Thursday, 29 August 2013

Curly vs. Straight: Which Do Men Prefer?

First impressions count. Many closet curlies are married to a flat iron because they think men prefer the smooth, straight look over curls or kinks. And when you can maneuver your mane in either direction, you have the option of changing your visual impression when meeting someone new.

But should you? And would it really make a difference?

To find out, I embarked on an unscientific social experiment. Newly single in New York City, I joined a popular online dating service and posted two profiles. They were identical in every way—except one. The first profile included a picture of my hair flat-ironed straight. For the other, my hair was naturally curly. After one month showcasing the straight profile and the next month curly, more than twice as many men responded to the straight look.

More Details:

The straight profile was viewed 1,606 times for the month, while the curly one received 1,063 views during the month it was posted
The flat-ironed look 181 emails, compared with 60 for the curly profile
On the flirtatious side, the stick-straight profile received 120 winks, while curly locks caught winks from 60 men
In about 10 percent of the dates, hair made a difference, while confidence was the driving factor in the remainder of the connections

(Single? Make friends and dating here)

But this experiment is far from over. There’s a twist. On my dates, the plan was to find out what they really think when I show up as the opposite of what they expect. If they reach out to my straight profile, I would meet them as a curly, and vice versa. Would my hairstyle really affect their attraction? It was an adventure that was full of surprises. My one rule: I vowed to only date men I was truly interested in. This is the real deal, real dates, real men. Here’s a snapshot—you be the judge.

Bachelor #1: Financial-Services Executive

This is my first date. I’m nervous on the entire cab ride to the restaurant, wondering if my date will even recognize me. He expects stick-straight locks. I’m curly. I quickly phone a friend for reinforcement. I’m connected to voicemail, hang up, then glance at the cabbie. He seems nice enough. I bend his ear.

“So, which do you prefer, a woman with curly or straight hair?” I ask, hoping for curl confirmation.

“It depends,” he says.

We’re almost at my destination. I press him. He begrudgingly admits to leaning on the straight side. Geez, why did I push?! I’m more nervous now, but there’s no time to think. I’m here.

I see my date at the bar. My approach is hesitant. I say hello. He looks at me, his eyes widening. Now, he’s nervous, at a loss for words. I think I know why, so I mumble some lame excuse explaining why my hair is curly, not straight like my picture. I’m not even sure why I felt compelled to explain. It’s just hair, right?

“Does it matter that my hair is curly?” I ask.

“Well, no, I guess … I’m just surprised,” he says, voice trailing off to a whisper.

Uncomfortable, I quickly change the subject and turn the attention to him and the hobbies listed in his profile. We order drinks and he finally seems to relax, as he shares stories of his mountain-climbing adventures. We laugh, sipping sangria. But we never quite recover from that fumbled first impression.

Bachelor #2: Italian Business Owner

It’s a late-afternoon lunch date near the shore, so I decide to show up straight (just like he expects) knowing the beach air always performs tricks on my tresses. I purposefully forget my clips, headbands, and emergency-fix spritz so I’ll be forced to accept any twists and turns the day may bring.

We sit at an outside table overlooking the water. A damp breeze is blowing. After the first bite of risotto and sip of Sauvignon Blanc, it happens. I can’t see it, but suddenly I feel my stick-straight locks expand, to the right and left, up and down, like they’re waving hello. My date banters back, “Your hair, it’s transforming right before my eyes!”

I stop eating, my fingers now entangled in a tress tug-of-war. And as I’m about to pipe in with an explanation, I look up and realize he’s already back to enjoying his meal, unfazed.

Later, he curiously asks me why I bother to flatten my curls. “You have great hair,” he says. “Do you know how many people would love to have curly hair?”

“Yeah, I do,” I say, with a smile.

The day continues, we decide to have dinner. No time to freshen up. A friend of his joins us. As we enter the restaurant, I excuse myself in search of a mirror to manage my mane. Still frizzy! I give up. I’m on my way back and tap the back of a towering man, who’s partially blocking the archway entrance to the dining room. He turns around, flashing a gorgeous smile, his sapphire eyes sparkling in the dimly lit space.

I tell myself this is not happening. Me—and my big hair—are standing face-to-face with Alec Baldwin. Yes, the actor. And yes, this is happening. Flushed and flustered in frizz, I mumble hello with my hands over my head and race back to the table, my cheeks are flushed like vine-ripe tomatoes.

I desperately seek a pin, elastic, anything to tie back my haphazard do. My date’s friend agrees my hair would look better out of the way. But my date encourages me to set it free. “It looks fine,” he says, nonchalantly.

I take his lead, forget about my hair, forget about Alec and confidently enjoy yet another great meal.

Bachelor #3: Cuban Marketing Executive

On my next date, I vow to worry less and relax more, no matter where my locks lay.

I agree to afternoon coffee. It’s a drizzly day. Stepping into Starbucks, smiles and curls abound, he spots me and waves. He has only seen a straight photo, but there’s not even a hint of surprise. We chat. I’m perplexed. Did he even notice that I look different, very different? He says he did, but wasn’t surprised. Hair—curly or straight—didn’t seem to matter.

He’s silly. We laugh. The focus turns to fitness and nutrition, which he acknowledges is very important to me. (He read my brief profile.) Then, I learn Cocoa Puffs (breakfast) and Ring Dings (late night snack) are part of his daily rituals.

Bachelor #4: Music Executive

A week later, I schedule early evening drinks at a rooftop bar. As I step up the stairs, I again remember to approach the date as a confident curly. No matter what his reaction, I will smile. And I do.

We chat and order fancy, fruity faux martinis. Still no obvious reaction to my textured tresses. I bring it up. Curly or straight, it doesn’t matter. He says it was my smile he noticed.

Bachelor #5: Sales Executive

The next morning, I head out for a horseback ride with a new date. Once again, he expects straight, but I arrive curly. We exchange smiles. Not sure if his is a happy-to-finally-meet-you smile or I’m-in-shock-and-don’t-know-what-to-say smile. In my mind, I choose the former. After a breezy, hour-long trail ride, we have brunch at a tiny French bistro. Still not a peep about my hair, until I speak about it. His response? Curls are “exotic looking” and, like most of my dates, he seems unfazed.

“Whether it’s curly or straight, it doesn’t matter—as long as there’s enough hair to hold onto!” he says. I laugh, not quite knowing how to respond to that one.

Bachelor #6: Italian Model

It’s month two, time to replace the straight photos with curly ones. Within days, frustration sets in. Not as many e-mails, even fewer winks. Then, finally, one response catches my eye and interest. In his email, he mentions that he likes my curly photo. We exchange numbers. He speaks in a charming foreign accent. Turns out he’s a model. We make plans to meet for dinner.

I’m waiting outside the restaurant with stick-straight locks. He’s late. I’m fidgeting. Within minutes, he arrives. He’s speechless and staring. “Something wrong?” I ask. “No,” he says, softly. He looks away and then faces me again, head slowly turning side to side, like a mime silently asking if I’m the same woman in the profile.

We both order the shrimp special. He asks for the cherry-inspired sauce on the side. I bring up my curls, or lack thereof. Does he prefer curlies? Apparently so. “I think curly hair is more natural and sexy,” he says. I tell him I straightened my hair, but it’s naturally curly.

He then proceeds to grab my hand and, unfortunately, makes an attempt at touch football when the plates are cleared.

Since he thinks curls are sexy, maybe he assumed curlies (even disguised by a flat iron) are more flirtatious than our naturally straight counterparts. Maybe he would have been aggressive regardless of a woman’s hairstyle, or maybe he was simply looking for love at breakneck speed. I do not know.

What I do know is that when it comes to voting for curly or straight, if a man says it depends, perhaps it really does. It depends on confidence. Stepping into a date with a smile can make all the difference.

It could also depend on culture. My family is from Argentina, and the men from similar cultural backgrounds—like the Cuban and Italian men I met—seemed happy and familiar with curlies like me, even in my most awkward, frizz-filled moments.

And while none of my dates developed into long-lasting connections, the experiment was enlightening. Whether you play it straight or crank up the curls, first impressions do count. But I've learned it’s also what you bring to the surface that really shines through.

View the original article here

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Marriage Problems? 6 Insights About What She Thinks, But Won’t Always Tell You.

Marriage Problems? 6 Insights About What She Thinks, But Won’t Always Tell You.

I was really moved by the article we posted recently about a man’s wish to have received some important marriage advice which could probably helped him save his marriage, important lessons he had to learn the hard way. I really connected with his advice, as I’m sure many of you will, because we’ve all made mistakes in our relationships. His post inspired me to write about “what she thinks, but won’t tell you.” This serves as a complement to his views as a husband, who wished he had the answers. If you've been through a divorce or ended a long-term committed relationship, the writing is typically on the walls. The road to marital break up is usually not an easy one, nor unexpected. Well, some of you just don’t believe your partner will ever leave you, until that day comes.

I went through a painful and difficult divorce myself, after having been married for over 8 years. The relationship lasted over a total of 12 years. Unfortunately, our marriage did not read like a fairly tale, but there were many happy moments. We have 2 beautiful children which came from our marriage. They have been the greatest gifts to us both. They would not be here had it not been for our union, so I could never regret the choice I made to be with him at that time.

You would expect a dating and relationship expert have all the secrets to making things work, right? Well, I’m sure you’ll agree that expertise on anything comes from a series of failures and successes and learning from mistakes along the way.

I believe that it takes two people working together to truly have success in a marriage; so trying to revive a dead horse is useless in my opinion. When your advice falls on deaf ears, it has no impact. Some marriages end because they have to. Not because you want it to; it’s because the damage is already done. There’s too much pain, anger and resentment. Ultimately, it’s because the trust is gone. Without trust, you have no foundation for the relationship to survive. So here’s my opinion of what she thinks but won’t tell you, in times of relationship crisis. In fact, she may have these thoughts even when you’re not arguing. She’s the emotional one, the worrier. She can come up with some really elaborate stories in her mind, reads your mind (or so she thinks she can) and makes all sorts of assumptions about what you’re thinking and doing. In truth, she would love nothing more than for you to know exactly what she’s thinking and feeling, without her ever having to tell you.

1. I’m Never a Priority.

Are you guilty of not spending enough time with your partner? What she thinks, is she’s become the last item on your list of things to do, people to see and places to go. When you’re focused on bringing home the bacon, but you’re never around long enough to enjoy it, it’s sort of a sad irony. She thinks she should be the first on your list of priorities. You should keep her posted, and call her when you’re running late or changing plans; that would be the courteous thing to do. She knows you have important man stuff to do, which is why she loves and appreciates you for it. But if she feels like she has to jump through hoops to get your attention, it makes her feel as if those other things occupying your precious time means more to you. So when Gerald talked about “never stop courting,” this is exactly the reason why.

2. Say It, and Show It.

man-doing-dishes-photo-260x260-ts-78376913

If you’ve ever taken the time to discover your love languages, you will have a really good sense of how she wants to be loved. She thinks you don’t understand her, or you’re not interested in finding out what will make her happy and how to love her. Maybe she likes hearing it; or maybe she likes it shown through kind acts and gestures. If you ask me, women want it all. Don’t say things to her, if you don’t mean it. And don’t do things for her, if it’s out of spite. I loved the part in the movie “The Break Up” when Jennifer Aniston gets upset with Vince Vaughn saying, “I want you, to WANT to do the dishes!” And he responds with, “But I DON’T want to do the dishes.” It wasn’t about the dishes at all. It was about him doing something for her, without her asking. Why? Because he loves her enough to do the dishes without asking-for it once. So if you don’t tell her enough about how much you love and appreciate her, start now. And if you feel you’re not doing enough to make it obvious, you can start with doing the dishes.

3. Share Something That’s Only Between the Two of Us.

I find with many happily married people, they often share this one thing, or a few things, which are always just between the two of them. It’s like their awesome thing, their inside secret. The thing they believe could never be shared with anyone else in the whole wide world! It could be their favorite coffee place they meet at once a week, the matching tattoos they got in Vegas, the secret sexy pet names they’ve given to one another, or the nightly ritual they share before they go to bed. When you treat each other like you’re just playing house, and you don’t have anything special you share which is sacred and only between the two of you, she thinks she’s just like every other woman you’ve ever been with. You’re just with her for the sake of being in a relationship.

Some of my fondest memories are of the special secret moments, sayings, places, songs and gifts which were given to me by someone I once loved. I find myself instantly attached to those memories, as if I had just experienced them when I am reminded of our “thing.” If you don’t have something special you share, create one. Promise each other to make it something you only share, between the two of you.

4. Trust Me & Make Me Feel Secure.

One of the first things Gerald wrote about in his first tip, “Never stop courting” was to remember she chose you. Of all the millions of people on the planet earth, she’s with YOU. So remember it! She said “Yes” , “I do” or whatever it was she said when she decided to be committed to you in the first place, so stop questioning it. The sexy outfits are for you. The pleasing personality is for you. The sandwiches are for you. She is for you. If you’re constantly questioning who this person is, or that person; she thinks you don’t trust her. She doesn’t want to have to continually justify her relationships with other people or defend her position. It’s natural to feel some jealousy from time to time, but if she says it’s nothing to worry about, trust her. Now, this may sound a little bit like a double standard, but when she feels insecure, she wants you to reassure her. She also wants you to willingly and pleasantly answer her 20 questions. She wants you to reassure her before she even opens her mouth.

I remember being at a party many years ago, and a very stunning woman entered the room, with barely any clothing on. It took about 3 seconds before my ex-husband leaned over and said “Ah, she’s got nothing on you baby.” If you think men have hot woman radar, think again. I saw her coming, get out of her car and I knew exactly what she was wearing from head to toe; before she even entered the party. It’s funny how some people might see this as insecurity. I was younger then, so there was a bit of that, as well as competitiveness and jealousy. I only wanted my partner to have eyes for me. I think, your partner might think this way too. It’s unrealistic for her to think her man will never look at another woman without admiration. Despite that, she secretly wants you to make her feel as if she’s the only woman in the room, at any moment and anytime. She wants to glance at you from a distance at opposite ends of the party, knowing you know exactly where she is. Her hope, is you’re staring lovingly, attentively and noticeably; with eyes that say, “I can’t wait til we get home tonight.”

5. I Want to be Your Queen/Princess.

What she thinks, but won’t tell you is she deserves a fairly tale romance. She wants her own personal Prince Charming. She’s Sleeping Beauty, and you’re the magical prince who gives her that one special kiss and changes her life forever. She’s Rapunzel alone in the tower, or Cinderella waiting for you to come along with a glass slipper. I know it’s tough for a lot of guys to measure up to the Robin Hood and Shrek type, but the point of using a fairy tale analogy, is she just wants to be your queen or princess. Treat her how you would like your female family members to be treated; not forgetting the passion.

6. I Want to be Proud of You.

You’re the one man in the whole wide world worthy of her being given away to you by her father. She expects you to love and protect her, until death do you part. She wants you to desire and care for her; while she admires, respects and shows pride in you. There are many things she’s hoping you will do, but won’t always tell you. Even if she tried to tell you, what you hear is “womanese.” -

Definition for “womanese” in the urban dictionary:

a. the mysterious language of the species ‘woman’, which men find extremely difficult to grasp. It’s primary function is as an almost impenetrable code only fully understood within their own circle.
b. a form of female telepathy used to confound men. Involves giving impossiblly subtle verbal clues which the man is expected to know before they are spoken.
c. a method of communication that involves not saying something in order to communicate something.

I want to end by saying communication is a two way street. If you find using words to express your love is difficult, start with expressing it through your actions. Sometimes, you don’t have to say anything at all. Asking her the simplest questions, will give you all the answers you need.

Here are 5 questions you can ask her, to help you get started.

What can I do for you today?
How can I be a better ___________ (Fill in the blanks) lover, father, partner, friend, listener, communicator?
What is one thing you would like to see improved or changed in our relationship?
What would you like for dinner?
How can I help you?

Now roll up your sleeves and take a deep breathe as I challenge you to ask her one of the above questions for a full week, if you really want to make things better. The secret is, you’re asking because you want to, and not because you have to. I ‘d love to hear how things turn out.

View the original article here

What others are also reading:

The Best Sex of Your Life: 4 Tips To Improve Your Sex Life

4 Tips To Improve Your Sex Life

1. CONNECT WITH YOUR SENSUAL SELF

When it comes to having great sex, knowing what you're comfortable with in the bedroom is just as important as technique (or being freakishly flexible.) Feeling in charge of your sexuality is a non-negotiable requirement on the quest to mind-blowing sex, so if you're lacking in the sexual self-confidence department, now is the time to bone up. Dance around your apartment naked, schedule some me-time with a vibrating toy, buy yourself a hot dress – whatever you do, find a fun way to increase your sexual confidence and awareness on your own, so that you're better able to rock your man's world later on

2. WARM IT UP

Foreplay is to sex what stretching is to a workout; you have to prep your body for what's to come. Some men may want to fast forward to the main event, so you must be firm on this and not allow them to skip the pre-show. Kissing, groping, biting, and stroking are all excellent go-to moves; however, nothing is more beneficial to amazing, orgasmic sex than a sensual, tantric massage. Not only do massages feel good, but, as an added bonus, they warm up your skin and connect you with your partner. So put on some sexy music, light a soy candle, and take turns massaging each other, head to toe.

3. TRY EVERYTHING ONCE

If you're in a relationship, what was once great sex can become stale if you're not careful. You may ask yourself 'what happened?' or feel like the spark has dimmed, but in reality, you just need to change things up. There is nothing more exhilarating than the unexpected, so experimenting with different positions or introducing a toy might be all that is needed to put the "oh yes!" back into your lovemaking. For inspiration, flip through a book with your partner, such as The Position Sex Bible or The Position of the Day Playbook. The Kama Sutra is also a classic.

4. THE BIG O

For most women, exhilarating sex means stronger, more frequent orgasms. While you can't climax at will, there are ways to increase the probability of an orgasm. Start with strengthening your PC muscles with sexercises, relax as much as possible, and of course, practice a lot!

Lastly, it's important to remember that great sex isn't about having perfect technique or rock solid abs, instead, the best sex of your life will happen when you are completely in the moment, ferocious with lust, and having fun.

View the original article here

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

7 Signs that Casual Dating is for You

From love at first sight to making an exit before first light, it’s all possible! Yes, it is also possible to date casually. No expectations, no commitment, no demands and just a good time – if these are the things you are looking for, then casual dating can be the right thing for you. Here are 7 signs that will tell you if casual dating is for you.

1. You want to be independent

No doubt every woman is independent, but when it comes to emotions, you tend to become dependent on your partner. When you think that you want to be independent emotionally too, it’s time you think about casual dating. In casual dating, you do not have to depend on your partner for emotional support, and thus it makes you strong both emotionally and mentally.

2. You want a good time

Sometimes you feel that you just want to have a good time – no emotional breakdown, no crying and no false expectation. If such is the case, then casual dating is the best thing that can happen to you. There is no commitment, no promises and no attachment which become the reason for your tears, and that is the best part about casual dating. The other best thing about it is that both parties know about this and meet for common reason – to have a good time.

3. You just want to be yourself

Casual dating means no expectations, no commitments and no demands. Casual dating is just about being yourself and not doing anything which you do not want to do. So when you think that you just want to be yourself and not want yourself struggling to live up to someone else’s expectations, go ahead with casual dating.

4. You want to experiment without hurting yourself

Casual dating gives you the chance to experience fun dates and try new things without hurting yourself. It is all about meeting those people who are after the same thing as you are. So if you want to have a good time, meeting new people and trying to find your Mr. Perfect without hurting yourself, then casual dating is not a bad idea.

5. You want to date without commitment

If you want to go out for fancy dinners, share your thoughts and have a good time but without any commitment, then casual dating must be on your list. The best part about it is that those involved in this dating know that there is no commitment involved in it.

6. You want to feel good

Who does not like to have a good time after long day of work? If you want to go out, meet people, have fun and enjoy just being yourself, then go ahead with casual dating. When you want a break from expectation and commitment, and just want to do things which make you feel happy and special, casual dating can be a good option. Why not just have new experiences just to feel good?

7. You wish to explore your other side

Casual dating brings out the fun side of your personality and makes you feel good about yourself as you meet new people and have different experiences. It not only adds to your experiences but sometimes makes you explore yourself in a new light, which you otherwise may have not known. So why not explore your other side with this fun experience?

Sometimes it is important to be selfish and think just about yourself. You have full right to be happy, have fun and do what you want. So if sometimes commitment fails, and stops you from enjoying life, why not go for casual dating? There is no harm in experiencing new things. You just have to realize that you can enjoy and have fun in life! You are worth it!

Sunday, 25 August 2013

10 Reasons Why You Don't Have A Girlfriend

If you're single by choice, and doing your thing, that's awesome. We're all for it. But if you've been on the prowl and perpetually come up short and come home alone, it might be time to face some hard truths.

The dating game is survival of the fittest, and if you're barely scraping by and about to embark on yet another cuffing season solo, you need to evolve. Here's a good place to start: 10 Reasons Why You Don't Have A Girlfriend.

10. You have no ambition.

Making money is nice, and there is a select group of women who place inordinate emphasis on that. We're not talking about those women.

This is less about how much cash you're pulling in, and more about being an intelligent human being who has dreams and goals. It's sexy when a man is passionate about something, and ruthlessly pursues it.

If you're complacent, working a dead-end job and being unmotivated to reach higher, it's not just your career that will suffer. Your game will suffer, too.

9. You're a misogynist.

If you're the type of guy who takes a girl out to dinner, and casually drops sexist jokes about how she should be in the kitchen making you dinner instead, you're probably single.

Likewise, if you're the type of guy who begins every date with a sob story about how your ex burned you, and launches into a lengthy monologue about how women are inherently untrustworthy, you'll probably be solo well into the new year.

Women may have reluctantly retired their hopes of chivalry, but they're not willing to give up on finding a man who genuinely respects the opposite sex, and most importantly, actually likes them. So if this is an issue you have, you should work on it. Probably with a professional.

8. You don't take girls on real dates.

A date is a building block toward a relationship. If your building blocks consist of lame dates that inevitably center around alcohol and sex, you're not exactly sending commitment-ready signals.

Wooing a woman is important. It demonstrates that you're the type of guy who will put effort into a relationship, and it expresses that you think she's worth putting thought into.

Go on sober dates to prove you're charming sans whiskey. Take her on dates during the daytime to show her that sex isn't the goal, it's getting to know her that you're interested in. And while you're at it, introduce her to your friends. These are the things that silently signal you're long-term-material and convince her that you think she is, too.

7. You still drink like a frat boy, and hang with guys who do the same.

In college, it may have been cool to drink on school nights to the point of slurring, but at some point, you need to evolve. If you're still bragging about how many shots you can consume in an hour, your boys may think you're the man, but the women around you will be less than impressed.

If you're on the prowl and three sheets to the wind, you're sabotaging your chances of finding what you want. Women will see you as the perpetual party animal, not the guy she wants to cuddle with on the couch.

6. You reek of desperation.

When women say that they can't get hot for "nice guys," who they really mean is guys who try too hard. If you come on too strong, too fast and inundate her inbox with emoji heavy text messages, you need to dial down the thirst.

Wanting a girlfriend is a perfectly acceptable desire, but it should never dominate your life. Women can sense when you're desperate to wife someone—anyone!—because you emit fear and anxiety, neither of which are a turn-on. It also indicates that you're the type of dude who would revolve his entire universe around someone, which is an independent woman's greatest fear.

Focus on doing you and pursue your hobbies and interests. Build a life that any woman would want to be a part of, instead of trying to build your life around a woman.

5. You're bad in bed.

We hate to say it, but if your game out of bed is strong, you might need to look toward what's happening between the sheets.

Sex is an important way to connect with a woman. You might have good chemistry with your clothes on, but if you’re missing the mark with them off, it's unlikely she'll want to sign up for a monogamous relationship with you. If she's going to have sex with one person, it better be explosive.

If you've been under the false impression that showing up for sex is enough to satisfy a woman, get your mind right. Put your selfishness in check, and really ask yourself if you focus on her pleasure enough. From her end, the answer is probably no.

4. You have confidence issues.

It all comes back to the way you feel about yourself. If you think your swag is lacking, it is. Women don't want a man with self-esteem issues who needs to be reassured of his worth; they want a man who is fully aware of what he brings to the table and how desirable it is.

When you linger in singledom against your will, and feel your confidence start to sway, take a step back and reassess the situation. You're a cool guy, and if you're not connecting with someone, it doesn't change how awesome you are. It just means you didn't have chemistry with that particular woman. Shake it off, and move on to the next one!

3. You’re self-absorbed.

The men whom women invariably settle down with all have one thing in common: they make her feel special. If you're failing to inspire this feeling in her, it's probably because you're more focused on your feelings than hers.

Sometimes men are so caught up in impressing their date, they come off as uninterested in the person in front of them. By the time the first date ends, they've rattled off their list of brag-worthy accomplishments, but never took the time to understand what she's about. Take a breather, and let the poor woman speak!

The easiest way to set yourself apart from the self-absorbed schmucks taking her out is to ask her questions and actually listen. She'll feel more connected to you, and you'll actually make it to date number two. It's a win-win situation.

2. You’re looking for girls in all the wrong places.

We're not going to say meeting your next girlfriend at a bar is impossible, because it's not. But, if you keep hitting up the same haunt night after night and it yields no results, or regularly ends in a one-night-stand, your stomping grounds might be to blame.

Think outside of the tired-and-true box. Force yourself beyond your comfort zone. Say "YOLO" and sign up for online dating. Swallow your pride, and ask your friends to set you up with a few eligible bachelorettes. Spend time in bookstores, take a class or join a group to meet women with similar interests.

Putting yourself out there is the key element here. A bar is the second worst place to meet a woman, after your couch.

1. You don't seem like you're looking for a relationship.

If you've made it to the end of the list and are convinced that none of the above apply to you, it's possible women are interested, and assume you are not. You could be a supremely smooth, very datable dude. But if you're inadvertently signaling you're not interested in commitment, no sane, smart woman will pursue you.

Without even realizing it, men drop subtle hints that indicate their interest and readiness in commitment. But, sometimes miscommunication can happen. Signals get crossed. You think you're playing it nonchalant by not putting too much effort in, and she backs off, assuming you're involved with someone else, or just not looking for the same thing she is.

Sometimes, in an attempt to date defensively, you say you're not looking for a relationship or you're not ready for commitment, when in actuality, you are. Get real with yourself about what it is your seeking, and you won't send the kind of mixed signals that scare her off.

View the original article here

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Saturday, 24 August 2013

6 Reasons Why On/Off Relationships are Bad for You

Are you trapped in the vicious circle of the on-off relationship a la doctors Meredith and Derek from Grey’s Anatomy or Carrie and Mr. Big from Sex and the City? It can be very frustrating for women to have to tolerate the ups and downs of a relationship with the same noncommittal man that they can’t help but stick with. Here are the reasons why it’s high time that you break it off for good.

1. Take up too much time

These, sometimes on sometimes off relationships take up just too much time. Life is short and very much fast paced, you cannot afford to waste time on a guy who is just dilly-dallying. The emotional stress of numerous break-ups also results in bad performance career wise. If it’s not working out even after numerous attempts, devote more time to yourself by breaking up forever.

2. Doesn't let you move on

There are so many fishes in the sea, then why be trapped in a relationship that is going in circles with one man? Such relationships don’t let you be free and explore other multiple dating chances you can have. You never know, you just might find your soul mate and regret wasting time with this guy once you split.

3. No commitment

At some stage of life, all people, especially women, wish to settle down and start a family. But if you are still stuck in an on-off relationship that keeps breaking up, then these dreams may probably remain unfulfilled. You deserve commitment, and if this guy is not willing to commit and you are just going back to him by becoming an emotional slave, then it’s time to take a solid stance.

4. Waste of energy

Just like time, such relationships end up wasting your energy. They will drain you physically and emotionally. You might as well invest that much energy in your work or on someone else who seems to be willing to date you.

5. Uncertainty and instability

The mind is always filled with doubts and the relationship seems uncertain and unstable. The satisfaction level is not much as you keep wondering whether he will always be there for you or not or when and how the next break-up will happen.

6. Your parents and friends get irked

Your loved ones will surely not like it and get irritated with your constant splits and patch ups with the man in question. They would want you to settle with one man in a stable relationship where you both can fall back on each other. It’s very obvious that your folks and friends would get irritated with your messy love life and rightly so, for an on-off relationship more often than not, doesn’t end in happily ever after like they show in movies and TV serials.

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