15 Signs You're In An Abusive Relationship

"It is hard for people who have never been a victim of an abusive relationship to understand why anyone in that kind of relationship wouldn't just walk away.What they don't understand is that breaking up can be more complicated than it seems. There are many reasons why both men and women stay in abusive relationships, emotional blackmail, financial, low self esteem to name but a few.
If you find yourself in the situation where a loved one or friend is in an abusive relationship it will not help for you go in guns blazing telling them to leave, get out, walk away etc. In reality they know what they should do, but until they are ready to make that step it will not happen.

The best way for you to help is to let them know that you are worried for them, don't place blame, shame or guilt upon them, be supportive and encourage them to talk to somebody who can help.

One point to make is that although this article comes from a female perspective 25% of victims in an abusive relationship are men."                                     - Susan Watts                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                                         

15 Signs You're In An Abusive Relationship

If you or someone you love identifies with these signs, it may be time to escape.

Women don't plan to enter into abusive relationships. In fact, many women who have escaped abusive relationships swear to themselves that they will never get into another one, just to find themselves in another one.

Sadly, it takes an average of five to seven acts of violence before a woman leaves her abuser. So, why not plan to not enter into an abusive relationship in the first place?

It may be easier to avoid an abusive relationship if you're able to detect the early signs.

The following list "15 Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship" is distributed by The Women's Center to women seeking domestic violence counseling. A path to a safer, healthier and happier life often starts with a bit of knowledge. If your partner displays the following behaviors, you may be in an abusive relationship.

1. He pushes for quick involvement.  He comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this before by anyone." You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

2. There is jealousy. Your partner is excessively possessive, calls constantly, or visits unexpectedly.

3. He is controlling. He interrogates you intensely about who you talked to and where you were; checks mileage on the car; keeps all the money or asks for receipts; insists you ask for permission to go anywhere or do anything.

4. He has very unrealistic expectations. He expects you to be the perfect person and meet their every need.

5. There is isolation. He tries to cut you off from family and friends; deprives you of a phone or car, or tries to prevent you from holding a job.

6. He blames others for his own mistakes. The boss, family, you - it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.

7. He makes everyone else responsible for their feelings. The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I'm angry." "I wouldn't get so pissed off if you wouldn't...

8. There is hypersensitivity. He Is easily insulted and will often rant and rave about injustices that are just part of life.

9. He is cruel to animals and children. He kills or punishes animals brutally. He also may expect children to do things beyond their ability, or tease them until they cry.

10. His "playful" use of force during sex. He enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will; he says they find the idea of rape exciting. Intimidates, manipulates, or forces you to engage in unwanted sex acts.

11. There is verbal abuse. He constantly criticizes you or says cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. He will use vulnerable points about your past/life against you.

12. There are rigid gender roles. He Expects you to serve, obey, and remain at home.

13. He has sudden mood swings. He switches from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.

14. He has a past of battering. He admits to hitting women in the past, but states that they or the situation brought it on.

15. There are threats of violence. He makes statements such as, "I'll break your neck," but then dismisses it with "I really didn't mean it."

 If you need help, or protection, to get out or stay out of an abusive relationship, get in touch with your local (The) Women's Center, or search their main site at The Woman's Center.

For men who need help in an abusive relationship get in touch with Mankind Initiative

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