Showing posts with label breaking up. Show all posts

Thursday, 18 February 2016

6 Tips For Moving On After You’ve Been Blindsided By A Breakup

"Moving on after a breakup is hard, most of us have had this happen to us, and for some more than once, and it doesn't get any easier.

My philosophy is that things happen for a reason, and if you find yourself being the fallout of a breakup don't panic and most importantly don't lose your dignity. Step away

from the situation this will enable you to think things through, don' t plead for it not to happen, after all why would you want to be with someone who has just broken up with you? Imagine a friend of yours is in the same situation, what advice would you give them. Believe me you will get over it, but give it time." - Susan

6 Tips For Moving On After You’ve Been Blindsided By A Breakup

“This isn’t working for me anymore,” he says abruptly one night on the phone, and you’re stunned. Everything had been going great. You’d even been thinking about places to go on a summer vacation together, but unfortunately, he had other plans. And you did not see this coming.

Breakups are hard enough when you know things aren’t working out and sense that the end is looming, but they’re even more painful when you’re totally caught by surprise. What relationship was I in? you wonder, since it was obviously so different from the one your boyfriend was in. Questioning whether you were completely out of touch with reality, you search for red flags you may have missed, look for everything you could have done wrong, and long for answers.

But when a breakup comes on out-of-the-blue, it’s usually not because of anything you did wrong. Abrupt endings—that happen when things never seemed better, and without any discernible warning signs or discussions about his relationship concerns—usually have more to do with a guy’s emotional unavailability or fear of commitment.

This isn’t a time to berate yourself about all the things you wish you’d done differently, or chase him to get closure—or another chance. This is the time to let go of this relationship and prioritise taking care of yourself so you can recover from the devastation of a surprise attack, heal, and move on. Here’s how:

1. Don’t call him for answers. That last conversation didn’t go well. There’s so much more you want to know and all those things you forgot to say. So you’re tempted to call him,just one more time. The problem is, this follow-up conversation will never, ever be satisfying. You might feel good for about three seconds but as soon as you hang up the phone you’re going to think of something else you want to say, which will lead you right into an endless loop of just one more phone calls. The peace you imagine closure will bring is an elusive thing; most of the time, all you really need to know is that he doesn’t want to date you anymore, and the only thing that will truly bring you peace is time. Nothing he could say, barring, “Let’s get back together,” is actually going to make you feel better. So let yourself cry and vent to friends, but don’t pick up that phone. Ditto for text or email.

2. Maintain your dignity. Another danger of being in touch with him post-breakup is that you could be telling yourself you’re just doing it because you want closure, when deep down what you really want is another chance. If someone does not want to be with you, trying to convince them otherwise is a quick and painful road to losing your dignity. Promising you’ll change, trying to prove your worth, or flat-out asking (not to mention its close cousin, begging) him to give things another shot will take a tremendous toll on your self-esteem. Know that what you’re really worthy of is a man who wants to be with you and doesn’t need convincing, and walk away with your head held high.

3. Don’t try to run into him or be friends. The same impulse that makes you want to call him is going to nudge you to casually stroll by those places you know he’s likely to be, but resist. Running into him will keep reactivating sadness over the loss of your relationship. And if he says, “We can still be friends,” pass on that offer, and don’t suggest it yourself. Do you really want to be friends with a person who was so inconsiderate, uncommunicative, and hurtful? Are these qualities you look for in a friend? Even if you’re the one person in the world who can actually be friends with an ex who dumped you, that friendship is going to cease being fun really fast when he starts dating someone else, and your “friend” tells you all about his new love.

4. Delete, delete, delete. A great way to torture yourself after you’ve been dumped is to go back and reread all his old texts and emails and listen to his voicemails. Avoid this temptation by deleting them sooner rather than later. Sure, they feel like a security blanket—if you’re not dating anyone else yet, his messages remind you of a time when someone loved you. You might be afraid that if you delete them, you’ll have nothing left and will just be in this relationship-less void, thinking, What if no one ever writes me sweet, loving messages like he did again? But you still have to take a deep breath and click Delete. Rereading or listening to them could take you back to when everything was blissful between the two of you, causing you to idealise the relationship and go into fantasy and longing for him. Or it could dredge up, over and over and over again, what you’ve lost. Either way, it’s going to keep you stuck, in pain, and closed off to meeting someone new. If deleting seems impossible, ask a friend to sit with you while you do it to provide support, and reward yourself by doing something fun after the deed is done.

5. Take some time off dating. Being dumped, especially unexpectedly, is painful, and you can avoid feeling that pain by starting to date again right away. Lots of people say it—you can’t get over the last one until you meet the next one. But when you’re dating from this place of needing to get over someone else, there’s a desperation underneath everything you do. First of all, guys can sense this, but more importantly, it puts you at risk for being even more hurt. If you haven’t dealt with the underlying pain of your last relationship, every single slight from a new guy is going to feel disproportionately agonising. Someone you just met online doesn’t ask you on a second date? Heartbreaking! A blind date stands you up? Devastating! Better to take some time off to nurse your wounds before heading back out there. And don’t just sit in your room with the shades drawn feeling sorry for yourself during this dating hiatus. Use it as a time to get back in touch with your life and the things you love to do. Go to concerts, enrol in a class, take up yoga, read that book you’ve been meaning to for the past year. Nurturing your relationship with yourself will build up the resilience you’ll need to dive back into the dating the pool from a place of confidence and hope instead of desperation and dread.

6. Keep the faith. After someone has hurt you in a way you didn’t even see coming, it’s natural to be skittish about relationships. Trusting that this relationship was going somewhere led you to feeling blindsided and betrayed when it ended out-of-the-blue. It’s hard to trust that another man won’t do exactly the same thing if you become vulnerable again, and it’s even harder to trust yourself when you’d thought things were going so well when they actually weren’t. But this is the most important piece of moving on after a breakup—believing that you will meet someone else who won’t hurt you like that, and letting yourself open up to and trust another person. There are no guarantees, and you might get hurt many more times before you meet the person you can trust. In the absence of guarantees, all you have to hold onto is faith, which sometimes may not feel like a lot. But it’s so much better than the alternative of letting one ex’s bad behaviour rob you of your trust, close off your heart, and block the possibility of being blindsided—but this time, by love.

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Tuesday, 10 March 2015

If Buddha Gave Dating Tips

On the spiritual path, the dating tips or “rules” are surprisingly simple.

Ever wondered what it would be like to have the ancient wisdom of the Buddha to guide you through the dating process? If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Kasl, PhD, has been beloved by relationship-seekers ever since it was published in 1999.

Thing is, if the Buddha did give dating tips, they might be a little confusing to the modern-day man. Consider this your Top 10 CliffsNotes, each with modern day explanations.

“When you say goodbye to someone or decide not to see them again, remember you are a moment in their story. Make it a story that doesn’t leave a scar.” Translation: Do whatever it takes to leave on good terms.
“Equality doesn’t need to mean that both people earn the same amount of money, have equal status, or are equally good looking. It means they value each other as equals when it comes to making plans, making love or making decisions. They have an equal voice. One does not sacrifice himself, or herself, to the other.” Translation: Equality is not based on statistics. Equality is based on shared values, shared communication and shared self-respect.
“In an unequal relationship, because the subordinate mate acquiesces and complies, the dominant one is never challenged to reflect on him- or herself. There is little or no growth, flexibility, or melting into the shared heart—no forming of the “us” bond that brings two people into spiritual union.” Translation: In equal relationships both people are challenged to grow and evolve together, rather than one person always pushing for the other partner’s growth.
“Things are always changing—our thoughts, cells, hormones, hairline, consciousness, relationship, and the landscape around us. Instead of trying to freeze the present moment and hanging onto it, we need to remember that life is a process of constantly letting go.” Translation: The only constant is change. Every present moment is a chance to embrace the newness and let go of the past.
“To be loyal to our journey is to know the rhythm, tone and pulse of our essential inner world- the song that is ours alone. When two people bring the richness of their inner music to each other, they bring the possibility of a new composition, of counterpoint, harmony, voices weaving together creating a magical composition. If we’re disconnected from the music of our essence and attempt to find happiness through another’s song, there will be dependency and a relationship without harmony.” Translation: We must be know and accept who we are fully before we enter a relationship, lest we end up in co-dependency. When two whole people join in a supportive relationship, the results can be magical.
“If we have the belief ‘I’ll always be abandoned,’ we create situations where we’ll be abandoned, and forget to notice when people are loyal friends. Our task on the spiritual path is to stop repeating the same old stories and become aware of all the ways we keep proving our stories are true.” Translation: Thoughts become things. Choose to reinvent your story for better results.
“We can either bargain, hold back, and hang onto comfort and security, or we can take a deep breath, and say take me, and leap into the fire.” Translation: The risk is often worth it, especially in love.
“There are so many dating books with numerous rules about the right thing to do and say when dating. On the spiritual path, the ‘rules’ are simple. Simply ask yourself, am I being guided by spirit or by my rigid ego?” Translation: Ego-driven actions love rules. Spirit needs no rules to guide us.
“Ego says I want someone to fill me up. Spirit says I’ll have someone to help me wake up, to challenge my blind spots and be a companion and playmate on the journey. Translation: If we believe and live as already-full beings, we don’t look to others to fulfill us.
“Another aspect of loving kindness is to remember that it’s not being free of imperfections that’s crucial to relationships, it’s being honest about our faults and mistakes. When we accept our humanness we become able to apologize (not grovel) for having been rude, insensitive, or dishonest. Our apology to another is a form of compassion to ourselves because it signifies acceptance. This is at the heart of intimacy.” Translation: By honestly accepting our faults and mistakes and apologizing with sincerity, we practice compassion towards ourselves and others.

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Getting Dumped Ain’t so Bad

Anybody that has had a relationship in their lives by the time they've reached my age has either dumped someone or been dumped. That by the looks of things is the way of the world these days. Hopefully this opening statement should bring a sigh of relief to those that are thinking “oh, woe is me!” The truth is there is a reason why we feel like crap when we get dumped. Some of it is instinctual from back in the day when to be cast out from the herd and left meant almost certain death without the support of the tribe. Read: The Science Behind Why Breakups Suck. The rest is mostly to do with self-esteem because we all like to be liked or even loved. We all want to people to see us in a good light for who we are. When you partner or whoever says "I don’t want to be with you anymore!" then that’s a huge kick in the crotch!!!

The truth is it almost always going to be a pain in the privates even just for a little while, until you pick yourself up dust yourself off and say never again (before eying up that hot man or woman waiting for the train then very next week!).

There is a way to turn things around. The ending of a relationship has no reflection against you as a person. It only has relevance with regards to the relationship that just ended. You probably told yourself that everything was wonderful and all issues could be handled in your collective stride, or maybe there were some issues but you were willing to live or ride with them because the pain of being alone seemed to outweigh the issue at hand. The truth is though there is not just you involved. It’s 2 separate minds, 2 separate upbringings, family backgrounds, friends, influences etc. So you two aren’t the same exact animal. There are differences. Understanding and appreciating that will get you a long way down the road to getting your head together on how you relate in a relationships. You are still you and you still live your life. Yes, it is wonderful to be in a relationship but not for the sake of it. Both bring something to the table in their own right. One of the biggest problems I see (in my opinion) is the notion of the other person is there to make you to feel “whole”!

I know may appear that I'm pointing a cynical finger at what has become a modern cliche of these times and may get me hate mail but I really don’t think it’s healthy to hang this millstone around your partners neck to say "make me whole"! As we used to say in the playground, “I can’t make poop”! Same here is if you are relying on someone to make you whole then your effective giving away your power. You are saying that without you I’m nothing and the truth is that simply is NOT so. I never enter any relationship unless I feel I have something to give, NOT what can they give me. It may simply be that I think I can just bring so fun, smiles, laughter, love, companionship, positive outlook, sex…blah, blah, blah. Of course to get that back from my partner is all one could expect but it’s not the food it’s the gravy. If someone appreciates also allows me to be me and still enjoys hanging out with me then that is a good relationship foundation. There is nothing worse than having to act a certain way with you partner than you do with others. I don't mean just putting the toilet seat down different, I mean where if you're family where near you at the time they would think you were dead weird in a sad way or if you when you question whether you can keep the facade up for any longer! To get over this what I decided a long time ago was that I shouldn't pretend to be anything but best and most honest example of me when dating or corresponding with a prospective date. That way they're no pretense and no pressure or surprises and if what they see is what they like (or feel they can put p with) then great. That is a pretty good foundation for a relationship.

Some relationships on reflection should never have been so deep. In hindsight they should only have been friendships, you probably right now, if you've ever had a previous relationship crumble can think of situations where it would have been better to have been friends than in a committed relationships. Maybe that’s the thing. We see so much in our society today, images of the perfect couple that as soon as we meet someone that doesn't turn us off we automatically assume that they turn us on and after that the chase is on. If we’re lucky we convince them too that a relationship is a brilliant idea and we gallop down the road leading to alter. Not that I’m saying everything in the above scenario is wrong. I’m certainly not putting myself up as a relationship coach right now (see the Monogamous Temptress for that) but what I am saying is that we should be respectful of everyone we meet.

Respect that everyone wants to be happy. But again in today’s society we get side tracked in our thinking. People do whatever they can to feel safe and happy. That’s a very simplified statement I know and what I now understand about human nature there are a number of targets people feel the need to fulfill in order to be happy. There is also 2 modes within us that can at time be at conflict in our effort to be happy. It’s not within the scope of this article to address this subject fully but really quick and dirty it’s simply our reasoning rational self and or childish animal self. As an example of the two imagine you just been told that you’re partner no longer wants to be with you anymore. The reasonable person within you could think like this:

"Oh, that’s a shame as I was really into you. I didn’t think this was going to happen. Are you sure that’s how you feel. What is it that makes this so? Only I wonder what happened to change his mind think this was his best option. Oh, but I think he’s been thinking this over for some time and it must been weighing heavy on his mind for ages. Quite a burden I bet. I want him to be happy though. Hurts like hell. I wonder what we need to sort out so we can both be happy in the long run and we can still get along. God, I’m glad he had the courage to get this out in the open before it was too late or that could have been a huge disaster... Well I hope heal be happy. I know I'll be okay. I fancy doing something with the girls this weekend.

Instead of:

"Nooooo! You can’t leave me I love you. I love you so deeply and we were perfect together. How can he leave when I love him so much? It doesn't make sense. Tell me why you want to leave. I can change. I’ll do anything you want, just don’t leave me, I need you. You are my life. I can make you happy like no one else can. We are so right for each other. But you said you loved me. So you lied to me. What am I going to tell my friends? I was planning on to go away together on holiday, just us. How can you do this you were my life? How am I going to survive without him.

I know that this is not typical but you can see that in the first there is some rational reasoning and in the second it was a bit of a mess of victim mentality and that the because they loved them so much there should be no reason to split. The truth is it doesn't matter how much you love someone if they see it as more painful to stay together than to be part then you may have to let them go. Especially in the case of men, as they from experience tend to bounce. They will run off then come back again and then maybe run off again. I’m not entirely sure why that is but I think it could be the wrestle between that habit of being with someone and a certain feeling of obligation and their own need for happiness. Maybe also a fear of what they could be missing.

One needs to stop and think though that if someone is looking to leave you they have given some thought to the consequences and also in a sense, if you can’t rely on them to stay with you then maybe you’re better off without them.

If you have any thoughts on this post then leave you comments below.

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Saturday, 24 August 2013

6 Reasons Why On/Off Relationships are Bad for You

Are you trapped in the vicious circle of the on-off relationship a la doctors Meredith and Derek from Grey’s Anatomy or Carrie and Mr. Big from Sex and the City? It can be very frustrating for women to have to tolerate the ups and downs of a relationship with the same noncommittal man that they can’t help but stick with. Here are the reasons why it’s high time that you break it off for good.

1. Take up too much time

These, sometimes on sometimes off relationships take up just too much time. Life is short and very much fast paced, you cannot afford to waste time on a guy who is just dilly-dallying. The emotional stress of numerous break-ups also results in bad performance career wise. If it’s not working out even after numerous attempts, devote more time to yourself by breaking up forever.

2. Doesn't let you move on

There are so many fishes in the sea, then why be trapped in a relationship that is going in circles with one man? Such relationships don’t let you be free and explore other multiple dating chances you can have. You never know, you just might find your soul mate and regret wasting time with this guy once you split.

3. No commitment

At some stage of life, all people, especially women, wish to settle down and start a family. But if you are still stuck in an on-off relationship that keeps breaking up, then these dreams may probably remain unfulfilled. You deserve commitment, and if this guy is not willing to commit and you are just going back to him by becoming an emotional slave, then it’s time to take a solid stance.

4. Waste of energy

Just like time, such relationships end up wasting your energy. They will drain you physically and emotionally. You might as well invest that much energy in your work or on someone else who seems to be willing to date you.

5. Uncertainty and instability

The mind is always filled with doubts and the relationship seems uncertain and unstable. The satisfaction level is not much as you keep wondering whether he will always be there for you or not or when and how the next break-up will happen.

6. Your parents and friends get irked

Your loved ones will surely not like it and get irritated with your constant splits and patch ups with the man in question. They would want you to settle with one man in a stable relationship where you both can fall back on each other. It’s very obvious that your folks and friends would get irritated with your messy love life and rightly so, for an on-off relationship more often than not, doesn’t end in happily ever after like they show in movies and TV serials.

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Saturday, 6 July 2013

7 Fatal Mistakes Women Make When Exiting a Relationship

1. Failure to consider the possibility of being friends

It is unbelievable how you can spend several years of your life with a person only to break up and never speak or be friends. It makes absolutely no sense, and this problem may be more common than you think. It makes a man wonder, was this person ever truly a real friend? So long as you can have a strictly platonic relationship, there is no reason to totally cut off past boyfriends, fiancés or husbands. If you have spent a significant amount of time with him, he more than likely still cares about you and your well-being. Also, your new man, if he is wise, will be watching how you treat your past beau, because he knows this is how you will treat him in the event your relationship fails. If you have children by a man, then break up, you should not cut the father of your children off just because there is a new man. So long as there is mutual respect, a breakup does not mean you have to throw away all the time you previously invested and stop being friends.

2. Failure to seek counseling

I know we think we all have Ph.D.s and master’s degrees when it comes to relationships, but the truth is that the majority of us have never had one class and lack the experience to make up the difference. Most of what we have learned comes from our observations of our parents, friends, TV dramas and favorite movies. Movies make a lot of money, and it is to the studios’ benefit to produce happy endings so people will come back to the theatre. Yet our divorce rates and broken homes continue to increase. According to the American Psychological Association, between 40 and 60 percent of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. If your man has requested counseling as a last resort to save your relationship, at the bare minimum, before you make your final decision, give it an honest try. The time will be well-spent and you may even learn a thing or two or even revive your relationship.

3. Dishonesty

Dishonesty is the most fatal of the seven mistakes listed here. It has a two-pronged effect. When you lie to a man about the reason you want to break up, you may cause him to question himself and his actions. This would not be a fair assessment, especially when you are withholding the truth. Whether you realize it or not, being dishonest gives you a certain negative aura. You unknowingly act funny or out of character, creating tension and arguments that perhaps would not normally have taken place. The man, in turn, has no idea what the problem is and searches his soul, putting forth great effort to correct his behavior based on your comments. Later, he discovers that you were cheating. Now your funny behavior makes all the sense in the world to him. He will say to himself, “No wonder you were acting so funny. I thought it was all my fault.” It is unfair to make a man blame himself because you have been dishonest. We classify dishonesty as not taking 50 percent of the responsibility for the relationship’s failure and placing 100 percent of the blame on the other partner.

4. Listening to your friend’s bad advice

Never listen to the advice of your friends who are single and have less than three years of consistent relationship experience. Watching soap operas like “Days of our Lives” or “The Young and the Restless,” although very entertaining, does not count for real relationship experience (plus, they all sleep with each other–fathers with their sons’ wives, brothers with their brothers’ girlfriends, etc.). Your friends who are single often become envious of your relationship, because they seek the same for themselves and because you may no longer spend the same amount of time hanging out with them as you did when you were single. These single friends do not truly understand your new-found relationship responsibilities and why you have no time to do the things you used to do. The only way for them to truly understand the new demands of a relationship is for them to get their own. When this happens, you will often find that the very same friends who demanded your time and whose bad advice you listened to about your now-defunct relationship, now have no time for you. This is why they are next to the last person (after the family dog) to whom you want to listen and get relationship advice from. (“Hey Tiger, what do you think about Johnny? One bark for yes and two barks for no.” “Woof, woof!”)

5. Thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence

Falling for the “knight in shining armor” is one of most classic mistakes an inexperienced person in a relationship can make. Say your relationship runs into problems and a guy at your job, Zack, is there to listen and tell you the things you want to hear. You’ll say, “Oh, Zack, you are so understanding.” What you may not realize is that his objective is to sleep with you. He does not live with you and has only heard your side of the story. Of course it is easier for Zack to quote poetry and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Zack does not have the day-to-day responsibilities of being in a committed relationship with you. Did he pay the light and cable bill, or know what it’s like to be late on your rent again this month? It is guaranteed that if you do not fix and truly understand why your current relationship is broken, those very same problems will resurface in your next relationship. A man who is telling you sweet nothings, with no respect for the man you are currently in a relationship with, is not a man of class and maturity [http://www.howtogetthemanofyourdreams.com/datingadvice/sweet-16-signs-that-your-man-has-class-and-maturity/] who is truly ready for a real, committed relationship.

6. The inability to forgive

All relationships at some point will have a bump in the road. Nobody is perfect [Find us on Facebook].. The only way to overcome imperfections is to love and forgive when one makes a mistake or two or three. If you do not learn to forgive, you are going to face disappointment after disappointment, because you will attract to yourself that which you will not forgive. It is a well-known fact that women tend to mature faster than men [Find the man of your dreams]. We are all learning each day and are bound to make mistakes. What’s a life with no mistakes or drama? Boring! Perfect lives exist nowhere on planet Earth. Not even the Queen of England at Buckingham Palace has a perfect life. If perfection did exist, it would be quite a boring existence. No drama? What? That’s exactly what happened to Adam and Eve. Eve needed some drama, because it was just a little too perfect. When things are too perfect, people crave drama, and when there is too much drama, people crave perfection. The key is to find a perfect balance between perfection and imperfection in your relationship. Forgiveness is the essential component that will aid in bringing balance.

7. The sudden breakup with no warning

A sudden breakup or change in one’s life pattern is bound to cause extreme stress and mass confusion. He will always be asking himself, what happened? What did I do? These insecurities will surely follow him into his next relationship if he does not get help or seek counseling. Is that what you really want? If so, following the laws of karma, the same will happen to you in the near future. The shoe will be on the other foot.

The danger of a sudden breakup is you have no clue how the man will react. This reaction could range from extremely calm to extremely violent, especially if he finds you were dishonest. Buyer beware. Always be nice, considerate and honest and ease your way out of the relationship, doing your best to keep his feelings intact. Yes, we know it may be a little more work than you really want to do, but it will be worth it in the long run. Cheers!

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Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Breaking Up Without the Pain

“Breaking up is hard to do.” ~ Neil Sedaka

Every now and then we may find ourselves in a relationship that has just run its course.

Whether it’s a result of a relationship that never should have been or two people growing apart, ending a relationship often can be hard. Before making the leap to the “big breakup,” there are a few things to consider.

It is important to know why you are making the decision that you are making. It is also important to know that you are comfortable with the decision you are making.

In order to do this, you may need to separate yourself from the situation. Ask your partner for some alone time in order to reflect and really think about how you feel.

In order to make a clear decision, you may want to list the pros and cons of staying in the relationship as well as the pros and cons of leaving it. While you may wish to confide in friends or family, this is not always wise. Generally you have your friends and who do not wish to see your relationship end and those who cannot wait. Both parties may be able to provide feedback and logical reasons for both of their cases. However, this often can become more confusing. Remember, a relationship is about the two people involved, not everyone else. At the end of it all you have to live with your decision, so make sure it is your decision.

It is also important to be honest with yourself. Only you know what you are looking for or what you desire in your partner. Take some time to ask yourself if your expectations for your relationship are realistic. Evaluate if you are giving everything you are asking for in return. Ask yourself what you really want and what will really make you happy. Examine if you are actually in love with your partner or if you are in love with the idea of being in love. It is easy to mistake love for other emotions. Only you can give yourself honest answers.

After evaluating your feelings, if you make the decision to end the relationship, it doesn’t have to be that difficult. Here are some tips for making the breaking a little less aching.

If you are concerned about the feelings of your partner, go into your conversation with compassion. Breakups do not have to be nasty. We set the tone and determine how the conversation goes. It doesn’t have to be a bashing session of what the other person did wrong or what went wrong in the relationship. Simply state your case for why the relationship is no longer working for you.

Do not engage in blaming your partner. Blaming usually leads to defensiveness and defensiveness leads to arguments. You may want to end the conversation on a positive note by expressing gratitude for all the positive things that took place in your relationship.

Don’t be afraid fully to express your emotions. Expressing your emotions leaves you free from emotional baggage and mess. Most important, make sure your emotions are being expressed in a rational and safe manner. It may be appropriate to cry or to become frustrated, but it is never okay to become aggressive or violent. If you do not feel you can meet with your partner and express your emotions in an appropriate way, it may be appropriate to meet with a counselor to prepare for and aid in this process.

Last, but not least, do not allow guilt to consume you. If you have fully evaluated the decision you’ve made, made it on your own, and for the right reasons, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Feel good about your decision, knowing it was for the best and that you will lead a healthier and happier life as a result – leaving yourself open to new possibilities and new relationships.

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