Our sex and relationships expert Dr Pam Spurr tackles one of the biggest taboos... the female orgasm.
Did you have one of those new ‘triple orgasms’ or a ‘back-to-front’ climax?
And how about a ‘double-decker’ climax, maybe while seated on the bus? No, I thought not.
I’ve just made up random things that sound like they might be conceivable. They sound possible, because we’re often fed ridiculous notions of how we should orgasm, where we need to be touched in order to orgasm, how many times we should be orgasming and so on...
It’s time some of these myths got busted -
Orgasm Myth-Buster No. 1 - There's something wrong with you if you can't climax in many different positions.
A ridiculous myth - many women find they only climax in one, maybe two, positions. This is because a woman needs adequate friction between her and her partner’s pubic regions.
Top Tip: Try the ‘girls on top’ position, giving you more control over the stimulation you get. Don't be shy - guys love it when we go on top.
Orgasm Myth-Buster No. 2 - Women should be climax-machines with no trouble having multiple climaxes.
Nope! Many buy into this because women don't need the same ‘recovery’ period as men.
But multiple climaxes aren’t easily achieved and women shouldn’t feel pressure to strive for them.
Top Tip: When you reach climax, ask him to cup his hand over your clitoral region and hold it fairly firmly. If you want, he can start rocking the palm of his hand - you decide if you want to ratchet up stimulation for a second orgasm.
Orgasm Myth-Buster No. 3 - ‘Having sex’ means you both reach climax.
No way, you can have satisfying, fun and sexy foreplay together and it doesn't matter if one or both of you don't climax. Because there are many reasons why you (or he) might not at any given time.
Top Tip: Take on a new mental attitude about enjoying the 'ride' instead of seeing sex like scoring a goal - and that goal has to be an orgasm - it doesn’t.
Orgasm Myth-Buster No. 4 - You're not ‘sexy’ if you can't climax simply by him giving you manual stimulation (using his fingers).
It's a myth that manual stimulation of your clitoris means climax-guaranteed. While many women love their partner fingering them during foreplay, it doesn’t mean they reach climax.
Top Tip: NEVER let him try fingering you the way men do in porn films - often it's far too rough for a real woman - you're not a porn star putting on fake pleasure.
Orgasm Myth-Buster No. 5 - Men can’t have a great orgasm wearing condoms.
Of course men can have equally good orgasms wearing a condom, as long as he’s got the right size on. Sometimes it takes a man longer, but he still has a great orgasm.
Top Tip: Have him try the various thin ‘skin-like’ condoms available. Put a drop of condom-friendly lubricant inside the condom tip.
Orgasm Myth-Buster No. 6 - Climaxing through oral sex is a ‘second best’ way to orgasm.
Many couples wrongly assume this. In fact sexology research shows 20 per cent of couples regularly use oral sex for her to reach climax.
Top Tip: His tongue might feel too much during oral sex. Instead, suggest he gently uses his lips as if he's ‘kissing’ you.
Orgasm Myth-Buster No. 7 - If you take a long time to climax you're not ‘sexy’.
How long you take has nothing to do with how sexy you are. Many women need around 20 to 30 minutes of adequate foreplay and stimulation to reach climax. And some need longer.
Top Tip: If it takes you time to reach climax take a break from penetration and apply extra lubricant to keep you well-oiled.
Orgasm Myth-Buster No. 8 - You're not a 'proper' woman if you can't climax during penetrative sex.
Probably the most damaging orgasm myth. Sexology research shows only 30 per cent of women climax fairly regularly through penetration. And only 15 per cent climax every time during penetration. That means 70 per cent can't be 'unwomanly'!
Top Tip: To help you climax during penetration, ensure his pubic bone rubs against your clitoral region.
Orgasm Myth-Buster No. 9 - Using sex toys to reach climax means you'll stop enjoying full sex.
No way, unless his technique is so bad you get far more enjoyment with toys. In that case it’s time to show him what works.
Top Tip: Reassure him he feels best and show him how to stimulate you with a sex toy - the best of both worlds.
Orgasm Myth-Buster No. 10 - One of the worst myths of all is that climaxing together is proof you, as a couple, have greater intimacy.
Not true! Some of the happiest couples never climax together. They don't feel pressure to, instead focusing on sex being pleasurable.
Top Tip: Occasionally don’t think about your own climax - instead focus on seeing, hearing and feeling what it's like for him when he climaxes. He can try this too - you’ll learn so much about each other.
By Dr Pam Spurr, sex, relationships and self-help expert - www.drpam.co.uk