'Interesting ... well at least its not all about looks'            -       Susan

12 Things Guys Like in a Girl besides Her Appearance

Looks matter, but it’s not everything. Find out what those 12 things are that all guys desire and like in a girl besides her appearance to fall for her.

Appearances play a big part in physical attraction.

Your looks are almost always one of the first things a guy would notice about you.

Well, of course, some guys would even claim that they look at a girl’s face, boobs and butt before they look for anything else.

If you’ve got a great physique and looks to match, you’ll definitely get any guy’s attention.

But here’s the thing, your looks could get a guy’s attention for a few seconds, but that’s all the advantage you can get with appearances!

Things guys notice in a girl beyond looks

If you want a catch a guy’s eye beyond just mere appearances, and get him interested in you even though there are several girls around you, all you need to focus on are the little things that always draws a guy.

If you play your cards right, you’d be able to grab any guy’s attention and get him to notice you within seconds, and make him fall for you in minutes!

12 things guys like in a girl besides her appearance

You don’t really need to focus a lot on appearances, but then again, having a great body and a cute face will only make the game of attracting guys a lot easier for you. But beyond physical attraction, keep these 12 perfect girl traits in mind. As long as you use these things to your advantage, you’ll surely catch all the eyes you want to catch in no time!

#1 Femininity. Femininity is the greatest asset of every girl. And it’s a trait that no masculine guy can resist. Contrary to the belief of many girls, don’t ever assume that displaying your femininity is a sign of weakness or the weaker sex. You can be feminine and girly, and still in control of every situation.

#2 Playfulness. In every successful relationship, playfulness is a trait that plays a big part in it. Be a happy and fun loving girl who’s alive and the centre of attention in her world. Guys love a girl who is playful and cheerful. And they absolutely hate girls who are constantly stressed or unhappy and depressed. Laugh, have a sense of humour and tease the guy you like. He’ll be smitten by you in no time!

#3 Expressions. A pretty face is blank and meaningless without its expressions. Make eye contact with the guy as you talk to him. Smile mischievously when you say something naughty, roll your eyes when he acts like an idiot, and smile genuinely when you’re talking to him. The way you smile, use your eyes and your voice to express yourself will leave him mesmerised by you.

Just think of Rachel McAdams and the way she uses her voice and her expressions while talking. She’s cute, funny and oh-so-sexy, isn’t she?

#4 Self esteem. Fall in love with who you are, and respect yourself for the person you are. Self respect and self worth play a big part in your attitude towards the world, and the way the world sees you. Focus on your talents and trust your intuition. Don’t change who you are, unless you think you can be a better person. Believe in yourself, and you won’t put yourself down in front of a guy just to impress him.

#5 Intelligence. Men who are secure about themselves *the only kind of guys you should date!* don’t feel threatened by a woman who’s intelligent and aware of the world. In fact, guys love a girl who can have an intelligent conversation with them about worldly affairs.

You can look pretty and catch his eye, but if you can’t hold onto a conversation with him, he’d just look at you as his arm candy and not someone he can fall in love with. But you need to keep this in mind, use your intelligence in a cooperative manner, not in a competitive way or that would just lead to ego clashes and angry confrontations. 

#6 Self reliance. Guys want to feel like the protectors, and they want to take care of their woman. It’s what evolution has taught them. When you make a guy feel like you need him, he falls more in love with you. But at the same time, there’s a thin line between making him feel wanted and coming across as a clingy girlfriend.

Be independent and in control of your own life. Ask a guy for help when he’s around, but when you’re on your own, let this guy see that you’re capable of running your own life without his help. It’ll draw him closer to you and make him want to be more involved in your life. 

#7 Confidence. Your confidence shows off who you are, and just how much you control your own life. If you want to impress a guy, let him see you as a girl who truly knows just how good she is. Don’t be a doormat or accept anything he says just to please him.

#8 Your attitude. Guys are instantly attracted to kindness. And beyond mere physical traits, how kind and considerate a girl is plays a big part in the game of attraction. Do you consider yourself to be a kind person, or one who’s opinionated and arrogant? If the world sees you as arrogant, perhaps it’s time you let them see your kinder side. The world will love you for it.

#9 Fragrance. This is a sneaky little tip that can work wonders for you. Smell great around the guy you’re trying to impress. Each time he gets a waft of your fragrance as you walk past him or move your hands while gesticulating something, he’ll feel just a little weaker, and a lot more attracted to you! 

#10 Inner beauty. You may think a guy falls in love with a girl based on her physical appearances. But truth be told, he falls in love with the projection of what the girl feels about herself. The glow of sex appeal and beauty comes from within. If you don’t feel pretty when you look into the mirror, how can you expect others to find you attractive? It only takes a minute or less for inner beauty to kick in and work its magic when you’re talking to a guy.

While talking to some guy for the first time, did it ever feel like he was more attractive than you initially thought as soon as you started talking to him? Or on the other hand, have you spoken to a guy who seemed like he was really good looking until you started talking to him, and he started to progressively get worse looking until you just weren’t interested in talking to him anymore? That’s inner beauty, and it’s something everyone notices in you even if you don’t see it yourself.

#11 Healthy glow. Girls with that healthy, glowing skin always look more attractive than all the other girls, even if they don’t have a perfect figure. Eat healthy and try to keep yourself stress free, and look after your skin. And most importantly, work out. Sweating during a regular workout will give your skin a more flushed and radiant appearance. And it’ll work wonders when you’re staring at a guy from across the room.

#12 Zest for life. Do you love life? Do you think you’re spontaneous and alive? Guys love a girl who’s full of boundless energy and always ready for a new adventure. If a guy stares at a group of girls, the first one that catches his eye and interests him is the one who is energetic and fun. Doesn’t that mean something?!

Physical attractiveness definitely does play a part in attraction. But if you want to hold his attention beyond the first glance, keep these 12 things guys like in a girl besides her appearance in mind. It’ll definitely do more than just get you a second glance!

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"Treasure the love of your life because life has a habit of throwing a curve ball and one day they may no longer be with you".       -   Susan

Treasure The Love Of Your Life

We have all had one; that truly amazing love. The love of your life is considered a soul mate, the person who completes you. Unfortunately, most of us don't end up with that person, mostly because of ridiculous mishaps, or because we fail to realise or accept the way we really feel about them.

A lot of people manage to find their true love in high school or college and they grow together, creating an unbreakable bond. Often, we associate our first love with our true love because that person may have been with us during a time in our lives where we experienced the most changes. The time where our own beliefs, opinions, and ideas develop.

We can't help but feel close to that person because those partners had the most important influence during the most crucial development period. Despite the connection we may feel, we inevitably separate from that special someone. Most of the time, it is bad timing.

A lot of my friends always say "If only I had met him when I was in my 20's, I would have been able to handle everything." We meet the right person usually at the wrong time. This isn't always the case though, and those who meet their true love when they are a little older and more mature often end up with them forever. It's funny how we have to sometimes suffer through terrible relationships, to truly appreciate a good one when it comes along.

Why are we so stupid?

But most of the time, we end great relationships prematurely. Are we stupid or do we consciously end a relationship with the person we are supposedly meant for? It's probably a bit of both. It's important for us to make a distinction between a great relationship, and a relationship of habit. Bad relationships are a fact of life, great ones are precious, and are often taken for granted until it is too late.

We all spend our lives looking for love, but rarely finding it. We can love someone, but we are hardly ever in love. Most of the time, we learn to love our partner simply because we are with them for a long period of time. The love most couples have is equivalent to the love we have for someone we care about, not someone we are necessarily passionate about.

We fall madly in love with someone, we revolve our lives around that person, but somehow it never works out. Men (and some women) often break up with loved ones, while they are still in love with because they think there is someone else out there who is perfect for them. Women know that Mr. Right doesn't exist and that no guy is perfect, yet they can't help but always wonder whether their boyfriends are the one . The same applies to men, though men tend to be more blasé about it.

Some of my girlfriends claim that they're in love with their current boyfriends, yet they continuously talk about some other guy that they had a passionate affair with or long to be with. I tell them to follow their heart because there are enough loveless relationships in the world. The genuine love of your life is the one that makes your heart beat a little faster, the person you are constantly trying to impress, the person whose voice you need to hear, the person you do the little things for. But most importantly, it is the person you feel complete with. It's not a Jerry Maguire cliché; it's the truth. You will only realise this when you feel that way about someone, for the first time.

Avoid the checklist

There are a few people who do end up with their soul mates. Those are the lucky ones. The rest of us end up with people that meet enough of our criteria. A few years ago, a male friend of mine was madly in love with his girlfriend, to the point where they were months away from getting married. Then she did something stupid, nothing major, just annoying enough to bother my male friend. He then did something back to her, upsetting her of course.

A week later, it was over. Five years down the drain. The stupid thing is that they are still madly in love with each other. They are both too proud to get back together. In the meantime, each has gone through numerous relationships with no meaning and no love. But their example is an exception to the rule; most people would end the 5 years with each other's picture as a dartboard target.

My advice is simple for all the men out there: if your current girlfriend is the love of your life (and a person can tell if they are or not), then never let them go. Forgive when you have to, stand up for yourself when you must, but don't ever let petty problems end the relationship. Chances are that you will have a very hard time finding someone else like her. Cherish her like a diamond (it's a woman thing), and most importantly tell her how you feel. Men communicate, trust me.

If you are dating someone, but your heart still longs for another woman who is perfect for you, simply tell that perfect woman. She might have mutual feelings. If you don't try, you'll never know. If she doesn't feel the same way about you, you are in the exact same spot you were in before; but if she feels the same way, you will be one of the lucky ones who gets his princess.

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Why 'Being Hot' Is NOT Essential To Our 23-Year Marriage

"Proof that marriages do last if you work at it and not give up at the first hurdle when something goes wrong.  Well done !! "      -  Susan

PHOTO: EILEEN DONOVAN-KRANZ

Why 'Being Hot' Is NOT Essential To Our 23-Year Marriage

What is essential? Laughter, love, and a husband who shops and cooks.

The essay by Amanda Lauren, "Staying Hot For My Husband Is ESSENTIAL To A Successful Marriage," just slapped me upside the head — probably because it's what marriage, in my mind and my reality, is NOT.

Today is my 23rd wedding anniversary and my husband I have been through so much in in that time. I married at 31; my husband was 29. My mother clasped her hands and said, "Finally!" when we told her and my father called up friends at the Knights of Columbus (where once upon a time he was Grand Poobah). 

Between them, my parents planned the wedding in an hour.

On our day I remember the beauty and power of gathering all our people together, and I remember my spouse's tears when I walked down the aisle.

I also remember when his father stepped into the aisle I was walking down with my own dad and introduced himself to me in front of the 200 seated witnesses. He hogged my spotlight in some weird way for a minute.

Maybe I was to blame for that; after all, I had urged my husband to invite the dad from whom he'd long been estranged. But it worked out OK in the end because parents don't last forever and our relationship needed to start sometime, so why not mid-aisle?

That morning my mom had said something helpful: "No matter what happens today, if your flower girls scuff up your veil, take it with grace; if someone splashes red wine on your dress, take it with grace; if the lights go off, the food runs out..."

"OK, OK," I'd said. "I get it!" I responded.

Much later on, I realised those words were a good rule for life. 

On our wedding day I was overwhelmed with waves of love and emotion and forgiveness. Having lived on a diet of irony for a long time, I didn't think this would happen to me: not marriage, necessarily, but the emotion that accompanied it. Later that night, my spouse carried me over the hotel room threshold.

I asked him recently if he remembered that.

"Huh," he said. "I don't."

"Probably because you don't remember me being light enough to lift," I said.

......

Marriage has delivered to us so much more than we expected — weight, sure, but age as well. It's delivered us lots of love but also plenty of heartache. It's delivered us two gorgeous, wonderful, feisty girls, and everything about them has made us grow in unexpected ways.

It's delivered us a lost pregnancy and deaths — of a parent here and grandparents there, and a brother in law, too — divorces of siblings, drug addictions in the next generation of children, surgeries and depressions, and the horrific pressure and pain of a brutal teen culture that nearly destroyed our daughters and us.

But overall, I'm so happy to be alive and fairly well. I would trade any bit of health I have for the wellness of my children and the other young people I love, though no one gets to choose.

One thing is certain: through all this time, and all of this marriage, I've rarely thought about hotness — as if that mattered, as if that were a thing.

Sure, I've been hard on myself superficially some days. (But come to think of it, I've never really been hard on my husband. Quite the double standard discrepancy right there, huh? The way I've judged myself?)

I acknowledge I was pretty damn attractive at one time, and much more attractive in retrospect, even though I'm still the hottest wife on the block. (But it's a really short block. And some of the residents are over 80. And none of the pretty young people living next door in that triple-decker are married yet.)

Tonight, for our anniversary dinner, my husband made us all ratatouille and — upon request — gluten-free calamari. He's a great cook. We sat down and I groaned: I had thrown out my back this morning when I bent to load a saucer into the dishwasher.

"I hope you know, hun," I said. "There will be no athletic anniversary sex tonight because of my back," which got a laugh from him. The kids, who are no longer kids, and one boyfriend, screamed protests, ate quickly, and pretty much ran from the room. So we had a bit of a private anniversary dinner after all.

Hell, if we didn't have laughter and conversation more than hotness, what would we have?

If staying hot for your husband is ESSENTIAL to a successful marriage, then clearly, you haven't been through much in marriage ... yet.

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The Uncanny Power of a Red Dress

"I love the colour red and will wear it gladly, but because it can be seen as a sexy, passionate colour, (you only have to look at the colour of lingerie that is advertised for sale on valentines day)  I always make sure that the  style of the clothes I wear in red are suitable to the occasion".  - Susan

The Uncanny Power of a Red Dress

........ and why its all about who one is going to meet.

Research has shown that wearing red clothes can make women more attractive to men. But do women take advantage of this fact by wearing red when they want to attract a man’s attention?

The colour red is strongly linked to desire and attraction. Men are more attracted to women who wear red, and it seems that women who want to attract men do so by wearing red. For example, there is evidence that women report wearing red clothes more often during the fertile phase of their menstrual cycle. Women responding to an online survey also reported that they would be more likely to don a red outfit when dressing for a date rather than a non-romantic encounter.

However, scientists are never satisfied until they tackle a question from every angle. How do we know for sure that women prefer to wear red when they go on dates? Can we trust respondents to an Internet survey? They may think that they would dress in red for a romantic encounter, but the reality could be much different. (Very few of us keep a precise diary of which clothes we wear to every social occasion.) Also, even in laboratory studies in which women express a preference for one clothing colour over another, the choice given is usually between fire-engine red and some other equally garish shade.

Is this guy for real?

Daniela Niesta Kayser of the University of Potsdam in Germany, along with collaborators in Munich and the U.S., invited women to visit the lab to participate in a psychology experiment (5). Interested women received email directions to the lab, along with a photograph of a male undergraduate researcher who would be running the experiment.

The team included the photograph in the email so that the women would be able to recognise the researcher when they arrived—at least, that’s what they told the women. In fact, the "researcher" was one of two students from another university whose photographs 20 women had previously rated for attractiveness. One man received an average score of 6.6 out of 9; the other got a score of 3.9 (not so hot).

Half of Niesta Kayser’s volunteers received a photo of the more handsome man, and the other half received a photo of the less attractive student. When the volunteers showed up at the lab, they learned that the researcher they were supposed to meet was unavailable, and so another researcher would be running the experiment. That researcher took a full-body photo of the volunteer.

Later, other research assistants, who had no idea what the study was about, pored over the photos and made a note of what each volunteer was wearing. They classified volunteers as wearing red if any part of their clothing, including accessories, was red, pink, or scarlet. Colours less similar to red (e.g., orange, maroon, purple) did not qualify.

Results

Women were more likely to show up to the lab wearing red if they expected to be greeted by the handsome man: 57% of the women who expected to meet the attractive man wore red, but only 16% of the women wore red when they expected to meet the unattractive man.

But were women choosing to wear red to attract the more attractive man, or choosing to wear less red to put off the less attractive man?

Niesta Kayser checked how many women in the same university normally wore red by observing 200 customers at a campus cafeteria: 32% of these women wore red, roughly halfway between the percentage who had worn red to meet the researcher who was attractive hot and the percentage who had worn red to meet the researcher who was not. Assuming that cafeteria customers represented a baseline population, this suggested that volunteers in the main study were choosing to wear more red to meet the attractive researcher, and choosing not to wear red to meet the unattractive researcher.

As the authors of the study wrote:

Women often enhance their attractiveness as a way of competing with other women to gain the attention of desirable men. This phenomenon may extend to colour displays, as the colour red appears to be one feature that enhances perceptions of a woman’s attractiveness.

They also suggest that future research could test the effects of female-female competitiveness on women’s desire to wear red clothing.







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What to Text a Guy When You Want to Make the First Move

"A text is both personal and impersonal and unlike letters of love it’s instant and once it’s sent you can’t go chasing the messenger to try and get it back.  So think carefully before you press that SEND button"      -  Susan

What to Text a Guy When You Want to Make the First Move

Making the first move for a girl can be scary! If you want to know what to text a guy you like, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s all you need.

Gone are the days of waiting for a man to approach you and make a move. Women are becoming more and more confident in their abilities to ask a man out when they want to. Women are the ones making all the first moves nowadays and I have to say, it rocks!

However, even if you’re a confident woman that has the guts to make the first move, it can still be kind of scary. Something that makes this a lot easier is doing it over a text message. While some people may be against this, I’m not.

What to text a guy you have your sights set on

With texting becoming the primary means of conversing with someone, it only makes sense for you to make your move via texting – especially if the two of you already have a nice dynamic going. But the trouble is finding just what to say so he knows how you feel without scaring him away. 

I have a lot of experience texting guys when I like them and making the first move and I have a lot of male friends who have divulged exactly what they’d like to get over a text. Before we get to what to text a guy when you want to make the first move, we should first go over some texting ground rules.

Rules of texting

It might seem like you should be able to just text them whatever you want whenever you want, but there are some unspoken rules of texting a guy that you should know about before diving in for the first move.

#1 Never send multiple unanswered texts. Nothing screams “CLINGY” like sending text after text when he hasn’t even replied yet. I get that you’re eager to talk to him because you like him, but this makes you look desperate. 

#2 Never text him after 12am. Some people may know of these other unspoken rules, but this one might be new to you. I say you should never text a guy after 12am because most guys take that as a booty call sign – something you most definitely don’t want to be seen as if you’re looking to date him.

#3 No sex-talk. You can most definitely be flirty and fun without having to talk about sex with a guy. While you may get his attention this way, it will be the wrong type of attention overall and you won’t have a good chance of actually dating him.

#4 When he says he has to go, don’t text him. This is a big mistake that most girls make and it comes off super clingy in the eyes of a guy. When he says he has to do something and can’t talk anymore, don’t send him texts while he’s away. If he has his phone on him, it’ll be really annoying and if he doesn’t, it’ll be overwhelming when he finally does look at his phone. 

#5 Don’t let the conversation die. Conversations that go flat quickly never result in a good relationship. In order to text a guy when you want to make the first move, you have to keep the conversation lively, but never forced. Think of topics to talk about and if you find something he seems chatty about, stick to it for a while.

Now, WHAT to text a guy

Now that you know what to avoid when texting a guy, we can get to the good stuff. When you want to make the first move over a text, here’s what to text a guy and why it works.

#1 I’ve got a bottle of wine, a great movie, and no one to keep me company. What are you up to tonight?This text would be perfectly placed when he asks you what you’re doing tonight. It’s perfect because you’re not being too blunt, but you’re also letting him know that you don’t have company and want some, and that you’re ready for a relaxing evening. 

#2 I’ve got two tickets to this amazing concert. Are you busy this weekend? If you really want to go for a fun first date and feel pretty good about your chances of him saying yes, then go with this text. You don’t have to say that you specifically bought the tickets for the two of you, but just saying that you have two and asking if he’s free during the concert time makes him aware of the fact that you like him.

#3 Hey, what do you say you and I go out tonight? This text is particularly useful when he says he doesn’t have any plans for the night or even if he says his plans fell through. It might be last minute, but if he already planned on going out, he should be up for it.

#4 I like you. Let’s get coffee sometime. Straight and to the point. A direct approach is never a bad idea when texting a guy when you want to make the first move. Honestly, I think most guys like it better this way – or so they’ve all told me. It takes the guesswork out of the whole thing and flatters them, too. 

#5 You know, I think we would have a lot of fun together. This one is a little more vague and works especially well for shy people who feel confident that the guy also likes them. It’s not outright asking him on a date, but it is putting the notion out there that you’d like to go on a date given the opportunity. The ball is now in his court.

#6 You’re a lot of fun through texting, but how much fun are you in person? Guys are competitive creatures. If you hit him with this text, it’ll seem like that much more of a challenge for him. He’ll definitely want to prove to you that he IS just as fun in person and you’ll get a date! 

#7 There really isn’t anyone else that I like talking to this much. This is a really sweet text that will definitely make him smile. Not only will he be flattered, but he’ll also get the hint that you’re into him. Hopefully he’ll feel the same way and this text gives him the opportunity he needs to ask you out.

#8 So, there’s this party I got invited to but I think it’s going to be pretty lame. Do you want to come with me so at least there’s one fun person to hang out with? It may seem counterproductive to ask someone to go with you to a “lame” party, however, this really does work. You’re flattering this guy by not only inviting him, but also saying that he’ll be the only fun person at a lame party. It gives him incentive to go and you’re also revealing how much you like him.

#9 What do you say we take this great conversation out to eat? If you two are having a really great conversation and you’d rather be in person, just send him this text. As long as he’s not busy and you could be ready pretty quickly, this is a perfect way to go from texting to in person easily and without too much hassle. 

#10 You know what, let’s go out sometime. I think it would be a blast. Another very direct approach that doesn’t put too much pressure on a guy. When you’re having a fun conversation with him, just throw this in mid-conversation. You’re clearly stating that you would like to go out with him, but by avoiding the word “date” you’re making it less formal and easier for him to agree to.

Knowing what to text a guy can be one of the hardest things. Luckily, we have all the texts you’ll need if you want to make the first move.

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The One (Really BIG!) Reason Monogomy Beats Polyamory EVERY Time

"Monogamy vs polyamory ? in my mind it has to be monogamy, why ? life has enough stresses in it without adding multiple relationships to it"    - Susan

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The One (Really BIG!) Reason Monogomy Beats Polyamory EVERY Time

We are only human.

Monogamy isn't the only way to live, but it's a path that provides the most comfort, a sense of belonging, good health and longevity we deeply desire. 

A polyamorous relationship can provide those things, but it also dramatically ups the ante for those scary feelings we all experience when wounded in love. By being deeply vulnerable to more than one person, the possibilities for suffering increases. So for those of us who already have enough of a challenge working through our emotions with a single partner, it can be too overwhelming to make polyamory work.

Thanks to that little ol' evolutionary adaptation called LOVE, you're hard-wired to vigilantly assess the quality of connection between you and the person you feel most bonded to. If that loved one seems unavailable — literally or emotionally — you'll experience biologically-driven, unstoppable feelings of vulnerability ... be it within monogamy, polyamory, or all the shades of grey in between. 'Tis just the way you're built.

Is there anything more comforting than belonging so completely within a securely bonded relationship of commitment, availability, responsiveness, and emotional engagement?

Our ability to emotionally bond with another is an integral part of who we are, and played a huge role in ensuring we survived as a species. When Mom emotionally bonds with Baby, Baby's chance of survival improves; so in order to survive, Baby seeks emotional and physical bonding with Mom (our first primary other).

Makes sense, right? We also developed the ability for romantic love so Dad sticks around to protect Mom and Baby from predators and competing males.

So yeah, our need for love runs deep, and you need it today JUST as much as you did when you were a wee little baby. If you've ever felt like you might die without it, you weren't being over dramatic — it's awful when you feel that love is in short supply. 

When I was in a polyamorous relationship and my primary partner shared her unrelenting desire to connect emotionally and sexually with an ex-lover, it broke me to pieces. I felt heartbroken, rejected, and powerless. Of course within the agreements of our relationship, it was her right to follow her longing, and my job to process the resulting pain — which I did while sobbing in the arms of my friends.

"Learn to recognise the counterfeit coins

that may buy you just a moment of pleasure,

But then drag you for days

Like a broken man

Behind a farting camel."

— Cast All Your Votes for Dancing, Hafiz 

Mind you, I'm genuinely grateful for that experience — and it’s not because I’m a masochist. In this instance (and others), I traversed the depths of my suffering, and now as an emotionally focused couples therapist I harness these experiences to be in sync with my clients' pain and guide them through it to the other side where the longed for experiences of connection, love, and soothing with their primary other reside. 

For me polyamory was a challenging, spiritual and self-developmental practice (so is fasting, meditation, social isolation, and attaching weights to your genitals in order to transcend the limits of your biological drives). If you're ready to face your hard-wired fears and trigger them day-after-day, you’d be hard pressed to find a better practice than Polyamory to bring you to your knees to submit to your vulnerability.

But if you want some modicum of comfort during this wild and danger-ridden journey called life, then monogamy is probably for you.

Is there anything more comforting than belonging so completely within a securely bonded relationship of commitment, availability, responsiveness, and emotional engagement? It ain't perfect (spoiler alert: you won't avoid feeling vulnerable), but it's the best available path we have to feel connected to our primary other with as little heartache as possible.

I, for one, am happier on the monogamy path. My relationship serves as a secure base and emboldens me to step outside of my comfort zone professionally and personally. Today as I type away in our family's living room, I can hear my wife and toddler going bananas in the kitchen making popcorn. You know, life brings its own f'ing growth opportunities without me searching them out. I'd rather my relationship provide the love and popcorn. 

We are all longing to be loved — longing to feel safe and securely snuggled under mother nature's security blanket (our ability to emotionally bond with another). The part of you that needs love the most is not a weak or needy part, it is actually the best part of you and the part of you that most deserves love.

Be kind to yourself and others. You deserve it — we all do!

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