Friday, 25 September 2015

7 Signs You're In The Right Relationship

"Have times when you don't talk to each other and not just because you have argued or because you are angry with each other but because you can be quiet together. When you find yourself with silences you don't need to fill, when you can just walk along or laze about, work side by side and feel together without needing to verbally affirm that, you are lucky, you've got a good thing going."   -  Susan

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7 Signs You're In The Right Relationship


1. Your partner is your best friend

It's not all about the physical stuff – though that's definitely an added bonus. You and your guy can't get enough of each other's company. Whenever something happens, your partner is the first person you want to share it with. Also, the teasing is merciless.

2. Your differences aren't a dealbreaker

Nobody would accuse you and your partner of being the same person. You have different beliefs, different personalities and different ways of viewing the world. Instead of weakening your foundation, the differences only make you more interesting to each other.

3. You're completely yourselves

The stage of game playing is long over. You're not trying to win each other, because you already have. You both feel secure enough in your relationship to be the people you really are – and, the real person is the person both of you are in love with.


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4. You don't feel like you have to prove anything

You know how fantastic your relationship is – there's no question. You could be Instagramming couple selfies and posting loved-up messages on his wall all day, but you don't see the point in trying to prove to other people what you already know to be true.

5. You fight productively

Neither of you fight for the sake of fighting – you're not into the drama. When you do disagree, the aim of your game isn't to 'win'. It's to get your point across and try to find common ground. When you fight, both of you try to understand each other, and compromise is the key.

6. You have your own lives

While you and your partner do share a lot of friends, you also have separate groups. You'll never begrudge each other the opportunity to spend time with the other people in your lives, because you know how important you are to each other. You'll never feel threatened.

7. You make each other better

Neither of you are trying to change each other, but somehow you have. Both of you each other want to be the best version of yourself for each other. Some of your partner's passions have become yours, and vice versa. You are good for each other – it's that simple!


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Thursday, 24 September 2015

How to Tolerate Criticism

"Criticism is one of those strange things that can really grind our gears in the realm of our human emotions. It is strange when you really sit and think about it. Consider these two scenarios: 1. Someone calls you something that is blatantly not true... like you Green Spotted Martian or something else that is so far out like that. or 2. Someone calls you something much simpler like a big Loser! The second scenario is likely to have more impact on a lot of people as it is easier for us to see ourselves being close to that label in some area of our lives that makes the criticism true in some way. It's that small possibility that causes the words to sting. The first is just so far off the radar you can in no way identify with it at all."

But to know how to deal with this kind of thing read on...

How to Tolerate Criticism

Some people find it very hard to take criticism, however well intentioned, accurate, helpful or mild. Often, it may not be any of these; it may be clumsy, ill-timed, inappropriate, but the problem that arises is the same: - the partner's reaction to the criticism is hugely out of proportion to the criticism itself. It is experienced as an attack on the very core of the personality itself, as if it has got under the skin and burrowed deep into the soft core of shame and rage that hides beneath the protective shell that encases and protects it.
Are you good at taking criticism?The retaliation is, therefore, experienced by the innocent (or not so innocent) other as grossly out of proportion, but to the thin-skinned partner who struggles to tolerate any criticism at all, his/her retaliation is directly in proportion to what he/she experiences.
What is the experience? For some, the ones I am writing about here, the experience is that of being under psychic attack, as if the criticism has attached to it a malignancy intended to inflict maximum pain and is intended to be felt as deeply cutting and cruel. Upon reflection, over the next few hours, the injured partner can usually process the criticism as being somewhat justified and can usually acknowledge that his reaction was greatly exaggerated. But the harm has been done to the relationship; another evening ruined; another couple left feeling hurt and bewildered at the suddenness and ferocity of unexpected and unintended consequences.
So, how can we learn to tolerate criticism more helpfully? When stung by it, we can, even as we wince under the perceived assault, consider whether or not it is justified, and then to what extent is it justified, and then to what extent our reaction is in proportion, and then look back at our history of experiencing criticism. Do we have a history of being thin-skinned? Often, this process of self-reflection provides enough pause to allow the sense of outrage or deflation/dethronement to subside enough for us to say "Yes, fair enough, I got that wrong."
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Wednesday, 23 September 2015

What to Do When You Like Someone Else?

"Apparently falling in love with two people at the same time is as simple as falling in love with one person. Love is an emotion that can be experienced when the symptoms are right. As human beings we are capable of falling in love with two people at the same time, after all we fall in love with different people in different ways. But at the end of the day you are the one in control, and should you chose to use it,  you have the power to avoid falling in love by taking a step back, and putting a stop to the flirty conversations or secret rendezvous and allowing any feelings of lust or love  to fade away".   
                                                                                                             -Susan


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What to Do When You Like Someone Else?

Appreciating or liking someone else is acceptable, but what should you do about it? Find out what to do when you like someone else and you’re already in a relationship.

Do you like someone else even though you’re already in a relationship?

Sometimes, you may jump into a new relationship only to find that you don’t really like the person and like someone else.

At other times, you may be in a relationship for a long time and find yourself getting deeply attracted to another person.

You can’t really stop your heart from liking someone else or getting attracted to some other person other than your own lover, and if that does happen, it’s inevitable.

But what are you going to do about it?

That’s what really matters when you find yourself in crossways and have to decide between the older and trusted path and the new and riskier path.

What to do when you like someone else?

You may find yourself liking someone else when you least expect it.

It may be their personality or the electric chemistry that both of you share.

A bit of flirting can be harmless, but what if the infatuation grows over time and becomes an obsession?

While it’s natural to find someone else attractive at times, deciding what to do about it is never easy.

One of the first things you really need to do is evaluate your own relationship. Are you happy to be in love with your partner? Can you see your own lover in your life five years from now? If you’re going to be confused about your relationship status each time you like someone outside the relationship, there’s obviously something wrong with your relationship.

Perhaps, you’re being fickle, or think you’re too good for your partner or you’re just not happy to be in the relationship.

When you like someone else, you really need to ask yourself why you’re falling for another person when you’re already in a relationship. While an infatuation or a little crush is completely acceptable, falling in love when you’re already in love can be a bit of a confusion, to you and even to your own partner who would confront you eventually.

New love and a new fling

Have you just fallen in love with someone and find yourself getting attracted to someone else in no time? Now it’s not really easy to fall in love with two people at the same time, especially at the start of a new and happy relationship.

If you’re experiencing the confusion of liking someone else in a new romance, you’re probably not in love at all!  [Read: YOUR BODY ON LUST ]

Exciting, isn’t it? It’s easy for you to fall in love and break up, only to fall in love with someone else in no time because you’re not really in love at all. Even when two people do fall in love with each other, it’s only an infatuation for the first few weeks or months. There’s no real love until the sexual excitement and the tingle of those stolen touches fade away. So if you find yourself liking someone else after getting into a relationship, end it if you really must. After all, it’s better to be happy with someone you really like than stay gloomy with someone you think you like.

A long term relationship and a new crush

Are you in a long term relationship with your partner? When you first fall in love, life can seem rather exciting. You’re exploring the world with someone new and everything looks fresh and exciting. The wooing and pursuing stage of love can be thrilling and can give you a lot of exciting sleepless nights.

But as the relationship starts to get older, it ages and matures into a romance that isn’t just about sexual excitement or wooing each other. What keeps a long term relationship alive is the compatibility, communication and the emotional maturity of the two lovers.

If you start liking someone else when you’re in a long term relationship, perhaps you’re just experiencing that flutter of the first few days of love and confusing it with something else. You may assume that the new person in your life excites you more, but in reality, your present relationship may have experienced the same crackling chemistry and fiery passion too. Ask yourself if there’s truly a stronger reason to end your relationship and be with someone else.

Just experiencing sizzling chemistry isn’t reason enough to end an older and seasoned happy relationship. After all, even a relationship with your new crush could turn out to be the same in a year or two. What then, are you just going to keep switching partners all your life? 

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What should you do?

Firstly, make up your mind on whether you want to do anything at all. It’s easier to think of a new crush as harmless flirting and stay away from anything serious. You may like someone, but they may not really like you back in the same manner that you like them. On the other hand, you may really like someone intensely, but this person may not have the qualities you’re looking for in a long term partner.

If you really do love your current partner, avoid falling into the confusion of loving two people. It’s just not worth it.

But if you’re not really happy in your relationship or don’t really see a future in it, you may want to consider this new dating potential and see where it goes. But two timing your current partner is never a good thing either.

Always remember this in love. End a relationship because you want to or because you’re not happy in it. Never end a relationship because you think you’ve found someone better. It’s going to hurt you or even backfire on you at some point.

Should you stay in your old relationship?

If you’re convinced that you like someone else and not your own partner, then end the relationship if you think you can never truly be happy with your partner. But if you’re unsure, give your relationship another shot. Have a frank discussion with your partner and tell them that you’re not very happy in the relationship. Together, try and give your relationship another chance to redeem its love and happiness. You owe your relationship at least that much.

But even after repeated tries, if you find that the relationship isn’t really keeping either partner happy or no matter how hard you try, you just don’t seem to find the excitement in love, perhaps, it’s time to end it. Don’t end it because you like someone else, end it because the relationship isn’t working out. 

Making up your mind when you like someone else

When you leave a relationship in the hope of finding something better with someone else, you’re taking a leap of faith. And at times, this can become a fickle and repeated experience where you like someone, and when the infatuation dies, you think the relationship’s dead too.

The best thing to do when like someone else is to let it go. If you’re not happy in your relationship, end it but don’t wait for someone else to come along.

In life, you’re going to meet a lot of people you’d be attracted to and many other people who’d be attracted to you. When you’re in a secure and happy relationship, nothing else matters.

Like someone if you must. Have a secret crush on a few people. Fantasize about it. And leave it. That’s the best way to stay in a happy relationship and get over the little crushes that pop up every now and then. Lovers who get confused or find themselves liking someone else do that only because they’re uncertain of their own relationship status. If you do love your own partner a lot, you may have a crush on someone else, but you’d never be able to compare the affections you have for your new crush and your own partner.

Think about it and make up your mind. If you’re happy in love, stay away from secret flings.

If you feel you deserve better or are not happy in your relationship, keep an eye open. Or better yet, end the relationship and open both your eyes!

Have you made up your mind on what to do if you like someone else? Well, it is decision time. What’s the first thing that pops in your mind? Think… In all probability, that’s the answer to your question.

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Tuesday, 22 September 2015

10 ESSENTIALS TO GETTING BACK ON THE DATING (& SEX) SCENE AFTER A DRY SPELL



"Don't set your expectations to high, leave the check list at home, enjoy the moment".  - Susan



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10 ESSENTIALS TO GETTING BACK ON THE DATING (& SEX) SCENE AFTER A DRY SPELL



If you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while it can be a bit daunting to get back on the horse.

We spoke to LELO sex and dating expert Stu Nugent to get his top tips on how to dip your two back in the sexual pond (although that doesn’t make it sound too pleasant).


1/ BE PATIENT

The most frustrating thing about re-entering the dating pool is that it can feel like you’re never going to meet anyone exciting while you’re actively looking and you only meet people when you’re not trying.

But if you’re looking to date for whatever reason, it’s important to keep trying, keep persevering, stay patient, and always remain sensitive to opportunities.


2/ USE DATING APPS

The most obvious (but not necessarily the easiest) way to re-enter dating is to use one of the countless dating apps and sites available.

Dating apps have shed a lot of the stigma it inherited from the old days of online dating, and now there’s generally a good mix of good people using these sites, and you can keep up to date with messages pretty much anywhere and at any time.


3/ SOCIALISE

If the idea of Tinder brings instant anxiety - it's not for everyone - there are other ways to meeg people.

It sounds obvious, but socialising and networking is often much more fun, and creating a real human connection with someone is a lot easier in ‘real life’.

You sometimes have to wade through quite a lot of chaff to find any wheat online, but your instincts about a person are more complete if you’ve met them in person.


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4/ DON'T CHANGE YOUR DATING APPROACH

Whatever the reason for you taking a break from dating, you shouldn’t change the way you approach guys.

Whether you went through a tough break up or you took some time to reach some goals you set yourself, you should always approach someone as you.

If you have to change things about yourself to attract a particular guy, that guy’s probably not for you in the long term.
Honesty, confidence and self-esteem are what really matter, especially in the very earliest stages of a relationship


5/ TRY TO DITCH THE BAGGAGE

When a serious relationship breaks down, it comes loaded with a huge amount of emotional complexity.

Loss, grief, remorse, anger, numbness, trauma, anxiety, all of these feelings and more can be experienced during a break up.

These emotional extremes take a long time to hurdle, and re-entering the dating pool can occasionally open up old wounds and expose you to the insecurities you might have collected as a serious relationship came to an end.


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6/ DON'T FREAK OUT ABOUT SEX

Sex, believe it or not, is not the be all and end all, and it’s easy to be perfectly happy without it (really!).

Masturbation, self indulgence, comfort, human interaction, all these things take the pressure off the feeling that you should be having sex.

Remember, it’s just sex.

We pile a massive amount of significance onto it, and it’s easy to feel pressure to have it because you think everybody else is having it.

Once you take that pressure off yourself, everything gets easier.


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7/ THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH 1 NIGHT STANDS (FOR SOME)

While sex isn't everything, a one night stand is perfectly healthy – if you’re the kind of person for whom it is perfectly healthy.

Casual hookups can be absolutely fine and have no repercussions, but only as long as you’re not reckless, you stay safe, and you’re the kind of person who knows she will have no problem internalizing and dealing with it.

Casual sex can allow us to lower our inhibitions, express our sexuality without judgment and just feel sexy, but it’s not for everyone.

There are plenty of people for whom the thought of a one night stand is really horrible, and that’s fine too. If you don’t want to do it, don’t. if you do, do.

Just make sure someone you trust knows where you are


8/ THE RULES DON'T CHANGE


The biggest mistake people tend to make in new dating situations is thinking the person they're meeting knows something different about how dating 'works'.


When you’ve come out of a relationship it’s easy to assume that the whole dating world has changed while you were betrothed; that the first person you go on a date with will know all the tips and tricks, and somehow be wiser than you.

That’s not the truth though: dating is the same as it has always been, it’s only the technology that’s changed.

Actual dating and sex still both come with all the same nervous excitement, self-consciousness and complexity as they always have, and the likelihood is that your date is feeling it too.



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9/ PRACTICE SEX SOLO

Practice alone first. If it’s been a while, it might mean you have to re-learn the sensations of sex and foreplay again so that you feel comfortable to have sex should it happen.

Really the biggest obstacle to having sex – or good sex, at least – is self-consciousness.

Sex is mostly in the mind, but unfortunately so is insecurity about sex, and the most effective way to combat that is through positive self-perception and confidence.

That’s easier said than done, but it’s at least a starting point.


10/ FOCUS ON YOURSELF

Take some time to focus on yourself and your confidence levels, that’s what really matters and it’s a good starting point.

The more value you put in yourself, the more value others will perceive. Then potential partners and dates will just happen naturally.

It’s important to be fully aware of your self-worth. Dating can take strength and fortitude – even bravery, if it’s after a serious break up, so take some time to evaluate yourself before you begin.





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Sunday, 20 September 2015

I Think My Partner Is Cheating -- Now What?

"Most of us think we would never cheat..........Think again.   It can happen to you, It can happen to your partner. 
 My advice is ......don't even go there.  The grass always looks greener, but guess what ... it isn't.  So think very carefully before you take that step!
If you think your partner is cheating, hold back with the confrontation until you have hard core evidence."     -  Susan Watts



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I Think My Partner Is Cheating -- Now What?


The signs are there. You suspect your partner is cheating and having a cyber, emotional or physical affair. You might be feeling betrayed, hurt and unsure of how to proceed. Your natural impulse is probably to immediately confront your partner and let them have it. However, a word to the wise: Stop and take a deep breath! Don't make any accusations until you have concrete evidence to make your case and secure a confession.

Here's why: When first confronted about the affair, your partner may clam up, deny and deceive you further to protect themselves from the fallout. They fear being abandoned, punished or rejected if the truth is discovered. They fear losing control and being forced to change. They may also want to protect you from being hurt.

So what is the best way to proceed?

As a relationship therapist and author of a book on this topic, here's my best advice: If your goal is to get to the truth, make sure you have the 4 P's covered -- Proof, Preparation, Purpose & Plan -- before talking to your partner.

Here's what you need to know and do:

1. Have proof.

You must have tangible proof of the infidelity, such as a text, email or voicemail message, a private detective's report, a piece of clothing you found that doesn't belong to you or even photographs -- something that you can produce as indisputable evidence.

Without proof, you will look (or be treated) like a distrusting fool at best and, at worst, you will ensure that your cheating partner learns to cover their tracks better.

Proof will also help you plow through your own denial. When we love and want to trust someone, it can create huge blind spots in our ability to see the truth. Let's face it, to hear your partner admit that he or she has cheated on you hurts to the core. However, the truth can also be the doorway to a better and healthier relationship on the other side.

The more proof you possess, the greater the chance you'll have to get your partner to come clean.

Only when you have PROOF can you proceed.

2. Be prepared.

"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail." -Benjamin Franklin

Don't be surprised if your partner gets defensive, adamantly denying any and all wrongdoing and dismissing everything (i.e. "We're just good friends, that's all," "We're not having sex, so what's the big deal?" or "Lighten up. It was just a totally harmless text.")

When it comes to emotional or cyber infidelity where no physical intimacy has occurred, the boundaries are blurrier. It is often easy for the betrayer to deceive themselves (and you) into thinking their behavior is meaningless and harmless. Their denial may be even more defensive or aggressive.

Cheaters often use distraction as a tactic to deflect the truth by claiming you're being irrational or paranoid. They may even blame you for the time they were spending with someone else, claiming they needed a supportive friend because you were dropping the ball in the relationship by not providing something your partner needed or wanted.

The bottom line is, do your homework and be prepared. DON'T be surprised by your partner's reaction and DON'T lose your cool.

3. Know your purpose.

The purpose is to get the truth by getting your partner to confess. Once you have a confession and know what's really going on, you can work at a solution.

To do this, you must approach your partner in a rational, non-threatening way that alleviates your partner's fear instead of aggravating it. The intention is to get your partner to respond in a way that is forthright and honest.

Keep affirming to yourself... "I feel calm. I am safe. I can handle this. I want the secretiveness to stop. I'm in charge here and I'm going to get to the bottom of this."





4. Make a plan.

"If you don't know where you're going, you'll end up someplace else." -Yogi Berra

Make a plan to confront your partner and discuss the affair without interruptions. Choose the time and place carefully, then present the evidence one piece at a time.

It is very important to remain calm, no matter how much you may want to inflict physical harm on your cheating partner! Don't get me wrong, wanting to vent is healthy and necessary. In fact, it is essential to your own healing, as well as, the healing of your relationship that you are able to express your emotions.

However, getting upset, accusing, attacking, or name-calling will put your partner on the defensive and not help you get to the truth.

Remaining calm, cool, and collected is key to getting to the truth. Have a plan for how you'll deal with your anger and frustration when these emotions come up. The more calmly you deal with the truth, the more your partner will tell you the truth.

Do a personal check-in and make sure that you are emotionally prepared for the outcome of the discussion.

When the answer is "Yes! I'm ready!", here's what to do next:

Think Conversation, NOT Confrontation

First, remember to do everything you can humanly do to stay calm so that you can approach your partner in a diplomatic, non-combative way. A good way to start the conversation is to talk about yourself and start each sentence with "I" instead of "you." This will help your partner be less reactive.

Second, phrase the problem in a non-judgmental way by stating, "Something I discovered is upsetting me. I'm concerned (sad, hurt, frustrated) and I'd like to talk with you about it." This will maximize your chances of being heard and ultimately getting the truth.

Lastly, once your partner starts to open up, don't bombard him or her with questions. Studies show that people shut down, become defensive and lie when asked too many pointed questions (i.e. Who were you with? Why did you lie? How could you do this to me?). Know that this is an ongoing, unfolding discussion and everyone needs to come out of the shock and denial first. Listen carefully to your partner's responses so you can accurately assess the situation and keep the conversation going.

It helps to think of this conversation as a way to come together to understand and discuss what went wrong and what you can do about it now. Keep insisting: "I love you. I want our relationship to work. This has got to stop. This is what I need." If you can approach your partner with an expressed desire to use their confession for good-to ultimately improve your relationship-the conversation will be far more fruitful.

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Saturday, 19 September 2015

Help! My Partner Doesn't Want To Have Kids


"One of the hardest decisions to make must be to walk away from a happy relationship, but I feel that this is what must happen if your partner has many good reasons for not wanting children. Even if you understand the reasoning behind this decision,  you must not sacrifice your own happiness to keep your partner happy,  as this is certainly a recipe for marital disaster. If you have a heartfelt desire to have children the this will not go away, and will only cause distress and resentment later on down the line."                                                                                                              - Susan Watts                                                                                                          


Help! My Partner Doesn't Want To Have Kids


Thinking of becoming a parent one day? Is your partner, as well?



You're in a relatively new relationship that seems to be headed in the right direction. You've been together long enough to know that there are many compatibilities between you and your partner — you share many likes and dislikes, you've traveled together and did not want to kill each other by the end of the trip, and you've met each other's families and seem to get along well with them. You're becoming cautiously optimistic that your partner could really be the "one". And then your partner drops a bombshell: he or she does not want to have children, while having children plays a central role in your hopes and dreams.

The decision to have children is one of the most important choices that partners in a committed relationship with face. To many (but certainly not all) people, the promise of being a parent is a large part of their identity. When they are in a committed relationship and expect that they will eventually have children, it can be a shock and huge disappointment if they learn that their partner does not share their dream. Having children (or not having children) also makes a substantial impact on the "culture" that characterises the relationship. When the children are young, much of the shared experience in the relationship is devoted to caretaking and parenting. When a couple does not have children, they have more time to define and pursue shared interests and passions (e.g., travel, rock climbing, involvement in spiritual practice).

Because of the importance of this issue to one's individual identity, as well as to the identity of the relationship as a whole, it is imperative to address this issue before taking a step that solidifies your commitment to the relationship; for example, getting married. There is no question that broaching this topic is associated with a great deal of uncertainty. When is the right time to bring this up? What if my partner gets turned off, perceiving that I'm getting too serious too fast? What if my partner thinks I'm trying to box him into something, when I'm really just trying to gather information to determine whether this relationship is right for me?

Nevertheless, if having children is something that is important, and even essential to you, it is better to know your partner's views and preferences before you've gotten deep into the relationship. It is great when your dreams about childbearing match your partner's dreams about childbearing. But what do you do if you very much want children one day, and your partner does not?

It's not helpful to just assume that you'll be able to change your partner's mind. It's not that minds don't change, because they certainly can. But if you are actively trying to change your partner's mind, chances are that most of your interactions will begin to feel tainted by this issue. You become frustrated when your partner seems to be digging in his heels. She becomes frustrated when she perceives that you are badgering her about an issue about which she was already honest about her feelings. If you choose to pursue the relationship, it will be important to tolerate the uncertainty associated with the possibility that he might not change his mind. Critically examine just how important having a child is to you. If it is your #1 hope or dream, then you will likely be resentful if your partner does not "come around".


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I often encourage my clients to view their sources of self-worth in a pie chart format. Think of all of the important ingredients to your unique conceptualization of a meaningful life, considering both the present and the future. Draw a circle, and allocate each one of these ingredients a corresponding slice of the pie. Because you might weight each ingredient differently, each ingredient might assume a differently sized space in the pie chart. Although each person’s pie chart is unique, the ingredients that I typically see in the pie chart include career, partner relationship, relationships with other family members, spirituality, physical and emotional health, various hobbies and passions (e.g., athletics, art), and, yes in many cases, being a parent.

Take a hard look at the size of the slice that you devoted to being a parent. Is it but one of many pieces that make up your view of a meaningful life? If so, perhaps other ingredients for a meaningful life are just as important as having children, and you would live a rich, meaningful life even if that piece of the pie were not fulfilled. But is the parenting piece of the pie one of the dominant slices? If this is the case, it is very likely that you will lack fulfillment later on if you don't at least give childbearing a try. I always encourage my clients to build a rich and varied pie chart so that they have other pieces of the pie to carry them through in the event that one piece of the pie, such as becoming a parent, is disappointing. Nevertheless, if you know in advance that this piece of the pie is a central one for you, you might have to face the tough realization that your partner, no matter how great he or she is in many, many ways, is not right for you.

Furthermore, it is also important to consider the fact that there is more to the issue of whether or not to have children. How would you partner feel about adoption in the event that you have difficulty conceiving naturally? About using assisted reproductive technologies like in vitro fertilization, which are expensive and often take a toll on the quality of one's marriage? About the use of a donor egg or donor sperm? Many couples agree, generally, that they want children, only to find that they have very different viewpoints of the lengths that they will go through to make it happen when they run into obstacles.

Although your partner might change his or her mind about having children, you cannot count on it. Only you can know whether you can truly accept not having children. If you have some doubt about your ability to be okay with not having children, you might have to make a hard decision. As painful as it is, you might choose to leave the relationship. At risk of being cliché, I'm reminded of a line from a song performed by band, Semisonic, in the late 1990s: "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Making the hard decision might give you an opportunity to find a partner who will help you to complete your pie chart in ways that you had not dreamed were possible.



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