7 Things Women Will Always Have To Explain To Men

7 Things Women Will Always Have To Explain To Men

By Chelsea Fagen 

1 .  No,  Cat calling is not flattering

I feel like every man who has ever tried to convince me to take some rando shouting “Hey girl, nice ass” at me as a compliment sees it this way: You’re sitting outside some Italian café in a Betty Draper dress sipping a prosecco when all of a sudden your dainty neck scarf flies off in the light breeze. Joseph Gordon Levitt, wearing a linen suit with a pocket square and no socks with his penny loafers, steps off his Vespa and hands it to you while saying something witty about how it’s almost as beautiful as you are.You then both ride off into the sunset, laughing as Dean Martin plays in the background and the director yells cut on the espresso commercial that is your life.

In reality, it’s you getting yelled at by a bunch of sweaty men standing outside a bar at eight in the morning, telling you about how fuckable you look in your sweatpants when you’re just trying to get a bottle of milk in peace like a goddamn human being. And it is the opposite of a compliment.

2. Sexism definitely exists in the workplace.

Perhaps it doesn’t always come in the form of some obese man in a pinstriped suit who smells of cigars slapping you on the hip with a folder and telling you to “get that pretty ass to work,” but it’s definitely there. And the fact that it’s not some outtake from the early seasons of Mad Men that they cut for being too overtly misogynist makes it all the more frustrating. When brainstorming after-hours drinks are held and you are not invited, when people feel that you are not going to be competent enough to negotiate with the client, when you are passed over for a promotion because the boss just feels like he could hang out with the guy two cubicles down despite his general distate for working — it happens. And you just have to learn to work against it on a daily basis.

3. We are always under pressure to be pretty.

Every woman has experienced the vast and shocking difference she receives from the world around her when she puts effort into looking good versus when she just goes out au natural and/or in full-on scuzz mode. And while it’s true that dressing snazzily will generally elicit a better and more respectful reaction for all people who do it, there is a distinct pressure and reward system in place for women who look pretty for society at large. Depending on the outfit you're wearing and the deftness of your makeup application, your whole world can become a whirlwind of free drinks and compliments. If you commit the mortal sin of walking out the door while looking like an imperfect human, you can expect a cavalcade of men who act as though their gross advances should be flattering, being completely ignored by everyone else, and having your thoughts roundly dismissed. Your worth is directly related to how you look, and it’s impossible not to feel when it’s happening.

4. Constantly smiling is not a natural state.

I have developed a theory that all of the randos who insist on directing you to smile while you’re walking through the street, minding your own business, do so because saying “Show us a little nipple, baby, you look so boring right now” is politically incorrect. I am currently working up the courage to respond to men who do so by telling them to get an erection and stand with their penises pointing north so he serves some kind of purpose and caters to my viewing pleasure.

5. We will always be on a double standard for sexuality.

We have all met the supposedly “open-minded, feminist” man — you know, the kind who insists on going down on you terribly until your entire vagina is completely numb and you just want to watch The Daily Show — who proclaims how egalitarian he is right up until the moment where he gets vaguely jealous over your sexuality. Whether you slept with one too many men, or have a flirtatious personality when going out, or dated some guy that he feels threatened by, there is no escape from the deeply harmful social norms placed on us about how women are supposed to handle their bodies and their desires. Let’s not even talk about the bros who blow through an entire sorority house in two weeks and yet are ready to get that horrible lock and key metaphor tattooed on their overdeveloped bicep. They should just never be discussed in polite society.

6. If we don’t orgasm, it’s not to spite you.

There are few feelings more frustrating than following up a sexual encounter that, sadly, didn’t end with an orgasm (which is not to say that sex can’t be fun without reaching the summit — it completely can), only to have to painstakingly explain to some guy how it’s not his fault that you didn’t operatically climax from 2.5 minutes of indiscriminate thrusting. In a terrible turn of events somewhere in the darkest parts of the cosmos, the person who didn’t reach orgasm is the person tenderly consoling the one who did it within 45 seconds, trying to come up with myriad reasons — having nothing to do with his performance, of course — why it just didn’t happen this time.

 And God forbid you fake it, as that is what horrifying succubi do to punish man for the sins of their forefathers, and those harpies should be burned at the stake.

7. We don’t actually want special treatment.

“You greedy bitches just want us to pay for dates so you can spend your money on clothes or whatever!”

No, you anthropomorphic anal polyp, we just want to get to a place in society as a group where outdated social norms such as these aren’t even a question anymore, and we’d be happy to start with getting paid the same amount for the same job in all fields. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have to go read another 45 overwrought articles about how we’re supposed to have it all — complete with stock image of confused-looking woman juggling a baby, a martini, and a briefcase — because apparently gaining equality in the professional sphere doesn’t mean that men should also consider taking a more pronounced role at home. Of course not, they have important shit to do, and rich people’s hands to firmly shake.

View original article here

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Masculinity Is Killing Men: The Roots of Men and Trauma

Masculinity Is Killing Men: The Roots of Men and Trauma

“The three most destructive words that every man receives when he’s a boy is when he’s told to 'be a man,'” —Joe Ehrmann, coach and former NFL player

If we are honest with ourselves, we have long known that masculinity kills men, in ways both myriad and measurable. While social constructions of femininity demand that women be thin, beautiful, accommodating, and some unattainable balance of virginal and fuckable, social constructions of masculinity demand that men constantly prove and re-prove the very fact that they are, well, men.

Both ideas are poisonous and potentially destructive, but statistically speaking, the number of addicted and afflicted men and their comparatively shorter lifespans proves masculinity is actually the more effective killer, getting the job done faster and in greater numbers. Masculinity’s death tolls are attributed to its more specific manifestations: alcoholism, workaholism and violence. Even when it does not literally kill, it causes a sort of spiritual death, leaving many men traumatized, dissociated and often unknowingly depressed. (These issues are heightened by race, class, sexuality and other marginalizing factors, but here let’s focus on early childhood and adolescent socialization overall.) To quote poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “tis not in death that men die most.” And for many men, the process begins long before manhood.

The emotionally damaging “masculinization” of boys starts even before boyhood, in infancy. Psychologist Terry Real, in his 1998 book I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, highlights numerous studies which find that parents often unconsciously begin projecting a kind of innate “manliness”—and thus, a diminished need for comfort, protection and affection—onto baby boys as young as newborns. This, despite the fact that gendered behaviors are absent in babies; male infants actually behave in ways our society defines as “feminine.” As Real explains, “[l]ittle boys and little girls start off... equally emotional, expressive, and dependent, equally desirous of physical affection. At the youngest ages, both boys and girls are more like a stereotypical girl. If any differences exist, little boys are, in fact, slightly more sensitive and expressive than little girls. They cry more easily, seem more easily frustrated, appear more upset when a caregiver leaves the room.”

Yet both mothers and fathers imagine inherent sex-related differences between baby girls and boys. Even when researchers controlled for babies’ “weight, length, alertness, and strength,” parents overwhelmingly reported that baby girls were more delicate and “softer” than baby boys; they imagined baby boys to be bigger and generally “stronger.” When a group of 204 adults was shown video of the same baby crying and given differing information about the baby’s sex, they judged the “female” baby to be scared, while the “male” baby was described as “angry.”

Intuitively, these differences in perception create correlating differences in the kind of parental caregiving newborn boys receive. In the words of the researchers themselves, “it would seem reasonable to assume that a child who is thought to be afraid is held and cuddled more than a child who is thought to be angry.” That theory is bolstered by other studies Real cites, which consistently find that “from the moment of birth, boys are spoken to less than girls, comforted less, nurtured less.” To put it bluntly, we begin emotionally shortchanging boys right out of the gate, at the most vulnerable point in their lives. 

It’s a pattern that continues throughout childhood and into adolescence. Real cites a study that found both mothers and fathers emphasized “achievement and competition in their sons,” and taught them to “control their emotions”—another way of saying boys are tacitly instructed to ignore or downplay their emotional needs and wants. Similarly, parents of both sexes are more punitive toward their sons, presumably working under the assumption that boys “can take it.” Beverly I. Fagot, the late researcher and author of The Influence of Sex of Child on Parental Reactions to Toddler Children, found that parents gave positive reinforcement to all children when they exhibited “same-sex preferred” behaviors (as opposed to “cross-sex preferred”). Parents who said they “accepted sex equity” nonetheless offered more positive responses to little boys when they played with blocks, and offered negative feedback to girls when they engaged in sporty behavior. And while independent play—away from parents—and “independent accomplishments” were encouraged in boys, girls received more positive feedback when they asked for help. As a rule, these parents were unaware of the active role they played in socializing their children in accordance with gender norms. Fagot notes that all stated they treated sons and daughters the same, without regard to sex, a claim sharply contradicted by study findings.

Undeniably, these kinds of lessons impart deeply damaging messages to both girls and boys, and have lifelong and observable consequences. But whereas, as Terry Real says, “girls are allowed to maintain emotional expressiveness and cultivate connection,” boys are not only told they should suppress their emotions, but that their manliness essentially depends on them doing so. Despite its logic-empty premise, our society has fully bought into the notion that the relationship between maleness and masculinity is somehow incidental and precarious, and embraced the myth that “boys must be turned into men...that boys, unlike girls, must achieve masculinity.”

Little boys internalize this concept early; when I spoke to Real, he indicated that research suggests they begin to hide their feelings from as young as 3 to 5 years old. “It doesn't mean that they have fewer emotions. But they're already learning the game—that it's not a good idea to express them,” Real says. Boys, conventional wisdom holds, are made men not by merely aging into manhood, but through the crushing socialization just described. But Real points out what should be obvious about cisgender boys: “[they] do not need to be turned into males. They are males. Boys do not need to develop their masculinity.”

It is impossible to downplay the concurrent influence of images and messages about masculinity embedded in our media. TV shows and movies inform kids—and all of us, really—not so much about who men (and women) are, but who they should be. While much of the scholarship about gender depictions in media has come from feminists deconstructing the endless damaging representations of women, there’s been far less research specifically about media-perpetuated constructions of masculinity. But certainly, we all recognize the traits that are valued among men in film, television, videogames, comic books, and more: strength, valor, independence, the ability to provide and protect.

While depictions of men have grown more complicated, nuanced and human over time (we’re long past the days of “Father Knows Best” and “Superman” archetypes), certain “masculine” qualities remain valued over others. As Amanda D. Lotz writes in her 2014 book, Cable Guys: Television and Masculinities in the 21st Century, though depictions of men in media have become more diverse, “storytelling has nevertheless performed significant ideological work by consistently supporting...male characters it constructs as heroic or admirable, while denigrating others. So although television series may have displayed a range of men and masculinities, they also circumscribed a 'preferred' or 'best' masculinity through attributes that were consistently idealized.”

We are all familiar with these recurring characters. They are fearless action heroes; prostitute-fucking psychopaths in Grand Theft Auto; shlubby, housework-averse sitcom dads with inexplicably beautiful wives; bumbling stoner twentysomethings who still manage to “nail” the hot girl in the end; and still, the impenetrable Superman. Even sensitive, loveable everyguy Paul Rudd somehow "mans up" before the credits roll in his films. Here, it seems important to mention a National Coalition on Television Violence study which finds that on average, 18-year-old American males have already witnessed some 26,000 murders on television, “almost all of them committed by men.” Couple those numbers with violence in film and other media, and the numbers are likely astronomical.

The result of all this—the early denial of boy’s feelings, and our collective insistence that they follow suit—is that boys are effectively cut off from their feelings and emotions, their deepest and most vulnerable selves. Historian Stephanie Coontz has labeled this effect the “masculine mystique.” It leaves little boys, and later, men, emotionally disembodied, afraid to show weakness and often unable to fully access, recognize or cope with their feelings.

In his book, Why Men Can’t Feel, Marvin Allen states, “[T]hese messages encourage boys to be competitive, focus on external success, rely on their intellect, withstand physical pain, and repress their vulnerable emotions. When boys violate the code, it is not uncommon for them to be teased, shamed, or ridiculed.” The cliche about men not being in touch with their emotions says nothing about inherent markers of maleness. It instead identifies behavioral outcomes that have been rigorously taught, often by well-meaning parents and society at large. As Terry Real said when I spoke to him, this process of disconnecting boys from their “feminine” —or more accurately, “human”—emotional selves is deeply harmful. “Every step...is injurious,” says Real. “It's traumatic. It's traumatic to be forced to abdicate half of your own humanity.”

That trauma makes itself plain in the ways men attempt to sublimate feelings of emotional need and vulnerability. While women tend to internalize pain, men instead act it out, against themselves and others. As Real told me, women “blame themselves, they feel bad, they know they feel bad, they'd like to get out of it. Boys and men tend to externalize stress. We act it out and often don't see our part in it. It’s the opposite of self-blame; it's more like feeling like an angry victim.” The National Alliance on Mental Illness states that across race and ethnicity, women are twice as likely to experience depression as men. But Real believes men’s acting-out behaviors primarily serve to mask their depression, which goes largely unrecognized and undiagnosed.

Examples of these destructive behaviors range from the societally approved, such as workaholism, to the criminally punishable, such as drug addiction and violence. Men are twice as likely as women to suffer from rage disorders. According to the Centers for Disease Control, men are more likely to drink to excess than women, leading to “higher rates of alcohol-related deaths and hospitalizations.” (Possibly because men under the influence are also more likely to engage in other risky behaviors, such as “driv[ing] fast or without a safety belt.”) Boys are more likely to have used drugs by the age of 12 than girls, which leads to a higher likelihood of drug abuse in men than in women later in life. American men are more likely to kill (committing 90.5 percent of all murders) and be killed (comprising 76.8 percent of murder victims). This extends to themselves, according to studies: “males take their own lives at nearly four times the rate of females and comprise approximately 80 percent of all suicides.” (Interestingly, suicide attempts among women are estimated to be three to four times higher than that of their male counterparts.) And according to the Federal Bureau of Prisons, men make up more than 93 percent of prisoners.

The damaging effects of the aforementioned emotional severing even plays a role in the lifespan gender gap. As Terry Real explains:

"Men’s willingness to downplay weakness and pain is so great that it has been named as a factor in their shorter lifespan. The 10 years of difference in longevity between men and women turns out to have little to do with genes. Men die early because they do not take care of themselves. Men wait longer to acknowledge that they are sick, take longer to get help, and once they get treatment do not comply with it as well as women do."

Masculinity is both difficult to achieve and impossible to maintain, a fact that Real notes is evident in the phrase “fragile male ego.” Because men’s self-esteem often rests on so shaky a construct, the effort to preserve it can be all-consuming. Avoiding the shame that’s left when it is peeled away can drive some men to dangerous ends. This is not to absolve people of responsibility for their actions, but it does drive home the forces that underlie and inform behaviors we often attribute solely to individual issues, ignoring their root causes.

James Gilligan, former director of the Center for the Study of Violence at Harvard Medical School, has written numerous books on the subject of male violence and its source. In a 2013 interview with MenAlive, a men’s health blog, Gilligan spoke of his study findings, stating, “I have yet to see a serious act of violence that was not provoked by the experience of feeling shamed and humiliated, disrespected and ridiculed, and that did not represent the attempt to prevent or undo that ‘loss of face’—no matter how severe the punishment, even if it includes death.”

Too often, men who are suffering do so alone, believing that revealing their personal pain is tantamount to failing at their masculinity. “As a society, we have more respect for the walking wounded,” Terry Real writes, “those who deny their difficulties, than we have for those who 'let' their conditions 'get to them.'" And yet, the cost, both human and in real dollars, of not recognizing men’s trauma is far greater than attending to those wounds, or avoiding creating them in the first place. It’s critical that we begin taking more seriously what we do to little boys, how we do it, and the high emotional cost exacted by masculinity, which turns emotionally whole little boys into emotionally debilitated adult men.

When masculinity is defined by absence, when it sits, as it does, on the absurd and fallacious idea that the only way to be a man is to not acknowledge a key part of yourself, the consequences are both vicious and soul crushing. The resulting displacement and dissociation leaves men yet more vulnerable, susceptible, and in need of crutches to help allay the pain created by our demands of manliness. As Terry Real writes, “A depressed woman’s internalization of pain weakens her and hampers her capacity for direct communication. A depressed man’s tendency to extrude pain...may render him psychologically dangerous.”

We have set an unfair and unachievable standard, and in trying to live up to it, many men are slowly killing themselves. We have to move far beyond our outdated ideas of masculinity, and get past our very ideas about what being a man is. We have to start seeing men as innately so, with no need to prove who they are, to themselves or anyone else.

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Is a Sex-Shop Coming to Saudi Arabia?

A sharia-compliant sex shop may be opening its doors in one of Islam's holiest cities.

Abdelaziz Aouragh’s intention to bring a “sensual boutique” to Saudi Arabia has left many surprised, some encouraged, and others confused.

The Dutch-born entrepreneur is the founder of El Asira, a sharia-compliant sex shop. The company was launched in the Netherlands in 2010 and is backed by the German adult products company Beate Uhse. The company ships its products to over 30 countries around the world. Aouragh hopes bringing his products to the Makkah region of Saudi Arabia will help provide its community with “a deeper meaning to sexuality, sensuality and even spirituality.” 

As it says on the El Asira website, “In the end, we’d like to see our Sensual Arabica product range to be able to build bridges. Not only between the East and West, but more importantly, between man and woman. El Asira puts women on a pedestal without embarrassing them. In our vision women deserve respect, so at El Asira, we communicate with them in a subtle and elegant way.”

The company’s delicate description reflects the inventory it carries, which is limited to lotions, massage oils and candles. If you were hoping to see a variety of dildos and other imaginative devices, I can sympathize. But butt plugs and blowup dolls don’t exactly scream “halal” (permissible by Islamic law). When it comes to creating a space to openly explore sexuality in the Middle East, it’s probably best to proceed with baby steps. 

In fact, Aouragh doesn’t even like using the term “sex shop” to describe his business. In an official statement posted on Facebook, Aouragh writes, “There have been media reports of a 'halalsexshop' to be opened in Mecca. This is a false report. We are not a sexshop in anyway let alone a halal sexshop, whatever that may be.”

He continues, “We have the ambition to open a concept store. That's something totally different. Unfortunately media worldwide have taking that article as their reference, without taking the time and effort to just simply ask El Asira. Please share this message as much as you can to change the perspective of the people.”

According to the UK Independent, Aouragh consulted Muslim clerics and Saudi sheikhs to “ensure the business complies with local laws and customs.” The subtext being El Asira products are to be used in the context of a heterosexual marriage. It doesn’t seem the company has plans to open its doors in Hells Kitchen anytime soon.

Even though El Asira doesn’t market its brand to wider audiences, its message about the importance of (good) sex within marriage is important. Any company that helps drive that point home is worth celebrating. But Aouragh’s motivation may extend beyond becoming a socially significant member of society. Sex sells and the Islamic community makes up a significant portion of the market. Bringing those two together just seems like a smart move for business.

The demand for halal products stretches across the globe. The Economistreports, “Australia, Brazil, New Zealand and other meat exporters have long profited from the halal trade. Malaysia was the first country to realise the broader potential. In 2011 its halal exports—including aspirin, chocolate and mouthwash—amounted to 35.4 billion ringgits ($11.57 billion), or 5% of total exports.”

The El Asira brand is promoted by Pure Safy, an “Islamic branding agency” that was also founded by Aouragh. The company sees Islamic branding as the next global growth opportunity. It claims, “The current total Muslim market is worth $2.2 trillion and is still growing each year with $500 million.”

But realizing his vision will take time. As the Independent notes, women’s freedoms are “severely restricted” in Saudi Arabia. Women in the Islamic state are forced to observe a strict dress code and must be accompanied by a male chaperone when leaving the house.

As Aouragh told the Independent, “It’s not confirmed but it’s possible.” He added, “Most definitely it will be in Mecca because of all the pilgrims.”

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Erogenous zones

If you want to multiply desire during forpelay then there’s nothing like targeted touching and kissing all over the body, especially on the erogenous zones.

Arousal

According to the medical dictionary, an erogenous zone is ‘part of the body that excites sexual feelings when touched or stimulated.’ Three types exist:

Primary zones

- these are the organs that trigger orgasm when stimulated. In women, the primary erogenous zones are the clitoris and the vagina. The clitoris is stimulated when caressed or touched with circular movements and the vagina is only sensitive when the G spot is reached through muscular contraction on penetration. Primary erogenous zones in men are located on the penis; arousal is generated through rubbing movements either during masturbation or penetration.

Secondary zones

- these areas also trigger arousal of the primary zones when touched, increasing sexual pleasure, but they are not always needed to reach orgasm. In women, these are the pubic area, buttocks, labia majora and labia minora, the entrance of the vagina, perineum, anus and nipples. The male secondary zones are the penis, the area around the anus and the inside of the thighs. Some men also like their nipples kissed and nibbled.

Potential zones

- the goal here is to trigger a series of exciting sensations that stimulate primary areas, bringing about erection and moistening of the vagina. These erogenous zones have more of an erotic dimension and vary from one person to the next both in terms of their location and their intensity. It’s up to each individual to discover these zones, which are located all over the body.

Are everyone's erogenous zones the same?

In theory, erogenous zones are quite similar from one person to the next, but sometimes people have preferences. To find out what areas are your most sensitive, experiment with your partner. A bit of kissing and touching will soon tell you!

How do they develop?

There is a part that is innate and a part that is acquired. This means that some zones develop naturally and others develop over time, starting in childhood. Some specialists have shown that physical contact with the mother in childhood plays an important role in sensory perception in a child and even in the development of sexuality in adulthood. For example, a baby who has had only functional attachment without any special tenderness will have no particular pleasant memories of skin contact and will lack self-confidence (and vice versa). It seems that baby girls are shown more tenderness (hugs, cuddles and kisses) than baby boys, which could explain why women have more erogenous zones than men.

Do they always give you pleasure?

It depends on the degree of relaxation during foreplay. If you are totally relaxed and ready for your partner's attention, your erogenous zones will give you great pleasure and excitement. However, if you're stressed and anxious, your whole body will be on the defensive and touching could cause unpleasant reactions or tickling. It's not uncommon for women to laugh during foreplay, which can ruin the erotic dimension of the situation!

Precautions to bear in mind

Obviously erogenous zones are very sensitive before sex. Desire and attraction helps. However, after orgasm, touching, kissing, licking and stroking can be unbearable and even painful. This is the case for the glans penis (the head) and the clitoris, as well as the nipples (for both men and women). So it is important you both let each other recover for a brief period known as the refractory period, during which neither of you is sexually aroused because your erogenous zones are hypersensitive.

View the original article here

The Under F**ked Pussy Epidemic (Every Woman Needs To Read This!!)

“A good orgasm is satisfying, but a great orgasm can be a revelation of your deepest being, unfolding the truth of who you are in ecstatic communion with your lover.” — David Deida

 Recently I was speaking with a young woman about her orgasms and her state of emotion. She shared with me how she had been diagnosed with depression and ADHD, how Peri-Menopausal Symptoms (PMS) was terrible for her and how she felt that she needed a man in her life to protect, save and hold her. She had been abandoned by the men in her past and had gained an ill understanding of her own heart and soul. Disconnected from her pussy and from her true self she exhibited self-hatred and shame, she felt embarrassed and lacked confidence, yet tried to hide all of this under a bubbly, loud personality with a beaming smile and flashy sex drive. Practically throwing herself at men, begging for their attention so she could survive one more day and pretend that for that moment she had love in her life.

The Importance Of Gourmet Orgasms

As I sat there listening to her story, watching the emotions cross over her face I could feel her pain, I found myself wanting to just embrace her and tell her that everything would be okay, but that was the protective mama bear in me.

Instead I chose to be honest and share the facts, “Sounds like you need to be properly f-ked my dear,” is what I responded.

She looked at me and said, “What?”

I restated it, “It sounds like you need to be properly f-ked, I don’t mean go have sex, just some junk food sex, I mean you need some gourmet, yummie, fulfilling f-king. You need an orgasm that fills your whole body.”

She looked at me a bit taken back and then responded with,”Oh I just had sex, I had an orgasm, a good one. It was very good.”

“But was it fulfilling and gourmet?”

“Yes, yes I think it was. Maybe it was not exactly as gourmet as you are speaking of, but it was awesome.”

“Did it fill your whole body with rapture? Were you tingly and full of energy for days to come or did you grow tired and the orgasmic feeling passed through you within a few hours?”

A confused look came upon her face.

Orgasm Is Mandatory For A Woman To Live an Abundant, Happy & Healthy Life

Here is the problem: this world is suffering from the majority of women not having real orgasms, shit most women don’t even have orgasms at all, they fake them, they hide out in their minds and they grow bitter toward life. Those who do have an orgasm normally rely on a clitorial quick fix or tighten their bodies up so much during an orgasm that it is short lived and never fills their whole being; body, heart and soul. They lack the orgasmic rapture that they need. Orgasm is mandatory for a woman to live an abundant, happy, healthy, full life. And not just any old orgasm will do this. The deeper, more penetrating an orgasm, the more life and creative energy, love and surrender a woman will bring to the world. To you.

• When her emotions become muted and she is closed, lacking expression toward life she is close to running on empty in her orgasmic bank account.
• When she is overly hateful or stuck in depression, full of what seems to be crazy hormonal ups and downs she is lacking in her orgasmic bank account.
• When she lays down and has sex but is indifferent to what happens in the bedroom or cannot share her desires, her boundaries and her fears she is lacking in her orgasmic bank account and this is where the trouble resides.

The Darkness of Pussy Frustration

Worse yet, she won’t tell you the truth about what is going on because she herself does not understand. Even if she has a clue her voice will be seized by the darkness of her pussy frustration and her ego will have hold of her so strongly that she won’t be capable of vocalizing the unspeakable to you. That unspeakable being that she needs to be f-ked wide open by a man that can penetrate not only her flesh but her heart and soul. She needs his strength, his firmness, his masculine energy to be unleashed in her at a cellular level and TAKE her beyond the point of no return and right into the heavens of rapture. Only at this level can she trust her man and allow herself once again to be seen.

As Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex states,

“Running on empty is not what you want your woman to be, unless you like irritability, impatience, hypersensitivity, and for everything to be your fault. Because in the space between what she asks for and what she really wants, resentment will begin to fester. And you, sir, will be the one she blames.

Find out what she is hungry for, and give it to her. Never accept her first answer. Ask again. And again. Make it a part of your game plan to prod and push until she releases what she is withholding and her desire comes flying out. At first, her desire might sound like anger. She may need to blow off steam. Don’t take it personally, even if she says hurtful things.

“Keep asking until you feel her true desire release. You will feel it in your body when she finally lets go. Regardless of how much resistance she has, don’t stop asking until you feel it. You are helping her unravel a lifetime of conditioning – old beliefs and habits and rules that are suffocating the bright, lovely, sexy woman within.

“That’s the woman you want to be with. So if you have to ask all night, ask all night. You’ll know it when she finally speaks her desire because you will be able to feel it, landing with a satisfying *thunk in your body.

“Then give it to her, and you’ll be giving her the thing she never thought she could get: not just the desire, but approval for having the desire at all. ”

Women: Ask For What You Sexually Want & Need

What Nicole is stating here is the powerful truth and it is hard to understand for many men because men have the ability to state what they need or want clearly most of the time. Men have also been raised differently then women and do not have the same shame placed upon them for wanting or needing sex. It is expected that a man craves, thinks about and will ask for sex. It is common thought in many marriages and in society that it is the woman’s place “to make sure to keep her man happy, else he will surely stray and find it somewhere else” but for a woman to be open about her cravings labels her a whore or slut. Even if we are not aware of this low grade consciousness and believe ourselves to be above this sort of thinking, the consciousness and programs still exist for all of us. They lay there in the covers of darkness within our psyche and if we are women they make themselves known pretty quickly as soon as we face our undernourished needs.

Men: Ask Your Women What She Desires

So gentlemen or those in the masculine role of the relationship, never stop asking your woman what she desires. Never stop inquiring about her deep hungers. Dig in her cavern and find the treasures she has hidden there, tell her frequently that you love her, that she is your babe, your special lady, your love. Touch her often and playfully and set aside time to REALLY be with her. This is not meaning a movie and dinner or even snuggle time on the couch, this means eye to eye, deep focused communication time. Communicate your love with words, looks and touch and ALWAYS keep asking. She will open to you.

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Men are programmed to like breasts, but it isn't for the reasons scientists once thought. Credit: Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported | Gytha View full size image

New Theory on Why Men Love Breasts

Why do straight men devote so much headspace to those big, bulbous bags of fat drooping from women's chests? Scientists have never satisfactorily explained men's curious breast fixation, but now, a neuroscientist has struck upon an explanation that he says "just makes a lot of sense."

Larry Young, a professor of psychiatry at Emory University who studies the neurological basis of complex social behaviors, thinks human evolution has harnessed an ancient neural circuit that originally evolved to strengthen the mother-infant bond during breast-feeding, and now uses this brain circuitry to strengthen the bond between couples as well. The result? Men, like babies, love breasts.

The Love Drug

When a woman's nipples are stimulated during breast-feeding, the neurochemical oxytocin, otherwise known as the "love drug," floods her brain, helping to focus her attention and affection on her baby. But research over the past few years has shown that in humans, this circuitry isn't reserved for exclusive use by infants. [The Cleavage Countdown: 8 Facts About Breasts]

Recent studies have found that nipple stimulation enhances sexual arousal in the great majority of women, and it activates the same brain areas as vaginal and clitoral stimulation. When a sexual partner touches, massages or nibbles a woman's breasts, Young said, this triggers the release of oxytocin in the woman's brain, just like what happens when a baby nurses. But in this context, the oxytocin focuses the woman's attention on her sexual partner, strengthening her desire to bond with this person.

In other words, men can make themselves more desirable by stimulating a woman's breasts during foreplay and sex. Evolution has, in a sense, made men want to do this. 

Attraction to breasts "is a brain organization effect that occurs in straight males when they go through puberty," Young told Life's Little Mysteries. "Evolution has selected for this brain organization in men that makes them attracted to the breasts in a sexual context, because the outcome is that it activates the female bonding circuit, making women feel more bonded with him. It's a behavior that males have evolved in order to stimulate the female's maternalbonding circuitry."

Feeding Time

Breasts of Mary Zarring completely natural
 – She's afraid of plastic surgery

So, why did this evolutionary change happen in humans, and not in other breast-feeding mammals? Young thinks it's because we form monogamous relationships, whereas 97 percent of mammals do not. "Secondly, it might have to do with the fact that we are upright and have face-to-face sex, which provides more opportunity for nipple stimulation during sex. In monogamous voles, for example, the nipples are hanging toward the ground and the voles mate from behind, so this didn't evolve," he said. "So, maybe the nature of our sexuality has allowed greater access to the breasts."Attraction to breasts "is a brain organization effect that occurs in straight males when they go through puberty," Young told Life's Little Mysteries. "Evolution has selected for this brain organization in men that makes them attracted to the breasts in a sexual context, because the outcome is that it activates the female bonding circuit, making women feel more bonded with him. It's a behavior that males have evolved in order to stimulate the female's maternal bonding circuitry."

Young said competing theories of men's breast fixation don't stand up to scrutiny. For example, the argument that men tend to select full-breasted women because they think these women's breast fat will make them better at nourishing babies falls short when one considers that "sperm is cheap" compared with eggs, and men don't need to be choosy.  

But Young's new theory will face scrutiny of its own. Commenting on the theory, Rutgers University anthropologist Fran Mascia-Lees, who has written extensively about the evolutionary role of breasts, said one concern is that not all men are attracted to them. "Always important whenever evolutionary biologists suggest a universal reason for a behavior and emotion: how about the cultural differences?" Mascia-Lees wrote in an email. In some African cultures, for example, women don't cover their breasts, and men don't seem to find them so, shall we say, titillating.

Breasts on Show

Young says that just because breasts aren't covered in these cultures "doesn't mean that massaging them and stimulating them is not part of the foreplay in these cultures. As of yet, there are not very many studies that look at [breast stimulation during foreplay] in an anthropological context," he said...

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