"Definitely 10 Commandments to live by"       -       Susan

10 Commandments for Happy Relationships

Love is not just about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship.  It’s not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build until the end.  A relationship should be healthy, caring, loving, kind, upbeat, and positive.  It should make your smile a little wider and your life a little brighter.

Happy, healthy personal relationships are one of the greatest joys of life.  So starting today, choose to take control of your relationship with your significant other.  Here are ten commandments to follow together.

You deserve to be with somebody who makes you smile – somebody who doesn’t take you for granted – somebody who won’t hurt you.

I.  We will remember that every person and relationship is different.

People don’t fall in love with what makes you the same; they fall in love with what makes you different.  Be your imperfectly perfect self.  We are not perfect for everyone, we are only perfect for those select few people that really take the time to get to know us and love us for who we really are.  And to those select few, being our imperfectly perfect self is what they love most about us.

Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s – not your parent’s, friend’s, coworker’s, or that random couple whose relationship seems perfect.  Every couple makes their own love rules, love agreements, and love habits.  Just focus on you two, and making your relationship the best it can be.

II.  We will listen to each other openly, without judgment.

It’s far too easy to look at someone and make a snap judgment about them.  But you’d be amazed at the pain and tears a smile hides.  What a person shows to the public is only a small fraction of the iceberg hidden from sight.  And more often than not, it’s lined with cracks and scars that run all the way to the foundation of their soul.

Never judge.  Learn to respect and acknowledge the feelings of your significant other.  Pay close attention to them.  Be present.  We don’t always need advice.  Sometimes all we need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand.  There is a time to speak out and a time to remain silent.  True wisdom comes from knowing the difference.  And this difference can make or break a healthy relationship.  

III.  We will say what we mean and mean what we say.

Share what is going on in your mind and heart.  Share your deepest thoughts, needs, wishes, hopes, and dreams.  Open communication and honesty is vital to healthy relationships.  Give the people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable.

Information is the grease that keeps the engine of communication running.  Start communicating clearly.  Don’t try to read other people’s minds, and don’t make other people, especially your significant other, try to read yours.

IV.  We will support each other through good times and bad.

Be there through the good, bad, happy, and sad times – no matter what.  Be willing to provide a listening ear, a hug, and emotional support in all circumstances.  Trust that you can count on each other, and be available not only when it’s convenient, but when you need each other the most.

V.  We will be loyal.

True love and real friendship aren’t about being inseparable.  These relationships are about two people being true to each other even when they are separated.  When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority.  Loyalty is everything.

VI.  We will live by the truth.

Inner peace is being able to rest at night knowing you haven’t used or taken advantage of anyone to get to where you are in life.  Lies run sprints, but the truth runs marathons.  Run a marathon.  Live so that when others think of fairness, integrity and reliability, they think of you. 

VII.  We will spend quality time with each other.

Make time for each other.  With our busy schedules we often forget to relax and enjoy the great company we have.  In human relationships distance is not measured in miles, but in affection.  Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart.  So don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words

Carve out special time for just the two of you once a week.  Do something fun.  Spend time together talking, going on dates, and making each other laugh.  Not only is it true that laughter is the best medicine, but it’s also true that shared laughter can make a good relationship great.

VIII.  We will appreciate each other and help each other grow.

Having an appreciation for how amazing your significant other is leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for them when they’re making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Celebrate their accomplishments, and encourage their goals and ambitions.  Challenge them to be the best they can be.  And be thankful for their blessings, openly.

IX.  We will settle disputes peacefully.

Not much is worth fighting about.  Heated arguments are a waste of time.  If you can avoid it, don’t fight.  Step back from arguments with your loved ones.

When you feel anger surging up and you want to yell that vulgar remark on tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and walk away.  Don’t let your anger get the best of you.  You don’t have to be right or win an argument.  It just doesn’t matter that much.  Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation.

X.  We will love and respect ourselves as individuals too.

Our first and last love is self-love.  Don’t rely on your significant other, or anyone else, for your happiness and self worth.  Only you can be responsible for that.  If you can’t love and respect yourself, no one else will be able to either.

Accept who you are completely – the good and the bad.  And make changes in your life as YOU see fit – not because you think anyone else wants you to be different, but because you know it’s the right thing to do, for you. 

Read original article here 

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The Perfect Romantic Massage to Turn Your Lover On

"This sounds like fun!"         -    Susan

The Perfect Romantic Massage to Turn Your Lover On

What better way to relax and turn your partner on at the same time than with a sensual massage that can lead to hotter, naughtier activities?

The Big Bang Theory’s Leonard professes to be the King of Foreplay and Penny seems to agree. We bet he knew how to use a sensual massage to prolong his foreplay. Here’s how you can give sensual massages to your partner, and maybe you’ll hook your own Penny to stay.

What comes to mind when you think of sensual massages? Gentle hands warmed with scented oils touching your skin, while lying on your stomach in a room filled with a relaxing, ambient tune? It makes you want to just succumb to the allures of utter relaxation, doesn’t it? Well, it doesn’t take a genius *or a brilliant physicist with a PhD* to realize that these are the same ingredients to a sensual night in bed with your partner.

Sensual massage is the art of giving pleasure, while allowing your partner to release the tensions of a hard day’s work or a stressful week. Moreover, it primes them for a sensual night with you, their caring and sensitive partner.

What you need for the perfect sensual massage experience

Before you embark in this sensual endeavour, you need to make sure you have everything that you need. To give the perfect sensual massage, you have to set the mood. That means getting the right music, setting the room ambience, choosing the oils, and preparing the bed.

The best music for a sensual massage

#1 Nature music is a staple in massage salons and spas. However, instead of using typical forest sounds, try one with ocean waves or rain sounds. Who hasn’t fantasized about having sex on the sand with the ocean waves providing the backdrop for their sexual abandon? With their eyes closed, your partner is sure to have this picture in mind.

#2 Spanish guitar music. If you think nature music is too cliché, try a little Spanish guitar music. It conjures visions of a dashing Spaniard with a silky voice, strumming a sexy acoustic guitar, while a sultry Spanish woman with golden tanned skin sways to the music. It is soothing but with a hint of passion, priming your partner to a passion-filled night with you.

#3 Tantric music. For a more direct approach, try sensual music designed especially for lovers like Tantric Heart. It’s a music collection inspired by the ancient tantric cultures of the east. It is sure to unleash the Tantric god or goddess in your partner.

Setting up the room for a sensual massage

If you’re giving the massage in the bedroom, get some scented candles to light up the room. If you’re wary about all that open flame, opt for scented oils warmed in an incense burner. Mix 3 parts of water with 1 part oil to maximize the scent. Choose from some warm scents like vanilla or rose or a combination of the two. You may also choose a soothing scent like mint. Throw some colored scarves over the light fixtures to give the room a warm glow. Make sure the room temperature is not too cold, but not so warm either. You want your session steamy, not your partner sweaty. 

Preparing the massage surface

Your bed can be the perfect setting for a sensual massage if you don’t want to kill the mood while switching rooms or positions when you get to the steamy part. However, if your bed is so soft that it yields to your weight easily, the floor next to your bed could be a good place to start with. Line the floor neatly with thick fluffy towels so your lover’s comfortable, and don’t worry about getting messy!

You may also opt to use a massage bed if one is available. Prepare a soft thin pillow so your partner can rest their head on it when they’re lying down. Make sure you have extra towels to cover the exposed parts you are not massaging. You want your partner warmed, not chilled.

The best oils to use for massaging your partner

Some people suggest using organic massage oils, such as almond oil or sandalwood oil. They are great for massages, as they feel luxurious on the skin and glides on easily. However, the downside to this is that most organic oils can cause latex condoms to weaken and break. They can also upset the sensitive Ph balance inside the vagina, causing unpleasant reactions.

For a perfect sensual massage, use “body safe” massage oils. These are massage oils that can double as lubricants, perfect for what you have in mind for later. Choose one with a thinner consistency for a smoother glide, but one with silicone or glycerin, so they do not dry out quickly. Some oils also have a cooling or warming effect, which can be nice to experiment with. Just remember, a little goes a long way.

How to give the ultimate sensual massage

Giving a perfect sensual massage can be daunting for beginners with no massage experience. I would suggest you get a regular massage first to know the basic motions, such as rubbing and kneading, as well as what motions work for certain areas of the body.

Nonetheless, what’s important when giving a sensual massage is keeping in touch with your partner’s reactions, what motions work for them, what makes them sigh with pleasure, and what intensity they feel comfortable with.

#1 Head massage. A head massage is a perfect introduction to the sensual treat you have prepared for them. Stripped down, lying on their stomach with only a towel covering them, it can be nerve-wracking for a partner you haven’t been intimate with. The head massage will make them forget any misgivings they may have had at first.

With their head on a pillow and facing up, start rubbing the temples in a circular motion. From the forehead, apply gentle pressure towards the scalp, like combing their hair with your fingers. Do this for about a minute, then move on to the other side. You can also run your fingers gently, applying some pressure towards the nape and the neck, as a precursor for the back and shoulder massage. 

#2 Back and shoulder massage. Apply some oil on your hand and warm it, before rubbing it on your partner’s back. Start with the middle of the shoulders, below the nape. Rub your partner’s back from the middle, towards the shoulders. Drizzle a few drops of oil on their back, so your hands can glide against their back sensually, without sacrificing pressure.

Move your hands along their back, and experiment with a few Shiatsu strokes from the top of their back to the bottom. It’s an easy move to slide your hands along your lover’s back, but you’ll soon see that this simple move can turn out to be one of the most sensual and yet relaxing moves. Get on top of your partner and sit down gently on their lower back or their butt, so you can reach out everywhere without uncomfortable stretches. Bonus: If you’re a man, your partner gets to feel your bulging cock as you massage them. Scorching hot, right?

#3 Legs and arms massage. While they’re still lying on their stomach, massage the arms by gently stroking the muscles. Focus on the hands, particularly the palms and the fingers. When massaging the legs, move your hands softly in circular motions, paying more attention to the thighs and the calves.

Don’t forget to massage the feet as these are easily the most stressed part of the body. Massage the heels, toes, and the pads of their feet. Be gentle, but not too gentle as you might end up tickling them.

#4 Buttocks massage. This is when it gets a little steamy. From the legs, work your hands up to their butt. Circle your palms against their butt cheeks as you spread the sensual oils all around. With your palms on the butt, work your hands around in circular motions. Lightly knead the buttocks and press it upwards. Make sure to apply slight pressure only, as this can be painful.

To test the waters, ever-so-lightly graze a finger in between the buttocks towards the dip on the back. If they don’t tell you to mind your fingers, then they’re ready for the next stage.

#5 Sensual massage as foreplay. Have them lie on their back with their head lying on your lap, as you sit facing their feet. Start with a few circular motions on the temples, then gently stroke the nape towards the scalp. Comb the hair from the back of the head towards you, with your fingers, applying a bit of pressure. Lightly stroke the neck and the nape.

From the sides of the chest, make gentle upward strokes towards the underarm and arching towards the top of the breast *not the nipples* or the chest area and the cleavage. You don’t want to go directly towards the nipples. Instead, build anticipation and focus on the areas surrounding the breasts, as well as the stomach area. Be gentle!

Lightly massage the hips and the sides of the waist. Make gentle stroking motions instead of kneading, then massage the breasts, gently kneading them. Your partner should be writhing in pleasure by now. Top with a kiss on the nipples and a gentle finger graze in between the lips of her vagina, and… Well surely, you don’t need me to give you directions from here! 

A sensual massage need not be as long as an hour to have the desired effect. A 10-minute rubdown, if done correctly, can send your partner into relaxation heaven, primed and eager to engage in a sensual adventure with their Tantric sex god or goddess: YOU.

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7 Subtle Ways Shy People Flirt (So Pay Attention!)...
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Flirting like every other human activity is governed by unwritten laws of etiquette.  These rules determine where, when, with whom and how we chose to flirt. We generally obey these unofficial laws instinctively, without being conscious of doing  so and only become aware of these rules when someone breaks the etiquette. For example flirting with the widow at her husbands funeral would be: with the wrong person, at an inappropriate time and place. 

So be sure to flirt responsibly and if you are lucky enough to be flirted with and are interested then let that person know.         -    Susan

7 Subtle Ways Shy People Flirt (So Pay Attention!)

It can be hard to tell.

Is he smiling at me or is that a grimace? Is she looking at me across the room or she looking at the clock above my head? Is he flirting with me?

It can feel like the shy guys in our lives have an emotional equivalent of a poker face. They reveal nothing. Or do they? Maybe the trick is to pay attention to the details to know whether that person is flirting with you.

If your bashful babe is doing a mixture of these things, then you're probably the subject to some gentle flirting. In order to fully gain access to the elusive shy guy, I asked for some opinions from shy people. Let's get into this.

1. They're all about subtle gestures.

He's not going to be standing outside of your window with a boombox blaring Peter Gabriel's' "In Your Eyes." Subtlety is key here. Maybe giving you a smile from across the room. Trying to give you eye contact, but looking away.

Do you notice that your shy girl is bending over and showing you her ass a lot? Then she may be using it as a mating call for you to go and grab it. Just kidding — you shouldn't grab anybody without consent.

2. They may be extremely awkward (at first).

This includes uncontrolled giggles and laughter that are misplaced for the conversation, and stammering. That awkwardness can form of a spew of cringe worthy words like, "Someone came up to me and complimented me, and instead of replying with a simple 'Thank you', I said I was actually hotter than I looked and almost died."

Just take the awkward in stride. The resulting blush is probably adorable anyway. How do shy people flirt? Accidentally.

3. They may stammer or get nervous. 

You might say, "Hey, how's it going?" This innocuous greeting is met with deer-in-headlight eyes, slight honking sounds, and a bit of a stammer. You, my dear, have made your shy one nervous. This could be a sign of liking you. There's also a chance that speaking just makes him uncomfortable. Shy people are complicated.

4. They're more comfortable flirting with you online.

You may want to see if your shy person can let loose more on the internet or via text than face to face. They can click "like" on stuff, retweet, and make bold comments without any discernible heart palpitations, or at least you won't hear them. This can ease the pressure.

However, if your shy person is like mine, then he may take time to write a good response to you. Don't immediately decide that he thinks you're Jabba The Hutt if he doesn't respond quickly.

5. They don't like to talk about themselves.

You may feel like you're trying to herd a bunch of cats when you're trying to learn more about this bashful Bobby. He may feel really uncomfortable with having attention on himself. So instead, he'll ask you about what you're doing, what you think, and so on. It's a way to keep you talking, to stay in the conversation, but to not have to talk about himself. Tricky, tricky,

6. They "accidentally" touch you.

If your shy guy find ways to give you little touches often — on the shoulder, the hand, brushing up against you — these are possible signals of flirting. Just to be on the safe side, see how he is with other folks. Some people are just natural touchers.

7. They open up when drinking.

I'm not saying that your shy person is the town drunkard, and I'm certainly not encouraging you to get him absolutely wasted. Remember Raj from The Big Bang Theory? He couldn't talk to girls unless he had a beer and then all of the sudden his words flowed like butter.

I've noticed that even my shy guy feels awkward in social situations, but he'll have a drink and feel a little bit more relaxed. If you're in a social situation where alcohol is involved, see how your crush responds to your flirting then. Again, don't get him slamming shot after shot. That's just messy and wrong.

As you're trying to make a love connection with the elusive shy person, remember that they may just be waiting for a chance to tell you how they feel. Or he may not know exactly how to say, "I like you. Do you like me?" without feeling like a total douche canoe.

So, if all else fails and you're still unsure, ask. I know, I know, you're a little shy, too; this could be nail biter, but somebody has to make it all clear. Why not it be you?

Read original article here

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5 Signs It Really, Truly IS Love at First Sight

"Can it be love at first sight, or is it lust?  What is love?"    -    Susan

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5 Signs It Really, Truly IS Love at First Sight

Is it actually real?

Chemistry is a killer. Let's face it: the minute your lips lock, the super glue holding you together is cemented into place and you're hooked. This always happens. Your body makes sure you don't miss each other.

So what's the problem? Only a fraction of these hot and heavy relationships have any staying power. Some experts guess that 80 percent of "chemistry-driven" relationships fail in less than three months.

According to Psychology Today, "Each couple that engages in love at first sight believes that their passionate feelings for one another will overcome the steep odds against a whimsical union actually providing a lifetime of personal fulfilment for each partner."

Scientists can now measure the brain chemicals that collide with each other, creating an addictive cocktail that controls you when sexual chemistry is ignited. Addictive? You bet. The areas of the brain that light up when cocaine hits the bloodstream are the exact same areas that light up when the chemicals of love and attraction are released.

You're addicted to love — literally.

Do people get tired of each other? Why does the sizzle fizzle out? Once more, can you avoid the fizzlers right away so you can get on to the happily ever after kind of love? Are there signs that love is true in the first few passionate days? Is there love at first sight?

Here are five signs that your new guy could be the real deal (in spite of the chemistry):

1. He treats restaurant staff kindly. 

No, I'm not talking about manners... well, not eating habits anyway. A wise woman once told me, "Watch how your man treats waitresses. You will see much about his character." Kindness and generosity to blue and pink collar workers is a genuine trait not easy to fake.

2. He has a great relationship with his female family members.


How does he treat his mom? Sisters? Ex? When I met my husband (my second, I met him at age 52) he still took his ex-mother-in-law for outings away from her rehab home once a month, even though he had been divorced for years. He treats me with old-fashioned chivalry to this day and it's one of the things I love the best about him.

3. He's busy and fulfilled with a productive hobby or career.


If you fall for a guy who's on fire about his own life and still takes time to prioritise you, that's a great sign. The Universe may be able to create happily ever afters with broke, unemployed guys; after all, nothing is impossible. But do you really want that? Chemistry with a man with no income may be hot but is rarely the real deal.

4. He's not your type. 

Countless love at first sighters — the couples that claimed they knew very early on that their one was the one — say the same thing: "We met in the most surprising way. I never expected to be with someone like him. He's not my type at all." When you're attracted to someone outside your "type," pay attention.

5. You're still into him two to three months down the line. 

Sometime in the two-to-three-month range, take a reading of your relationship. How hot is the chemistry? Has it changed for either one of you? If you guys are cooling off, here's what to check: How fascinated are you with each other? You want to watch for signs that he's "into you" outside of sexual attraction.

Curiosity and fascination are two powerful indicators that this is the real deal, especially when the first rushes of chemistry start to pale. Crushes always melt you in the beginning and then break your heart in the end. In between crush and heartbreak, there are a lot of experiences waiting for you. Love at first sight experiences can rock your world and some are the real deal.

If you're in the midst of that roller coaster ride right now, buckle your seatbelt and hang on, have fun and enjoy how it unfolds. There really is nothing like a mind-numbing crush. Just check in at that two-to-three-month point and be honest with what's happening. If he's still into you, that's the best sign of all.

Read original article here

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• What Are The Early Signs That She's Cheating?
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• 11 Subtle Signs You're On The Verge Of Having An A...
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What Are The Early Signs That She's Cheating?

"Remember that signs of cheating does not necessarily mean proof of cheating. Our perception as human beings is biased any behaviour or changes in behaviour can be interpreted in different ways. When you trust your spouse or partner you don’t pick up on any obvious signs of infidelity. However if you are of a suspicious nature you are more likely to notice any signs of cheating where ever you look, even if they are not there. People see what they want to see, so until you have concrete proof of any cheating stop tormenting yourself." - Susan

What Are The Early Signs That She's Cheating?

5 Early Warning Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble 

Wouldn't it be nice to know, before going into a relationship, if things were guaranteed to run smoothly? That you'd hold hands and skip in the park with each other's families and that you'd be so comfortable that peeing with the door open was positively welcomed?

Sadly relationships aren't born in Pleastantville – and there's no augmented reality app available for your smartphone that you could simply hold up in a public area to clearly label relationships either "doomed" or "guaranteed to succeed" in neon graphics. But there are some warning signs your relationship is in trouble.

Enter Renachantel McClain, a licensed psychotherapist who works with couples on rebuilding relationships after infidelity. “The best advice I would give couples is to sit down and talk to their partner if any of these signs are present and you have concerns,” she recommends. If you or she's losing interest or eyes are starting to wander, these are the early signs it's not going to work out, and even an an affair may be in the works.

1. Using Nicknames Instead Of Your Actual Name

“This could be a way to avoid slipping up and calling you someone else's name,” McClain says. We all say some very stupid things, and this is http://www.yourtango.com/2016285936/five-signs-deceased-loved-one-nearby-still-with-you truer than when we’re either having sex, or are engaged in a conversation we don’t much care for. So with that, the cheating partner might choose to manufacture a nickname to make sure such slip-ups won’t happen.

2. Preferring Texting To Conversation

Texting is fairly impersonal and can be done while doing many things – like when going to the bathroom (don't kid yourself, we all do it). This impersonal form of communication could mean that while she’s texting you, she's in someone else’s company. “When you’re texting back and forth but your calls go directly to voicemail, she could be with somebody and doesn’t want them to know she’s communicating with you,” McClain says. Likewise, she doesn’t want you to know she’s communicating with them.

3. Putting More Effort Into Appearance

If one of you is suddenly altering your looks drastically, it could be a sign that they're eager to get back on the market. Though they might just be trying to take it up a notch for your sake, McClain insists drastic changes in wardrobe, hairstyle, and physique could indicate that one partner is trying to impress somebody outside of the relationship.

4. Suddenly Needing Condoms

There’s a good chance your partner hasn’t suddenly picked up on watching Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant, or some other MTV reality show that makes motherhood look absolutely terrifying. So if they're suddenly opting to use condoms when you normally don’t (assuming you’re in a trusted relationship) this may be a sign that they're seeking some sexual attention outside the confines of your relationship.

5. Becoming More Involved With Social Media

Social media is a great way for singles to scope out talent. A study on the popular dating app Tinder discovered that 40% of its users aren’t single and that three in 10 users are actually married (shock). So if your partner has never been much of a social media user, but has recently picked up on social media trends, they could be starting the process of looking, McClain states. This kind of flirting is usually done by liking another person’s images, sending instant messages (which can easily be deleted later), and hiding apps like Tinder within inconspicuously named smartphone folders such as “Games” or “Work”. Big red flag.


View original article here

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