How to Build Trust in a Relationship: 6 Important Tips

"Trust in a relationship has got to be one of the most comfortable feelings on earth.  But not everybody is lucky enough to have that luxury. Its so easy to bring past negative emotions into a new relationship, my advice to you is STOP!  when these thoughts come into your mind, take those thoughts and put them straight into the rubbish bin. after all whats the point of worrying about something that has not even happened in your new relationship.  Spend your time and energy on the positive things in life, its less stressful"      -   Susan

How to Build Trust in a Relationship: 6 Important Tips

The issue of trust and relationships always focuses on the question of whether the partners are faithful enough to one another. But trust within a relationship encompass much more. All relationships that people build are based on trust on the other person’s true intentions. Without trust, there would be no relationship at all.

There are various forms of mistrust which can severely strain relationships apart from the cheating partner. Mistrust can occur if a party in the relationships is dishonest and does not keep or follow through on promises. Mistrust does not always arise due to dishonesty. When you don’t believe that your partner has your best interests at heart, a lack of trust will quickly creep into the relationship.  In this case, you may have a feeling that someone you love or trust does not hold the same feelings towards you and may someday abandon you or betray you.

How the bonds of trust are broken

Children are inherently trusting when they are born. But they begin losing that natural trust if they are repeatedly betrayed by people around them and are exposed to pain. This creates self-doubt in their minds and can develop into a deep aversion to getting hurt. For many people, a lack of trust is an avoidance of pain. When children go through these experiences early on in life, it can leave an imprint in their minds which they carry forward into their adulthood. It is this fractured trust which many people take into relationships.

However, lack of trust is not always a pre-existing condition. It can be actually created in the relationship when one partner is not living true to their promises and demonstrating their trust in the other partner through their actions. So when grappling with issues of trust in your relationship, it is also important to determine whether your mistrust was a pre-existing condition or something that developed in the relationship due to the actions of you or your partner.

There are many other causes of mistrust in relationships such as addiction and money issues. If your partner is not being transparent about their financial situation for example, then mistrust can set in. The question you are likely to ask is: “What else are they hiding?” Once you begin questioning your partner’s intentions and commitment, it can take significant effort to save the relationship.

If you are grappling with trust issues in your relationships, here are some of the best tips that you can use to build up the trust and put your relationship on a surer footing:

Better Communication

Communication is one of the most important factors in building trust between partners. Spend more time communicating about your problems instead of sitting on them and brooding. When it comes to communication, do it face to face. Don’t do it over emails or phone calls, but instead make it more personal and direct.  Do not hold back when faced with relationship issues. When you have something to tell your partner, make sure you do it. Open communication in relationships opens the pathways for trust to develop on.

Have Some Empathy

Empathy is different to sympathy. It is one of the most important aspects when it comes to building trust in your relationships. Have some empathy and try to understand where your partner is coming from. Determine if the needs of your partner are being met and try to put yourself in their shoes. Building a relationship is a leap of faith and it is therefore important to approach issues in the relationship from the perspective of understanding. When you can empathize with your partner, it will be possible for you to build the emotional connections which will lead to increased trust in the relationship.

Foster some Growth in the Relationship

Growth is an important factor which powers trust in the relationship. Stagnant relationships often gravitate quickly into situations of mistrust.  By creating various scenarios and situations in your relationship where you can do new things and create new memories together, it will not only give you more to talk about but it will be easier for you to predict the behavior of your partner thus develop more trust.

Try something new, go camping or simply embark on something that is outside your comfort zone.  Don’t hold back on doing something that will inspire, encourage development or inflame your love and trust for each other, be it outside or even inside the bedroom.

Don’t Stress when the Boundaries of the Relationship are Tested

This is really crucial in building trust in the relationship. You cannot expect it to be smooth-sailing all the way.  Without going through all those rocky terrains, it will be impossible to see how much strain the relationship can sustain before you reach your breaking point. That isn’t to say that you should go out of your way to create jealously just to see how your partner might react, just be aware that every relationship comes with its ups and downs, and that its totally natural. In many cases, a relationship will meander through a rocky path at some point, due to circumstances beyond your control. Life will create hard choices for you personally that will test your tolerance levels. These situations are great for gauging one another and will lead to a greater sense of understanding.

Do Not Keep Secrets

Trust needs openness. If you are planning on building a trusting relationship, you must plan not to keep secrets and be open from the get-go with your partner.  Secrets erode relationships extremely fast, so it’s important to be honest and upfront about issues that arise together or individually. The best way to internalise these qualities is by assuming that all the “secrets” that you know will eventually come out. Keeping a secret also requires energy to keep it. When you keep secrets, you are simply overburdening yourself, which will become apparent to your partner very quickly.

Learn to Say No

You don’t have to say yes to everything your partner proposes. If you do not like something, simply say no. When you refuse to be subjugated and create a relationship based on equality, it will be easier for both of you, going forward. Don’t pander to the whim of your partner just to keep him/her happy, as it will set a precedent that will be a nightmare to maintain.

Read original article here

Previous articles:

• 
  

The Perfect Romantic Massage to Turn Your Lover On...
7 Subtle Ways Shy People Flirt (So Pay Attention!)...
5 Signs It Really, Truly IS Love at First Sight
What Are The Early Signs That She's Cheating?)
5 Signs Your Deceased Loved One Is Nearby (And Sti...
11 Subtle Signs You're On The Verge Of Having An A...

Forget the Listicles: A Happy and Successful Relationship Depends On Just One Thing

“As the author Tom Robbins stated, 'When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for someone else to complete us.'
A happy life is built deliberately and with care, cherish the person you decide to spend your life with."                                                               - Susan

Forget the Listicles: A Happy and Successful Relationship Depends On Just One Thing

Couples who describe their relationships as happy, healthy or successful don't just get lucky. Nor do they keep a mantra of all the things the listicles tell them to do or not do.

Partners in happy relationships share an intent to have a strong relationship and they follow through that intention with their words and actions.

___

Beginning. Middle. End. That's it -- A shared intention or vision for the relationship and a commitment to making it happen together.

___

Where many people get stuck, and the thing that has people clamouring to read those 10 thing listicles, is that they aren't sure how to move their shared intention into action. It's likely that they are hoping for an easy fix. Couples in solid relationships know it isn't easy, but this is how they do it:

Happy Couples Move Through the World with an Awareness of the Other Person.

Partners in healthy relationships know that everyone comes to the table with needs and expectations. Those needs are known and respected, rather than argued, questioned or minimized. Partners move through the world with the awareness of what the other needs and they work to meet those needs when possible.

Since we began dating, my husband has always been the one who has needed more check-ins when we're apart. He likes a quick phone call or text when I am out and about. Me -- not so much. I'd prefer to catch up at the end of the day over dinner. However, he is a child of divorce and many times when he'd show up to his dad's house for their weekend visit, his dad would have forgotten that it was his weekend and that my husband was coming over. The sting from that childhood wound has created sensitivity for my husband where he feels like he's out of mind of out of my sight.

I could argue and belabour the point. I could call him "controlling," but I don't. While I wish he didn't have this insecurity, he does. I do my best to respect it and keep in touch, because I don't want him to feel forgotten about. I want him to know that his soft spots and vulnerabilities will be carefully kept with me.

Successful Couples Make Quality Time Together Non-Negotiable.

When couples commit to having healthy relationships, there's no such thing as "We gave up time together when we chose to have kids." Those in strong relationships don't allow work to become an excuse for lost time together, either. Rather, couples committed to caring for their relationship respect the obstacles and work to create moments or pockets of time for just them, even if a whole night uninterrupted is unrealistic.

This might mean that they set the alarm 15 minutes early so they can have coffee before the kids wake-up. It might mean that one visits the other at work for a cup of coffee. They might decide to decline a social invite so they can spend time together.

Couples who plan on staying together know that time together is important and they don't just give it away mindlessly. They recognise that life gets in the way and they may not have a lot of time together but they make the time they do have count.

Partners in Successful Relationships Know the Rules Apply to Them, Too.

Outside of our homes, when someone does something nice for us, we say "thank you". When we need a favour, we say "please". When we've been crabby for no reason, we apologise. Couples who are committed to making it work know that those same rules apply in their relationships, too--that they or their partners are not the exception to that rule.

Just because your partner knows "you don't mean it" doesn't mean you get to say it. Couples planning on being together for the long haul know this. They treat their partners with the same common courtesies that we extend to strangers. Even if "they should be doing the dishes", a simple thank you is often extended. Appreciation is said out loud so that partners feel seen and heard.

Physical Attention and Affection is Not Placed on the Back Burner.

Many people have written about how regular and consistent sex is important in relationships. We know, too, how hard that can be for long-term couples to navigate and negotiate. It's a sensitive topic that has to be respected and carefully kept. Successful couples don't have an easier time navigating this than anyone else. However, they are not put off by the challenge and they commit to keep talking about it.

Dry spells happen. Couples can have differing sex drives. Kids, work, stress, and health can all be factors that get in the way of regular and consistent affection and attention. The couples who are happier are the ones who don't accept this as answer but just keep working on it.

They give one another hugs. They still kiss. They sit close on the couch. They hold hands. They touch inside and outside of the bedroom to maintain that connection when the sex is good and when it's absent.

They Know There's No Such Thing as a 50/50 Relationship.

So many arguments can start with who's doing what, who's doing more, who's always, and who's never. Couples who want to stay happy get that there is no such thing as equal division of labour in a long term relationship. At times, someone will be pulling 40 percent of the weight and the other will pull 60 percent. At some point it will shift and someone may be pulling 90 percent when the other person can only get it together enough to manage 10 percent.

That's ok, though. Those times don't last and aren't permanent. It'll all even out in the end. Happy couples are aware of this and are mindful enough to make sure the other person gets a turn.

They Trust One Another's Good Intentions.

It's so easy to be mad and fly off the handle when we feel abandoned or not taken care of. When someone says something, does something, doesn't say or doesn't do something, we quickly create stories about their words and behaviours in our minds. When we're feeling mad or sad about what just happened, our instinct is often to go to the negative. She doesn't care about me. He only thinks about himself.

Couples committed to working it out take a breath and argue back to that inner voice. Maybe he didn't mean to forget to call when he knew he was going to be late. Maybe she was distracted when she said that. Strong couples recognise that a momentary lapse of intention or respect is not always a reflection of how their partner views the relationship. They keep this in mind, even when they are feeling hurt.

They Accept that Good Relationships Involve Work and are Committed to Doing it.

Few in this world just get lucky and have their happiness handed to them. Real happiness is a choice. Choosing to be happy in your relationship is a choice. Working at doing it better every day is a choice. The happy couples--the successful couples---they choose to be happy and they choose to do the work.

View original article here

Previous articles here:

• 13 WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR PENIS
• How to Master Positive Self Talk and Banish Negati...
• Should You Keep Dating Someone Who Doesn’t Give Yo...
• 10 Ways You Can Stand Out from the Crowd
• Why Learning To SHUT UP Can Make Your Relationship...

"A secret is something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others.  So if my partner wanted to keep our relationship a secret without a valid reason, alarm bells would be ringing in my ears and he would be sent packing".        -     Susan

Secret Love – Does He Want a Secret Relationship?

Are you in a relationship where your new partner wants a secret relationship? Secret love can seem exciting, but what’s really the reason behind it?

You may have recently met a great guy who seems perfect in every way imaginable.

But then, he drops a suspicious bomb.

He wants a secret relationship, at least for a while.

You’re confused, after all, isn’t love meant to be revealed to the whole world so everyone can know that both of you are a couple?

He may have his own reasons for wanting to keep the relationship a secret, but is anything ever justifiable or is it just suspicious?

The truth about secret love

Secret romances may seem exciting, but in reality, they may prove to be fatal in most relationships.

Such scenarios only look good in soap operas and mystical fables.

In most cases, secret love is a product of unfounded fear and sometimes, even sheer cheating.

So what could possibly be the reasons behind why someone wants to share the fruits of their love yet not let the nature of this relationship be out in the open?

Here’s a definitive guide on what could be beneath the saucy secret.

Why does he want to keep the relationship a secret?

If you’re in a relationship that fits into one of these bills, leave the table-for-two even if the steaks and sausages are sizzling and too darn irresistible.

You do know there’s something called single dining, don’t you? You’re better off being single than hooking up with a guy who is into secret love.

He’s just out of a broken relationship

Everyone moves on when a relationship spells “it’s over”. It hurts and it leaves you drained, gloomy and mostly, bitter. If he’s yet to overcome the traumatic effect of a broken relationship, the chances are he would want to keep the relationship a secret because he’s not yet ready for any commitment. Trust is hard to gain so it’s important that you gain this with him before you actually fall in love with him.

He is a cheat

He would articulate everything sugar-coated and agree with whatever you say. All is great, that is until you decide to introduce him to your parents or friends. He always has an excuse ready to throw at you and he’s just not interested to meet “your” people. He would always hesitate to take you to public places and will always insist on going to a sheltered and secluded place.

He doesn’t want to take you to his place and would not like it if you snooped into his cell phone. With so much to hide, is this secret love even worth it?

He is still with his ex

Men who aren’t quite finished with their former flame would unquestionably crave to hide their relationship. The idea that he can have the cake and eat it too is tempting. He may be feeling jittery to let go of you, as he himself isn’t sure about what his odds are with his on-off relationship with his ex. 

He is a psycho

He doesn’t have any rational reasons behind why he wants to keep his relationship a secret. He only knows he wants it to be a secret romance. You’re a closet girlfriend in his eyes, and his kinky fetish of secret love could give you more reasons to get confused than feel happy. If your love life gets all closed up like a cupboard, you should move on. 

He is married

Married men will do anything to keep their extramarital relationship covert. He would not answer your call when he’s at home and even if he does answer the phone, he’d probably hang up in a hurry after speaking in a conspiratorially low voice. He is most likely to be found at his work place and would always insist on going out of town for a trip with you. Secrets are his forte and it is risky going into a partnership with someone like this.

He is not sure of his feelings for you

You may be shouting from the rooftops, confessing your undying love for him. But he doesn’t want to shout, let alone speak about your secret love. The simple truth is that he’s not sure of his feelings for you. Give him time and even after that, if he’s unable to do it, it’s advised that you end all relations with him. The longer you stay in that relationship, the more pain and insecurity you’ll experience.

The good side: Keeping the relationship a secret with good intentions

Every relationship is different and not all the people who want to keep their relationship a secret are villains or vamps. Sometimes, it becomes essential to hide a relationship from your immediate world. Here are some of the reasons why you should keep a relationship hidden for good.

He is your colleague

When you’re scorching bed sheets with your work colleague, it may not be a wise decision to bring it out in the open at the workplace, unless you are pretty sure of your relationship and want to go ahead with it. Revelations about your office love may spell the end to your professionalism, as many organizations do not entertain co-workers’ romance.

After a recent break-up

Breaking up with a loved one is a painful experience and if your new man has broken up recently, it becomes a part of your own relationship. Your new man may have been deeply in love with his ex, and may have gotten into the relationship with you without really realizing it. He may find it awkward to introduce you to his friends or family, in fear of being seen as someone who moved on from a long relationship in no time.

Have a conversation with him and find out if you’re a spontaneous rebound or a hope for true love. If he’s still confused even after a few dates, you’re on shaky grounds.

Secret love and hidden relationships

There may be other genuine reasons for you or your new partner to keep the relationship a secret. While it may seem flattering at first, the sway of excitement could soon turn into insecurity. Always consider the long term effect of being in such a secret relationship. 

The fact is, in secret love, you eventually reach a point where either the relationship must come to the fore or it must end. Shakespeare once said “all the world’s a stage and all the men and women are merely players”. Avoid acting out your own Romeo and Juliet scenario in real life, because the drama is not real but the inflicting pain is.

Does your partner want a secret relationship? Accept the lure of secret love only if you genuinely believe your lover. If you ever get a hint of doubt, walk away or have him clear the air on your secret love status.

View original article

Previous articles:

• The Sex Chair That Turned Our Love Life Into An OR...
• Do You Take Baths or Showers With Your Boyfriend?
• Why would you rather use your smartphone than have...
• 20 Signs You're With the Man You Should Marry
• WHY ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO OTHER PEOPLE?

•