Does Online Dating Lead to More Break-Ups?

Does Online Dating Lead to More Break-Ups?

You can probably count at least a few couples you know who met through a site like eHarmony or Match.com Fish2Fish. Hey, maybe you’re one of them. And there’s no denying some peoples’ good luck. But a surprising new study out of Stanford and Michigan State shows that while online dating sites do work well for dating (obviously), they aren’t as successful at setting people up for marriage—or a lasting marriage, at that.

As more people search for love in cyberspace, and polls show that online dating has lost much of its stigma, researchers decided to look and see how meeting your mate online compares to meeting in real life.

And the results aren’t so pro-web: After polling more than 4,000 people, researchers found that those who used sites like eHarmony, Match.com, and Zoosk are less likely to get married than folks who met the old fashioned way. On top of that, the online couples who did get into long-term relationships or marry had a higher rate of break-ups compared to the couples who met offline.

But does it really matter how a pair got together? Maybe. The researchers theorize that endless options online may lead people to put off starting a serious relationship. Also, online relationships often take longer to get going (think about all the back-and-forth messaging), so they’re not as developed as offline ones over the same time period. Trust may also be an issue: Since many people are concerned that other users are lying in their profiles, they may be hesitant to get involved emotionally.

And then there are people who are in denial about what they want. “Some men and women use online dating as a sort of distraction when they want to meet someone, but don’t take it seriously,” says Seth Meyers, PsyD, author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription.

But none of this news means you should automatically delete your accounts—researchers say the more time couples spend with each other, the more they’ll get to know the other person and develop trust, which can up any couples’ odds of staying together in the long run.

But note: By “time together” they mean IRL.

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Relationships that Start Online are Less Likely to End in Marriage

Online daters break up more. Source: News Corp Australia

IF YOU consider how many of your friends have met their significant others on OkCupid, you know there’s considerably less stigma surrounding online dating than there was 10 or 15 years ago. But does that necessarily mean these relationships will be successful, 10 or 15 years down the line?

That’s what researchers at Stanford and Michigan State University wanted to know. In light of websites like eHarmony’s claims that more than a third of marriages start online, they recently polled more than 4,000 people to see whether eHarmony and OkCupid are as successful at predicting long-term romantic compatibility as they claim to be. Instead, they found the opposite: Couples who meet online are less likely to stay together long-term than those who meet offline.

It might start well, but online dating doesn’t end well. Source: Supplied

According to the study, couples who meet on websites like eHarmony, Match.com, and Zoosk are less likely to get married than couples who meet offline. Furthermore, even couples who meet on those sites and do end up getting married tend to break up at a higher rate than their offline counterparts. Perhaps most damning of all, online dating isn’t the most efficient way to find a romantic partner, with online couples taking a longer time on average to initiate a relationship than couples who met offline.

The reasons for this discrepancy, Michigan State University researcher Aditi Paul speculates, probably have to do with the fact that even though online dating is less stigmatised than it once was, we still tend to take online relationships a lot less seriously than ones in real life.

“We don’t put in too much thought into online relationships,” she wrote in the study. “Maybe this casualness that is associated with online relationship initiation impedes the development of the relationship in the long run.”

After all, if you don’t think of the guy you emoji-flirted with on Tinder as a serious dating prospect from the get-go, it’s unlikely that your views on him will evolve much six months down the line.

Don’t delete your profile, but be wary. Source: Supplied

Do the results of this study mean that we should all delete our Tinder and OkCupid accounts en masse? Of course not. After all, not everyone is logging on to dating websites and apps looking for a long-term romantic commitment. Even if you are, the study is quick to note that online dating isn’t a totally fruitless endeavour, as long as you take the time to build relationships with people and get to know them first.

“The more couples spend time with each other, the more they get to know the other person and develop interpersonal trust and intimacy with them,” the authors of the study wrote. “This leads to greater stability of the relationship, which in turn increases the odds of them staying together in the long run.”

So think about that the next time you’re half-heartedly thumbing through profiles on Tinder, swiping right for your soulmate.

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7 Essential Relationship Skills

Communication

This category involves critically important skills: knowing how to listen, sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly, refraining from criticising and encouraging your partner to share his or her feelings.

Knowledge of Partner

What's his shirt size? What's his favourite food? After communication, simply knowing a lot about your partner is a powerful way of showing that you care, and makes you better equipped to tend to his or her ongoing needs.

Conflict Resolution

Conflict-resolution skills include techniques such as staying focused on the topic, staying focused on the present, being ready to forgive or apologise, knowing when to take a break.

Life Skills

Do you plan for emergencies? Do you exercise and stay fit? Studies show that people usually want their partners to contribute a degree of security to a long-term relationship. People also want their partners to take good care of themselves.

Self-Management

This is not the same as life skills, Epstein insists. People who are skilled at self-management take inventories of their strengths and weaknesses and always strive for improvement. They know how to interpret disturbing events in positive ways and they work hard to reach their goals.

Sex and Romance

People with strong skills in these areas enquire and care about how to please their partner sexually, set aside time for intimacy, refrain from blaming their partner when sex doesn't go smoothly, and try to stay physically attractive for their partner.

Stress management

Do you know how to use breathing, meditation, or imagery techniques to help you fight stress? If you know how to avoid or fight stress, you'll be better able to love and support your partner.

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Dating the Older Man

Ever wonder why you see more couples of younger women with older men than vice-versa? There is a pretty simple explanation.

Older men are a lot more interesting than younger men. It seems like an overly simplistic answer, but sometimes things just are what they are. It’s really not hard to quantify when you think about it. An older man means more experience and thus more interesting conversation, outlook on life, and a breadth of knowledge that can only be assimilated through real life experience.

Older men exude more confidence, are more respectful towards women, generally speaking, and have a more long-term outlook on life overall. And, if you find the right one, you can expect they will be more amenable to establishing a long-term relationship. The reason for all of this is they have already been through the crap associated with the building of an individual life. Being better established in terms of their education, jobs, and personal growth means they can spend more time working on relationships. On top of that, their life experience gives them the ability to know what they want in life and can make educated choices towards those goals.

Now this is kind of creepy and it bears a little caveat – don’t think about it too long or too hard, but have it in the back of your head and understand it: Older men are indeed “father figures”. There is no getting around it, but it is a valuable notion and can lead to a healthy, balanced long-term relationship. As we mentioned, don’t get too in-depth with the psychology of it, just go with it. There is nothing wrong with dating outside your age range – we love whom we love.

You can expect a lot of the same things dating an older man that you would in dating a younger man. There is no reason to think an older man is going to be any less stylish, lack physical prowess or energy, or will suck in bed. These days men of all ages are steadfastly committed to being healthy in all aspects of their lives, staying fit, and remaining virile well into old age.

There is another very good benefit to dating an older man; almost NEVER will you be a partner and a mother. Older men are not looking for mother types; they are looking for a mate. Unlike younger men who may need a little extra coddling, older men are more interested in sharing experiences.

Older men also tend to be more interested in your individuality and will be less likely to try and stifle it. You can expect fewer battles over nights you may want to spend out with the girls. This is because older men tend to not only just be confident in themselves, but in their relationships and commitments as well.

All men have a wandering eye. That is just fact. However, most times it really is innocent with all ages of men. With older men though, it is even more so. While an older man will indeed check out the goods of other females, they are more likely to appreciate what they have and respect the boundaries of the relationship. Again, it is the experience factor. If they have chosen to be with you, it has been a deliberated and well-thought-out choice and your security in the relationship is almost always assured.

If the man of your dreams is years older than yourself, there can be more to overcome than just a cultural gap between the two of you. And if you want the relationship to work out, you’ll need some help in considering the topics below.

Type of man (high energy / low energy)

Does your man’s energy level match yours? Does he have a motor that is non-stop or does he need an afternoon nap? Realizing what type of physical activity the older man of your dreams has can make the relationship flow more smoothly. You don’t want to make your man feel as if he can’t keep up or that you will tire of his lack of energy and look for someone younger one day.

Sex: what’s in it for you?

Now if you are dating a man who is in his 60s and you are in your 30s, what is in it for you sexually? Are you merely dating a wealthy older man because it’s convenient, or are you truly attracted to him? Let him know what makes him so attractive to you. Perhaps it’s an older man fetish you have, or the idea of being secure and taken care of by a distinguished older gentleman. Whatever it is, let him know. This will alleviate the self-doubt that you are only with him because of his financial status and not because you truly find him attractive.

Independence

This is huge. If you want to date an older man without appearing like you are only doing it for the security that comes with dating someone already established in life, then make yourself an asset. Be sure to have your own job, your own career path, and can contribute 50% to the relationship. Now, if you are a housewife or if he has children from a previous relationship that you are going to care for, then that is fine, but try to gain some independence from the older man of your dreams, otherwise relying on him for everything will surely derail the relationship at some point.

Responsibility

Some older men will most likely be very responsible, and as the younger woman you may want to up your responsibility level as well, so he doesn’t feel as if you are just some young toy he can discard once you start acting out. On the other hand, just because he is older doesn’t mean he isn’t fun and spontaneous. Make sure you aren’t aging yourself in order to be more like women in his age range, which isn’t what he’s looking for if he is dating younger. Just be yourself.

Being a looker, not a trophy

This is a tough one, but men who have significantly younger wives may be showing them off as a trophy. You are not a trophy; you are looking for a quality relationship that can give you everything you’ve ever wanted and allow you to give back the same to your partner. Being gorgeous and with a man who loves the fact that his wife or girlfriend turns heads is one thing – being his latest show-and-tell trophy is another.

Merging the cultural gap

Most men love technology, but some men that are older may feel embarrassed with their lack of knowledge when it comes to the latest gadgets younger women may be using like an iPhone or Kindle. This can sometimes lead to a communication disconnect or may harbor self-doubt and jealousy with the older man. Teaching the man of your dreams about the things that you love is a big part in building a lasting relationship.

Keep your options open. Older men: they aren’t just for other women anymore, they just may be for you!

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Men Prefer Feminine Faces For Short-Term Relationships

Laws Of Attraction: Men Prefer Feminine Faces For Short-Term Relationships, Study Finds

Men find "feminine" faces more attractive -- but only when they're looking for a short-term relationship.

At least that's what a new study published this month in the British Journal of Psychology found.

Researchers asked 75 heterosexual male volunteers to look at composite images of caucasian and Japanese female faces in a laboratory. The subjects could manipulate these faces by pressing a button to make them more or less "masculine," and were asked to select the face they would prefer for a long-term or short-term relationship. In a second experiment, 393 male participants participated in an online test where they selected which composite faces they preferred for a short-term or long-term relationship.

In both cases, men preferred feminine faces for a short-term relationship. This was especially true for men who reported being in relationships at the time of the study.

Of course, it's important to note that since the "masculine" and "feminine" faces were formed by a composite, and don't represent the full range of facial structures out there.

A study from 2008 found that men with higher testosterone levels were attracted to women with very feminine faces -- and research from 2011 suggested that women prefer men with feminine faces, too.

"The interesting question that results is why men do not prefer very feminine looking women all of the time," Anthony Little, the head researcher of the most recent study, told the Huffington Post in an email. "We speculate that men have to weigh up positive behaviour vs. looks and that men must consider more than just looks in considering a long-term cooperative relationships. Generally, I think men are often considered as only interested in attractiveness, and our study is suggestive that while this may be more true for short-term relationships, for long-term relationships personality and behaviour are important."

The look of a face matters when it comes to attraction, but so do mannerisms, voice, personality, smell and a host of other intangibles. Since we can't really change our faces, we'd probably all be best served trying to find romantic partners who we enjoy and who enjoy us back -- regardless of how "feminine" or "masculine" we look.

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How to Make Him Want You

Sometimes in a long-term relationship you reach a point where it seems like the flame has just burned out, and that wild attraction you first had for each other has fizzled away. You still love each other, but the passion has taken a back seat to more practical priorities and a night of sultry, sizzling love-making is nothing more than a distant memory.

And you miss that feeling. You miss the days when he couldn’t keep his hands off you. You remember what it felt like for your man to reach for you during the night, and now it feels like sleeping with an uninterested stranger. You’re wondering if it’s possible to “bring back that lovin’ feeling.” What can you do to re-ignite the spark? How can you make him want you so bad he can’t wait to be alone with you?

Here are a few tips on how to get your groove back and make him want you all over again:

#1 Let him know that YOU want HIM!

Maybe he doesn’t try to get in your pants all the time anymore because he thinks you don’t want him to. He knows how busy  you are with your job and taking care of the kids and making dinner and all that you do, and he’s heard you tell him “I’m too tired” enough times that he just accepts that he’s out of luck. You’ve slipped into a routine that doesn’t include any hanky-panky so now your man is under the impression that you don’t want him that way. He probably thinks the only things you want him for are to take out the trash and fix the leak under the sink.

So the most important step in making him want you is to let him know that you want him. You can do this a few different ways- with subtle hints or with a bold move. Subtle ways to get your message across could include things like this: when you pass by him in the hallway, reach over and squeeze his tush. The bold move is to just come right out and say it: “Baby, I want you.”

The odds are in your favor. If your man realizes you actually want him to make a move he will probably rise to the occasion.

#2 Build anticipation.

Get him to think about you all day long… while he’s at work, while he’s at the gym, while he’s hanging out with his friends. Do something that will get his attention and keep it even while he’s not with you. You could write him a little love note and put it in his lunch box or briefcase. Say something like: “Let’s have some alone time tonight, you sexy thing,” or “I’ve got something to show you when you get home.” (Be prepared to show him a new teddy, or go nude under a trench coat.)

Another way to get yourself on his mind is for you to surprise him out of his ordinary morning routine by turning that quick goodbye peck-on-the-cheek as he leaves for work into a long, wet, passionate kiss. He won’t be able to concentrate on anything all day for thinking about you and that kiss.

#3 Make an effort with your appearance.

I know the sweat pants are really comfortable, and you barely have time to take a shower, much less shave your legs. But if you look like a harried housewife then you don’t look like you want some nooky. So go the extra mile with your appearance. Some would say men don’t notice when you are wearing a new outfit or you’ve done something different with your hair. I say make him notice. Go all the way, over the top, no holds barred.

Start from the skin out. Not only do you want to be clean and smelling great, you want your skin to be soft and smooth. Take time with your grooming, and you know what I mean. Then wear the clothes that make you feelsexy and that show off your best features. First, wear your sexiest bra and panties. You don’t want him to start undressing you and get turned off by the granny panties. If you have a favorite dress, wear that. When he comes in the door and sees you all dressed up, he might ask where you’re going or if you have plans he forgot about. Just say, “No plans to go out, sugarlips, I just wanted to look nice for my man.”

#4 Do something he likes.

You know your man, and you know what makes him happy. Make a special effort to give him something that you know he really enjoys. This could be any number of things, from making his favorite dinner to pole- dancing for him. Go to the video store and pick up his favorite movie, or wear the dress you know he likes. Buy him an item for his collection or something that goes with his hobby.

He’ll love you for it, and showing his appreciation could easily lead to really showing his appreciation, especially if you let him know you are willing.

#5 Give him “The Look.”

You know the one. That look you perfected back in your swinging single days when you could eyeball a hot guy from across the room and have him headed your way in a blink. Pick the right moment, a quiet time when you have his attention and the time to follow through with it. Then just look him right in the eye, with that little smile and the “come hither” expression.

This carries us right back to the first tip, letting him know you want him. Say it with your eyes. If he doesn’t get it at first, then try again. Men are easily led, especially by their nether regions, so just as soon as he realizes that you want him to want you, he’ll be all over you.

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Realizing Whether A Relationship Is Not Broken, Just Bent

Some songs seem to resonate with us and we cannot get them out of our heads. As soon as I listened to Pink’s collaboration with Nate Ruess, “Just Give Me a Reason” I admit I was hooked. It struck a powerful chord with me and each time I play it, it makes me reflect on how relationships evolve and that there’s always two sides to any story.

The distinction of being bent and not broken is also extremely important, especially when you want to evaluate whether a relationship can be saved. That’s what really gets to me about that song, composed by Pink and Nate Ruess. When they sing “We’re not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again” I think it sends a powerful message to any couple that faces challenging times.

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, chances are you don’t feel madly in love with your partner 24 hours a day, seven days a week (if you do, please share your secret) and that there are times you don’t see eye to eye. Once you become a parent the sum of chores, routines, exhaustion and a general lack of time can make it harder to feel that connection and spark you had in the beginning, even if you wouldn’t change your family for anything.

If you’ve hit a rough patch, you might feel you can never go back to that rush you felt in the early weeks of your relationship. And in many ways, you can’t, because the beauty of relationships lies in the power of evolution. The challenge is to evolve together and not simply drift apart.

Many times I’ve felt like I need to find a reason to carry on, even if it’s tiny, and until now, I have always found it. Most of those times, it just takes a glance in my kids’ direction or my spouse will unexpectedly do something that awes me –in a good way. But there are moments in which things aren’t as simple or as easy, or you might experience a turning point in your relationship when you are going through bigger challenges. Looking at your family doesn’t take you automatically to a happy place, but it can fuel your conviction of working things out, even if it takes a lot of tears, pain, honesty and rebuilding. Most of all, it takes tons of open communication.

When I look back, though, I realize that it’s key to understand that you will hit many bumps in the road and they will leave dents. However, if you’re able to realize they are only bumps and not big breaks, it becomes easier to move on. If you do feel torn apart or that there is a huge abyss between you and your spouse, it is much harder to fix your relationship.

A marriage is not a zero sum game and life is more tinged in shades of gray than a study in black and white.  That’s why making the distinction between being broken or merely bent is huge. And just as Pink and Nate Ruess sing, you can learn to love again.

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Fun Date Ideas You Might Have Never Tried

Are you embroiled in a long-term relationship, or have you just begun seeing someone new? Either way, there is a very good chance that dates involved. You've done the whole movie and dinner thing…why not try to mix it up a little? When you’re experiencing something new or possibly out of your comfort zone with your other half, you learn so much more about each other than you normally would otherwise. Here are some fun date ideas to mix up the ol’ dinner-and-a-movie routine:

Go Old School

Did you ever play Bingo as a kid? Or visit the arcade? Do you remember how fun it was? This is a great way to mix it up and experience one another in a different light – while having pure fun. Going to a bingo hall or an arcade affords you plenty of time to talk and get to know each other, while providing you with a simple activity at the same time to alleviate the possibility for any lull in the conversation.

Take Dinner and Dessert to a Whole ‘nother Level

What could be more romantic than baking cookies together on a rainy night, or preparing a meal together? You could watch Youtube videos and learn how to make sushi together, or a soufflé. A bottle or two of wine could also be involved…Or you can mix it up even more and watch the sunrise and make breakfast together.

Get Creative

Flex the right side of your brain by creating a photo scavenger hunt for each other that ends in romantic location (perhaps where you first met?), go paint pottery, or take art classes together to create a weekly date where you’ll both end up with a new skill. This also goes for going out dancing together- you can both learn how to Salsa and help each other learn and grow.

Keep it Classic….With a Twist

At the end of the day, what couple doesn’t truly enjoy a romantic dinner in New York City complete with the works – a sommelier, roses, candles, a driver. Take the time to go all out for a date. Dress up: him in a suit, her in a dress. Sometimes we get so caught up in the business in life, we forget to take time out to have a night where we can just be fancy.

…Going the Extra Mile

Plan a trip (full day or a weekend) into a city and be a tourist! For example in LA you could go to the Griffith Park Observatory and stargaze. In NYC you could embark on a romantic visit to the boat houses in Central Park, or visit the South Street Seaport for a romantic sunset stroll, or take a carriage ride through the beautiful parks and streets and take in all of the sites.

Dating and going on dates can start to feel common place, but sometimes couples need to remember why they are going on a date with each other in the first place: to spend time together and get to know each other on a deeper level. Whether you choose to go classic and romantic or think outside of the box, doing something different can strengthen the bond.

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