Friday 27 September 2013

10 Human Things to Remember When Going on a First Date

10 Human Things to Remember When Going on a First Date

These 10 human things to remember when going on a first date is what I use not only for dating. Dating is rather fun if you're you're really looking looking for a date. What I mean is you got a little acquainted with someone either online or offline and now is the fruits of your labours and you're actually going to have a "one to one" with the person you asked for the date. Mission accomplished!

But without getting all heavy dating coach on you all and going into a 4 hour seminar here are 10 human things to consider that will keep things light and fun.

1. Stop Seeing People as a Threat.

When we see people as a threat we will always be on the back foot in the relationship and communicate with the wrong mindset. Or as I see it you be a pilot with the completely wrong again of approach. What happens when the pilot has the wrong angle of approach? yep.... crash and burn!

What do I mean by the wrong angle of approach?

Here's an example. Many moons ago I hangout (first date...) with a girl that was an IT guru. I too worked in IT but nowhere near to her level. She also earned bucket loads of money more than me at the time. Some guys could have been put off by that believing that they should be top of the tree but my angle of approach was okay she had taken certain different steps in her life that got her to where she is today. She was still looking for a date and has a story to tell. What is that story? I want to hear her story... the subject of her work actually never came into the conversation at all. Turns out she was quite unhappy with her work anyway. 

2. Stop Competing with Others

In the above scenario I have seen and heard guys trying to upstage the girl by talking and impress upon her how much they know about x or y. Talking about work is fine especially as for most of us it's where we spend a lot of our time so unfortunately it does form a significant portion of their life so it's bound to come up in conversation. But rolling out your verbal resume probably isn't a good angle of approach lets say.

3. Stop Looking for Their Faults

This one is not just to do with dating, it also should be something to remember for life and anyone you meet. Remember whatever you centre you're thought on you tend to get more of.

It's often difficult for most of us as we have 'conditioning' that says we need to have some defenses up when we meet people. They almost have to prove us wrong before we can let them into our circle of trust. I think our reason it society says we shouldn't make mistakes or get used. Here's a beautiful quote I read recently that might explain:

“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.” -William Arthur Ward

As we tiptoe through life we can judge quite harshly other people sometimes. Especially when they do something ends up being a wrong move which possibly could affect us. We judge their actions but in ourselves we only judge our intentions we have and are more quick to let ourselves off the hook but slow to do the same for other. 

The world can be a lot of fun when you turn this around and see others as human that make errors of judgement sometimes and usually there not malicious at all. They're just errors of judgement.

4. See Them as a Friend

Whenever I have had the pleasure of going on a date I assume that the girl is already my friend. This works really well and changes the stance to give a very good angle of approach. You not sitting across the table waiting for the girl to do something you dislike so you can then say to yourself "A-ha, I was right she got this wrong with her so she's not the one god this is a waste of time"! No, it's like, lets just have a giggle. Remember it's not a blind date. Something in your correspondence said that it would be good to meet. So go with it all and have fun. If you're not sure how or why start again reading what I've just written.  Also what's wrong with making a friend online anyway?  Which leads me to...

5. See Them as Fascinating and Interesting Even if They Don't See That in Themselves

I love to do this as I get so much out of it and we all know what we give is what we get. Also people are fascinating aren't they?

We all have had different upbringing (unless your dating your sister... eww) but through one thing or another your date ended up sitting across the table from you. Isn't that cool?

Isn't it just so keep that in mind. Because of that angle of approach I have never had a bad date ever. It's literally impossible.

6. Let Them Speak

Do let them speak if they want too. Sometimes if we are nervous we can either shut up complete or end up becoming a motor mother and go on and on (we I do anyway). I obviously if you date isn't very talk active and you can hear the crickets croaking in the next town as you sit peering at the top of his/her head because the face down staring at the floor then you can at least ask a question or two to get things warmed up. No, what I'm talking about is they're talking about something they find interesting and you have had a similar experience or also know something they don't, don't sit on the edge just waiting for them to draw breath so you can chime in with you super opinion before they finished their sentence. Feel the moment and the contentment within that you can let them have the stage. Remember they're fascinating beings so...

7. Be Interested to Know More About What they Want to Talk About.

Here is a really good tip to stop yourself from ever getting bored with anything in life and that is to "Dig Into It Deeper". It's easy to get bored with things you don't know enough about. If tell you they like tiddy-winks and once reached the nationals, make an effort to find out what was that like, how do you play it, the rules and the required skills and techniques, who long had they been playing, where is the club they belong to, what special skills had they learned etc...

Don't start checking your phone, watch or chat up the waiter while they're divulging something about themselves or their stories of life. I guess the old adage treat others how you'd like to be treated which is in essence what life is all about and leads on to another skill which is to...

8. Try and Find Common Ground Between You.

The goal of the actual date is to really try and find common ground between you. If you strive to do this then very least you're going to be to each other is good friends and who says they don't have enough friends of the opposite sex.

9. Don't Dwell On the Negative.

When you're getting to know more about them you might find the subject of what he/she starts to talk about is negative. If this the case try to subtly move the conversation to to something positive or put a positive spin on things. An example might be that there ex dumped them for the gas man -rather than let the subject continue on a downward spiral try to see if you can reframe her experience for them by saying how freeing it is in the end when you get of a problem relationship or "Well I bet it must have been a nightmare but I must say it looks like you came out of beautifully you seem so brave and strong willed."

10. Do Find Something Positive

As with the above example try you best to put a positive spin on everything, "within reason". Make it a game almost to see how good you can get at reframing everything in a positive way. This will not only cause a benefit not only for them but for you too. 

Hopefully this all makes sense, but it ideas that I have used not just for dating but also for meeting anyone as I gallop around the world. Of course if you have any comments jot them down below please do...

All the best,


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