5 Realistic Reasons Why Women Cheat

"Revenge, boredom, sexual thrills and even sexual addiction are some of the many reasons for infidelity.  Interestingly experts say that motivations differ by gender, with men searching for more sex and attention and women looking to fill an emotional void. What do you think?".                  -  Susan

5 Realistic Reasons Why Women Cheat

A helpful guide from dating expert Renee Lee for every woman—and man—on why ladies go rogue. Does this apply to you?


1. Going Through A Transition

"If it is graduating, turning a certain age, losing a parent or advancing the relationship status, women become introspective," explains Lee. "Even if it is something she wants, such as just getting engaged or graduating, the transition can stir up an array of emotions about where her life is going or where she is in it. The discomfort of change can trigger an impulsive desire to find someone to take her focus off the change and be a diversion for what she is going through."

2. Not Feeling Adequately Celebrated

As far as stereotypes go, a wandering eye and the urge to jump into bed with multiple partners seems to be built into a man's DNA, but when it comes to cheating, the sexes are created more equally than we think. (Cough, Kristen Stewart, cough.) Renee Lee, a relationship expert with a masters in psychology, dishes out five reasons why women cheat.

And that's when they could go looking for it elsewhere. "When you are living in the day to day with someone, it is challenging to step outside a situation and notice the things that do matter to someone," adds Lee "As this wears down over time, so as soon as the woman encounters someone who ignites the spark they are lacking at home, they equate it to an emotional connection and seek companionship with someone else."

3. Feeling A Relationship Ending

"When a woman feels that uneasy sense that a relationship is on the outs, by either her doing or his, she will often look to fill the void externally to soften the blow," Lee reasons for a woman's infidelity. "If she is the one considering the breakup, she may be using this tactic as a challenge to herself both testing the waters, and then gauge if she can go through with it."

4. It's Just Not Fun Anymore

...But it's too hard to pull the plug. "When you don't laugh, you don't love. Laughter is one of the key elements in a relationship that often gets overlooked," Lee explains, simply. "When stresses of day to day life become the dominant factor in a relationship, women feel unhappy. When they come across a coworker, or friend that they have a good time with, it suddenly brings to light what is missing in their own relationship and becomes tempting to act upon."

5. It's Boring In The Bedroom

Men aren't the only ones who need to spice things up. "Women need to feel desired!" Lee declares. "If she is not getting any, enough, or nothing to talk about, women start to feel a sexual void. With the popularity of books such as Fifty Shades of Grey, television shows, or listening to friends talk about their fun single trysts, women have that moment when they compare their love life at home to what the rest of the world seems to be experiencing." And that's when she may start to wonder what she's missing.

"Though it is easy to pinpoint the flaws in one's sex life, it is often hard to make the changes needed to correct them," adds Lee. "This creates a temptation in women to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere with someone they don't have the baggage with and can be more uninhibited."

Now you know why women cheat. But we say, if you're thinking about cheating, just break up with the guy, before you move on to a new one.

We've all been here: "May it be getting a promotion, organising a fundraiser, or making Thanksgiving dinner for a party of 20, men often make the misstep of "not complimenting their partner's achievements," Lee says. "Women seek an emotional connection that their partner notices them, is proud of their achievements, and appreciates what they do, so when they aren't getting this at home the residual effects lead to feelings of frustration, dissatisfaction, depression, and restlessness."

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I Think My Partner Is Cheating -- Now What?

"Most of us think we would never cheat..........Think again.   It can happen to you, It can happen to your partner. 
 My advice is ......don't even go there.  The grass always looks greener, but guess what ... it isn't.  So think very carefully before you take that step!
If you think your partner is cheating, hold back with the confrontation until you have hard core evidence."     -  Susan Watts

I Think My Partner Is Cheating -- Now What?

The signs are there. You suspect your partner is cheating and having a cyber, emotional or physical affair. You might be feeling betrayed, hurt and unsure of how to proceed. Your natural impulse is probably to immediately confront your partner and let them have it. However, a word to the wise: Stop and take a deep breath! Don't make any accusations until you have concrete evidence to make your case and secure a confession.

Here's why: When first confronted about the affair, your partner may clam up, deny and deceive you further to protect themselves from the fallout. They fear being abandoned, punished or rejected if the truth is discovered. They fear losing control and being forced to change. They may also want to protect you from being hurt.

So what is the best way to proceed?

As a relationship therapist and author of a book on this topic, here's my best advice: If your goal is to get to the truth, make sure you have the 4 P's covered -- Proof, Preparation, Purpose & Plan -- before talking to your partner.

Here's what you need to know and do:

1. Have proof.

You must have tangible proof of the infidelity, such as a text, email or voicemail message, a private detective's report, a piece of clothing you found that doesn't belong to you or even photographs -- something that you can produce as indisputable evidence.

Without proof, you will look (or be treated) like a distrusting fool at best and, at worst, you will ensure that your cheating partner learns to cover their tracks better.

Proof will also help you plow through your own denial. When we love and want to trust someone, it can create huge blind spots in our ability to see the truth. Let's face it, to hear your partner admit that he or she has cheated on you hurts to the core. However, the truth can also be the doorway to a better and healthier relationship on the other side.

The more proof you possess, the greater the chance you'll have to get your partner to come clean.

Only when you have PROOF can you proceed.

2. Be prepared.

"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail." -Benjamin Franklin

Don't be surprised if your partner gets defensive, adamantly denying any and all wrongdoing and dismissing everything (i.e. "We're just good friends, that's all," "We're not having sex, so what's the big deal?" or "Lighten up. It was just a totally harmless text.")

When it comes to emotional or cyber infidelity where no physical intimacy has occurred, the boundaries are blurrier. It is often easy for the betrayer to deceive themselves (and you) into thinking their behavior is meaningless and harmless. Their denial may be even more defensive or aggressive.

Cheaters often use distraction as a tactic to deflect the truth by claiming you're being irrational or paranoid. They may even blame you for the time they were spending with someone else, claiming they needed a supportive friend because you were dropping the ball in the relationship by not providing something your partner needed or wanted.

The bottom line is, do your homework and be prepared. DON'T be surprised by your partner's reaction and DON'T lose your cool.

3. Know your purpose.

The purpose is to get the truth by getting your partner to confess. Once you have a confession and know what's really going on, you can work at a solution.

To do this, you must approach your partner in a rational, non-threatening way that alleviates your partner's fear instead of aggravating it. The intention is to get your partner to respond in a way that is forthright and honest.

Keep affirming to yourself... "I feel calm. I am safe. I can handle this. I want the secretiveness to stop. I'm in charge here and I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

4. Make a plan.

"If you don't know where you're going, you'll end up someplace else." -Yogi Berra

Make a plan to confront your partner and discuss the affair without interruptions. Choose the time and place carefully, then present the evidence one piece at a time.

It is very important to remain calm, no matter how much you may want to inflict physical harm on your cheating partner! Don't get me wrong, wanting to vent is healthy and necessary. In fact, it is essential to your own healing, as well as, the healing of your relationship that you are able to express your emotions.

However, getting upset, accusing, attacking, or name-calling will put your partner on the defensive and not help you get to the truth.

Remaining calm, cool, and collected is key to getting to the truth. Have a plan for how you'll deal with your anger and frustration when these emotions come up. The more calmly you deal with the truth, the more your partner will tell you the truth.

Do a personal check-in and make sure that you are emotionally prepared for the outcome of the discussion.

When the answer is "Yes! I'm ready!", here's what to do next:

Think Conversation, NOT Confrontation

First, remember to do everything you can humanly do to stay calm so that you can approach your partner in a diplomatic, non-combative way. A good way to start the conversation is to talk about yourself and start each sentence with "I" instead of "you." This will help your partner be less reactive.

Second, phrase the problem in a non-judgmental way by stating, "Something I discovered is upsetting me. I'm concerned (sad, hurt, frustrated) and I'd like to talk with you about it." This will maximize your chances of being heard and ultimately getting the truth.

Lastly, once your partner starts to open up, don't bombard him or her with questions. Studies show that people shut down, become defensive and lie when asked too many pointed questions (i.e. Who were you with? Why did you lie? How could you do this to me?). Know that this is an ongoing, unfolding discussion and everyone needs to come out of the shock and denial first. Listen carefully to your partner's responses so you can accurately assess the situation and keep the conversation going.

It helps to think of this conversation as a way to come together to understand and discuss what went wrong and what you can do about it now. Keep insisting: "I love you. I want our relationship to work. This has got to stop. This is what I need." If you can approach your partner with an expressed desire to use their confession for good-to ultimately improve your relationship-the conversation will be far more fruitful.

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It’s A Sickness: 5 Reasons Why Jealousy Is Like Swallowing Poison

It’s A Sickness: 5 Reasons Why Jealousy Is Like Swallowing Poison

Have you ever felt the wrath of jealousy? That feeling in the pit of your stomach that won’t quit?

Perhaps, you’ve read too deep into your partner’s actions or just don’t like that one particular girl/guy hanging around your loved one. One thing for sure is that jealousy is like swallowing your “enemy’s” poison.

There’s not much worse in a relationship than good old jealousy.

It sparks arguments and mistrust. It makes you think twice about everyone’s actions and behavior. Sure, sometimes jealousy is your gut’s red flag, saying, “Something just isn’t right here.”

But most of the time, it’s poison. Here are the top reasons why jealousy sucks:

1. Jealousy looks bad on you.

There is nothing more unattractive than someone walking into a room and shooting dirty looks at you because he or she feels jealous. It brings tension to the air, and it just looks trashy.

Having self-respect, self-esteem and holding yourself with poise is way classier and more attractive.

Don’t let anyone drag you into the gutter. You are more than that.

2. Jealousy gives the enemy power.

Being angry about a woman/man your loved one has to interact with just adds anxiety and frustration to a relationship.

And the funny thing about it is it can backfire.

If your partner is constantly stressed out about a jealous significant other, he or she may have that strange urge to talk about it. And who knows who the person your partner will choose to confide in may be…

3. Jealousy makes sure you’re the one suffering.

Being jealous feels pretty sh*tty. You, alone, stuck with the same troubling and hurtful thoughts. No one can feel those emotions but you.

And the truth is, no one has to change their behavior for you either. You can’t control people’s actions.

At the end of the day, you’re the one who has to change.

4. Jealousy allows your fears to manifest.

There is such a thing as thinking something will happen and then it happens.

Part of the reason is because you expect it to happen, so you act according to those thoughts as though they were the truth.

Expecting someone to cheat doesn’t mean you are responsible for their cheating, but it doesn’t help them wanting to stay with you if you don’t trust them.

5. Jealousy makes your partner feel trapped.

Having a partner who questions your every move is unhealthy and miserable. Slowly, it makes your significant other want to pack his or her bags and run for the hills.

Who wants a helicopter flying overhead all day? Who wants to be stressed about how everything will “look?” Who wants to feel so stuck that they end up questioning their own motives?

Unfortunately, I’ve been on all ends of this spectrum. I’ve been jealous; I’ve had the overwhelmingly jealous partner, and I’ve had dirty looks from other women.

I’ve come full circle. And I have to say I choose to stay out of that circle as much as possible.

At the end of the day, you have to make a choice: Do you want to live life feeling afraid, angry and not trusting your partner? Or do you want to move on, be happy and feel secure?

If you are truly jealous, think long and hard about what’s triggering it. If there is something not right going on with your partner, then it comes down to a choice you have to make.

Either talk it out in a way that doesn’t make your partner defensive, hurt or angry, or leave that partner because the trust just isn’t there.

There are other alternatives to jealousy. You can turn that wasted energy from negative to positive and transfer it to something else. Think about how lucky you are to have a guy/girl someone else might wish they had.

Be proud and trust your partner to take care of him or herself in this world. If your partner needs your help, he or she will ask.


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This Is What It Means...When Guys Cry

This Is What It Means...When Guys Cry

You can tell a lot about a dude — from his relationship MO to his sex skills — by his tear-shedding style.

He Cries, But Not in Front of You

Closet sobbers have been taught that boys shouldn't cry. "This often leads to the suppression of other emotions — even happy ones, such as love — in your presence too," says William July, PhD, author of Understanding the Tin Man. "The feelings he might think are most acceptable to show are anger and sexual arousal." Though sensitive at his core, he needs your support and compassion to begin thawing on the outside. If you notice he's quieter than usual, ask him if something's wrong at work. Even if that's not the problem, he'll be more inclined to reveal what's upsetting him if you open the door. It won't happen overnight, but as trust increases,so should his expressions of emotion. Deep down, this guy has a need to impress, which is why he doesn't like to reveal any chinks in his armor. Your job is to make it clear that tenderness is one of the qualities you prize in a guy.

He's Always Stoic

This may come as a surprise, but a man who's not in touch with his feelings will always put yours first. "Because he wants to come off as tough and manly, his primary concern will be protecting you and making sure you're secure," says Scott Kudia, PhD, author of If This Is Love, Why Am I Unhappy? And since this guy is so uncomfortable with displaying his emotions, there won't be much drama, meaning he'll handle most problems calmly.

The drawback is that he may have trouble showing depth of emotion — verbally and physically. "Encourage him to slow down during intimate times — like in bed," says Kudia. "Tell him you think it's sexy when a guy lets down his guard." If he feels that his alpha-male standing won't be compromised, he may loosen up a bit, but he's never going to walk around with a hankie in his pocket.

He Bawls Out of Frustration

When things don't go his way, this guy responds by having a mini meltdown. "Don't mistake his tears for sensitivity though," warns psychologist George Weinberg, PhD, author of Why Men Won't Commit. "He just never learned to express himself any other way, so he deals by crying, which is how the body purges toxic emotions. And when it comes to sex, he needs reassurance." 

The best way to handle him: Ignore his freak-outs, but acknowledge his feelings, and couch your sexual desires as compliments. Lastly, you may suggest he see a counselor for new, healthier ways to cope.

He's Not Shy About Shedding Tears

If your guy is the type to get watery-eyed during very emotional situations — or even during the occasional sappy moment (read: while watching a sad movie) — you have a keeper. "This is a well- balanced man who is  secure enough in his masculinity to be emotional," explains Kudia. "He is likely to be a good communicator and has no problem letting you know how he feels, either with words or displays of affection." Because he's in touch with his own emotions, this guy will probably be able to better intuit yours. For example, if you want him to take the next step in the relationship or switch up the bedroom routine, he'll sense it. And if he doesn't, a subtle suggestion is all it will take to effect change since pleasing you is a major motivator for him.


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The Six Degrees of Long-Distance Relationships (LDRs) and other Separations

Have you ever been in any kind of long-distance relationship? Not just the romantic kind.

I have, and I cannot say I “rock” at maintaining them, nor do I enjoy the distance.

Here’s a quick glance at how many long-distance relationships (romantic and otherwise) I have had in the past or am currently maintaining:

• My best friend has been in Indiana for several years completing her Master’s degree.
• I was in a rather serious relationship with a gentleman caller for about two years (on again, off again, courtesy of our long distance situation).
• I have just one family member who lives within a healthy proximity to me. Otherwise, my brother, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins span from Kelowna to California to Ohio.
• Finally, as much as I enjoy the cultural diversity of my social group, I have dear friends scattered like dandelion seeds across countries and continents.

Needless to say, phone calls, text messages, e-mails, Skype dates, Facebook and Facetime have all become rather dear to me. But I find even with all of these modes of communication, I am still left with a devastating amount of space between us that, despite my best efforts, words cannot fill.

Six Degrees of (Long-Distance) Separation

I have noticed that whether it’s a boyfriend, a friend or a family member, the emotions that accompany a long-distance relationship are often similar. The following is a list of emotions I have experienced whilst engaged in a Long-Distance Relationship or “LDR”:

•  Anticipation/ Excitement: This emotion is typical when the times I have seen or heard from the person supersede the time we have been apart.

• Frustration: Frustration rears its ugly head after enough time has passed so I know the other person surely has a new story or anecdote to share, but I have yet to hear about it.

• Denial:  Possibly spurred on by things like Destiny’s Child songs about women and their independence, at this stage in the LDR a reassurance falls over me that I need no one!

• Hopelessness: When the times we have been apart supersedes the time in which we have been together, I begin doubting the validity of my relationship.

• Anger: Perhaps my LDR updated her Facebook status and didn’t as much as poke me. Or maybe he had a whole day off and did not make any effort to call. Whether my reasoning is justified or completely unwarranted, feelings of anger in a long-distance relationship are undeniable.

• Joy: The very sound of his voice brings a tidal wave of relief and all the emotions you once felt, are swept away with pure joy.

[ Lather, rinse, and repeat.]

Regardless of the different kinds of long distance relationships we may experience, I’m sure this truth remains: Being devoted to someone we cannot see, is hard.

Degrees of separation with God

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” ~Kahlil Gibran

As I looked at this list of LDR-related emotions, I began to draw some parallels between my human long-distance relationships and my relationship with God. I realized that just as I have felt all of the six (long distance) degrees of separation with my friends, family and romances; I have also felt these emotions towards God. The anticipation and excitement as I wait on His call, the denial in thinking I don’t need Him, the hopelessness I feel when I don’t hear His voice, the anger when everyone else gets a “poke” but me, and the sheer joy of finally hearing His voice.

But in all of the parallels I have drawn, I discovered one major contrast: With God, absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder; it makes my heart grow further.

“Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you.” James 4:8 (NIV)

God isn’t awkwardly fumbling around trying to maintain seven billion long-distance relationships—on the contrary, we are the ones who choose how close our relationship with God will be. Which reminds me that if I feel like God is far away—He’s not the one who moved.

“I will never leave you; I will never forget you.” Hebrews 13:5 (International Children’s Version)

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