1. Make Any Day Special
Kristina Wright, author of Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After, points out that you don’t have to wait for anniversaries or birthdays to have so-called special sex. Any day can be special, including the anniversary of the first time you made out, the day you've finally potty trained your youngest child, or just because it’s Tuesday. "Whatever it takes, whenever you can manage it, celebrate this crazy, messy, busy life you’ve created together
It’s tempting to just bunker down and stay in when the weather starts to get chilly, but the problem is that your home has so many things that distract you from alone time: dishes, kids, computers, and even the television. Find a way to physically remove yourself from the things that keep you from making time for each other. Try checking into a nearby hotel for a night or even a local Airbnb spot.
Napping baby? Head to the bathroom and get clean (or dirty) together, Wright suggests. It doesn't have to end in sex — all that matters is the time spent alone together, and the re-connection from touch. As a bonus, you can save time and water!
Sometimes it’s hard to think of ways to reignite the spark when your mind is full of tasks and to-do lists from your busy day. After Nine Tonight, a site run by a husband-and-wife team who've dealt with their own issues around a stalled sex life, offers sex tips that could give you some ideas.
Yes, it’s nice to have an entire evening together, but sometimes there just isn't time for an extended romantic rendezvous. Sex doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing event. A quickie can remove the pressure from those, “Oh god, it’s been XX days since we've done it” thoughts in your head, and remind you how much you enjoy spending time together.
No, it’s not very romantic to literally make an appointment to get naked with your partner, but is it less romantic than not having the time at all? “No matter how busy you are at work or what sort of responsibilities are distracting you at home, you know you'll have one-on-one time with your love,” says Lori Bizzoco, founder of Cupid’s Pulse. "Turn off your phones, shut the door, and focus on each other."
Don’t wait until you’re about to have sex to get romantic, advises Heidi Shimberg, co-author of the upcoming book CoupleCEO. "Send romantic and titillating texts or emails randomly throughout the day and week,” Shimberg suggests. "This will make each partner excited and eager for the time to be intimate; they will be extremely less likely to skip being intimate.”
It’s hard to get revved up for sex when you’re feeling disconnected from your partner. Don’t forget to work on your intimacy as well, in big and little ways. Send a quick note during the day, or text just to say you’re thinking of your spouse. Make a point of touching more often. Talk about how you’re feeling and where you’re struggling. Fostering those connections will make it easier to make sex a priority, and remind you why you’re with this person in the first place.
Are there things you've always wanted to do in bed, or want to do again? Work on your sexual bucket list together, Wright says, and go to it when you find yourself with some time to spend on it.
Not every surface in your house has to be spotless. Not every meal has to be made from scratch. If hiring a bi-weekly cleaner and ordering takeout on Fridays means you have more time for each other, so be it. Sometimes you have to spend money to make whoopee.
Do you have time to watch "Scandal?" Then you have time to get busy! Set the DVR and get to it. We think Olivia Pope would approve.