Showing posts with label 2 fish dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2 fish dating. Show all posts

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Does your iPhone (or Blackberry) get more attention than your partner does?


10 Steps to a More Intimate Relationship
Have you always wondered what you would need to do to have a more intimate relationship? This post tells you what to do.
1: Find Common Interests and Pursue Them Together
The seven-year itch, the witching hour when couples are said to lose interest in their relationship, isn’t necessarily a myth. Nip the boredom bug before it bites by sharing experiences together. What common interests do you have? These experiences not only increase your closeness because you’re actively engaging in an activity together but they also give you a shared history, and if you’re lucky a few inside jokes.
2: Laugh Together
Laughter is contagious, and when we hear it, our brain automatically wants to get in on the action. we naturally mimic the gestures and facial expressions of those we talk to, a trait that is now also thought to include laughing. We laugh when we hear a funny joke, when we play, when we’re tickled … but laughing isn’t just an indication we think something is funny. It’s also one of the ways we bond with other people. Laughter is universal and a social lubricant, so go ahead and see that new mr bean movie on date night — not only will your laughter boost your mood, but it just might boost your bonding.

3: Be Supportive
Physical and emotional support: Sharing and listening as well as hand holding and hugging
Esteem: Offering self-esteem boosts and confidence
Informational: General advice-giving.
Tangible: Helping with additional responsibilities or problem solving
The trick is to supply the right kind and level of support as needed — and to watch out for too much informational support. No one likes to feel they’re being told what to do. Everyone has a different idea of the perfect amount — and type — of support. So, be sure to let your partner know what type and how much fits your bill — and listen to what he or she tells you about the support you provide
4: Accept Unconditionally
It’s easy to get into a relationship with the idea that you’ll be able to encourage your partner to change — just a little — to be closer to your ideal. But that idea isn’t usually realistic or very fair to you or your partner. On top of that, the little projects you have in mind, like getting your partner to get a haircut, become a fan of your favorite band or stop wearing those awful shirts, are an obstacle to intimacy.
Acceptance goes hand-in-hand with encouraging another person to share the most intimate details of his or her self: hopes, dreams, goals, feelings and personal history. Your partner needs to feel confident that you’ll accept and appreciate all those thoughts and feelings, not dismiss or make fun of them. And the same goes in reverse: Your partner should accept your thoughts and feelings, too.
Of course, there are times when change is necessary and important, like if you want to become thriftier so you can save up enough to buy a house, or if you or your partner’s habits are causing health problems. But even then, your work should be based on trust and acceptance rather than criticism and judgment.


5: Be Emotionally Available
When you aren’t emotionally available to your partner, you’re withholding the intimate details of your life: the very opposite of what you should be doing to build a more intimate connection. What comes along with that is a decreased feeling of appreciation and value — that specialness that comes along with an intimate relationship — on your partner’s behalf. After a while, that can have detrimental effects not only on emotional intimacy but also on sexual intimacy as well. Make it a priority to share the daily details of your life with your partner, such as what’s going on in your work life, as well as your secrets. Sharing the feelings and dreams that are unique to you shows your vulnerability as well as how much you trust your partner to accept the real you.
6: Pay Attention
Being emotionally, mentally or physically intimate with a partner begins with listening to what he or she is saying and paying attention to his or her actions. It sounds simple, but it’s not. To properly pay attention, you need to tune everything else out … from your work stress and to-do list to your thoughts about what you’d like for dinner. Tune out your personal immediate needs, and then listen.
Active listening means being attentive, not thinking about what you’d like to say next. Look your partner in the eye. Be silent while your partner is talking, and when you do speak, be courteous and reassuring.
7: Be Spiritual Together
Sharing your faith — either a specific religion or general feelings of spirituality — with another person opens life in not only a secular way but spiritually as well. A belief in a specific higher power isn’t a requirement: On its own, a shared life philosophy can help build a connection to something greater
8: Be Physically Affectionate
Being physically affectionate not only feels good, but it also triggers our bodies to increase the amount of oxytocin produced. Oxytocin is often affectionately knownas the “love hormone” because of that feel-good effect, but it also helps to promote a monogamous romantic relationship. And physical affection isn’t limited to sexual intercourse — even small gestures like holding hands or hugging count.
In addition to oxytocin, sex also increases the level of a specific neuropeptide — a molecule in the brain that helps regulate areas such as learning, memory and reward — called arginine vasopressin (AVP), which also facilitates bonding with your partner. Both substances play an important role not only in promoting intimacy between you and your partner but also in socialization skills.
9: Maintain Eye Contact
The eyes are the window to the soul — or is it that the eyes are the window to intimacy? When you gaze into the eyes of your partner from across the table, you’re doing more than just being attentive in the conversation: You’re being intimate.
Eye contact is a key component to how we socialize with other people, and it’s one of the most important pieces of creating an intimate relationship, romantic or otherwise. Known as the “anchoring gaze,” face-to-face, eye-to-eye communication is a subtle, non-verbal way of making yourself vulnerable to another person. Eye contact shows trust and emotional openness, and it also increases our feeling of being understood by another person.
10: Be Present When You’re with Your Partner
Using a cell phone while driving can be dangerous — but according to a study conducted at the University of Minnesota, it may also put your family relationships at risk Here’s why. Using your cell phone may seem like no big deal, but it can make you less available to your partner. When you’re multitasking — driving and talking on the phone, for example — you’re not focusing on the conversation and are unable to pick up on important social cues, which can lead to misunderstandings and a partner who is left feeling emotionally isolated and hurt. You’re not present with your partner. You’re dividing your time between the phone, the road and the conversation. To build and maintain intimacy, choose one thing at a time.
So, think about it. Does your SmartPhone get more attention than your partner does? Do you reach for it despite the fact that you’re sharing a meal with your spouse or good friend? Do you bring your BlackBerry to bed? If so, you may find that unplugging gives you more attention to devote to your relationship.

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Do You Know Yourself?

Do You Know Yourself?

It has often been said that we were made (born) to succeed but conditioned to mediocrity. Scary stuff. This is all down to our self-image and how we manage our subconscious mind. I will explain as we go here. What follows is something to think about in big way as it will both explain the way we see ourselves and why we are the way we are.

In the beginning

I began earlier the statement that we were born to succeed. Some argue that they are a product of their environment and that due to the life they were born into they are resigned to their fate as to what they can achieve in life. This is only partly the truth. It can't be argued against to say that someone born to poor parents, living in a poor area is going to have more challenging life than someone from wealth parents living in a well-to-do home and neighbourhood. But I know we can find even in our own experiences people that have somehow overcome amazing odds to gain success, wealth and notoriety. Also conversely people that supposedly had it all and ended up the complete opposite. There are reasons for the latter but I'll cover that some other time.

Your Brain

Dr. Maxwell Maltz
We really are amazing. Whether you believe in evolution or the ultimate God somehow everything has just worked out so good for us in our design at least. Not too sure how big our brain is I believe it is about 3 Ib. But it's stored in that head of ours and does amazing things. Back in the early 80s I was really interested in IT or computing as it was know back then. I would buy magazines and self taught many of the things about computers that fascinated me. The various CPU appeared as amazingly clever designs, efficiently planned and was easy to follow, broken down into manageable structures. Well from what I have learned about the human brain is truly a marvel. The structure of the various components is so perfect put together. I won't go into the deep, deep stuff but here are the basics. If you want to know more read about it in the book Psycho-cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz who brought the attention of the common world about how we use our brains.

In 2 minds

1. The Conscious Mind. 

This can be view as the mind that envisage as the the goffer. The dude that does the donkey work, the fetching and carrying. When we are asked a question we often force the conscious mind to do the work. Imaging the first time you sat behind the wheel of a car and how everything seemed difficult (admit it men it was just as hard too). You had to be told everything. Yes, you could change gear and steer but that inclination to look at the gear lever was hard to resist. Listen to the radio, talk, scratch your nose, turn on the lights when needed it was such a challenge. You were using mainly your conscious mind. But the good news is everything you did was being stored. EVERYTHING!

The reason why everything was difficult at first is that you had no previous data for the conscious mind to go off and recall to help you. The conscious mind deals with what it believe are the facts. Whenever confronted with a situation the goffer runs of to get something from the database we have in our mind to see what info it can get about it.

Critical to understand is that this portion of the mind takes up a very small percentage of the overall mind. Liken it to the head librarian at the huge city library. There is just a few books but huge amounts of data for them to reference. Many, many times the volume of the librarians. But imagine you walk into the library and say I want to know about looking after kittens. They would check up their references, trot off and return with books on looking after kittens. Cool huh? You want to know what is really cool? Good, because I'm going to tell you anyway... you might want to write this down! Here goes...

The librarian doesn't know if the book is true or false, good or bad and it's the same with your conscious mind. It doesn't care if its true or false info it grabs from it's database or not.

Now this can be a double edged sword, because the info we chose to place in the database can be either good or bad. If we put bad things in the database then we can only retrieve bad things out of it later. But the good thing is, if we put good things in, guess what only good things can come out. Wahoo!

Later I will explain what we can do to be the right side of right and get only good things in and out of our database. But what is this database? We're about to find out.

2. The Subconscious Mind 

The subconscious mind is a few things and essentially the store house of the brain. Everything that come into us through our 5 senses ends up in the subconscious mind. Now the cool thing about the subconscious mind is that it has a support system that it runs in the background to keep it running. A bit like a computer that would possibly lose all it's data if you kicked the plug out and killed the power to it you might have a surge protector and an uninterruptible power supply attached to as it can never go down losing all the must needed data. In humans this support system is our heart, lungs, and organs etc. With a little help these keep the memory alive and running at the right temperature too. The subconscious automatically runs and looks after these systems in the background. There is nothing for the conscious mind to do here but just rest assured that the subconscious mind has it all covered. 

The subconscious is absolutely huge in its capacity and scale but still sitting there as part of your brain in your pretty little head. I say that it's huge but there is a strong theory that suggest that even the smartest of all humans haven't even come close to using 10% of it's capacity. Einstein is said to have used only 6-7 percent. Makes you think doesn't it?

Going back to the learning to drive analogy from before, as I mentioned it was initially difficult to even speak and drive but in the end you're chatting away with friends (not on the phone in the UK), singing, fiddling about with the controls, eating, drinking, picking your nose, and changing gear (in Europe mainly) and all sorts without any problem or a wobble. How, what changed? More info and references got stored in the database for the subconscious mind to hand to the conscious to get the job done. At the beginning there was nothing but after a few lessons more and more records in the database arrived or if you like more pages got written into the books that got put in the library. So when the librarian was asked to go and get info on driving it came back with a complete volume to use.

They say that when we do things with the help of subconscious mind they have become habits and remember our system doesn't know if it's a good or bad habit. Over-eating, drugs, smoking, failure in relationships, business can often be attributed to bad habits we have reinforced in our subconscious mind. Likewise things you are good at, maybe things you do for your job at work that you do so effortlessly that your barely conscious of doing it, like tying your shoe laces you never take a moment to think about it.

Subconsciously you tie your shoes the same way everyday

I will later explain some cool things you can do with all this great equipment we have upstairs but in the meantime just be aware of you brain and what habits you have and where you learned them. Also what thoughts you are pulling out of your database.

Please comment below if you have any questions about this or anything articles here.
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Sunday, 18 August 2013

Buyer Beware: Relationship Warning Signs

Buyer Beware: Relationship Warning Signs

So let’s say that you’ve been following my advice and you’ve met a woman, and for that first few months you’re in that glorious honeymoon period. Everything she does is amazing; the way her hips swish when she walks, the little clicking sound she makes with her tongue when she’s concentrating on something. Hell, you could probably just watch her sleep, if she didn’t think that was kinda creepy.
Creeper no creeping!
Technically, it’s not stalking when she lives with you!
But when that initial rush has faded, things take on a slightly different tone. Those little habits you liked so much? Well, they’re kinda starting to get on your nerves. You don’t see your friends as often as you’d like, but damned if it doesn’t see like you’re getting dragged along to every coffee klatch, day trip and birthday bash that her friends throw. And maybe you’re walking around on eggshells now because she may not get mad and yell a lot but she’s got a way of making you feel like you’ve just run over a bunch of kittens.
So now you’re beginning to wonder… did you make a mistake when you decided to date her1? Are these signs that it’s time to run for the hills, or are they the little road-bumps that every relationship goes through? How are you supposed to know the difference, anyway?
It’s a mistake to think that relationships are always going to be nothing but rainbows and cotton candy unicorn farts. They’re hard work and any long-term relationship is going to have it’s ups and downs. But sometimes you need to know the difference between a rocky patch and warning signs that you need to get out. Warning signs like…

She Drains The Life From You

You’re a happy guy. You may not be the life of the party, but damned if you’re not getting out there and shaking things down with your buddies, cheering at the game or just having fun clowning around… at least until the phone rings and her name pops up on the caller ID. Suddenly, it’s like somebody flipped a switch; you were having the time of your life earlier and now you’re sullen slumped over. They may not hear what she’s saying, but everything coming from you are single-syllable responses. And when she hangs up – and she’s always the one to hang up first – you just never really match that level of energy you had earlier.

It’s not the first time your friends have noticed. When she’s around, you’re a different person. You’re quieter and more subdued. You’re not quite as quick to join in on the jokes and your laughter feels a little… apologetic. Your friends are starting to make plans without you because… well, frankly you kinda bring them down when she’s around, man.
You may not be the one to notice… but your friends sure as hell will. When they start referring to your girlfriend as the succubus, it’s time to start reconsidering things.

Not A Lot of Give, A Whole Lot of Take 

Everybody agrees: one of the secrets of a successful relationship is compromise… it’s just too bad that most of the time it seems as though you’re the one doing all the compromising. It wasn’t such a big deal when you agreed to go with her to see The Help instead of Rise of the Planet of the Apes, but you can’t remember the last time the two of you got a DVD from the RedBox that you wanted to see. And if you want to go to that street faire going on next weekend, you’re going to have to make some serious concessions to her plans.
It doesn’t end there. You may not have been living in a complete man-cave before she moved in, but damned if all signs of your taste has been relegated to one room… if you even have that much. But that’s ok, you always said interior design wasn’t really your strong suit. And, ok so your dinner plans are her dinner plans except on those rare occasions when you get to decide what and where you’re eating. But hey, it’s not that big of a deal right, she’s just a picky eater, right? And honestly it’s ok that you aren’t really allowed to watch your favorite shows while she’s around because that’s what DVRs are for. And besides, you’re kinda getting into Glee. Honestly.
It’s not that really something to be concerned about. After all, only a selfish asshole would insist on getting his way all the time and you’re certainly not selfish, are you? I mean, she’s always really good at pointing out when you are…
Which seems to be whenever you want to do something.
One of the things that people don’t always want to admit about relationships is that true equality is incredibly rare; there will always be an alpha partner and a beta parter, even when the difference is fairly minimal. However, relationships require balance in your interests and her interests. Nerds in love can have a tendency to be passive; they don’t want to rock the boat and they’ll bend over backwards to prove that they’re not being selfish or to make their significant other happy. This can lead to them dating women who are perfectly happy to walk all over them as though they had “Welcome” tattooed on their backs.
Keep in mind: getting your way sometimes isn’t the same as being selfish or controlling.

You Have No Privacy

There’s not a moment of your life that you can’t account for in great detail, often down to a minute-by-minute replay. If you’re on the phone or IMing somebody, she wants to know who you’re talking to. If you’re typing an email that’s longer than five words, she’s there reading over your shoulder. Your every interaction on Facebook is scrutinized like the Zapruder film and you’d better have a damn good reason to explain why hat cute girl you went to high school with just sent you a friend request.
And God forbid you leave anything out, because your girlfriend has an intelligence network that would make the Stasi proud.
But it’s ok, you can understand. She’s been cheated on before, so it’s very hard for her to trust anyone. It’s the least you can do, really. And honestly, there aren’t any secrets in a good relationship, are there?
Once again, this is a trap that geeks can find themselves falling into very easily; geeks have a tendency towards White Knight Syndrome and want to do everything they can to “save” their girl from herself and will bend over backwards to reassure her that no, no, everything’s just fine, you can trust me I’m one of thegood ones.
This is classic abusive behavior. Her excuse that she’s been cheated on before is just that: an excuse. Whether she was – and frequently you’ll find that shewasn’t - the fact that she’s unable to get over it is her problem, not yours. Relationships are built on trust… and she’s using her lack of trust as a way to control you.

You Have No Life Without Her

The two of you do everything together. Since the day the two of you have gotten together, you’ve been joined at the hip like sexy conjoined twins. She’s such a part of your life that you can’t really remember a time when she wasn’t right there with you.
In fact, when you really stop and think about it, you have a hard time remembering the last time you had a guy’s night out. Or hung out with some of your friends. Or did anything separately besides go to class… and sometimes not even then. 
No, wait… there was that night out two weeks ago when you went to your buddy’s house to watch the UFC match. Oh, right, that was the time she called you with that minor “emergency” that you had to come deal with right then. Then there was that time you went to hang out with your gaming group – after getting her permission, of course –  which was great. For about two hours. Until she showed up and literally dragged you away so you could go clothes shopping with her.
Your friends have started referring to their ability to hang out with you as your being out on parole, and if you don’t check in with your PO, you’ll be in deep shit. And wouldn’t you know it? Like clockwork, something’s come up and you have to get back to her.
Every.
Single.
Time. 
“I got my parole revoked for not washing the dishes before I went to my fantasy football draft.”
Togetherness is one thing. Your girlfriend acting like your jailor is another entirely.
It’s no real mystery why she wants to keep you away from your friends; you may be blind to how she’s treating you, but they’re not. And that makes them a threat to her control over you.

Sex Life? What Sex Life?

At first, the sex was awesome. You couldn’t keep your hands off each other. There wasn’t anything that you weren’t willing to try. Except for that one thing. You know. That one thing you really like? That little thing that gets you hard enough to fuck concrete just thinking about it? But hey, that’s life, right? Settling down means settling for, and you’re not going to have everything you want. Except… that’s the one thing that you really need to get off…
Or perhaps you have a “twice-a-day, and three times on Sundays” sex drive. While you were in that honeymoon phase, it was all sex all the time but now? Now you’re lucky if you’re getting it once a month. Of course, she’d probably be in the mood more if you’d help out around the house or complimented her on her looks or did the dishes…
Or worse: you’ve been cut off entirely. She’s now done with sex. For good. And by extension, so are you.
Or you like porn. Of course you do… you’re a guy. But her? She can’t stand it. And she can’t stand the fact that you look at it. In her eyes, it’s disgusting and degrading and no man in her life would ever like such filth. In fact, as far as she’s concerned, every orgasm you have that doesn’t involve you fantasizing about her and only is tantamount to cheating.
Even in this day and age, men in American culture are still often seen as sexual beasts who are ruled by their libidos while women are more emotionally driven and have to reign in their men’s out-of-control desires. Any man who complains about his sex life – whether it’s the frequency or a partner’s unwillingness to indulge him in a fantasy or kink or about being cut off entirely – is a boor and an asshole who doesn’t understand that relationships are about more than sex and complaining about that one, teensy part of it is clearly in the wrong. This makes a sexually unfulfilling relationship an easy trap to fall into and hard to climb out of.
The fact of the matter is, sexual compatibility is one of the most critical parts of a relationship. Fundamental incompatibility, whether it’s out of synch libidos or unfulfilled kinks or even differing opinions on pornography, sexuality or monogamy is the death-knell of a happy relationship.
This isn’t to say that, as with any other part of a relationship, there can’t be compromises. Both partners have an obligation to be good, giving and game, to steal a line from the inestimable Dan Savage and sexual desire will wax and wane in every relationship. But when there are times that no compromise can be made on one part or the other, it’s time to consider whether remaining in that relationship is worth the price of entry.

Someone Sent Us Up The Drama Bomb

Nobody ever said relationships couldn’t be exciting. Your relationship is soexciting that you’re constantly on edge. Dating her is like constantly tip-toeing through a minefield, knowing that any wrong move will cause another explosion. You are never sure what’s going to set her off or how she’s going to react. Maybe she’s going to get pissed at you for something you said while you were standing in line for tickets at the movies and she’s going to have that discussion RIGHT THE HELL NOW. At the top of her lungs.
Or perhaps she catches you looking at another girl while you’re at the mall and she stalks off. Now you’re having to devote all your time to finding her and calming her down instead of getting those clothes you needed for that job interview.
Relationship Warning Signs
“YOU DON’T WANT TO WATCH THE VAMPIRE DIARIES?!?”
You never know what the triggers are going to be, so you have to spend your every waking moment trying to keep her happy. There’s no sense of proportion to what will set her off and how she’ll react; she may suddenly become incredibly icy and calm or she may scream at you and throw things. You’re dating Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde and you can never be sure which one of them is going to show up to the party. And of course, it’s always your fault; you know she’s high-strung and really how could you be so insensitive?
Once again, this is classic abusive behavior, and one that nerds have a tendency to either not recognize or to blame themselves for. It’s entirely too easy to internalize accusations – that it’s your fault she gets upset and you should have known better and accept them as gospel truth.

In the end, there’s only one thing you can do: realize it’s not your fault. And then get the hell out of that relationship.

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Saturday, 17 August 2013

Bachelor Pad or Fortress of Solitude?

Bachelor Pad or Fortress of Solitude?

It’s time to be blunt, nerdlings.
Your bachelor pad is going to fuck up any chances you have of getting laid this weekend. Harsh but true. There is nothing quite as well designed to make sex disappear as the man-cave that doubles as a nerd home. When your girl gets through the door and sees the Naruto wall-scrolls and the massive Battle of Hoth diorama you have lovingly built out of Lego sets and balls of cotton… well, if she’s like most women she won’t let out the scream of ultimate despair that she’s feeling inside, but you’re about to find out that she’s suddenly remembered an urgent appointment she has early in the morning and she’s really got to go…like, thirty minutes ago.
Remember that scene in The 40 Year Old Virgin? Yeah. You don’t want to repeat that scene in real life.
Your pad should not be a nerd Fortress of Solitude, emphasis on “solitude”.
‘Sup, ladies?
Don’t despair. Here’s how you make sure that your place doesn’t scare away your date as soon as you open the front door.

Decorate Like A Man

Please notice the operative words here: Like a man. Not like a man-child. Not a college student. Even if you are a college student. Hell, especially if you are a college student. Learn the lessons early and they will stand you in good stead.
What does this mean? Well to start with, that home theater system that you’re so proud of doesn't count as decorating. It’ll impress the hell out of your buddies and makes for awesome Call of Duty multiplayer, but no woman is going to be seduced by your gear to the point of ignoring the rest of your pad.
It’s time to start taking stock of everything on your walls. Unframed posters, anime wall scrolls, photos held up by blu-tack, neon beer signs, dart-boards… these are all signs that the man living here never really left the dorm. This is not the image you want to be sending. And let’s be honest, it’s probably time for most of these to go. There are far more attractive ways to let your nerd flag fly. A James Bond movie poster thumbtacked to the wall… not terribly attractive. That same poster in Italian, in a simple but elegant frame? Now that’s art! Framed and matted black-and-white photos are also excellent additions to a bare wall.
Find a stylish display case for your CD and DVD collections, but for fuck’s sake weed out the porn! I don’t care how kinky or open-minded a woman may claim to be, porn out in the open is going to be an instant turn-off.  This is the 21st goddamn century; you shouldn't be buying porn DVDs any more, that’s what the Internet and a password-protected file marked “Tax Statements 2001-2011″ is for.
Grab some throw-pillows for the couch. Yes. Throw-pillows. Find a couple in colors and patterns that compliment your raggedy-ass couch, arrange them to cover up the worst of the stains and marvel at how it transforms into something a woman may actually want to spend some time on.
Get some books. Actual books, not just graphic novels or magazines. You want to show that you actually have some intellectual curiosity. I’m not saying that you should fill your shelves with impressive books you haven’t actually read, but theydo look awfully nice up there, don’t they?
Consider some candles. Don’t go hog-wild at Yankee Candle, mind you; you want something masculine and subtly scented. There are a number of attractive block candles that don’t give off a “girly” vibe. Besides, turn down the lights, light a couple candles… instant atmosphere.

Clean. Clean. Clean.

Did I mention clean? It really can’t be emphasized enough: most young men’s lairs could double as biology experiments devoted to evolving cockroach colonies into the next stage of existence. You should not only know that you have a floor because all your crap hasn’t fallen through to the apartment below you. There is nothing less appealing to a woman than the pervasive scent of mold and rotting pizza.
Flipping the cushions over and shoving everything under the bed doesn’t work. You’re going to have to get elbows deep in it.
It can seem like a daunting task at first – especially if it’s been a while since your last deep cleaning – but it can be simplified nicely by attacking it in stages. Take a trip to Target folks, it’s time to lay in for supplies. You want a fresh bag in the vacuum cleaner, Swiffers, garbage bags, vinegar, spray bottles, baking soda, sponge cloths, chamois, newspaper, vanilla extract and vodka.
Yes. Vodka. Stick with me here.
Start with bulk trash removal; if it doesn’t actually have a place in the house, it’s going into garbage bags and tossed out the front. From there, you pick up and organize. Following that: vacuuming and dusting. Vacuum every cloth covered surface in your place. This includes the couch, chairs and the bed. Flip over the cushions, vacuum the undersides and switch them around on the couch. Use Swiffers on every hard surface that isn’t electronic equipment; there’re specific dusting cloths you’ll want to use for those.  Next: sterilization. White distilled vinegar is more or less the only cleaning solution you need; pour it into a spray bottle and use it like Lysol; use the newspapers to wipe down every glass surface you use the vinegar on Spend extra time in your kitchen and your bathroom, especially the toilet, bathtub and shower. These are going to be the areas where women will judge you the most harshly. As nice as the rest of your place may be, a disgusting bathroom can mean the difference between making out on the couch or two hours of watching a movie you hate followed by a firm handshake goodnight.
“No, no, I’ll just let myself out, thanks…”
Finally, deodorize; fill a spray bottle with cheap vodka. Mist every funky-smelling piece of upholstery and clothing in the house. Open the box of baking soda and shove it in the fridge. Pour a teaspoon of vanilla extract into a quart of water, then boil on the stovetop until it’s evaporated.
Now stare in wonder at an apartment that doesn't make you afraid to wander around barefoot.

Make It Girl Friendly

Any woman coming back to your place is looking for two things: that she’s not walking into your rape den and that you show at least some signs of having touched a girl before. Upgrading your sheets and adding a duvet cover will spruce up the bedroom nicely; just remember: the higher the thread-count, the more inviting the bed will seem. Invest in some good cotton towels, Egyptian cotton if you can afford it.
Showing that you’re capable of caring for a living thing – besides bedbugs – will show that you have a nurturing side, so consider some greenery. The right plant can have maximum impact for a minimum investment. Succulents, for example, make for excellent bachelor pad plants. They’re cheap, they’re easy to care for, difficult to kill,  require minimal watering and look amazing. She doesn’t have to know that all you do is water them once a week or so.
Be sure to fill the fridge. You want to have more than just beer, soda, condiments, and the moldy remains of last week’s Chinese take-out in there; a bottle of white wine, milk, salad fixings, fruit, some eggs… these say that not only do you know your way around the kitchen but that you can actually possibly provide breakfast in the morning. Eh, eh, say no more say no more?
Did I mention hide the porn? It bears mentioning again: hide your goddamn porn. Yes, women know you like porn. All men do. But in the name of consideration,  you want to maintain the polite fiction that you don’t, while they pretend to believe you.

Organize

Don’t want your pad to look cluttered? Don’t want to have that sitcom moment where she opens the closet to hang up her coat and is buried under an avalanche of crap? Want a place to hide your goddamn porn? You need to get organized. Take stock of your current storage space, especially in your closet, then take a quick trip to the store. Whether it’s the Container Store, Ikea or Target, you want to get some low-cost, high-impact closet organizers. By taking a day or two of rearranging and re-organizing your closet you will find you will have doubled your storage space.  And it’s a good thing that you did because the next step is…

Tone Down The Nerd Collection

Look, nobody’s saying you have to be ashamed of being a geek. But the fact remains that the massive array of action figures, movie replicas, comics and collectable figurines lining your shelves aren’t exactly chick bait, especially if any of them entail scantily clad balloon-breasted women. A collection is well and good, but once it goes beyond a certain point, it sends the message that you don’t have room for anything else in your life… especially her. Being a geek is part of who you are, not the only thing you are, and your pad should reflect that.
Pare it down to a few choice pieces and box up the rest. If you feel the need, you can rotate pieces in and out of display like a gallery.
Your bachelor pad is something you should be proud of.  It should reflect who you are and be an attractive, inviting place for women to visit. Make the upgrade from man-cave, and you won’t find yourself being cock-blocked by your own living room.



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