There's a great deal of misunderstanding about the subject of simultaneous orgasm. This is when a couple orgasms at the same time.
It's clear that a lot of people, and especially younger women, think that a male and a female are supposed to reach orgasm at the same moment, every single time! In the real world, this just isn't true.
For instance, I recently spoke to a female patient who has had several lovers over the course of her life. But she said that it wasn't until she had passed the age of 40 that she found a man with who she could synchronise her orgasms with.
The notion that simultaneous orgasm is the norm is simply a myth that's been created over the last couple of hundred years, by hundreds of romantic novels and erotic stories.
Even today, a lot of people believe that couples do generally 'come together'.
The result of all this misunderstanding is that nowadays, younger women write to 'agony aunts' saying things like: 'I'm sure there must be something wrong with me because I don't come at the same moment as my boyfriend. And he is quite upset about this …'
The medical facts
But the truth is that, while simultaneous orgasms are nice, they are difficult to achieve, especially when you're young.
They are more likely to occur in a close and loving relationship, where the partners have been together for years and know reach other's sexual responses well.
Co-ordinated climaxes are unlikely to happen during a 'one-night stand' or even during a brief affair, unless both people know a lot about skilful sexual stimulation.
It also helps if the man has good control of his own ejaculation, which is not very common among younger men.
So, why is simultaneous climax so difficult? Well, there are two main reasons.
The problem of a women achieving an orgasm during intercourse
When people talk about 'coming at the same time', they generally mean 'during intercourse'.
But climaxing during sexual intercourse itself is far from easy.
Up until the late 1960s, few experts realised this. There was a general assumption that all sexually active females should be able to reach orgasm as a result of intercourse alone, rather than foreplay. But at the end of the 1960s, two British women's magazine reader surveys showed that most females' couldn't reach a climax through intercourse alone.
These findings were almost completely ignored by the medical profession. When I mentioned them to a London psychiatrist, who was considered an expert in sex, he refused to believe them.
But in 1976, the US sex researcher Ms Shere Hite published a survey that showed exactly the same thing. Amazingly, her findings provoked great hostility in the USA – so much so that she eventually decided to leave America!
So summing up, it's difficult for a woman to reach a simultaneous orgasm with her man, especially if she can't climax during intercourse. And most women (not all) find this quite difficult.
The problem of timing the man's climax
Secondly, even if the woman can climax during intercourse, there's the question of whether the man can 'time' his own ejaculation to synchronise with hers.
Unfortunately, many younger men cannot time their climaxes at all, particularly if they suffer from premature ejaculation (PE).
Furthermore, a lot of men simply do not want to time their orgasms.
So again and again, what happens is that the woman starts thinking that she may climax soon. Then her partner suddenly comes – and that's that.
Definitely, no simultaneous orgasm tonight.
How to achieve simultaneous orgasm
For many couples simultaneous orgasm is not going to happen, at least on a regular basis. Many of them just accept this, and maybe that's not a bad thing, if they're both happy.
But if you really want to 'come' in the same instant as your partner, it can be done.
Here' a guide to help you.
1. Learn how to ensure that the female partner can orgasm more or less at will, during sexual intercourse.
If you work at it over a period of time and are always in a loving, romantic, unhurried atmosphere – this isn't all that difficult to achieve.
The trick is to make sure that you can reach the woman's clitoris, with the fingertips during intercourse. When you're both nearly ready to 'come' then rub it gently but enthusiastically.
2. Exploit the advantages of multiple orgasms.
If the female partner has learned how to have multiple orgasms, that makes the objective of simultaneous orgasms a lot easier.
Why? Because the male now has a number of different 'targets' to aim at.
In other words, if he isn't ready to climax by the first time she comes, he can always do it when she orgasms for the second, third or fourth time.
But the ability to reach multiple orgasms isn't very common in younger women. Females tend to learn it as they get older.
This underlines the fact that simultaneous orgasms are a lot easier for couples who have been together a long time in a loving relationship and who really understand each other's bodies.
Frankly, this might take years to do! But there's a strong tendency for men to learn more control as they get older.
A lot of 40 and 50 year olds can simply make love for hours on end and then ejaculate when the woman is ready.
What does this mean for couples?
Simultaneous orgasms aren't that common, particularly among younger people.
So, it's not a good idea to make a 'big deal' of them. But if you and your partner really want to enjoy simultaneous orgasm, this can be achieved.
It usually requires quite a lot of work and determination, preferably in the context of a long-term, loving, romantic relationship.
So if you both really want to do it, go for it.
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