Size does matter:
Sex expert Tracey Cox reveals how men really feel when it comes to the trouser department
|Tracey Cox says her work running a sex |
question-and-answer forum for men revealed
their never ending obsession with size
The results of an Australian study on male body image this week showed men are more concerned about how they measure up against their friends than they are what their partner thinks of their penis size.
The online study of 738 men found size mattered more in the gym changing room than it did in bed.
The obvious conclusions to draw from this are that women are kinder than men about ‘delicate’ issues and the much touted ‘size doesn’t matter to women’ really is true.
This month anyway.
In April, another study (this time based on the views of 105 Australian women) told us women rate tall men with long penises as the most attractive when asked to view computer generated images of male bodies with varying heights, body shapes and penis lengths.
Which surely means penis size is important to us.
Quite frankly, I don’t find the results of either survey believable or helpful.
In my 20-odd years of interviewing men about sexual attitudes and experiences and analysing research on the same, I’ve found penis size and performance remains top of the list of What Men Worry About.
I absolutely buy that men worry what friends will think if put in a situation where comparisons are made.
But I also think most men worry what their partners think as well.
I’d like to think the research is true and men really have finally got that penis size isn’t important in bed. But I doubt it.
Up until last year, I hosted an online clinic for men where they got to ask me anonymous questions about anything at all - sex, relationship, life, love - that bothered them.
On Monday nights, I’d dutifully log on for five hours and for the two year period the clinic ran, answered the same three questions over and over:
Am I big enough? Why can’t I last longer? Why isn’t my erection instant, rock hard and bullet proof?
'Women care more about the man attached to the penis than the penis itself' says Tracey
In each instance, I’d patiently seek to reassure with the facts:
Only 30 percent of women can orgasm purely through penile penetration, so the size of your penis is not as important as tongue or finger skills.
Most of the nerves of the vagina are concentrated in the first inch or so and it balloons when aroused, so if you want to be paranoid about anything, it’s width not length that’s more important.
The size of a man’s penis flaccid, is not a reliable indicator of penis size.
The guy who’s a ‘shower’ often won’t show much of an increase in size when erect while ‘growers’ increase dramatically.
I found it bewildering and upsetting that most of the men refused to be reassured and stubbornly clung to the myth that unless their penis was large and hard whenever they wanted it to be, their partner would be so disappointed, she’d either seek sex elsewhere or leave him.
'She won’t, you know,' I’d type sadly, knowing it wouldn’t be believed.
'Women care more about the man attached to the penis than the penis itself.'
Which brings me to the second survey result: that women find tall men with long penises the most attractive.
These women looked at 53 computer-generated, robot-like pictures which rotated so they were visible at different angles. Height, (flaccid) penis size and body shapes all varied.
Tall men with broad shoulders and larger penises won - but this isn’t ‘proof’ that women are as hung up on penis size as men are.
In the real world, we have sex with humans not robots and sexual attractiveness is based on much more than just looks - yet that’s all these women were asked to rate ‘attractiveness’ on.
It’s the guy with a sense of humour, who’s kind and loves us and treats us well that’s going to get and keep the girl.
Not the tall bloke with the big one.
A big penis doesn’t ever top the ‘Things I want from my partner’ list and not all research is interpreted accurately.
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