Showing posts with label I love you. Show all posts

Sunday, 20 March 2016

Dating Ideas Based On Your Game Plan

"The best love relationships are based on friendship" - Susan

Dating Ideas Based On Your Game Plan

5 Date Ideas Based On Your End Goal

You might think that modern dating means you no longer have to take the lead when it comes to relationships, but many experts argue that the courting process between guys and girls not only still exists, but is also still important. While your girlfriend might not have an issue planning a date here and there, more often than not, women value and appreciate the effort it takes to come up with a brilliant evening for the both of you. Especially in the beginning.

“When a man takes control, it lets the woman know that he is interested and is putting effort into starting a relationship,” says matchmaker and dating expert Sarah Patt. “Also as much as women like to eliminate gender roles, it still makes you feel good to know that you’re being pursued.”

So when should you go into a date with a game plan? Sorry guys, but Patt says 100 percent of the time: “Women like men who are decisive and take charge. It’s always good to have a plan when it comes to dating – even just a general idea,” she continues. “Everyone hates ‘I don’t know. What do you want to do?’ Be creative!”

If you want some extra help to get you brainstorming, follow these based on what your end goal is:

It’s the date when you finally want to have sex with her.

Forget the third date rule and go by your gut. If she’s someone you could see yourself getting serious with, and you’re ready to take it to the sexual level, Patt says bringing in the romance – without being over-zealous – is key. “Create an intimate dinner at home with champagne or good wine, and make the scene comfortable and calm,” she says. “Whatever you do, make sure it’s a desired and relaxed environment for both of you so you are mentally and physically in the mood.”

You want to have the DTR talk.

Ready to define the relationship? Awesome. Have this conversation in bed, Patt says. “When you want to talk about this, it doesn’t have to be a formal date – instead it should be in the moment,” she says. “Whether you’re having coffee on a Sunday morning or laying in bed talking, the more organic it feels, the more intimate it will be.”

You want to ask her to meet your family.

Now you’ve been seeing each other for a long time and you’re ready for her to meet some of the most important people in your life. When you’re planning a date to meet your mom and dad, or siblings, you want to make sure the environment for all is comfortable and easy. “Let her know your family is coming into town or you’re visiting them, and you want her to join you. It can be a breakfast, a dinner or going to an event all together – just make sure there is time for everyone to talk and get to know each other,” she says.

You want to say “I love you” for the first time.

While Patt says this should happen organically and in the moment, it’s more important to note where you shouldn’t say those three words for the first time. “Steer clear of saying it during or after any activities in the bedroom to avoid raising any red flags for her,” she says. “Remember, most women tend to overthink it!” Meaning, if it comes out in the heat of the moment, she may ask some uncomfortable questions...

You want to ask her to move in with you.

If you’re ready for her to be your roommate she likely already has a few things at your apartment. When she’s coming over after work, cook – or order takeout – and place a key to your place next to her dinner plate. When you sit down to eat and she sees it, Patt says to let her know that whenever she’s ready, so are you.

Studies (Denes, 2012) suggest that revealing positive feelings for one’s partner after intimacy is associated with increased trust, relationship satisfaction, and closeness. So you'll probably get a better response when you're both physically and emotionally naked.

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Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Getting Dumped Ain’t so Bad

Anybody that has had a relationship in their lives by the time they've reached my age has either dumped someone or been dumped. That by the looks of things is the way of the world these days. Hopefully this opening statement should bring a sigh of relief to those that are thinking “oh, woe is me!” The truth is there is a reason why we feel like crap when we get dumped. Some of it is instinctual from back in the day when to be cast out from the herd and left meant almost certain death without the support of the tribe. Read: The Science Behind Why Breakups Suck. The rest is mostly to do with self-esteem because we all like to be liked or even loved. We all want to people to see us in a good light for who we are. When you partner or whoever says "I don’t want to be with you anymore!" then that’s a huge kick in the crotch!!!

The truth is it almost always going to be a pain in the privates even just for a little while, until you pick yourself up dust yourself off and say never again (before eying up that hot man or woman waiting for the train then very next week!).

There is a way to turn things around. The ending of a relationship has no reflection against you as a person. It only has relevance with regards to the relationship that just ended. You probably told yourself that everything was wonderful and all issues could be handled in your collective stride, or maybe there were some issues but you were willing to live or ride with them because the pain of being alone seemed to outweigh the issue at hand. The truth is though there is not just you involved. It’s 2 separate minds, 2 separate upbringings, family backgrounds, friends, influences etc. So you two aren’t the same exact animal. There are differences. Understanding and appreciating that will get you a long way down the road to getting your head together on how you relate in a relationships. You are still you and you still live your life. Yes, it is wonderful to be in a relationship but not for the sake of it. Both bring something to the table in their own right. One of the biggest problems I see (in my opinion) is the notion of the other person is there to make you to feel “whole”!

I know may appear that I'm pointing a cynical finger at what has become a modern cliche of these times and may get me hate mail but I really don’t think it’s healthy to hang this millstone around your partners neck to say "make me whole"! As we used to say in the playground, “I can’t make poop”! Same here is if you are relying on someone to make you whole then your effective giving away your power. You are saying that without you I’m nothing and the truth is that simply is NOT so. I never enter any relationship unless I feel I have something to give, NOT what can they give me. It may simply be that I think I can just bring so fun, smiles, laughter, love, companionship, positive outlook, sex…blah, blah, blah. Of course to get that back from my partner is all one could expect but it’s not the food it’s the gravy. If someone appreciates also allows me to be me and still enjoys hanging out with me then that is a good relationship foundation. There is nothing worse than having to act a certain way with you partner than you do with others. I don't mean just putting the toilet seat down different, I mean where if you're family where near you at the time they would think you were dead weird in a sad way or if you when you question whether you can keep the facade up for any longer! To get over this what I decided a long time ago was that I shouldn't pretend to be anything but best and most honest example of me when dating or corresponding with a prospective date. That way they're no pretense and no pressure or surprises and if what they see is what they like (or feel they can put p with) then great. That is a pretty good foundation for a relationship.

Some relationships on reflection should never have been so deep. In hindsight they should only have been friendships, you probably right now, if you've ever had a previous relationship crumble can think of situations where it would have been better to have been friends than in a committed relationships. Maybe that’s the thing. We see so much in our society today, images of the perfect couple that as soon as we meet someone that doesn't turn us off we automatically assume that they turn us on and after that the chase is on. If we’re lucky we convince them too that a relationship is a brilliant idea and we gallop down the road leading to alter. Not that I’m saying everything in the above scenario is wrong. I’m certainly not putting myself up as a relationship coach right now (see the Monogamous Temptress for that) but what I am saying is that we should be respectful of everyone we meet.

Respect that everyone wants to be happy. But again in today’s society we get side tracked in our thinking. People do whatever they can to feel safe and happy. That’s a very simplified statement I know and what I now understand about human nature there are a number of targets people feel the need to fulfill in order to be happy. There is also 2 modes within us that can at time be at conflict in our effort to be happy. It’s not within the scope of this article to address this subject fully but really quick and dirty it’s simply our reasoning rational self and or childish animal self. As an example of the two imagine you just been told that you’re partner no longer wants to be with you anymore. The reasonable person within you could think like this:

"Oh, that’s a shame as I was really into you. I didn’t think this was going to happen. Are you sure that’s how you feel. What is it that makes this so? Only I wonder what happened to change his mind think this was his best option. Oh, but I think he’s been thinking this over for some time and it must been weighing heavy on his mind for ages. Quite a burden I bet. I want him to be happy though. Hurts like hell. I wonder what we need to sort out so we can both be happy in the long run and we can still get along. God, I’m glad he had the courage to get this out in the open before it was too late or that could have been a huge disaster... Well I hope heal be happy. I know I'll be okay. I fancy doing something with the girls this weekend.

Instead of:

"Nooooo! You can’t leave me I love you. I love you so deeply and we were perfect together. How can he leave when I love him so much? It doesn't make sense. Tell me why you want to leave. I can change. I’ll do anything you want, just don’t leave me, I need you. You are my life. I can make you happy like no one else can. We are so right for each other. But you said you loved me. So you lied to me. What am I going to tell my friends? I was planning on to go away together on holiday, just us. How can you do this you were my life? How am I going to survive without him.

I know that this is not typical but you can see that in the first there is some rational reasoning and in the second it was a bit of a mess of victim mentality and that the because they loved them so much there should be no reason to split. The truth is it doesn't matter how much you love someone if they see it as more painful to stay together than to be part then you may have to let them go. Especially in the case of men, as they from experience tend to bounce. They will run off then come back again and then maybe run off again. I’m not entirely sure why that is but I think it could be the wrestle between that habit of being with someone and a certain feeling of obligation and their own need for happiness. Maybe also a fear of what they could be missing.

One needs to stop and think though that if someone is looking to leave you they have given some thought to the consequences and also in a sense, if you can’t rely on them to stay with you then maybe you’re better off without them.

If you have any thoughts on this post then leave you comments below.

Other previous articles:

Saturday, 31 August 2013

What I Learned: 10 Things Your Spouse Needs to Hear You Say

Words have creative power.

The universe was created with words.

In marriage and when life gets busier – kids, career commitments e.t.c – the small things tend to suffer first.

Affirming, building, creative words are usually forgotten, replaced by practical, ‘real’, unexciting often uncreative vocabulary.

Once exuberantly expressed and deeply felt, our creative powerful words lie unused.

I am a working progress in every area I’ve listed below and I think most of us are. (Please feel free to add to the list in the Comments section). Here are the 10 things that your spouse needs to hear you say:

1. I need you

We first see vulnerability in our relationship with God. He says we must become as little children in order to inherit His kingdom.

Sweetness and intimacy in marriage is often found in brokenness. We must never stop needing each other. And showing each other that we need each other.

2. I am praying for you

Prayer is powerful. And most people appreciate being lifted up in prayer. When going through a rough patch, your spouse will feel affirmed and cared for. Letting your spouse know that you are praying for them deepens intimacy.

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3. Please, Thank you

Joyce Meyer shares the story of this couple friend of theirs who were incredibly courteous with each other. The words ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ filled their every day vocabulary. It drove Joyce crazy.

“Who in that world does that any more, you are married for goodness sakes!” she thought.

Later on, she began to see and appreciate the value and beauty of a life filled with courtesy, gratitude and humility. Such words reflect our attitude of love, respect, appreciation, honor and awe.

4. I love you because…

I think most of us want to know why we are loved.

When my husband tells me that he loves the way I handled a particular situation or appreciates the way I made a certain meal, I am over the moon.

Being specific, (“I love you because…”) instead of being general, (“I love you”) often builds up our spouses in a deeper way.

5. You are beautiful/handsome

Your husband/wife needs to know that you still find them attractive.Life has a way of altering our physical landscape. We need to hear that we are beautiful in each others eyes.

6. I believe in you

I love hearing these words from Tommy. I feel affirmed and strengthened. I think most men agree that a wife who stands by them (through thick, thin and loony) is a treasure and a gift. We are made to be affirmed.

7. No

Marriages need boundaries. And it’s not just a matter of creating boundaries – the harder work is in observing them. I love it when Tommy puts his foot down. I am
~~pushy~~ persuasive and sometimes the most loving thing Tommy can tell me is “No babe”

Most couples are opposites in terms of personality. We bring different strengths into the relationship and balance each other out.

8. I am sorry, forgive me

So often we say “am sorry” because we want a battle to end. Real repentance means acknowledging your faults and making a turn to become better. It means dealing with yourself first.

When you are open and honest and mean what you say, your spouse will often sense that. And your true repentance maybe the only thing needed to resolve whatever issue is on the table.

9. What do you think?

We need to involve each other in our decision making processes. Involving your spouse communicate that you value them, their thoughts and insights.

For women, it’s one of the ways they feel loved. It affirms your partnership and often helps manage expectations.

10. You are my hero

“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.” Hoosier farmer

Your spouse may not act “heroic” all the time. But being a hero has nothing to do with perfection. It’s about the things that they do well (there must be something they do well since you married them).

The world already tells your spouse what they can’t do or can’t be. There’s so much pressure to perform and shine. Your spouse needs to refuel from your faucet of love. If you don’t refuel them, who will?

Question – What other things do you think spouses need to hear?

View the original article here

Other articles of interest:

Saturday, 27 July 2013

Dating the Insecure Woman vs. the Secure Woman? Part 1

Men love women who are secure and loathe women who are not.

We know females do crazy things when they love hard. But all too often, these are based on fear. Fear will make you act crazy, so be sure to check yourself and please do not act based off your emotions.

Men often speak of their love in terms of action, instead of simply saying “I love you.” If you want him to say it, it would be best for you to express how you feel and tell him, “ I love you, baby.” Eventually, the words will come out of his mouth.

Have you ever met the girl or had a friend who is drop-dead gorgeous but cannot keep a man, because of her insecurities? (E.g., Halle Berry.) Ladies, your exterior beauty will not last forever. You have until you’re about 35 or 40 years of age, and for some, right after you have your first baby is when your physical attractiveness starts declining. You have to wear a little more makeup, buy a few more accessories, work a little harder at the gym, etc.– unless you have invested in long-lasting beauty and continued self-improvement.

Stop wasting your money on temporarily-beautifying items until you have invested in your inner sanctum, where true beauty lies. This is the stuff that makes the Man of Your Dreams (MOYD) fall in love with you. Trust our advice on this one. Look at some of the most beautiful women in the world and ask yourself why they are either single or go from man to man. They have everything material but still cannot find someone to truly love them. Money cannot buy everything and it certainly cannot buy love. Ask Oprah, Halle Berry or any other woman you look up to and consider to be a wealthy, successful role model.

89 Questions

Sometimes you have gone beyond reason and you are just looking for something to be wrong. If you have this problem, all your questions lead to an eventual interrogation. For instance, you ask your man while Skyping, “Why are you not wearing your shirt”? His response will be, “I am sitting here without a shirt because its hot. It’s 100 degrees inside and 102 degrees outside.” He will think this is a dumb question and will become irritated quite quickly if you persist.

A secure woman is not concerned about why he does not have his shirt on. In the same scenario, her focus is on complimenting her man as opposed to interrogating him. You can quickly change the energy by making a statement about how beautiful he looks without his shirt, and still achieve your desired outcome. Take your same question and reverse it. “Honey, you look so nice without your shirt on, damn. Give me some.” His response will be, “Yes, when are you coming home, baby?”

Note the difference. The insecure woman asked the question because of her insecurity, not because she was concerned about him, but because she was only concerned about herself. She did not care that it was 100 degrees inside and 102 degrees outside. If normally her man has a shirt on and then all of a sudden he does not, there must be a good reason.

Being insecure, she asked him a dumb question. What the insecure woman wanted to know was why her man did not have a shirt on, but she could have gotten the answer and so much more by rephrasing the question in the form of a compliment. His response would not be an irritated one. He would be smiling at her compliment and then he would be ready to tell her anything she wanted to know. Like, “Baby, I don’t have a shirt on because it’s burning up in here.” Do you see the difference in his response? One woman was insecure and by being insecure, she irritated her man by asking a dumb question. The woman who was secure excited her man by giving him a compliment, thus getting more information than the insecure woman. They both had the same purpose. One got the answer she wanted and will have heated sex that night, and the other irritated her man and got the heated answer, propelling her man away from her.

Too many phone calls and text messages

Ladies, give your man a chance to breathe. Give him a chance to miss you.

Admit that you have an issue with being insecure. If your man has clearly told you not to keep calling and texting, and you text him 10 more times, remember that your insecurities are pushing him away. At some point you have to understand what is reasonable, what is unreasonable and what is flat-out nuts. You cannot force a man to do what you want, but you can be that bright, shining example of what you desire. Clearly explain your issue to the MOYD and ask for his help.

Realize that true success in a relationship is understanding that no man on this planet will ever be perfect. No one will be able to answer the phone or e-mail or text at every instant, especially while driving. Calm your fears by thinking in terms of safety first, and also realize that the perfect man does not exist. The future success of your relationship will depend on understanding this one very important point. (Women Have the Power to Help Men Become Better)

He chose you

He could have chosen someone else, but he chose you. Let that soak into your brain. Seriously, we know this sounds funny, but it’s true. You live at home and you are sharing bills, etc. There are two ways to look at this situation. One is that you are building this together. Or, you can self-sabotage by constantly filling your mind with negative thoughts. As you continue to fill your mind with these negative thoughts, eventually you will get the results of these negatives and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We have all made this mistake. The secure woman knows that she is the bomb and she acts like it, and expects positive results. She knows that she is a gift to her man. Thus, he loves her because of her confidence. It’s like anything…if you know you are the bomb then you must be! Remember the five magic words your man wants to hear: “you can do it, baby!” Whether you believe it or not, if you say these words to your man over and over again, eventually he will believe it.

View the original article here