averages for the number of sexual partners people have.

While consistently comparing yourself to others in the bedroom is no recipe for sexual confidence and ease, we can't deny that we're a little curious about what they discovered.

In a study of 60,058 heterosexual men and women, researchers at Chapman University also looked at how height and weight were a factor.

Unsurprisingly they found that men that were 'very short' had fewer sexual partners than most, and those who were either average or extremely tall had between one and three more partners than those who came in below the norm on the height chart.

When it came to numbers of partners they revealed that for people between age 30 and 44, the average was eight.

Most people, regardless of gender had had over five partners: 58% of men and 56% of women.

When the numbers went up to over 14, the percentages dropped sharply: 29% of men and 23% of women.

Just remember, wherever you fit on the scale, it doesn't really matter as long as you're happy.

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12 Subtle Signs You’re Being Manipulated By Your Lover

"Quite often in relationships people are manipulated without even being aware that it is happening. The really good manipulator's are able to twist your thoughts, actions, desires etc into ways that are more beneficial to them.

However many of us are guilty of this without realising it, from bribing our children, to emotional blackmail".                  -Susan

12 Subtle Signs You’re Being Manipulated By Your Lover

Do you think you’re a victim of manipulation? Use these 12 subtle and yet shocking signs to find out if you’re being manipulated by your lover.

Sometimes, we end up manipulating our lovers to get things our way.

We may do it intentionally just for fun, in an obvious manner.

Or we may do it sneakily and subtly to get something without confronting out lovers.

And it’s all fun and games for a while, as long as both partners realize that one of them is being arm-twisted into giving in.

But where do you draw the line?

Are you being manipulated by your lover?

Manipulation is cute the first few times, or when it’s a harmless request.

When you hear your girlfriend or wife say something like “I’m not going to have sex with you tonight if you don’t meet me early!” you can’t help but smile about it.

Or if your boyfriend or husband brings breakfast in bed and asks you if he can go out with the guys on a weekend getaway, you may even laugh about it and accept his reques

But what if these cute threats turn into something darker or more bitter or agonizing?

Do you think you have what it takes to take a stand and decline something if you think it would go against your principles or wishes?

Do you have the spine to stand your ground and say ‘no’ when you don’t want to do something?

Manipulative partners subconsciously seek partners who can be manipulated into giving in because they’re selfish and always want things their own way.

You may not see the signs early in a relationship. But if you notice the cute threats turning into bigger requests, or if your partner starts nagging you or trying to abuse you each time you try to decline their request, chances are, you’re playing helplessly into the hands of a manipulative partner.

Recognising a manipulative love

How does your partner react to you when you decline them for something? Do they accept your decision respectfully when they realise you’re being serious?

Or do they keep quiet for a while only to bring up the request again a few hours later? Or do they try to force you to do as they say by threatening you or abusing you? Or do they withhold something *be it sex, affection or by giving you the silent treatment* until you give in?

If your partner can’t accept your decision to decline something *even after you explain your reasons clearly*, and try to force you to do something against your will, in all probability, you’re being manipulated in your relationship, in some small or big measure.

Giving in is different from getting pushed into a corner

Your partner’s manipulative behaviour doesn’t start overnight. It starts small, and with each passing day, their demands get bigger and bigger, and their tolerance for your refusals too start to get smaller and smaller.

And you may find yourself giving in all the time, helplessly, whether you want to or otherwise.

You may think giving in is a sign of true love, or you may assume that’s what lovers do when they love their partner unconditionally. But really, is saying ‘no’ against the principle of true love?

You’re unable to say ‘no’ to your partner, not because of your true love for them, but because of the fear that they may think less of you if you turn down a request of theirs. Truth be told, it’s not love that’s forcing you into a corner, it’s your people pleasing behavior and your low self esteem that makes you do things against your will every single time!

When you’re confident about yourself and don’t feel the need to bend over backwards just to please someone, it means you’re at peace with who you are. You believe in yourself and you’re confident that you’re not wronging your partner in any way.

But when you constantly feel the need to do everything your partner asks of you, even if it means doing something you dislike or something that would affect you negatively, it only means that you think small of yourself and constantly feel the need to please your lover just to be accepted.

12 signs you’re being manipulated by your lover

It’s not easy to reflect within and ask yourself if you’re a victim of manipulation in your relationship. But everything starts with self realisation. If you can accept the fact that you’re a victim of manipulation and emotional abuse, only then can you try to work your way out of the web of manipulation your partner has built around you.

Use these 12 signs, and ask yourself if you feel any of these symptoms around your partner, or in your relationship. And if you do see these 12 signs in your life, it’s time for you to take a stand and believe in yourself for who you are, or you’ll just get walked over all the time and there won’t be a thing you can do to stop your partner from using you or manipulating you.

#1 Anxiety. You feel anxious each time your partner wants to ask for a favour. You fear they may ask you something that you can’t do, and yet, you know you can’t deny them their request.

#2 You hate yourself. You hate yourself for being so weak. You realize your partner is using you or taking advantage of your niceness and your generosity, but you’re too timid to say it to their face.

#3 You can’t say no. You just can’t say no to them. Just the thought of turning them down or saying no seems like a crazy idea, and you feel helpless and weak each time you even try to say it. You know the right thing to do is say ‘no’ but you can’t bring yourself to say it.

#4 You justify your actions. You try to reason with yourself and justify that you aren’t being manipulated. Instead, you try to convince yourself that it is you who wants to do the favougoogle r for your partner.

#5 You’re bad. You feel like a bad partner for turning your partner down, no matter what they ask of you.

#6 Expectations grow. Your partner always expects more from you. No matter what you do, or how much you do, they behave like they’re happy and pleased with your giving ways, but they always ask for more.

#7 You can’t shut up. You just can’t say a simple ‘no’ and shut up. You have a deep need to explain yourself and your actions every time, to everyone. You want your partner to understand your mind and your reasons clearly. While your partner, on the other hand, is always vague or doesn’t justify the things they do.

#8 You hate awkward pauses. When your partner asks you to do something for them, you may be able to muster your courage and say ‘no’. But as they pause and stare at you for a few seconds, you can’t help but feel your stomach churn, and you give them an opportunity to use you.

#9 It’s your fault. You blame yourself for not being a good partner. You feel guilty for being idle and relaxed when you could be doing something to please your partner or make them happy.

#10 Obligations. You believe you’re obligated to doing something for your partner. You don’t know why, but somehow, you constantly feel grateful to them for loving you or being in your life.

#11 You can’t lie. You just can’t lie to your partner or anyone else that’s manipulating you, even if you know you’ll never get caught. You can’t tell your partner you’re busy or you’re too occupied to do something for them.

#12 Are you selfish? You think you’ll seem like a selfish person for not helping them in their troubles. You feel really guilty each time you turn their request down. You feel so bad that you can’t even look them in their eyes because of all the guilt you’re carrying. It just seems so much easier to just hate yourself and do what they ask of you!

Do you see any of these 12 signs you’re being manipulated by your lover in your own life? You may not realize it, but your partner may be using you and emotionally abusing you to get what they want, all because you don’t have the nerve to say ‘no’!

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Previous articles: 

• Why Do Men Pay For Sex? 5 Guys Tell Us What Their...
• What Makes a Man Attractive to Women?
• GET OUT OF THE DOGHOUSE
• True Love and Promiscuous Love in the Real World
• Money: If You Love Her, Share The Bills

Why Do Men Pay For Sex? 5 Guys Tell Us What Their Motives Are

I think men pay for the services of  prostitutes because this enables them to be themselves, they can ask and pay for whatever  they require without fear of judgement or ridicule. Many men and women are not able to tell their partners what they would really like to try sexually and end up paying for the services of a prostitute.  However I am not in favour of this happening whilst you are in a relationship or married, its better to try and talk over your sexual requirements with your partner, maybe if they are really bazaar you should think really carefully. 

Prostitution is one of the oldest surviving professions and will continue to be so, and so be it,  as long as it is done responsibly and nobody is forced into it for the purpose of other peoples  financial gain. 

It has been said that  women who turn to prostitution  or in some cases men are being exploited, but I don't see it like that, how I see it is that the only ones being exploited are the people who hand over  the money for sex.  What do you think?        -   Susan

                  

Why Do Men Pay For Sex? 5 Guys Tell Us What Their Motives Are

It's the oldest transaction in the world but in 2014, when casual sex is easy to come by for free, why do men visit prostitutes?

1. "Sleeping with a prostitute almost ended my relationship"

Jamie, 31, an office worker from Liverpool, says:

"About six years ago I went to Amsterdam with four single friends on a lads' holiday. We said we were going for the 'coffee shops' but I think we all knew beforehand that we'd also be keen to sleep with a prostitute while we were there. So late on the Saturday night we all split up and wandered through the glass doorways which have women posing behind them.

"It took me a while to pick the girl I wanted and the whole experience felt a bit like having the oil changed on my car – it was quick, it was pedestrian and I really didn't feel much. I don't remember thinking about the woman's situation and why she was making money that way. I think most blokes presume that the woman is well-paid and is doing it by choice - that's what we want to believe anyway.

"I didn't feel any guilt about it – just vague disappointment that it was rubbish sex with a girl who I don't think really wanted to be there. I used a condom – I thought it would be insane not to, and I didn't have a choice anyway. She told me she would never have had sex without one.

"It was only when I moved in with my current fiancé that I felt guilty about it. I felt I had to be completely honest with her about my past so eventually I did tell her that I went with a prostitute once. She was very, very upset about it and I had to move back in with my parents for a few days. She told me that it would take her a long time to reconcile her image of me with what I did that night. I think her main point was that I didn't need to ever do that as I was attractive enough to pull women without paying for it. It took a lot of reassuring on my behalf to convince her that I wouldn't go and do it again.

"I still know people who sleep with prostitutes and whereas in the past I would feel sorry for them, now I feel angry with them. Not only is it something that will come back and bite you one day, from a purely selfish point of view it's also pointless, in that it's wasting money on bad sex that benefits nobody at all."

2. "I sleep with escorts when I travel for work"

Sam, 28, a sales executive from London, says: 

"I think I've probably slept with around a dozen escort girls while I've been in the Far East. I'm there constantly for my work and it is definitely a more accepted part of male work culture in places like Bangkok, Seoul and Hong Kong than it is in Europe. I've even heard of Christmas parties where the CEO pays for his best workers to have a girl for the night.

"I know the best agencies so I normally phone ahead and get a girl to have dinner and cocktails with me and then we'll go back to my hotel room for sex. I don't think there's really any moral element to it. I know that these agencies treat the women well – they get to keep a big chunk of what they earn for themselves and, from talking to them, it seems the majority do it because it's easy hours and better money than they could earn elsewhere.

"I like the women to be intelligent and sophisticated as I'll be taking them to expensive places. I prefer it if we can hold a good conversation but if she really is smoking hot in the looks department I tend to just do most of the talking myself and let her relax.

"I'm single at the moment because of my constant travelling but I'm certain that I'm intelligent enough to be able to separate sex with an escort girl from sex with a long term partner. I think that would be like confusing a hotel room with a home. With escort girls, it's pure short-term satisfaction and I like the total lack of emotional involvement and the fact that there is no deception. I want sex. She wants money. And if we can both enjoy ourselves in the process then so much the better.

"I tell my close friends what I do and I think on the whole other men are sympathetic. There's nothing sleazy about it. I don't go to brothels and I don't think I exploit vulnerable women. What I do is above board and not hurting anyone. What's more, the sex is almost always very enjoyable. The fact that we don't know each other lets me experiment and have adventures in a way I'd be nervous to with a long term partner.

"When I decide to settle down with somebody I wouldn't ever tell them about these things. I can't see the point in hurting somebody over something that means so little and happened in my past.

3. "I feel guilty and ashamed"

Chris, 30, a housing officer from Brighton, says:

"It's hard for me to talk about this as I still can't actually believe that I did something so stupid. My girlfriend had just walked out on me at the end of a very bad relationship and I was at home, drunk and lonely, so I decided to go online and get a girl to come over. I made the phone call, got a price and booked it so quickly that I didn't have time to think it through.

"It was a totally spontaneous decision and I certainly got the impression from the way the woman looked at me that she thought I was pitiful as a person, although she did her best to be professional about the whole thing.

"Afterwards I didn't want to have sex with anyone for a long time. I just felt that any woman in a bar could tell – just by looking at me – that I was the kind of guy who slept with prostitutes.

"It's only after getting into a new relationship with a girl who's a social worker that I've seen statistics about the number of prostitutes who are either in gangs that they can't get out of or are being forced by pimps to do things they don't want to do that I started thinking about it from a viewpoint other than my own.

"I still haven't told my girlfriend about what I did, and I'm scared to. I think of my feelings of guilt as punishment for what I did. My close friends who know have told me to lighten up, but I find this very hard. I think I took part in something cheap, exploitive and shameful and I don't foresee a time when I won't regret it hugely."

4. "I sleep with prostitutes because I can't chat up women"

Joe, 36, a solicitor from London, says:

"I have very low self-esteem around women. Although I find it easy to be their friend, I'm a red-blooded male so I often use social networking sites like Craig's List to find women who will have sex for money – my housemate is the only one who knows about it.

"I like to have a conversation and see a photo of them first, which I do online, and then we'll make a date where she'll come round to my house. I usually have a bottle of wine waiting for them but usually they don't have any and just want to get on with it, which is fine by me.

"The women I've been with – and there have probably been between 12 and 15 over the last year or so – are usually pleasant, polite and seem eager for me to have a good time. I sometimes request the same woman to come back again but it isn't really that important. I like to have variety as I don't want to get too attached to any of these girls.

"Deep down, however, I know what I'm doing is probably damaging me in some way. If it was a healthy thing to do then we'd live in a society where we could be much more open about it. The problem is that it's just so easy. I enjoy the fact that I can meet a new girl, have sex with her and then just leave it at that.

"There have been a couple of occasions where I haven't had sex with the girl and I've just talked with her. I still haven't fully understood why I do this but it certainly makes me feel better to be with somebody and talk, knowing they can't tell anyone I know and that they won't judge me.

"In the back of my mind, one of the reasons I keep doing it is that I want to have a proper 'porn star' experience. Of course, it's never like that – it's just fairly ordinary sex but it's given me this expectation that I want sex to be like what I see in porn films. I know this is absurd and I do worry that the way I feel about sex is somehow a little warped now.

"I'm sure that when I do find a girlfriend I like then I'll stop paying for sex but for now, despite the fact that I know it's not good for me, I still find it better than going through life having no sex at all."

5. "I hired a prostitute with my girlfriend"

Richard, 30, a fashion stylist from London, says:

"My girlfriend used to be a lap dancer and she's very relaxed and open about sex. She is also bisexual and, as we like to make each other's fantasies come true, we hired an escort girl to come to our hotel room during a holiday in Rotterdam a few years ago for a threesome.

"The only rule my girlfriend gave me was that I wasn't allowed to actually have sex with her. Everything else was fine. The girl was from Slovenia and we had some drinks with her before we started kissing. She was pretty, about 21 and she seemed to be very clued up about what to expect.

"I think having my girlfriend there made a huge difference to how comfortable she felt. The girl in question was studying for her degree and seemed very confident that she was in control of the situation and only doing escort work to pay her way through university.

"I can't speak for other men's experiences of paying for sex, but for me it was a very exciting, very satisfying experience. There's no way I was exploiting the girl in question. She was paid well for doing something which I think she enjoyed. Maybe she is treated badly by other guys but I know in Holland escort girls are entitled to medical care - and I think there's even a trade union for them. Me and my girlfriend really enjoyed the experience and we'd definitely do it again. In fact, my girlfriend talks about that night more than I do!"

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What Makes a Man Attractive to Women?

"What attracted my to my man?  His presence, his natural ability to connect with me on an emotional level.

His wonderful sense of humour, life is serious enough,  nobody should let go of the playfulness in their lives."           -   Susan

What Makes a Man Attractive to Women?

Let’s just say that if I could bottle and sell this, I’d be one rich dude.

All the men in the pick-up artist (PUA) community have tried to turn it into a science. Depending on whether you’re reading David DeAngelo, Neil Strauss’ The Game, or The Mystery Method, you’re going to hear various versions of the same themes. You have to be cocky. You have to have a sense of humour. You have to keep her off-balance by putting her down and showing her you’re in control. This blog post isn’t about arguing these points, although I think there’s definitely something to the first two.

But one thing I rarely hear from men who advise men is something I hear all the time from women.

Show me a man who is PASSIONATE and PROFICIENT at what he does.

Those are two separate ideas, so let’s not conflate them.

Passion is all about effort and energy and devotion. It’s about living, breathing, and embodying something. It’s about being so immersed in a subject that one can’t tell where it begins and you end.

A writer who comes home from his day job to squeeze in two hours of creative thought before meeting his girlfriend for dinner? Passionate.

A swimmer who wakes up at 5:30am every day to train for the Olympics? Passionate

Those weird kids that memorize the dictionary for the national spelling bee? Passionate

The flip side of the passion coin are people who are truly gifted but squander their gifts due to indifference, fear, or laziness. For example:

The musician who wants to be in a band, but refuses to answer ads to audition.

The entrepreneur who has an amazing business idea but won’t share his idea to begin developing it.

The woman who would love to be a party planner but won’t apprentice on the side to learn the craft.

Notice the word “but” in each sentence. “But” is merely an excuse that we believe is reasonable. When you remove the “but,” no excuse is reasonable. Unreasonable people are the one who move mountains.

Reasonable people can always find a reason to say “why not.” Such people don’t command respect.

Passionate people do.

Except in one instance. There’s a type of passionate person who, despite their love and drive, fails to inspire others around them. This is the passionate person who’s not very skilled.

Hate to say it, but just ‘cause you love doing something doesn’t mean you’re good at it…. Los Angeles is filled with actors, writers, and musicians who are passionate but not particularly gifted. I remember meeting a 40ish woman who still thought she was going to be the next Julia Roberts. I recall an incomprehensible short story that a friend was trying to submit to Playboy. Lack of talent is not a crime, but rarely is it attractive. Lots of quality individuals have dreams that exceed their talents.

So what we’re left with is this basic formula:

Passionate + Bad = Delusional and Sad

Dispassionate + Good = Boring and Disappointing

Passionate + Proficient = Sexy and Inspiring

Ask women (and I have) what is it about a rock star that really gets them? It’s that combination of passion and proficiency. It’s the confidence exuded by someone who gets up on stage and performs, knowing that he can successfully entertain a crowd. Rock stars and athletes are just the most visible entertainers we have. But look around at people you find attractive in day to day life.

The guy who plays guitar at campfires.

The woman who gets the crowd on its feet on karaoke night.

The guy who can rewire the TV to have stereo sound.

The woman who can whip up a Thanksgiving dinner to remember.

You can talk all you want about tall, rich, cocky guys with big egos and fast cars.

But people who love what they do and are good at it are always attractive to women.

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GET OUT OF THE DOGHOUSE

"It might be worth forgiving your partner the first time they stray, depending on the circumstances and how you feel you can deal with it.  However if they become a repeat offender then they are unlikely to change their ways, so WALK AWAY" you are worthy of much more.   I had to chuckle at the 'Bill Board' idea, nice one."                            - Susan

GET OUT OF THE DOGHOUSE

Follow our advice and break ups need not be done by billboard

Everyone makes mistakes. But informing your wronged inamorata of this truism isn’t likely to win you an express pass back to her boudoir – particularly if delivered in a sulky murmur while analysing your cuticles. When you’ve messed up – or even if you haven’t – act quickly and decisively to tackle the problem head on before it spirals out of control. Your initial response can set the tenor for all the fallout that follows. Here, MH’s finest relationship experts show you how to deal with some of the most seismic relationship ructions.

1. Her friends can’t stand you

It doesn’t make any sense. You were charming. You were friendly. You bought the drinks. But still her closest friends have formed a cabal of dagger-eyed propagandists intent upon your downfall…

Mates matter

Don’t underestimate the power of her pals. “A girlfriend’s friends are extremely influential, and many women see the world – and especially their guy – through their mates’ eyes,” says sex and relationships counsellor Ian Kerner. Fail to meet the lofty criteria of her clique and they may convince her she’s mistaken Captain Jack Sparrow for Johnny Depp.

You can’t rant

It’d be very easy – and very therapeutic – to unleash a diatribe about how whatsername has a grating laugh and that other one is dangerously low on self esteem, but avoid this at all costs. Don’t criticise anyone. “Be smart. Ask questions of your girlfriend, listen, and learn. Approach the problem like you’re Sherlock Holmes,” says Kerner. Pre-Downey Jr Sherlock, that is. Forensically examine their complaints. Don’t initiate bare-knuckle punch-ups.

You might be wrong

A particularly entrenched animus may be a sign you aren’t as compatible as you thought. “After all, they've probably known her for years. Be cool, calm and collected and take it in,” says Kerner. Then spend some time with them (friends close, enemies closer, remember). Get the full story and, if you’re still sure their objections are groundless, try to win them round.

Send her away

“It's possible her friends are pissed off that they're losing a friend because of all the time she's spending with you,” says Kerner. “Encourage her to spend more time with her friends, not less.” Don’t be the guy who stole her away. Be the guy enjoying a pint and a Pro Evo marathon while her mates change their minds.

2. You went AWOL for a night (or two)

Perhaps your phone was out of battery and the train didn’t arrive until the early hours. Perhaps you simply had a few drinks too many and don’t have a clue where the hell the weekend went. The current facts, though, are clear. You were missing. She was terrified. And now she’s angry. And suspicious…

Bring in a buddy

This doesn’t look good. “Ideally you need an alibi – a mate who can vouch that you were with him all evening,” says Paula Hall, author of Improving Your Relationship for Dummies. However, don’t be tempted to concoct a fake one, no matter how angry she gets. When Barry contradicts himself – and he will – it could finish the relationship.

Go on the offensive

If you haven’t any proof of your whereabouts, honesty combined with a healthy smattering of righteous indignation is the way to go, says Hall: “Put all the emphasis on her insecurity and how it upsets you, rather than your faux pas,” says Hall. Milk that disappointment for everything it’s worth.

Hug it out

Actions speak louder than words – and once things have calmed down she’ll need physical reassurance to buffer the verbal. Researchers at the University of California found sympathetic contact with anxious women activates their vagus nerve, releasing the hormone oxytocin and providing an immediate calming effect. “Give her a big warm hug and ask her what you need to do to make her feel okay again,” says Hall. Tell her you’ll do anything. Anything at all. And if you can pull off a wink, now would be the time to deploy.

3. She’s found out you cheated on her

It’s pretty irrelevant how it happened. Especially to her. What matters now is how you deal with it, and whether you’re prepared to fight to stop her leaving for good…

Know thyself

Before you steam in, desperately trying to salvage something from the wreckage, be positive you know what you want. “Cheating typically happens because of some flaw in you or your partnership,” says relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam. “You need to fix that flaw or, when the dust has settled, it’ll happen all over again.” Research at the University of Montreal revealed wanting to distance oneself from commitment was the most commonly cited reason for being unfaithful. Sure you want in?

She meant nothing to you

Don’t use those exact words, of course. But though the phrase is clichéd, the sentiment should be your apology’s defining theme. A study in the journal Psychological Science found women in securely attached relationships found the emotional betrayal of infidelity more upsetting than the sexual betrayal.

Go all in

Earning back her trust will require a hitherto unprecedented level of commitment, but persevere through the (justified) sniping and the relationship may well be salvageable. “While she won't simply take your word on future fidelity, she will – or at least may – take seriously a genuine attempt to analyse whatever problem made you stray,” says Quilliam.

Seek counsel

“Professional aid will not only help the relationship survive and keep you faithful, but will also stop your beloved making your cheating a constant reason for future blame,” says Quilliam. Relate reports most couples who come to them after an affair end up with a stronger relationship.

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